When Grief Begins Before Death

Grief does not wait for death to occur. It can begin in anticipation of a loss as well as after it has happened. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis, or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can give rise to what is known as anticipatory grief and mourning. We find ourselves reacting and continually adapting not only to an anticipated loss, but also to the many losses—past, present, and future—that we encounter throughout the experience.

Anticipatory mourning may begin as soon as we become aware that death is a possibility. It can begin when a life-threatening illness is diagnosed, a terminal prognosis is given, we learn that there is no cure, and we realize that death is likely or inevitable.

Issues of grief and loss are inherent in the caregiving process, and grief is experienced by everyone involved—whether we are the person living with the illness or disability or a family member, partner, close friend, or caregiver who is intimately connected to and caring for our loved one. We are coping not only with our own feelings of grief and loss, but also with physical and emotional fatigue. At the same time, we may feel overwhelmed by the financial, legal, medical, and personal responsibilities that accompany caregiving.

What The Tree Left Behind - Part Two

By Benjamin Tousley, on behalf of his beloved dog Bear, in whose voice this piece is written.

Eventually the storm moved on. The roaring softened to ordinary wind. The electricity returned. With my Man breathing steadily beside me and the world no longer trying to tear itself apart, I finally slept.

The next morning he made coffee.

Of course he did.

Apparently even natural disasters must wait until after coffee.

What The Tree Left Behind - Part One

By Benjamin Tousley, on behalf of his beloved dog Bear, in whose canine voice this piece is written.

I recently learned there are many different ways to lose something.

Before this, I suppose I thought loss was fairly simple. Something was there, and then it wasn't. A person walks through a door and doesn't come back. A toy disappears beneath a piece of furniture and is apparently lost forever because humans lack both the determination and the proper body shape to retrieve it. A squirrel vanishes into the woods before I can adequately explain my position on territorial boundaries.

There. Gone. Loss.

When Grief Is Too Much to Bear: Supporting A Grieving Parent, from A Distance

A parent’s love is whole, no matter how many times divided. ~ Robert Brault

A reader writes: My husband and I are dealing with his mother's grief over losing his father (her husband), who passed away last month in a wonderful hospice in another state. I have visited your online grief support website, and although it helps calm my nerves somewhat to see that other widows are experiencing the same acute grief emotions as my mother-in-law, we are at a loss for how to help and support her most effectively when she is in one state and we live in another. We are concerned that she definitely needs one-on-one grief counseling, but she is so distraught that she cannot even call her doctor and arrange it, or even speak with the wonderful, supportive people at the hospice there. What can we do from a distance?