Disenfranchised Grief: Coronavirus Took My Partner

[Reviewed and updated May 19, 2020]

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul.   ~ William Shakespeare

A reader writes: You have so many articles on grief but I was unable to find an article that can help me. I’ve recently lost my partner of 4 years who passed a week ago. We were not married and I lived with him and was his primary caregiver. During his last month of life we were apart due to Covid19 and I didn’t get to see him. He was ill but death was not imminent so this has come as quite a shock.

Understanding & Managing Grief, April 19 - April 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Honored that Grief Healing is named Best Monitored Discussion Group: "They report that their discussion groups are closely monitored and moderated by the owner to ensure quality, safety, and security." The 7 Best Online Grief Support Groups of 2020 « VeryWellMind

The world is grieving an astonishing amount of loss, and most of us are doing it alone. Losing Touch - Struggling with Grief in the Era of Social Distancing « SevenPonds Blog

In Grief: Dreading The Second Anniversary of A Child’s Death

When fear makes your choices for you, no security measures on earth will keep the things you dread from finding you. But if you can avoid avoidance - if you can choose to embrace experiences out of passion, enthusiasm, and a readiness to feel whatever arises - then nothing, nothing in all this dangerous world, can keep you from being safe.  ~ Martha Beck

A reader writes: I've written to you before, but now the countdown has begun.  In two more weeks it will have been two years since my son lost his life in a horrible accident. I have been waking in these early hours with nightmares -- my son is all broken and I cannot fix him -- my throat is dry from screaming and the sweat is cold -- I am not sure I can keep doing this anymore. I have so many crazy thoughts of jumping on a train track and seeing how long it takes for me to die.

Caregiving, Hospice & Grief, April 12 - April 18, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

There is a lot of loss involved in what we're living right now. How do we cope? Find out in this video: Grieving the Loss of Daily Life Routine and Milestones During the Pandemic « Refuge In Grief

It’s a staggering thought, but right this moment, there are 5.8 million Americans living with dementia . . . There is help — resources and education that are breaking down the stigma surrounding dementia. Caregivers can live well with dementia, too! « Your Valley

Voices of Experience: Death Is But A Dream

But at the time of transition, your guides, your guardian angels, people whom you have loved and who have passed on before you, will be there to help you. We have verified this beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I say this as a scientist. There will always be someone to help you with this transition.
~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

In his extraordinary and beautiful book, Death Is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life’s End, hospice physician Christopher Kerr, MD, PhD shares his patients' stories and his own research pointing to death as not purely the end of life, but as a final chapter of humanity and transcendence. Drawing on interviews with over 1,400 patients and more than a decade of quantified data, Dr. Kerr reveals why pre-death dreams and visions are remarkable events that bring comfort and exemplify human resilience. Different from regular dreams and described as "more real than real," they frequently include loved ones long gone and mark the transition from distress to acceptance.

Caregiving, Hospice & Grief, April 5 - April 11, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

As a culture, we’ve never been great at handling grief . . . And now that families no longer have the opportunity to say goodbye to their loved ones, have to wait for hospitals to release the remains, and postpone any in-person gatherings for the foreseeable future, it has left many in a suspended state of grief. Processing Grief During a Pandemic, When Nothing Is Normal « Yahoo!

Complicated Grief: "Maybe I Am Nuts"

[Reviewed and updated December 14, 2021]

Complicated Grief is a form of grief that takes hold of a person's mind and won't let go.  ~ M. Katherine Shear, MD

A reader writes: "Complicated Grief," "Prolonged Grief Disorder" and now "Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder." In reading about all of these "disorders" with an open mind, I clearly am suffering from all three. And suffering is the appropriate word. It's been over four years since my beloved died and I still don't know my place in this world. Still feel my life is mostly meaningless without her. I've kept her clothes and most of her things just where they always were. I feel like if I got rid of that stuff,  my life would feel even more empty  than it already does. Her things being where they always were gives me a small sense of comfort.

Caregiving & Grief, March 29 - April 4, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In this op-ed, "Teen Vogue" identity editor Brittney McNamara explains why it's okay to feel anticipatory grief over seemingly small things during the coronavirus crisis. Anticipatory Grief Is Real, and It's OK to Feel it During the Coronavirus Crisis « Teen Vogue