Grief Has No Sexual Orientation

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

A reader writes: My heart is breaking. My partner died some time ago, yet it still feels as though it happened yesterday. I've recently received some very bad news about my own health, and more than ever I find myself needing my partner to be here with me. I feel as though my heart can bear no more. My soul feels empty without her. Everything about my life feels different, and it is so hard. I need to find other lesbians who have lost their spouse.

I attended a grief support group yesterday, and it was painfully difficult. During the introductory "check-in," the member who spoke after me said she would not be able to continue if I were allowed to stay in the group. She said lesbianism is a sin.

Understanding Grief Styles: How Personality Shapes the Way We Mourn

Ultimately it is [the] identification, validation, and exploration of their pattern of grief or adaptive grieving styles that grieving individuals will find empowering and that will allow them to deal with that loss on their own terms, with their own unique strengths. ~ Kenneth J. Doka, PhD

When someone we love dies, we expect grief to bring us closer together. But often, the opposite happens.

One person cries openly, needing to talk through every memory and emotion. Another stays quiet, focusing on tasks, logistics, or simply “getting through” each day. One may appear overwhelmed, while the other seems distant or unaffected. Misunderstandings take root. Feelings get hurt. And in the midst of loss, relationships can become strained.

What many people don’t realize is this: grief doesn’t look the same for everyone—and it’s not supposed to.

In Grief: Son Disapproves of The Way Mom Needs to Grieve

Imagine the choices you'd make if you had no fear-of falling, of losing, of being alone, of disapproval.  ~ Martha Beck

A reader writes: It will be one year tomorrow that the love of my life, my everything -- will have been in Heaven for one year and I miss him so very, very, very much. Announcement of the anniversary of my husband’s death appears in the newspaper today and I am a wreck. I just can't do this life thing without my beloved...it is so hard and I don't know where to turn. I am tired of pretending, so very, very tired................

My oldest son didn't want to put in a memoriam and my youngest, well he basically asked me to do it for him. It hurts so much. I know they truly miss their father with all of their being but why, why won't they talk to me or, or I don't know what.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 1 - December 7, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

When someone you love loses a person they love, it can be hard to know what to say. You want to show your friend you love and support them, but you also know there really isn't much you can say to heal their pain. In this situation, the best thing to do is "name the elephant in the room," says Mekel Harris, a psychologist and grief consultant. The Do's and Don'ts of Expressing Condolences « NPR

When A Grieving Friend Refuses Offers of Support

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.  ~ Seneca

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.

In Grief: When A Friend Refuses Support

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.  ~ Seneca

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.

Grief and Sexuality

[Reviewed and updated June 24, 2026]

Intimacy doesn't mean sharing nudity, intimacy means sharing vulnerability.   ~ Abhijit Naskar

A reader writes: My mother died recently, and although she was older and it happened rather quickly, still it was the saddest thing I’ve ever experienced. Now, three months later, I’m finding it very difficult to become intimate again with my husband. Even being in close proximity to him is difficult for me. It almost scares me. Especially because I want so desperately to know that my mom is watching over me, but I don't want her to see me having sex with my husband! Can you give me some direction on this? 

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 31 - January 6, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Normal grief is a process that varies from person to person. Prolonged Grief Disorder occurs when this process is derailed. Normal grieving is supported by joining specialized groups of mourners and cultural and religious customs. Prolonged Grief Disorder Therapy focuses on healing themes and achieving milestones as recovery progresses. Grief: What Is Normal and What Is Prolonged Grief Disorder « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 12 - November 18, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Here's why events like a "Ride for Your Life" are so important — and how to keep the spirit going long after World Day of Remembrance is over. ‘World Day of Remembrance’: Connecting Grief to Activism « StreetsBlogUSA

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 2 - April 8, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A new study finds differences between men and women in the "widowhood effect." Men have a higher likelihood of dying themselves after the death of their spouse than women do. I Can’t Live Without Her: When Grieving Men Die « Psychology Today

Teen Grief: Worried About My Daughter

[Reviewed and updated November 12, 2024]

Avoidance has never been a great tactic in solving any problem. For most situations in life, not addressing what's going on only makes matters worse.  ~ Luvvie Ajayi

A reader writes: My daughter is 16. Her brother was 17 when he was killed three months ago. As we live where there is no other family she had to be the second one to identify his body. She won't talk. It's like he never existed. I have tried getting her to counseling but she isn't interested. The counselor told me to just be here for her when she needs me and that she is taking her cues from me. But I am really worried that if she bottles this up it will compound later on. I'm not so sure I am right. Can you shed some light please?

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 13 - November 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The definition of paying it forward in grief can vary significantly. But it all comes down to one basic idea: you use what you’ve learned during your experience with grief to help others. It provides new meaning and purpose to your shattered life. Paying It Forward in Grief « Alive in Memory

Hospice, Grief, & Pet Loss, January 19 - January 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

This post is for you, Mamaw. Thank you for loving me so well, and for showing me that kindness can change the world. Echoes, https://j.mp/2RIeAgu « Bryan C. Taylor

Depression killed my innately joyful sister. When people ask how she died, this is how I respond. 'Was She Sick?' https://j.mp/30KWHSr « Modern Loss

Face this profound challenge by staying connected and finding friends who will listen. How Men Grieve, https://j.mp/36jY5wt « Next Avenue

Caregiving & Grief, September 22 - September 28, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Spousal caregivers are largely fending for themselves, according to a new study published in the June issue of Health Affairs. Spousal Caregivers Are a Lonely Bunch, https://j.mp/2mJL0M1 « Seven Ponds Blog

Written after the death of her son, Denise Riley’s Time Lived, Without Its Flow finds radical and consoling ways to understand bereavement. Max Porter on the book everyone should read about grief: 'I felt changed',  https://j.mp/2mkG7ZL « The Guardian

Grief after non-death losses—like the voluntary “laying down” of one’s career—are often disenfranchised in our society. Today, I Chose Loss, https://j.mp/2lFmXgR « Grief Perspectives

In Grief: Everyone's Loss Is Somehow Different But The Same

[Reviewed and updated September 29, 2024]

A reader writes: Every time I hear someone call my husband's name I am reminded that he is gone. He was so young. My grown children were very angry at God that he took their father at 66, they thought it wasn't fair, he didn't have more time on earth. Still, I read this morning of a widow whose husband was only 46, that is really very very young. We all think this terrible thing is only happening to us until we read of others and their pain, and then we can understand everyone's loss is somehow different but the same.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 12 - August 18, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

3 Important Tips for Grieving at Work, http://j.mp/2BlN4jQ  « Gary Roe

Heartwarming! The Toymaker, http://j.mp/2OMe5Pw « Bryan C. Taylor

Dude, Where's My Grief? http://j.mp/2OMkwC5 « Modern Loss

In Grief: When Dating Is Complicated

[Reviewed and updated January 29, 2023]

There's no limit to how complicated things can get, on account of one thing always leading to another.  ~ E.B. White

A reader writes: My husband of 20 years died  nearly two years ago. It was a second marriage for both of us. He was several years older than I. He had children and so did I. His death from esophageal cancer was a long and difficult one, and during the last part of his life I had some disputes with some of his grown kids over their not helping me to care for him. So after a year I went to a support group at my church with people who had lost spouses or someone close to them. I met a man there who had lost his girlfriend of eight years to breast cancer. Her death had happened only one month before, so things were still quite raw for him. He pursued me via phone calls and we have been seeing each other for the last eight months. About a month ago he started to have a lot of problems with the intimacy part of our relationship.

In Grief: When A Friend Pulls Away

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.  Read on here >>>

In Grief: Worried About My Daughter

Find the latest version of this post here:

Teen Grief: Worried About My Daughter

A reader writes: My daughter is 16. Her brother was 17 when he was killed three months ago. As we live where there is no other family she had to be the second one to identify his body. She won't talk. It's like he never existed. I have tried getting her to counseling but she isn't interested. The counselor told me to just be here for her when she needs me and that she is taking her cues from me. But I am really worried that if she bottles this up it will compound later on. I'm not so sure I am right. Can you shed some light please?

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 25 - December 31, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Buh Bye, 2016, http://bit.ly/2isEzZB « Modern Loss

Grief Diaries: Through The Eyes of Men, http://amzn.to/2iNS46X

Using Children's Books to Help with Grief, http://bit.ly/w4PFMh « Grief Healing