What to Say (Or Not) to A Person in Grief

[Reviewed and updated March 15, 2025]

Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don't mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime. ~ Rachel Wolchin

When a death is anticipated or when someone we know has died, the words we choose to write or speak to a caregiver or to a person in mourning can carry significant impact and can be remembered for a very long time. The newly bereaved are especially vulnerable and sensitive. Depending on what is said and how it is expressed, our words can be perceived as helpful and comforting, or as unkind, insensitive and hurtful.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 30 - September 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Getting lost in grief, http://j.mp/1N9Bs0u « What to Say When Someone Dies

Wonderful! How to Write a Condolence Note, http://j.mp/1JFloPh « A Cup of Jo

Wisdom from bereaved mom Maria Kubitz: Forgiveness in Grief, http://j.mp/1N84Fc9 « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Seeing Death in Nature: Preparing Children for Loss, http://j.mp/1IVh3L5 « It's OK to Die

Don’t You Tell Me How to Grieve! http://j.mp/1KakGta « GriefMinisterDotCom

Helpful article! Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing, http://j.mp/1git8i3 « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 14 - December 20, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On stillbirth: Beyond Closure with Nancy Berns at TEDxDesMoines, http://j.mp/1zhyEZO  « YouTube

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song, http://j.mp/Y5m9J4 « Grief Healing Blog

In Grief: Responding to "How Are You?" http://j.mp/HlUWks « Grief Healing Blog

When Words Matter: Tips On Writing A Condolence Letter

[Reviewed and updated October 26, 2025]

A letter of condolence provides the opportunity for a very special form of writer/reader inter-connection, one that proclaims simply, 'I acknowledge your loss, and, in some measure, I share your pain.' This is the essential human message in all letters of condolence. ~ Leonard M. Zunin, MD and Hilary Stanton Zunin

A reader writes: I would like to know if you could assist me in writing a letter of condolence.

My response: I think this is a very important question, and I commend you for asking it. With our busy lifestyles nowadays, electronic communication alternatives such as cell-phones, texting and email have made letter-writing seem like such a daunting task for so many of us, if not a forgotten art altogether. Yet in times of sorrow, few things are more appreciated than a handwritten note, which can be held and read by the recipient, then saved and re-read over and over again.