Mixing Grief, Medication, and Alcohol: A Dangerous Combination

Heavy use of drugs or alcohol can intensify the experience of grief and depression and impair the bereavement process. ~ J. William Worden

A reader writes: I wonder if I might turn out to become one of those complicated grief people. I have all the risk factors. I'm not usually a drinker or a drug taker -- I've been regularly using alcohol and Serax (oxazepam) since my husband died. The same thing happened after we got his diagnosis a year ago, but when we received some positive news that they might be able to beat the cancer or at least control it - I was able to cut out the oxazepam and reduce drinking to a glass of wine a day. Then he suddenly died - and we were completely unprepared. Even the doctors were surprised.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 1 - May 31, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

For someone like Emilie, who has let millions into her life online, there's a false sense of intimacy. Fans feel like they know her. They want to comfort her. But in doing so, some cross a line. When comments shift from your pain to my fear, or my gratitude, they stop being about support and start being about self. And that's where well-meaning turns into harm. The six words no grieving mother wants to hear. « Mamamia

Complicated, Prolonged, Persistent Grief Disorder: "Maybe I am Nuts"

Complicated Grief is a form of grief that takes hold of a person's mind and won't let go.

A reader writes: "Complicated Grief," "Prolonged Grief Disorder" and now "Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder." In reading about all of these "disorders" with an open mind, I clearly am suffering from all three. And suffering is the appropriate word. It's been over four years since my beloved died and I still don't know my place in this world. Still feel my life is mostly meaningless without her. I've kept her clothes and most of her things just where they always were. I feel like if I got rid of that stuff,  my life would feel even more empty  than it already does. Her things being where they always were gives me a small sense of comfort.

In Grief: Mourning An Abusive Mother

It may be hard to play the role of the mourning [daughter] when part of you is saying, ‘Free at last.' ~ Helen Fitzgerald

A reader writes: Two weeks ago, my mother died of metastatic cancer. We had a strained relationship our entire life together. Growing up she could be very cruel to me, and that is what ensued as I tried to care for her. Before her illness, we hadn’t spoken in almost 3 years, but I wanted to be there for her and support her. I forgave her before she died and asked that she forgive me, and I feel a certain amount of closure which we were able to create.

But just when things were going beautifully, it was as if some demonic entity took over her being.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 1- November 9, 2024, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

My short answer is absolutely not! Why? Because we know that antidepressants alone (even when indicated) are not an appropriate means to provide comprehensive support to someone in grief.  Getting through complicated grief with antidepressants? « AfterTalk

When Grief Threatens A Love Relationship

A reader writes: My fiancée lost her 20 year old daughter 5 months ago from complications following a double lung transplant the year before due to cystic fibrosis. She went off without me after her daughter passed to grieve and deal with family as they have been through all of this for years. It was tough with her being gone for the month or so as I wanted to help comfort her. She said she would need me here at home when she got done to be there for her. Since that time she's had many bad days grieving over her daughter. She spends a lot of time with my 6-year-old son, helping get him to school or you name it. She is with him 24x7 at times and she loves him a lot.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 28 - February 3, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Megan Roantree lost both her dad and her best friend Shauna in her teens, now she reflects on the things it taught her about grief, and what she wishes she knew. What I Learned In Loss – & What I Wish I Knew About Grief « Stellar

A practical, technical or vocational major may have value in the job market, but it won’t provide the emotional or philosophical tools needed to cope with profound personal experiences like the death of a parent. For that, one needs a grounding in the humanities, which delve into the human experience, emotions and existential questions that arise during our most significant life events. How The Humanities Can Aid in Coping With Loss « Inside Higher Ed

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 8 - October 21, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, which brings attention to the fact that tens of thousands of families across the country suffer the loss of their baby each year. It also brings awareness to the fact that the grief of these families isn’t widely acknowledged. Recognizing the Unique Grief of Bereaved Parents « Stanford Medicine

When Grief Is Complicated or Prolonged

[Reviewed and updated August 29, 2026]

Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.  ~ Dr. Earl A. Grollman 

You may have heard of the controversy over including Prolonged Grief Disorder in the latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), which is the most widely used psychiatric reference in the world. For more than a decade, mental health professionals and researchers worked diligently to agree upon specific criteria for identifying and assessing complicated grief ~ in order to obtain payment for treatment and funding for research, to identify those at risk, and to distinguish depression from complicated grief. 

In Grief: When A Loved One Is Missing

[Reviewed and updated November 29, 2024]

Not every loss was confirmed by an officer at the door. Nor a telegram with the power to sink a fleet. Loss, often the worst kind, also arrived through the deafening quiet of an absence. ~ Kristina McMorris

A reader writes:  I honestly think I'm going a little mad. Three months ago my brother took a break from moving into his apartment [in Jamaica], went out for lunch, and never returned. Boxes were not opened and he never slept in the bed. His car was never recovered, which makes things more complicated. From all indications the police have a suspect(s) but according to them, without a confession or a witness there is absolutely nothing they can do.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 28 - September 3, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Wherever you might be in your grieving process, support can be found through counseling, which can help you work through grief and heal in a healthier way. Learn more below about the different types of grief, what grief counseling entails and how you might benefit from trying it. Grief Counseling: How It Works, Benefits And More « Forbes Health

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 31 - August 6, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If you are unsure whether you are experiencing grief or finding it challenging to work through bereavement, grief counseling can offer support and helpful ways to bring meaning to the loss and allow you to move forward through your grief. Grief Counseling: What It Is, and Therapist Finder Resources « Very Well Health

In Grief: Surviving The Trauma of Abuse

[Reviewed and updated April 18. 2024]

A good half of the art of living is resilience.  ~ Alain de Botton

A reader writes:  Where to begin? As a child I was sexually abused starting at the age of 4, by my older siblings. I have 4 brothers in all and have been abused by 3 of them. This didn’t last long, but has left a mark on me that I have had to endure all my life. I have or thought I had come to terms with it.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, March 20 - March 26, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief is usually associated with a loss due to death. There are other losses we grieve: loss of a marriage, relationship or friendship, a job, our health, a miscarriage, and loss of function due to aging. These are all extremely personal losses. Omnipresent Grief  « Couple's Net

Let me share with you what I know about grief from dealing with it in others and myself for over 50 years. The most important thing I know is that the measure of grief is the measure of love. The God Squad: How long should grief last? « New Haven Register

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 13 - February 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The grief of chronic illness extends beyond grief over the loss of our health. We mourn the loss of our place in the world. 4 Losses We Mourn With Chronic Illness « MSN

Surviving A Sibling’s Overdose Death

Much like suicide grief, there is a complexity in overdose deaths in that people feel like the death was somehow preventable.  ~ Litsa Williams

A reader writes: My sister died unexpectedly from a drug overdose. She'd been off and on drugs since she was 13, but she was one of those very cool, very intelligent, very functional addicts (did I just call my sister an addict?). She got into some trouble last April and moved to live with other family so she could get clean. And--she DID! She was doing great! Had a great job, was enjoying life, it was all good! We had become close again and talked at least once a week.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 12 - December 18, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pets become close members of our families. When they are gone, the grief of their passing can be immense. Here's how to show up for someone going through this loss. What Not To Say To People Grieving A Sick, Lost Or Dead Pet « HuffPost Life 

The latest installment of Sex and the City has unleashed a mini-controversy — but for some, the drama has the power to stir up painful real-life memories.  Spoiler alert: Grief is never over 'Just Like That' « The Hill

Understanding and Managing Grief and Pet Loss, October 24 - October 30, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When COVID-19 began to spread throughout the U.S., our team felt a strong call of action in response to the overwhelming mental health crisis we saw unfolding before us. We began to explore online resources that could help bereaved people address their grief, manage their painful emotions, build resilience, and improve their mental health and well-being. COVID-Internet Resource Guide « Stony Brook University (pdf) 

Childhood Sexual Abuse, Mom’s Murder Complicate A Daughter’s Grief

[Reviewed and updated July 24, 2022]

If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

A reader writes: My Mom was murdered a year ago. She was poisoned by my father....so not only did I lose my Mom, I lost my father as well... As one could imagine, I am not dealing with reality very well. I have and still am going through counseling on a weekly basis but the pain, rage, and guilt is still very much a part of my daily life.... there have been no arrests by the police... they tell me it is one thing to know he killed her but another thing to prove it..... he fed her fatal doses of anti-freeze over time... she died a very painful death....

Anticipating The Death of One’s Parents

[Reviewed and updated April 30, 2024]

After you find out all the things that can go wrong, your life becomes less about living and more about waiting.  ~ Chuck Palahniuk

A reader writes: I have been reading your website and accompanying forums, and it is obvious to me that you are a remarkable bereavement counselor. I hope you don't mind my turning to you with this strange question. 

I am 25 years old and still living with my parents, to whom I am extremely close. While I do have one other close friend, they are by far my best friends. Our lives are heavily intertwined. Recently it has 'hit me' (although I knew this rationally, of course) that they will inevitably die, most likely during my lifetime. Since that moment I have been obsessed with this thought.