After a Child’s Murder: What Parents Need to Know About Guilt, Grief, and Survival

When working with families and friends of people who have been murdered I find that the operative verb is never died but was killed . . . Being killed is seen as different from dying; it's unnatural, a form of theft, an act of taking something from you and your loved ones. What is taken is a person's life and all of its promise for future joy and happiness, companionship, and accomplishment. It is the most precious commodity one can steal and the greatest loss one can suffer.  ~ Helen Fitzgerald

A reader writes: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 10 - October 16, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The loss of a pet can be very painful; for us animal lovers, it can hit as hard as losing a human loved one. This pain isn’t helped by a lack of understanding and social support many of us experience after losing a pet. However, a new study reveals that saying goodbye to a pet can be as painful as losing a human loved one, and here’s why. Why losing a dog feels the same as losing a loved one « Newsner

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 19 - September 25, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tony Falzano: For all those that have lost a loved one especially during the last 18 months. May you find comfort in this short, music video produced by The Caring Music Group. Grief Song: You're With Me Now « YouTube

Childhood Sexual Abuse, Mom’s Murder Complicate A Daughter’s Grief

[Reviewed and updated July 24, 2022]

If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

A reader writes: My Mom was murdered a year ago. She was poisoned by my father....so not only did I lose my Mom, I lost my father as well... As one could imagine, I am not dealing with reality very well. I have and still am going through counseling on a weekly basis but the pain, rage, and guilt is still very much a part of my daily life.... there have been no arrests by the police... they tell me it is one thing to know he killed her but another thing to prove it..... he fed her fatal doses of anti-freeze over time... she died a very painful death....

In Grief: Mourning The Murder of An Abusive Father

[Reviewed and updated December 3, 2024]

A girl’s first true love is her father.  ~ Marisol Santiago

A reader writes: My eccentric father was murdered in January. I can't deny that he was an angry, abusive person, but I also knew he loved me. I learned to draw boundaries with him and we developed a deep connection in the past few years as I helped care for him. My family is worried/angry because they don't think I should be so "upset" by his murder. Of course, I understand what they mean, but I was closer to him than they were and I was able to forgive him, mostly. At least I was able to forgive him enough that I could see the wonderful, amazing things about him, too. And anyway, I can't help or deny how I feel! So I am trying to keep this part of myself hidden from my mom and siblings, mostly to spare myself the annoyance caused by their well-meaning interventions.

In Grief: Brother's Dating Causes Family Conflict

[Reviewed and updated January 11, 2026]

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.  ~ Dorothy Parker

A reader writes: There is so much to this story that I could write a book on this but I will try to make it brief. One day last fall, my husband and I were awakened at 6 in the morning to learn that my husband's younger brother had been murdered by one of his employees. We are all in in several states away. Their father died 10 yrs ago of cancer, and besides their mother there are seven brothers and sisters in this family. This brother was the only one who lived far from home. He was 34 and for 15 years had been living with his girlfriend; together they had a son who is now 2 years old. Needless to say, the shock ,anger, denial and a range of emotions all set in, and no two family members reacted the same. For the past several months, the deceased brother's girlfriend and son have been down here for numerous visits. My husband's younger brother and this girlfriend have shocked all the family by starting a relationship, which has set off a new depression among several of the family members.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 28 - February 4, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Mary Tyler Moore Taught Me About Grief, http://bit.ly/2jM07gm « GriefMinisterDotCom

It Was Never About Me (or you), http://bit.ly/2kqOgJd « The Gift of Second

Surviving A Partner’s Homicide, http://bit.ly/2kFRGFn « Grief Healing

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Surviving A Partner’s Homicide

A reader writes: I lost my significant other of 6 years only 4 months ago. We shared 4 children together and life is just not the same. I can't figure out why I am numb, frozen and slowing down. Things have gotten very hard, I truly don't want to express how hard. The pain I feel is crazy but I keep striving to be positive and to also find a new identity in this process. Nothing is the same.

I started a blog dedicated to him in hopes of finding other women (or anyone) who has lost their partner because I feel very alone in my battle. I wanted to express my feelings truthfully and freely amongst individuals in hopes to connect and help heal. I lost Damian to murder so connecting with people who understand that part as well were my hopes. Id like to hear other stories and also have the wisdom of others as well. Hopefully writing to you can help, but I would love for other women to connect and share their stories as well and hear me vent.  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 28 - October 4, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Finding Grief Support That is Right for You, http://j.mp/zCUOOB « Grief Healing Blog

Funeral etiquette: Why some people behave so badly, http://j.mp/1pv8hGx « Detroit Free Press

A child's perspective: Death Is A Very, Very Long Time, But Not Forever, http://j.mp/YUM6SW « GriefMinister.com

Surviving A Child's Homicide

A reader writes: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18. His mother and I were divorced when he was very young. At that time it was heart- breaking, knowing I would only see my son every other weekend. The years went by ever so quickly. Then he reached the tender teenage years and it seemed I lost control. My son was changing for the worst and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His mother and I had lost communication years prior. Those were years of lies and holding back vital information of my son’s dealings. Making a long story short, my son was dealing marijuana. When his life was taken, my life as I once knew it ceased to exist. Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 11 - March 17, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Supporting Grieving Children: National Poll Results, http://j.mp/y78naZ via @HFAhospice
  
  
• 'Battle Fatigue: The War for Peace' - grief in the wake of homicide, http://shar.es/ppxlB via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Great activity to help children with grief: "It's Okay To Have A Dragged-Down-Day!" http://shar.es/ppdkE via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Love this! Friend Grief Lessons from "The Big Chill," http://j.mp/xgKSVa by @Victoria_Noe
  
  
• Beyond Kübler-Ross: Recent developments in understanding of grief and bereavement, http://bit.ly/z0qQFO via @tweet_ACGB

Selected Tweets, March 21-27

From Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week,

On Care Giving and Hospice:

• Stan Goldberg: Prostate Cancer, Research Funding, and Male Vanity http://bit.ly/adNDU8
  
  
• @NHPCO_news: What Health Care Legislation Means for the End-of-Life Community http://bit.ly/9WSzTx
  
  
• CNN: Aging Issues Can be Tougher on Gays http://bit.ly/akZdLh #LGBT
  
  
• @DianaSebzda: Great School Project Teaches Kids how to Companion Dying Patients in Hospice http://tinyurl.com/yft4onb
  
  
• Siblings resolve conflicts to care for aging parents http://bit.ly/aIn8R5

On Spirituality:

• @Selfhealingexpr Prayer Wall: Post Your Concerns, Support Others with Good Thoughts and Prayers http://bit.ly/x6p8m
  
  
• World of Psychology: Research Suggests Spirituality and Prayer Relieve Stress http://bit.ly/dry6tI 

On Understanding, Managing Grief: 

• Mary Zemites: The Healing Power of Forgiveness http://bit.ly/9oKRtY
  
  
• Grief Finds Connection, Healing Online - http://bit.ly/9eaCTi #cnn
  
  
• Steve Harris: Stuffing Emotions Isn’t a Good Grief Strategy http://bit.ly/dpsJla
  
  
• David Fireman: Understanding Anniversary Reactions http://bit.ly/cgqCU7
  
  
• Jeanne Dennis: How We Process Sudden, Traumatic Grief & Loss http://huff.to/atHiUJ
  
  
• @Selfhealingexpr Parental Grief in the Wake of Homicide http://bit.ly/b41pDQ
  
  
• Friends Need Permission to Help & Guidance on How http://bit.ly/bDxGn5
   
• Students of AMF Offers Grief Support for College Kids http://bit.ly/aWAjuG
  
  
• Support Group Helps College Students with Grief, Terminally Ill Loved Ones http://bit.ly/9LuvpA
  
  
• Campus Organization Offers Group Support to Students after Loss of a Loved One http://bit.ly/dmFIxL
  
  
• Grief, Schoolwork Challenging to Balance http://bit.ly/993mzg
  
  
• Kids Who Lose Parents Still Grieve as Adults - CNN.com http://bit.ly/afqmZy
  
  
• Bereaved Teens Answer: What to Say When Asked about Their Loss | Hello Grief http://bit.ly/bfao6z 
   
• Grieving Over Job Loss: Allowed and Necessary http://bit.ly/cJy29M 

On Pet Loss:       

• It's Important to Grieve When a Pet Dies http://bit.ly/dCETOf
  
  
• @Selfhealingexpr Finding Help with Pet Loss http://bit.ly/dsHACH