In Grief: Everyone's Loss Is Somehow Different But The Same

[Reviewed and updated September 29, 2024]

A reader writes: Every time I hear someone call my husband's name I am reminded that he is gone. He was so young. My grown children were very angry at God that he took their father at 66, they thought it wasn't fair, he didn't have more time on earth. Still, I read this morning of a widow whose husband was only 46, that is really very very young. We all think this terrible thing is only happening to us until we read of others and their pain, and then we can understand everyone's loss is somehow different but the same.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 23 - December 29, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Our Most-Read Stories of 2018, http://j.mp/2QUyVSd « Modern Loss

Mary Poppins Returns Gets Grief Right, http://j.mp/2BXVOdl « What's Your Grief?

Grief Can Actually Kill You, And Scientists Have Figured Out Why, http://j.mp/2QO61TP « Science Alert

From My Heart to Yours This Christmas

Yes, Santa Claus is real ~ 

There is a spirit illuminating the lights and sparkle ~
a quality 
that can be found 
under the whoosh of sleds 
and the memories of ornaments.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 16 - December 22, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Documentary Review: "The Sum Total of Our Memory: Facing Alzheimer's Together," http://j.mp/2QH43o0 « Seven Ponds Blog

Nurses Again Outpace Other Professions for Honesty, Ethics, http://j.mp/2QHl3KR « GALLUP

What the FDA forgets in the battle against e-cigarettes, http://j.mp/2QJpncu « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 16 - December 22, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Christmas Eve Luminarias: A New Mexico Tradition, http://j.mp/2BC2rS2 « A Good Goodbye

Introducing the We Remember Memorialization Service, http://j.mp/2BxtvBZ « A Good Goodbye

Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2018, http://bit.ly/2AMA8Br « Grief Healing

Voices of Experience: The Christmas Cap

By Cathy Cash Spellman

There it was on top of the armoire, quiet in the dust of the years, the bright red newsboy cap that had been my Father's favorite as long as I could remember. Like the tin soldier in Eugene Field's poem Little Boy Blue, "awaiting the touch of a little hand, the smile of a little face," tucked away long ago and then forgotten in the crush of every day needs and the inexorable turning of the years.

Touching it with reverent fingers, I was a child again, the years dissolved, my father's hand in mine, laughing with me in the snow.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 9 - December 15, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Is The Advance Directive For Dementia?  http://j.mp/2BiNQLk « Seven Ponds Blog

Caregiver Checklist: 5 Things to Prepare When Caring for a Loved One at Home, http://bit.ly/2NzNMem « Hospice Red River Valley

Dr. Ira Byock Says Words are a Powerful Tool That Shape How We View Serious Illness, http://j.mp/2LfXMdf « CSU Institute for Palliative Care

Understanding and Managing Grief: December 9 - December 15, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Five things you need to know about your life after loss, http://j.mp/2LgPn9i « Second Firsts

Widowed and Scary~ http://j.mp/2LhN5Xi « Soaring Spirits International

Grief Doesn't Take a Holiday, http://j.mp/2Le4YXa « Widower's Grief

Coping with Pet Loss, December 9 - December 15, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Mobile pet hospice a labor of love for area veterinarian, http://j.mp/2LguNWw « Ahwatukee Foothills News

Did you Know that Hospice Care is for Cats Too? http://j.mp/2LiwPpl « Kitten Toob

Paw Prints: Growing trend: Hospice care for pets, http://j.mp/2C0vWOU « Tribune Star

In Grief: When Church Community Support Is Lacking

[Reviewed and updated March 18, 2021]

With all of the books, articles, videos and seminars available in the world, ignorance on the part of the church or the clergy is no longer defensible. They should know what to say.  ~ Doug Manning

A reader writes: I’m not sure if my feelings are valid or not and I need an outside source to help me with this. To make a long story short, our family has attended a church for around 5 years; this church runs an average attendance of between 500 – 600 people every week. We are very active with the youth group. My problem is that when my father died two months ago, I received only three cards (one very generic from the church, one emailed and one hand delivered), one phone call (from the pastor which was left on the answering machine) and the only two people who attended the viewing or the funeral (the pastor and youth pastor). No flower, food or any other kind of support was offered to us at all. My question is should I be hurt by this…because I am!!!!!!!!!!

Caregiving and Hospice, December 2 - December 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

What a kitten taught me about critical care, http://j.mp/2BVzF06 « Kevin MD

A Therapist Says Goodbye, http://j.mp/2BRsndX « Modern Loss 

How to Choose Hospice Care, http://j.mp/2KQzwho « Next Avenue

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 2 - December 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Review: Meditation Coloring Books for Grieving, http://j.mp/2BWIZB7 « Seven Ponds Blog

PSA: TAPS These Days #FamiliesNeverForget, http://j.mp/2BXXULl « You Tube

Grief and Not Wanting to Be Alive, http://j.mp/2BW8ylI « Grief Compass

Coping with Pet Loss, December 2 - December 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

What a kitten taught me about critical care, http://j.mp/2BVzF06 « Kevin MD

Online Learning: Healing Guilt: Finding Peace and Self-Forgiveness, http://j.mp/2BQf79l  « The Animal Loss & Grief Support Institute

Pet Loss: Coping with The Trauma of An Unexpected Death, http://j.mp/2KPPWGV « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: Coping with The Trauma of An Unexpected Death

Source: Wikipedia

[Reviewed and updated August 3, 2024]

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
~ Albert Schweitzer

A reader writes: Three weeks ago I found my beloved 18-month-old Ragdoll kitten Shalimar lying dead on the floor when I got home from work. Even though I have another Ragdoll (Josie, a 3 year old boy), Shalimar was my shadow. She was always at the door when she heard the key in the door and she would follow me from room to room and sit by me purring loudly. We had a routine every day from the time I got up to get ready to go to work with her bringing me her ball to throw for her to playing chase around the apartment before I left. She would come and sit by me and beg for Cracker Jacks in the evening. As soon as I walked into the apartment, she would greet me and lead me into the apartment, checking over her shoulder, to make sure I was still following her. Her purring would just echo off the walls. She was always so happy.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 25 - December 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

How to Help Patients at the End of Life and Their Loved Ones During the Holidays, http://j.mp/2KJla2q « Oncology Nurse Advisor

Loved ones with health-care decision-making power often over-confident, http://j.mp/2KEYn7X « Reuters

The Role of Hope, Compassion, and Uncertainty in Physicians’ Reluctance to Initiate Palliative Care, http://j.mp/2KDRN1x « AMA Journal of Ethics

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 25 - December 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Updated: Grief Bibliography, http://j.mp/2BJk5VA « Grief Healing

Book Review: "What to Do When I'm Gone: A Mother's Wisdom to Her Daughter" by Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman, http://j.mp/2KLN5yH « Seven Ponds Blog

When that Last Piece Dies by Brandy Lidbeck, http://j.mp/2KHfQwy « The Gift of Second

In Grief: Feeling Inspired to Write

[Reviewed and updated November 6, 2022]

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. ~ Anaïs Nin

A reader writes: I'm not sure what I'm writing here..but felt compelled to say something.  I have been on a horrendous journey since my husband died 4 yrs ago.  Every trauma has hit the children and me.....tonight my son aged 13 who is very ill came to my bed.....he couldn't sleep and was in terrible pain...I don't know how or why..but for the second time over the past few years I did hands-on healing on his stomach....which was an incredible experience for him and me...and that resulted in our best chat together in four years, and he fell asleep.....all I realized was that I had not protected myself from taking his pain....and I became acutely aware of some "talents" that I have........I rushed downstairs and searched the Net, to find information on healing....and then psychic surgery...and then somehow I got to your site!!!

Helping Another in Grief: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated May 27, 2024]

Why do we keep looking for support in all the wrong places? It's like shopping for milk in a hardware store!  ~ David Kessler

The ability to reach out to others, empathize with their pain and give hope in the face of the most devastating of circumstances is a rare and precious gift ~ and not always easy to find. Unless they've encountered death in a very personal way, most people really don't know what grief feels like and they may not know what, if anything, they can say or do to help us.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 11 - November 17, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

How Does Educating People About the Dying Process Reduce Fear? http://j.mp/2K9DfWY
« Seven Ponds Blog

What Hospice Does and Doesn't Do, http://j.mp/2K7ra4O « Next Avenue

BIRTH BACKWARDS, A Daughter's Death, http://j.mp/2B606zO « BK Books

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 11 - November 17, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Updated today: Resources for Service Members and Their Families, http://bit.ly/2INmK5v « Grief Healing

10 Ways to Manage Tantrums After Loss, http://j.mp/2B1D7Gn « Modern Loss

ALERT! It's STILL HAPPENING! Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers, http://bit.ly/2xRAUdR « Grief Healing

Voices of Experience: Four-Footed Healers Support The Team

by Michael Shannon O’Keefe

Isolation is a natural reaction to depression and grief. If you’re in the depths of depression, it can be hard to pick up the phone and call a friend. If you’ve lost of a loved one, lost your good health, or lost a relationship, you may pull inward and grieve alone.

But just because isolation is natural doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Isolation can create a spiral of despair. Depression and grief cause people to cut themselves off from friends and family, which in turn causes more depression and grief, and so on.

Talk therapy and medications are the standard treatments for these states of mind. Recent research, however, points to another way to help people escape that spiral. It’s been called the pet effect. Simply put, being around animals helps people feel less isolated, depressed, and grief-stricken.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 4 - November 10, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why do we give dogs a better death than we give ourselves? http://j.mp/2ATheZJ « Aeon Essays

The Existential Crisis of Grief, http://j.mp/2JM38vS « Grief Compass

Finding H O P E at Camp Widow, http://j.mp/2APf50R « Soaring Spirits International

Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2018

[Updated February 15, 2019]

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.  ~ David Weatherford

For those who are anticipating or coping with the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a most challenging time. We may feel exhausted, drowning in sorrow, and  totally out of sync with the rest of the world, wishing that we could find a way to skip entirely these days, along with all those expectations of celebrating, giving thanks, shopping, preparing special meals, decorating, gifting, visiting, and entertaining guests.

Fortunately ~ and especially at this time of year ~ the Internet holds an abundance of information, comfort and support to help us get through these difficult days.

Veterans Day 2018

Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as best he can, the same cause.
~ Abraham Lincoln

2018 marks the Centennial Commemoration of the end of World War I on November 11, 1918. The theme for the 2018 Veterans Day Poster is: “The War to End All Wars” and features a poppy and barbed wire.

Veterans Day was established by our country to honor the men and women who have worn the uniform of the United States. Unlike Memorial Day (the day we set aside to remember and honor military personnel who died in the service of our country), Veterans Day is intended to thank and honor all those who served honorably in the military, in wartime or peacetime, as well as those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. Veterans Day is our opportunity to thank Veterans and their families for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served ~ not only those who died ~ have sacrificed and done their duty.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 28 - November 3, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Documentary Review: "Passing On" produced by Arizona Public Media, http://j.mp/2EZOMcG « Seven Ponds Blog

Ten Reasons Why I Want to Talk About Death, http://j.mp/2ETKnId « After Talk

NEW Clinical Practice Guidelines for Quality Palliative Care Released!! http://j.mp/2AFI2w8 « Pallimed

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 28 - November 3, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If You Grieve in Private, Science Says You’re Doing It Right,  http://j.mp/2EXlAmB « Healthline

A statement from my family about my late father, Charles Krauthammer,
http://j.mp/2F99Hd8 « Daniel Krauthammer on Twitter

Moved me to tears: "I can assure you you have never seen the Star-Spangled Banner performed like this before," http://j.mp/2EX1uJb « Timothy Burke on Twitter

Voices of Experience: This Birthday

by Catharine H. Murray

In my country on our birthdays, we receive presents from the people we love. In the country where my son was born they celebrate birthdays in a different way. His cousins and grandmother and neighbors take food to the temple to offer to the monks so that the people they love who have died will be able to enjoy it in their own realm.

I never know what to do on Chan’s birthday.

Twenty years ago on June 23, 1998, he was born at home in our bed. He was so loved. And then, when he was six and a half, when he was the center of our family, when we were trying with everything we had to make him well, to keep him with us, to cure him of the disease inside his bones that was spreading through his body, he died.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 21 - October 27, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why We Need to Take Pet Loss Seriously, http://j.mp/2Audz4m « Scientific American

No Choice, Some Choices, and 'Choosement', http://j.mp/2Apda33 « Open to Hope 

Beautiful: This note was left on the gate at the water this afternoon. No name or number left but whoever you are, rest assured your rose is in place in the middle of the lake. http://j.mp/2PWGinv « BVGS Rowing

In Grief: Taking Time to Mourn

[Reviewed and updated June 27, 2020]

It is said that Time soothes mourning ~ No, Time makes nothing happen; it merely makes the emotivity of mourning pass. ~ Roland Barthes

A reader writes: The selfishness in me is getting the best of me right now. I know grieving is normal but this takes the cake. I do agree with the idea of putting one foot in front of the other, as I have to do that each and every day. I have 3 kids to live for and take care of. (I love doing that). I can also tell when I step over my own two feet ~ you know the feeling, as if it’s your first day on your new feet, it is a hard day. And not having the choice to stay in bed is hard but I cannot. Not any day! Let me ask this question: Do you think that because we (I) have to go go go every day that it makes it even harder and longer that we take to heal because we have not had the chance to hide and cry and however we do grief?

Caregiving and Hospice, October 14 - October 20, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I Need to Have a Life, http://j.mp/2R25Ksa « The Caregiver Space

A Working Class Death, http://j.mp/2AdWUll « True

When Your Partner Is Dying, What Do You Say? http://j.mp/2A9ld43 « NextAvenue

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 14 - October 20, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Anxiety and Grief After Losing a Loved One, http://j.mp/2Ail3az « NextAvenue

Review: Sorry For Your Loss is a heartfelt glossary of grief,  http://j.mp/2AjfIzO  « The Spinoff

In Her Defense, I Defined My Journey, http://j.mp/2QZBz4G « Grief Watch

Coping with Pet Loss, October 14 - October 20, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Had My Dog Come Back as a Squirrel? http://j.mp/2Al1HBH « Modern Loss

Our cat is teaching our son about aging and dying. http://j.mp/2Ad5QYg « The Death Deck

Loving An Old Dog — And Knowing When To Let Him Go, http://bit.ly/2A9i9VB « Cognoscenti

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Coming Apart at The Seams

[Reviewed and updated August 2, 2023]

Comfort comes from knowing that people have made the same journey. And solace comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again. ~ Helen Steiner Rice

A reader writes: I lost my Grandmother last month and I cannot seem to get control of my emotions. I am constantly in tears. I have never been this depressed and empty inside in all my life. I was given time off from work and assured that my job was not in jeopardy just get myself well and my job would be there once I returned. Apparently, I wasn't getting it together quick enough because I was informed that I would be immediately terminated tomorrow if I do not come to work.

Disenfranchised Grief: Mourning The Loss of a Stepson

[Reviewed and updated February 13, 2022]

Disenfranchised grievers experience strong feelings that are often complicated or exacerbated by the relationship, by the type of loss or by isolation. These lead to the central paradox of disenfranchised grief: though grief is often intense, the social support that assists other grievers is absent.  ~ Kenneth J. Doka

A colleague writes: I hope you can give me some advice. One of our staff members lost her 18-year-old stepson last week in a car accident. She and her husband married six years ago, combining two families. Each had three children by previous marriages. They all lived together as a blended family, although their children's other parent remained involved. I went to the wake and it was painful to see my friend excluded from all the collage photos. Her kids were there in some of them and all the kids are very close. Her daughter and his son (the one who died) are the same age and were close. She's got a lot of disenfranchised grief going on. I know there is information out there on step-parent grief, but wondered if you knew of any books or resources that are particularly good?

Caregiving and Hospice, September 30 - October 6, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Do You Die From Alzheimer's? The Last Stage of Dementia Explained, http://j.mp/2IErEOU « Being Patient

Four Questions We Tend to Ask When Faced with Our Own Mortality, http://j.mp/2yhgRp6 « BK Books

A Rapidly Aging Country Demands More Palliative Care. UVA is Delivering. http://j.mp/2yaF14u « UVA Today

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 30 - October 6, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Death Guilt: I Feel Like It’s My Fault, http://j.mp/2y8vone « Grief Compass

10 Ways to Overcome Grief-Related Anxiety, http://j.mp/2y95Iqo « Modern Loss

Talking with Kids about a Death from Addiction (Substance Use), http://j.mp/2y6oH4Z « Moyer Foundation

Helping Young Children with Pet Loss

[Reviewed and updated May 15, 2022]

When a cherished pet dies, parents have a valuable opportunity to teach their children that although grief hurts, it's a fact of life, it's a part of being human, and it happens whenever we lose someone we love. 

A reader writes: Three months ago our beloved 17-year-old dog Lady passed away. Honestly we knew it was coming. We believe she caught a cold that turned to pneumonia and she could no longer fight it. As I sit here writing this I am crying because it is still painful to realize. My four-year-old daughter is still bringing it up a least three times a month if not more.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 23 - September 29, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Can Awareness of Death Teach Us About Life? http://j.mp/2QRuOmp « Seven Ponds Blog

In Grief: Being Open to Mourning, http://j.mp/2QUYrDi « Grief Healing

Grief and the Disappearing Self, http://j.mp/2xHvAcD « Rea Ginsburg

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Being Open to Mourning

[Reviewed and updated July 20, 2019]

Along with meditation, some of your grief will want to be written, to be cried out, to be sung, to be danced. Let the timeless wisdom within you carry you through grief to an open heart.  ~ Jack Kornfield

A reader writes: I certainly understand the loss of pets as I grieved terribly for a cat I had that was killed by a car, she was just a young cat and I feel I let her down. I also had an abortion and that was four years ago and I am still grieving to some degree. My dad I lost a year and a half ago, he was my best friend and I loved him so much but beyond the initial crying when he first passed away I can't let the grief out, though I miss him terribly, when I cry my eyes sting and I hear a voice inside telling me to dry up my tears.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 16 - September 22, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Who knew? Nation-wide service connects people to local resources, http://j.mp/2QO3i9h « 2-1-1.org

64 of the Best Things Ever Said to a Griever, http://j.mp/2DimJo1 « What's Your Grief?

Explaining Pet Death To Children, http://j.mp/2Nr2skz «BK Books

In Grief: Acknowledging A Need for Support

[Reviewed and updated July 30, 2021]

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.  ~ Nelson Mandela

A reader writes: Ten years ago I lost my first and only wife of 47 years. All of them were fantastic years and we had a great marriage. She died after a two-year struggle with cancer. A lot of pain and lot of suffering. I cared for her in my home with the great help of hospice. She died in my arms. I continued to work through this time up until the last 3 weeks, but had awesome help from a daughter and daughter-in-law and many friends. After her death I was back on the job within 2 weeks or less and felt that I was strong and could handle the whole situation without any problem.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 9 - September 15, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It is a scary thing to fall in love again after loss, https://tinyurl.com/y8jrlrzj « Second Firsts

Book Review: "The Cremation of Sam McGee" by Robert Service,  http://j.mp/2MpQzWV « Seven Ponds Blog

Terminally Ill Father "Walks" Daughter Down The Wedding Aisle, http://j.mp/2MvizIv « Seven Ponds Blog

In Grief: Coping with A Spouse's Deathbed Confession

[Reviewed and updated August 15, 2022]

The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.  ~ Cheryl Hughes

A colleague writes: I have been searching the internet for information on a situation that one of my newly referred clients has and am not really finding what I think I need. This client is dealing with the deathbed confession of her spouse. He had been cheating on her for many years. I meet with her next week and just wanted to do some prep work prior to our meeting. Any suggestions?

Caregiving and Hospice, September 2 - September 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Internship introduces ASU students to hospice and palliative care, « ASU Now: Access, Excellence, Impact http://j.mp/2NYq3W0

How Creating a Vision Board Can Help With End-of-Life Planning, http://j.mp/2CqQ9Qr  « Thrive Global

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 2 - September 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief doesn’t have five stages, http://j.mp/2CpKgmg « The Outline

Updated Today: Grief Bibliography, http://j.mp/2ykZci7 « Grief Healing

Why Am I So Crabby? http://j.mp/2MPNSDa « Grief Compass

Grief and Resilience: Suggested Resources

Credit: Barrie Johnson, Unsplash

[Reviewed and updated November 7, 2021]

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.  ~ Helen Keller

A reader writes: Do you have any suggestion of articles about grief and resilience? I am a bit confused about resilience. I've been targeted with that word/advice which to me doesn't make sense with what I'm going through. So, I would like to learn more. Thanks in advance.

My response: Quite a bit has been written on the topic of resilience, some of which specifically addresses grief and mourning, and some of which is more general in nature. Here is just a sampling:

Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything - Book by Lucy Hone

The Other Side of Sadness: What The New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss - Book by George A. Bonanno

Soaring Spirits Resilience Center - The Soaring Spirits Resilience Center takes a unique approach to compiling research-informed tools and resources by harnessing the power of shared experience. The research of the Soaring Spirits Resilience Center is made possible by a huge community of widowed people. Every stage of our research and program design has been created by widowed men and women who are making meaning from their own grief experiences by participating in the creation of tools and resources that will aid the widowed people who come after them.

Getting Mojo Back: Tools to Help Grief-Stricken People to Develop Resilience  - Resilience is like a muscle. One can build it over a period of time.  That is what counselors, psychologists, doctors, and experts propound. Owing to the pandemic, sharing grief has become much more difficult with many people unable to give or receive a hug during times of tragedy. Option B, a global portal dedicated to building resilience, is for such people. 

Resilience is about falling into your own strength by Jerri Clark - Lately I’ve been pondering the word resilience. It doesn’t mean keeping your chin up and being okay no matter what happens. It DOES NOT MEAN THAT. Our society has such a limited collective opinion about human emotion. Bright, bubbly happiness gets way too much press. There’s this weird misunderstanding that resilience must be gifted to some souls like the tap of a fairy wand—a “blessing.” (That’s a word I despise, but not the topic of this short essay.) People seem to believe that resilience either is or isn’t a strength of theirs and miss the whole point that resilience is a skill to be cultivated.

Sheryl Sandberg talks grief, resilience and 'Option B' - On this episode of Recode Decode, hosted by Kara Swisher, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg stopped by to talk about the events that led to her new book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy.

Option B: Build Resilience in the Face of Adversity - OptionB.Org is dedicated to helping you build resilience in the face of adversity—and giving you the tools to help your family, friends, and community build resilience too. Here, you can read and share personal stories, join groups for solidarity and support, and find information from experts.

Brokenness, Sorrow, and Resilience in Loss by Thomas Attig - Today I want to tell you some stories to illustrate what I've learned about brokenness, sorrow, and resilience, and especially about what enables us to relearn the world following loss.  

Is There a Connection Between Grief and Resilience? - We're sure you've heard this quote from the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger.' Over the years, many grieving individuals have found the truth within his words: while it sometimes feels as if you'll die from the emotional, psychological and physical effects of grief, there is the potential for self-growth within the experience of bereavement. Here we look at the relationship between grieving and the development of greater resilience.

An Interview with George Bonanno on Bereavement  - Dr. Bonanno describes lessons learned from his 30 year research career studying bereavement (grief in response to the death of a significant other). His findings debunk many grief myths that are widely held, including the notion that grief is always a drawn out process, and that it proceeds as a predictable series of stages. In reality, many people get over their losses fairly quickly. Rather than stages, the typical experience is more like periods of sadness that gradually get less intense. It is also the case that people normally experience intense happy emotions during bereavement as well as sad ones, moving back and forth between the two, with both emotions tending to be intensely felt but brief in duration. 

Resilience Alliance - a research organization that focuses on resilience in social-ecological systems as a basis for sustainability.

All About Resilience - Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.

The Road to Resilience - This brochure is intended to help readers with taking their own road to resilience. The information within describes resilience and some factors that affect how people deal with hardship. Much of the brochure focuses on developing and using a personal strategy for enhancing resilience.

Resilience.org - We like to think of [this] site as a community library with space to read and think, but also as a vibrant café in which to meet people, discuss ideas and projects, and pick up and share tips on how to build the resilience of your community, your household, or yourself.

Resilience Development in Children - Science tells us that some children develop resilience, or the ability to overcome serious hardship, while others do not. Understanding why some children do well despite adverse early experiences is crucial, because it can inform more effective policies and programs that help more children reach their full potential.

How People Learn to Become Resilient - Perception is key to resilience: Do you conceptualize an event as traumatic, or as a chance to learn and grow?

Building Resilience - Can resilience be measured and taught? Thirty years of scientific research has put the answers to these questions within our reach.

How to Make Stress Your Friend - Psychologist Kelly McGonigal outlines how we can build resilience by connecting with and caring for other people during times of stress.

Stress: The Roots of Resilience - Most people bounce back from trauma — but some never recover. Scientists are trying to work out what underlies the difference.

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Related:

• 6 Coping Skills to Work Through Grief
• Finding Meaning In Your Loss
• Grief In the Second Year: Finding Your Way
• Grief: Understanding The Process
• Resilience After Loss
• Talking to Fear
• The Thereness of Grief

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH

Caregiving and Hospice, August 26, 2018 - September 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

One in Five Hospice Patients Is Discharged Alive, http://j.mp/2os3qy2 « Seven Ponds Blog

What Is the Environmental Impact of Traditional Burials and What Some Greener Alternatives? http://j.mp/2MLfmtH « Seven Ponds Blog

Now, WhatsApp for palliative care on doorstep, http://j.mp/2PlzD5y « Telegraph India

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 26, 2018 - September 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 Ways To Accommodate Little Kids at a Funeral, http://j.mp/2owyNrs « Modern Loss

For Those in Grief, Talking to a Dead Loved One Is Good for Mental Health, http://j.mp/2NbcHc8 « Teen Vogue

Is Anxiety the Missing Stage of Grief? http://j.mp/2N5zd68 « Goop

Coping with Pet Loss, August 26, 2018 - September 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Place in My Heart, When a Pet Dies, http://bit.ly/2wr0DJQ « BK Books

All Dogs Go To Heaven...Especially This One. Remembering Rudy The Wonder Dog, http://j.mp/2oj1jMY « Kelly Buckley

How to Talk to Your Veterinarian About End of Life Issues, http://j.mp/2wtNT5p « DogHealth.com

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Voices of Experience: Goodgrief App to Connect The Bereaved

By Robynne Boyd

Healing yourself is connected with healing others.  ~ Yoko Ono

Did you know that August 30th is National Grief Awareness Day? This is a day to honor the gravity of loss and the power of love. I cannot emphasize enough that grief is as natural as love. It is a normal part of losing a loved one. Grief is normal. You are normal. And, you are going to be okay. That’s not to say that anything about grief is easy. It’s not. It’s a hard and sometimes treacherous journey. That’s why it’s helpful to find others who get it. You are not alone. That’s why Kim Libertini and I created Goodgrief app, the social network application enabling grieving people to privately connect, chat and support each other through text messaging on their mobile devices. This is our story:

Caregiving and Hospice, August 19 - August 25 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why hospice care should start sooner than later, http://j.mp/2BInwxw « The San Diego Union-Tribune

What to Say to Your Parent When They’re Dying, http://j.mp/2PpNyIR « Medium

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 19 - August 25 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Podcasts That Speak Your Grief, http://j.mp/2nY0zwB « Ohio's Hospice of Dayton

In Grief: "I Think I Killed My Mother," http://j.mp/2vZSwE6 « Grief Healing

Why Losing a Parent Makes You Feel Like a Child -- Even When You're All Grown Up, http://j.mp/2BpykR6 

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: "I Think I Killed My Mother"

[Reviewed and updated September 23, 2024]

When we finally come to accept that suffering, impermanence and death are facts of life, we are freed from our unrealistic expectations, our grasping, and our subsequent disappointments and grief.  ~ Christine Longaker

A reader writes: My mother died last December at the age of 94. I have been tortured by thoughts that I didn't do enough to prolong her life. My mother and I were extremely close as my father died when I was 7 and I had no siblings. For the past 20 years, she had lived with my husband and me and our two daughters. She was the girls' caregiver while I worked. 
          My mother was my rock and so devoted to me and my family. I admit I took all that for granted. She moved across country with us 4 years ago when we relocated to a warmer climate. I didn't feel too guilty about uprooting her because all her siblings were gone and our small family was all that she had.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 12 - August 18, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

3 Important Tips for Grieving at Work, http://j.mp/2BlN4jQ  « Gary Roe

Heartwarming! The Toymaker, http://j.mp/2OMe5Pw « Bryan C. Taylor

Dude, Where's My Grief? http://j.mp/2OMkwC5 « Modern Loss

Coping with Pet Loss, August 12 - August 18, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

'My dog was looking into my eyes as she died': the grief of losing a pet is real, http://j.mp/2MTB4rd « The Guardian

Pet Loss: Involving Children in the Euthanasia Decision, http://j.mp/2P1SljD « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: Involving Children in the Euthanasia Decision

[Reviewed and updated December 8, 2022]

As an adult or child, experiencing grief means to 'feel,' not just to 'understand.' Anyone old enough to love is old enough to grieve. Even before children are able to talk, they grieve when someone loved dies. And these feelings about the death become a part of their lives forever. ~ Alan D. Wolfelt

A reader writes: Last month our family dog was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Soon after, my husband and I spoke with our now 7-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter about our dog's cancer. We shared that she would not get better from it and that she would go to heaven. Our dog is in increasing, uncontrollable pain now, and I expect we will euthanize her soon. I read an excerpt of yours regarding preparing children for pet loss. You recommend involving the children in the decision of euthanasia and being present when it occurs. Do you recommend this for children that are our kids' ages?

Caregiving and Hospice, August 5 - August 11, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Is The Right Time For Hospice Care? http://j.mp/2KOoTKE « Forbes

Meditation App Benefits Hospice and Palliative Care Clinicians, http://j.mp/2KHZXEw « Oncology Nursing News

Dog with cancer helps hospice director spread the word to keep living after terminal diagnosis, http://j.mp/2MBovk9 « Idaho State Journal

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 5 - August 11, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Do Whatever it Takes to Get Through This, http://j.mp/2KJDnuV « Second Firsts

It's Not Guilt, It's Sadness, http://j.mp/2KFU4rb « Soaring Spirits International

Grief and the Healing Property of Time, http://j.mp/2KHRktu « Pallimed

Voices of Experience: Becoming Starlight

Aristotle taught that stars are made of a different matter than the four earthly elements ~ a quintessence ~ that also happens to be what the human psyche is made of. Which is why man’s spirit corresponds to the stars. Perhaps that’s not a very scientific view, but I do like the idea that there’s a little starlight in each of us.  ~ Lisa Kleypas

Soon after completing her graduate studies in psychology, Dr. Sharon Prentice longed to discover “the why’s” about her own intimate experience with death in the form of a Shared Death Experience (SDE), and that of others who had experienced something “weird, unbelievable, odd” at the time of the death of a loved one.  By sharing her own story, she hopes to replace fear with hope, and take away the vulnerability that is intrinsic in sharing these experiences: "When vulnerability morphs into strength, Starlight wins!" The following excerpt comes from her book, Becoming Starlight: A Shared Death Journey from Darkness to Light, and is reprinted here with her permission.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 29 - August 4, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why Me? The Calling to Become an End of Life Doula by Emily Risner, http://j.mp/2KeN703 « Conscious Dying Institute

Ninjutsu for the Hospice Patient, http://j.mp/2uWwm59 « Pallimed

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.