When a Widowed Parent Starts Dating: Why Adult Children Struggle

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.  ~ J.K. Rowling

A reader writes: Nearly a year after my father died at 54, I’m struggling with how much my mother has changed since she began dating someone new. I’m 34, the oldest of five, with three children of my own, and I’m deeply worried about the future of our family.

During my father’s illness—later revealed to be terminal—my mother was his full-time caregiver, handling every aspect of his care until he died. Afterward, she took a short break to visit her sister, then returned home seemingly renewed. She went back to work, attended grief counseling, and told us she had met a “friend,” a widower whose wife had also died of cancer.

In Grief: Son Disapproves of The Way Mom Needs to Grieve

Imagine the choices you'd make if you had no fear-of falling, of losing, of being alone, of disapproval.  ~ Martha Beck

A reader writes: It will be one year tomorrow that the love of my life, my everything -- will have been in Heaven for one year and I miss him so very, very, very much. Announcement of the anniversary of my husband’s death appears in the newspaper today and I am a wreck. I just can't do this life thing without my beloved...it is so hard and I don't know where to turn. I am tired of pretending, so very, very tired................

My oldest son didn't want to put in a memoriam and my youngest, well he basically asked me to do it for him. It hurts so much. I know they truly miss their father with all of their being but why, why won't they talk to me or, or I don't know what.

Coming to Terms with Mom Dating After Dad’s Death

A reader writes: I am having a really hard time coming to terms with my mother dating after my father's death, and how it has changed her. I am 34, her oldest of 5 kids, with 3 boys of my own, and after some recent events, I am truly worried about the future of this family and am at a loss of what to do.

My father passed away almost a year ago now, at age 54. At the time of his diagnosis, we were told this was a non-terminal type of cancer, and he was expected to react well to treatments (which he did, at first). However, I found out later that he did get a terminal diagnosis, with less than 1 year life-expectancy, but chose not to tell the family. During this whole time, my mother was his primary care giver, taking him to treatment centers & appointments, hauling him and the wheelchair around, bathing him, at his every beck & call, and in the later months/weeks, feeding him and changing adult diapers. It was a 24/7 job, and rough time for her, to say the least. I cannot even begin to imagine what she went through during that time.

A few weeks after he passed away, my mom went to visit her sister for some much needed, and deserved, R & R. She certainly needed to get away from everything, take some time for introspection and where her life would lead her next, etc. She came back rejuvenated, started working again, and was going to group grief counseling. Over the next six months, all seemed to be going well, or as well as anyone could hope. She told me and my sisters that she "met a friend" who had lost his wife to cancer just the previous year. They had been meeting up and talking a lot for about a month, but she was worried about telling us about it. I was genuinely happy for her, so she would have someone to talk to who could empathize what she had been though and is still going through. What we didn't know is that they were actually dating and were more than just "friends," as she always put it. Read on here >>>

In Grief: Brother's Dating Causes Family Conflict

[Reviewed and updated January 11, 2026]

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.  ~ Dorothy Parker

A reader writes: There is so much to this story that I could write a book on this but I will try to make it brief. One day last fall, my husband and I were awakened at 6 in the morning to learn that my husband's younger brother had been murdered by one of his employees. We are all in in several states away. Their father died 10 yrs ago of cancer, and besides their mother there are seven brothers and sisters in this family. This brother was the only one who lived far from home. He was 34 and for 15 years had been living with his girlfriend; together they had a son who is now 2 years old. Needless to say, the shock ,anger, denial and a range of emotions all set in, and no two family members reacted the same. For the past several months, the deceased brother's girlfriend and son have been down here for numerous visits. My husband's younger brother and this girlfriend have shocked all the family by starting a relationship, which has set off a new depression among several of the family members.