Pet Loss: How to Stop This Run-Away Grief Train

I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats. ~ Eckhart Tolle 

A reader writes: My beautiful lilac-point Siamese passed away earlier this month. I took her to the emergency clinic where they took blood tests and kept her through the weekend hydrating her. That Monday I transferred her to the Cat Care Clinic where she stayed another day. I was taught how to hydrate her and how to force-feed her. She wasn't even drinking water, though she would go to her water bowl and cry. She was trying to get well, but couldn't.

She had seen me over the years come back from the dead more times than I can count and was trying to emulate me. For three weeks she lived on my chest -- hardly moving, needing and giving comfort. When I asked her why she was putting herself through that rather than taking the easy way out by dying she told me she was waiting for me to learn to grieve and celebrate all in one breath. My 15 year-old kitty was wiser than I... Eventually she started having violent seizures on my chest and I asked her if she wanted me to help her die. She said she was OK with the dying process but that if I felt strong enough to go through euthanasia she wouldn't object.

Unresolved Guilt Following Accidental Pet Loss

Apologies aren't meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future.  ~ Kevin Hancock

A reader writes: I have been doing some research on a grief-related topic over the past few days, and stumbled across some of your blog posts, and find them rather encouraging and welcoming.

Around ten years ago, I inadvertently killed a cat while driving home from a class on a dark road. I later killed a deer that ran directly in front of my car. I have been unable to overcome the guilt in all that time, as I feel that I need to apologize to the cat's owner in order to properly move on (I've never found them). If I never find the owner, to whom should I directly apologize?

Voices of Experience: Sounding The Alarm for Cats Dying in Clothes Dryers

A danger foreseen is half avoided. ~ Thomas Fuller

Prevent Tragic Accidents: Put Reminder Stickers on Your Washer and Dryer!

This past March, Anne's life changed forever. While working from home, struggling with internet issues during a meeting, she moved to another room and briefly paused and restarted her noisy clothes dryer. Tragically, in that brief moment, her beloved 9-year-old, 7-pound cat sought refuge in the warmth of the machine. Anne didn’t anticipate this, and when she restarted the dryer, her kitty was inside. Her cat perished in what has become Anne's worst nightmare. This is her story.

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

There are] two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.  ~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. We had him euthanized when the disease had progressed to the point where, although he still had his dignity and awareness, he was so painfully thin and weak that we knew he was very tired; he had "fought the good fight," and it was time to let him go. 

Pet Loss: A Run-Away Train of Grief

Find the latest version of this post here:

Pet Loss: How to Stop This Run-Away Grief Train

A reader writes: My beautiful lilac-point Siamese passed away earlier this month. I took her to the emergency clinic where they took blood tests and kept her through the weekend hydrating her. That Monday I transferred her to the Cat Care Clinic where she stayed another day. I was taught how to hydrate her and how to force-feed her. She wasn't even drinking water, though she would go to her water bowl and cry. She was trying to get well, but couldn't . . .

Though at times I can actually forget my grief for a little while, it's so raw that I have become intolerant of others, not my usual loving self. I pace all night, missing her on my neck, I get on the computer and play stupid games just to dull the pain. I am a spiritual being and know all things happen for my highest good, yet I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. Yes, I know all the right things, but they don't matter right now. I'm in agony and don't know how to stop this run-away train.  Read on here >>>

Pet Loss: Child Seeks Ways to Cope

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.  ~ Winnie the Pooh

A reader writes: Today my cat Mischief died! She was the best cat in the world! She died with my parents at our house. I am VERY heart-broken! Besides my dogs she was the only friend that would NEVER get mad at me!!! I mean this is a lot for me to go through at the small age of 10! Do you know of any ways for me to cope but never forget the good times we had?

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, December 4 - December 10, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"I brought my mom home to help her die. I had no idea what I was in for —or what I'd gain. All I knew was that she wasn’t going to take her final breath in a hospital." Home Hospice Care At The End of My Mom's Life: Lessons Learned « HUFFPOST

Pet Loss: Has My Cat Gone Off to Die?

Learning how to communicate with animals is just like learning any other language. The more you practice, the better you become. ~  Karen A. Anderson

A reader writes: Have you ever heard of a pet going away from home if they know they are going to die? A good friend of mine told me this just a few days before my 15-year-old cat disappeared from his usual favorite place to be, the front porch! Osh was 15 years old and never left the front porch. He was spending more and more time out there, and I always brought him in. That particular time, for some reason, I decided to let him stay! He and I were very attached to each other, my mom and I got him about 11 years ago. Funny thing is my mom passed away suddenly in a car accident 6 years ago and a big part of me feels like she was ready for him.

Pet Loss: A Reader Asks, How Am I Doing?

The thing about grief is that it's a roller coaster -- it's up, it's down. The emotions sometimes take over.  ~ Brent Sexton

A reader writes: It's been a bit over 7 months now since the death of my cat and I'd like to say I'm doing wonderfully, but I'm not. In fact, between the numbness that lasted so long and trying too hard to 'improve', I've had even more of a delayed reaction to the deep grief than I'd first thought! In some ways, I think I did 'better' with the loss of my first cat than with this one, in that I knew very little about coping skills at first and went about it almost in a more natural way. Whereas this time, I tried to apply maybe too many of those coping strategies too soon, resulting in more of an avoidance of the deeper pain than I'd wanted, or that I think was healthy for me. I'm still stuck in that to some degree, but overall, I've been feeling pretty terrible and debilitated....despite still doing things for myself and my future. But I miss my girl more and more each day w/o her and many times still can't even begin to contemplate a world w/o her here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 31 - August 6, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If you are unsure whether you are experiencing grief or finding it challenging to work through bereavement, grief counseling can offer support and helpful ways to bring meaning to the loss and allow you to move forward through your grief. Grief Counseling: What It Is, and Therapist Finder Resources « Very Well Health

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, December 20 - December 31, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Following 2020, this year was another tough year for many people navigating the pandemic, especially those who lost a friend or family member to COVID-19. The four "Rs' to dealing with grief and finding hope in 2022 « abc 15 Arizona

Research shows how much our furry friends can change us for the better. Losing Our Pets: How We Grow From Grief  « Psychology Today

Voices of Experience: My Journey Home, by Sphinx

Sphinx and her big brother Beck

Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.  ~ Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Author Maverick Jayce is currently working on her next project, this time a science fiction novel. It is a little out of her normal genre, she notes, but her creativity knows no boundaries ~ as her short story below demonstrates. Maverick wrote My Journey Home as a way of coping with the loss of her cat Sphinx to leukemia in May of 2020. It is printed here with her permission:

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 5 - December 11, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I’ve attended vigils and memorials and trials. But nothing brings back the dead. And so we have to learn to live with loss, as impossible as it can feel sometimes. These are some things that ease the pain of grief from someone who’s been there.  People should not run from their grief « The Bona Venture

Pet Loss: Finding Peace After Euthanasia

[Reviewed and updated March 23, 2023]   

Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.  ~ John Galsworthy

A reader writes: I need help. I am an 87 yr old woman and last year, after a long illness and in and out of hospitals, home, and nursing home, my husband passed away before I could get there even though he asked for me and it was a mere 5 minute trip, he was gone before I got there.

A few days ago I sent my beloved cat to be euthanized. He was my companion for 10 years. I adopted him when he was 7; no one wanted a 7yr old cat and so he was scheduled to be euthanized until I adopted him. He was my good and beautiful friend and helped ease the pain of the loss of my husband. Several months ago he became ill. Our vet tried very hard to care for him but he was declining.

Pet Loss: Feeling Lost, Broken in Wake of Parents’ Euthanasia Decision

[Reviewed and updated July 19, 2020]

The heart will break, but broken live on.  ~ Lord Byron

A reader writes: My cat Susie was put down today by my parents. I had some reversals in my life and at 42 ended up having to live with my mom and her husband. I arrived with 2 cats and my mother immediately did not like the kitten and decided he needed to be sent to the pound. I ended up trying to kill myself that night for not being able to care for something I loved so much. I got good help and good medications and made it through.

Pet Loss: A Young Teen Loses Two Best Friends

Image by ThePixelman from Pixabay 

[Reviewed and updated October 17, 2020]

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.   ~ Hilary Stanton Zunin

A reader writes: I am 13 and recently lost my two best friends: a 19-year-old cat named Sandy, and a 3-year-old Guinea pig named Teddy. Obviously, my cat had been with my family long before I was born. I loved her as I loved a family member, because she was always there with a lick and a purr. Two weeks ago, she stopped breathing and we rushed her to the hospital. We figured she would come out ok and come home but she didn't get better. When I came home from school, I knew that by the look in my mom's eyes, she had to put Sandy to sleep. On Friday, my mom and I buried her with some flowers and a can of her food. Then, just when the huge hole in my heart had just about begun to heal, on fateful Friday, my Guinea pig took sick for the last time.

Pet Loss: Keepsake Yarn Spun From Pet Hair

Source

[Reviewed and updated October 17, 2020]

Not everything worth keeping has to be useful.  ~ Cynthia Lord

A reader writes: Please tell me I'm not crazy. I have a jar full of whiskers my cats have shed, of all my babies over the years. I swear, if I could only take one thing out of my house and had to give everything else away, it would be the fur and whiskers from my cats.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Am I Depressed? http://j.mp/2G5DG5H « Talkspace

My Cat’s Death Broke My Brain, http://j.mp/2G4whDw « Modern Loss

50 Practical Gestures to Help a Grieving Friend, http://bit.ly/2qmUgCq « Hospice and Palliative Care of Greensboro

Coping with Pet Loss, October 14 - October 20, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Had My Dog Come Back as a Squirrel? http://j.mp/2Al1HBH « Modern Loss

Our cat is teaching our son about aging and dying. http://j.mp/2Ad5QYg « The Death Deck

Loving An Old Dog — And Knowing When To Let Him Go, http://bit.ly/2A9i9VB « Cognoscenti

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, March 18 - March 24, 2018

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Saying Goodbye to Hedda, Part 3: Creating an End-of-Life Ritual, http://j.mp/2DNgrYA « The Conscious Cat

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.