In Grief: Rituals of Remembrance for Special Days

Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.  ~ Stephen Levine

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss. Sometimes, out of fear of “letting go,” we may find ourselves holding on to our pain as a way of remembering those we love. Yet letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty, nor does it mean forgetting the people who have died. Letting go means leaving behind the sorrow and pain of grief and choosing to go on—taking with us only those memories and experiences that enhance our ability to grow and expand our capacity for happiness.

In Grief: Should Young Children Attend a Funeral?

When deciding whether your child should attend a funeral or memorial service, age is not the most important consideration. Your child is part of the family, and as grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt wisely observes, children who are old enough to love are old enough to grieve.

No child is too young to attend a funeral, provided that the child is prepared for what will happen and what he or she will see at the funeral home, and is lovingly guided through the process. Shutting children out makes them feel alone and conveys the idea that death and grief are too horrible to be faced. Children need to learn that special, loved people do die—but also that there will always be somebody there to take care of them.

In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

I have found in the years that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance . . . If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. ~ Bill Jenkins

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I don’t know how to explain my mood to my seven-year-old son. All I would love to do is to go to sleep for those 10 days and wake up afterwards. I know that in this journey I am going to take some steps backwards and believe me the backwards steps are not as severe as in the beginning, but I just can’t stand feeling this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 24 - March 30, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Meghan Riordan Jarvis, a trauma-informed grief expert who specializes in how grief affects the body, told me that because the death of a loved one is a completely novel experience, it is "very energetically expensive." She confirmed that grief can impair our balance as well as memory and our ability to do multistep functions. Can grief make us accident-prone? « KLCC

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 11 - February 17, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Milestone dates can catch us off guard and bring us to our knees. Preparing ahead of time can bring sweetness and meaning to the day. Create rituals that honor your loved one's life and legacy. Grieving Through Birthdays and Death Days « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 31 - January 6, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Normal grief is a process that varies from person to person. Prolonged Grief Disorder occurs when this process is derailed. Normal grieving is supported by joining specialized groups of mourners and cultural and religious customs. Prolonged Grief Disorder Therapy focuses on healing themes and achieving milestones as recovery progresses. Grief: What Is Normal and What Is Prolonged Grief Disorder « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 17 - December 30, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Much about growing older involves loss: of physical strength, mental acuity, and social relevance. Learning to view death as a prelude to something larger is a skill we can begin while still alive. As we learn to drop away the extraneous, the essential can shine through more clearly. The Grief of Growing Older « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 5 - February 11, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief. Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine's Day (Or Any Special Day) « Grief Healing

Disenfranchised Grief: When A Friend Dies

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.  ~ Flavia Weedn

A reader writes: A friend of mine died last month. I have been struggling to cope since then. We met only a few months ago when I did some work at the theater where he was based. We knew each other a very short time and I realize that if you've lost someone you've known for years this may seem so selfish and silly, but we really connected and I miss him so much.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 23 - November 5, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When I lost my husband to brain cancer, I learned there is no road map for grief.  A guide to dealing with grief as a widow « The Washington Post 

Anderson Cooper takes us on a deeply personal exploration of loss and grief. He starts recording while packing up the apartment of his late mother Gloria Vanderbilt. Going through her journals and keepsakes, as well as things left behind by his father and brother, Cooper begins a series of emotional and moving conversations about the people we lose, the things they leave behind, and how to live on - with loss, with laughter, and with love. All There Is with Anderson Cooper « CNN Audio

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 11 - September 17, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

From curling up in a ball to shaking to feeling disconnected grief gets into every fibre of our being. Psychotherapist and grief counsellor Julia Samuel has this self-care advice - including why exercise is so important. What is the best thing to do for grief? « Get The Gloss

Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day: Selected Resources

[Reviewed and updated May 10, 2025]

If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden.  ~ Claudia Adrienne Grandi

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day set aside for honoring one’s own mother and for celebrating motherhood. But for those who are mourning the loss of a mother or grandmother, or for mothers who are mourning the loss of a child or grandchild, this can be instead a most difficult day to endure.

If you find yourself or someone you love in these circumstances, know that you are not alone.

For practical suggestions on how to cope with grief on Mother’s Day ~ or on how to better understand and support a mother, mother figure, daughter, grandmother (or a dad!) in grief ~ you're invited to access one or more of the helpful articles and resources listed here:

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 13 - February 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The grief of chronic illness extends beyond grief over the loss of our health. We mourn the loss of our place in the world. 4 Losses We Mourn With Chronic Illness « MSN

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 23 - January 29, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We call them unspeakable losses because we do not have the vocabulary to speak about them. My partner died. Then my brother. Here’s what not to say to someone who is grieving « The Guardian

On The Anniversary of A Parent’s Death: What Words Help?

[Reviewed and updated July 23, 2024]

The word 'anniversary' takes on a whole new meaning for widow/ers, or for any griever. An anniversary date is any meaningful date to you and your loved one. The hardest anniversary date usually is the one that commemorates the day of the death.  ~ Ellen Gerst

A reader writes: I have read several of your posts. I am familiar with your wisdom and advice. I just wanted to ask, Marty .... what would you have wanted to hear from friends close to you --on the first anniversary of the day a parent has passed? What words are there to formulate at such a sad day -- which also offers an ear of support? Would it be a heartbreaking reminder of his loss, or rather an appreciated thought -- if I chose to send a sympathy card?

In Grief: My First Big Day Without My Mother

You know the real meaning of celebrating a birthday if you remember the sacrifice of giving birth by your mother.  ~ Elmitch Alarcio

A reader writes: My Mom's 79th birthday happens this week, and this will be my first big "day" without her. She died last winter and at first I truly didn't think I would be able to go on. As time has started to pass, I am functioning but some days are much harder than others. I always find myself reliving the day she died and I'm grateful I was there with her but still find myself focusing on those memories instead of happy ones. I had one dream in which she was there and I was hugging her and crying and telling her how afraid I was to lose her and how I didn't know how I could live the rest of my life without my Mom (I'm 37). That's the only dream I've had even though I pray each night for some sign from her. Now it's her birthday......

Pet Loss: Finding Peace After Euthanasia

[Reviewed and updated March 23, 2023]   

Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.  ~ John Galsworthy

A reader writes: I need help. I am an 87 yr old woman and last year, after a long illness and in and out of hospitals, home, and nursing home, my husband passed away before I could get there even though he asked for me and it was a mere 5 minute trip, he was gone before I got there.

A few days ago I sent my beloved cat to be euthanized. He was my companion for 10 years. I adopted him when he was 7; no one wanted a 7yr old cat and so he was scheduled to be euthanized until I adopted him. He was my good and beautiful friend and helped ease the pain of the loss of my husband. Several months ago he became ill. Our vet tried very hard to care for him but he was declining.

Understanding and Managing Grief: January 24 - January 30, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Toxic positivity is the concept that no matter how difficult a situation, people should maintain a positive outlook. But being positive isn't always the best way forward. It denies people’s emotions. It makes one feel ashamed, and it makes one pile on the guilt, feeling unable to move on.  Toxic Positivity? Say It Ain't so! « Thrive Global 

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 27 - January 2, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In A Monster Calls, 13-year-old Conor dreams about a monster, but the words he's afraid to say about his dying mother are much scarier. Book Review by Cara Olexa « Seven Ponds 

The lingering pandemic has amplified feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety for countless Pennsylvanians, particularly as family-oriented holidays approach. Coping with Loneliness, Grief During a Holiday Pandemic « Daily American

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 27 - October 3, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Years after the devastating loss of a child, I live a happy, meaningful life once again. Yet the cycle of grief has predictable triggers. The Continuing Cycle of Grief « Alive In Memory

The pandemic is an opportunity to create a new language of mourning. To forge new ritual. How can we honor the dead in the universe of ourselves, of our homes? The Water, the Grief « Los Angeles Review of Books