Voices of Experience: How Grief Can Affect Your Health

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For those of you who struggle with guilt regarding self-care, answer this question: What greater gift can you give to those you love than your own wholeness? ~ Shannon Tanner

A Reflection on Self-Care, by Anne M. Gorman

There is no escaping it. Our immune systems take on the blows of grief. It’s not bad enough that we are brought to our knees when we lose a loved one but many have to suffer the devastation of a second loss and that is our own health.

My first reaction to this is WHY? I know there isn’t an answer to that question.

I am a good person. I never thought about what self-care meant for I always took care of myself. As I cared for my dying husband I attended to him as best as I knew how. I did all the things I needed to do to help him as he took his final journey of life except care for myself.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 23 - August 29, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Must read: What to say to the dying: A hospice chaplain offers some insight, http://j.mp/1fOh33D « ehospice

Why Haven't They Been Listening? An Interview with Zubin Damania, MD aka ZDoggMD, http://j.mp/1JDKS2V « Pallimed

Atul Gawande on America’s urgent need to rethink end-of-life care, http://j.mp/1Il3gIP « The Dallas Morning News

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 23 - August 29, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Overdose Awareness Day, 2015, http://j.mp/1F0pCz7 « What's Your Grief?

Say Their Names: On Recovering After the Loss of a Child, http://j.mp/1MR9Ywt « Seven Ponds Blog

Pets pick up on cues to comfort the dying and grieving, http://j.mp/1Jnw8ny « The Orange County Register

Mother Loss: When Can I Think of Her Without Crying?

[Reviewed and updated August 12, 2023]

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.  ~ Washington Irving

A reader writes: I just wish for the day when I can think of my mom without crying. Why does it seem to last for so long? It’s been five months since my mom passed and I still can’t think of her without bawling. I’ve been very depressed lately and some days are better than others, but it often feels as if I’m on a roller-coaster. I just want to keep it together for my daughter; I don’t like falling apart in front of her.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Lies of Hospice Patients, http://j.mp/1MDdUAS « Pallimed

5 ways to help loved ones adjust to Chronic Illness, http://j.mp/1Jatm4S « About Health

Choice and Control at the End of Life – The 3 Wishes Project, http://j.mp/1PoE8Gj « GeriPal

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Do You Recover After the Loss of a Child? http://j.mp/1NC4N3Y « Seven Ponds Blog

Irish singer's moving video about grief will make you weep, http://j.mp/1Jpx4sP « SheKnows

Understanding the Grief of Suicide, http://j.mp/1PqhCNi « HuffPost Living Canada

Coping with Cumulative Losses: Personal vs. Professional

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[Reviewed and updated March 28, 2022]

It never rains but it pours.  ~ Old English Proverb

A reader writes: I don’t know where or how to start. I lost a beloved dog a month ago. My other dog is critically ill. I lost a very good friend earlier this year. I am also feeling enormous grief and guilt over the loss of another dog who was killed by a car.
          I am an RN so maybe you can relate a little. I was in critical care for many years and then worked in oncology and hospice. Most of my patients either died suddenly or suffered and eventually died. My involvement with significant others and family members was extensive. I attended many deaths in the course of my career.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 9 - August 15, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the face of serious illness: Don't Say Nothing,  http://j.mp/1P4pzHL « Modern Loss

Signs of approaching death, http://j.mp/1hvyIid « Barbara Karnes, RN

In healthcare, focus on patient safety instead of patient satisfaction, http://j.mp/1EjUz0S « Kevin MD

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 9 - August 15, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Happily ever after: The Big Lie, http://j.mp/1Nac63G « Alive in Memory

Sharing Grief Across Species Lines, http://j.mp/1TFrHHt « NPR

When An Adult Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents, http://j.mp/1LaDbR5 « Grief Healing

In Grief: Ashamed To Share Negative Feelings In An Online Forum

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Don't push the river, it flows by itself.  ~ Chinese Proverb

[Note to readers: Permission to share the following exchange with all of you has been granted by the person who wrote to me.]

A reader writes: I was going to post this on our [online Grief Healing Discussion Groups] forum, but it’s such a downer and people posting these days all seem so upbeat that I didn’t want to throw this post in right now. I do need to put it out there just so I know someone hears me. I hope you don’t mind. You’re it. I’m not looking for feedback – just an ear and an understanding heart.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Alzheimer’s Caregiving – There’s An App For That! http://j.mp/1OR2AQl « Alzheimer's Association

Alzheimer's, Dementia Patients and Hospice, http://buff.ly/1g22kCM « Barbara Karnes, RN

Why doctors overtreat patients. And how to fix it. http://j.mp/1KQv5Nf « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Seeing Death in Nature: Preparing Children for Loss, http://j.mp/1IVh3L5 « It's OK to Die

Don’t You Tell Me How to Grieve! http://j.mp/1KakGta « GriefMinisterDotCom

Helpful article! Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing, http://j.mp/1git8i3 « Open to Hope

Voices of Experience: The Trouble With Triggers

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by Harry Proudfoot, Walking with Jane

One of my most painful, hurtful, appalling experiences occurred the first time I went to the grocery store after Robby died . . . Every shelf, every aisle reminded me of my dead son. Either the item was something he hated or something he loved. Green beans and hot dogs and peanut butter sent stabs of pain through me.
~ Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

I finished redoing the living room today. Six weeks ago, I ordered two love seats to replace the couch and love seat Jane and I bought when we built this house just over twenty years ago. I’d finally figured out that even with new slipcovers, those two pieces set me off every time I entered the room.

In the process of getting everything in the room balanced—I’ve never studied feng shui, but I know when things are arranged right I feel better than when they aren’t—I decided to remove the next level of knick-knacks that I have kept out as reminders of the couple we were. Fifty-five months and 15 days is long enough to keep the two doll-sized mugs embossed with "My Sweetheart” out where they can remind me every day of what I’ve lost.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Everything you ever wanted to know about death but were too afraid to ask, http://j.mp/1UeMFyQ « The Age, New South Wales

Powerful: Reflections of an Alzheimer's Spouse: Stress and Grief, http://j.mp/1DPqdTw « HuffPost Healthy Living

Details and Lyrics: Ain't The Way To Die, http://j.mp/1MtTASL « ZDoggMD

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healing Takes A Lifetime, http://j.mp/1DgR5B8 « The Grief Toolbox

Beautiful: She became a hospice nurse because of this story, http://j.mp/1KFhxnR « Kevin MD

Observing A Deceased Loved One's Birthday, http://j.mp/1I64F9c « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Pet Loss, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources, http://j.mp/1Jpoef9 « Grief Healing Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.