In Grief: Rituals of Remembrance for Special Days

Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.  ~ Stephen Levine

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss. Sometimes, out of fear of “letting go,” we may find ourselves holding on to our pain as a way of remembering those we love. Yet letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty, nor does it mean forgetting the people who have died. Letting go means leaving behind the sorrow and pain of grief and choosing to go on—taking with us only those memories and experiences that enhance our ability to grow and expand our capacity for happiness.

Resources for Supporting Others Through Anticipatory Grief

 Saying that I was experiencing “anticipatory grief” would not have come close to capturing all the nuances and struggles, unique for me, as it is for everyone. ~ Donna S. Davenport

A colleague writes: I have a request to consult tomorrow with counseling staff at a high school regarding a staff member just diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor. Looking through your rich web site I'm saying to myself, "Articles, and books and messages, oh, my." Can you help me go to materials on anticipatory grieving, or feeling our own mortality/vulnerability, or helping someone cope with a terminal illness?? You may be able to help me sort through so I can go straight to the meat this busy day before I must show up ready to help! Many thanks if you can help at this last moment.