Grief Healing Discussion Groups: Time to Say Goodbye

Announcing the closing of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, effective January 1, 2025

To all those who visit our Grief Healing Discussion Groups sister site: 

Since May of 2003, our Grief Healing Discussion Groups site has been open to everyone, members and visitors alike ~ advertisement-free and at no cost, 24 hours a day, seven days a week ~ offering reliable information, comfort and support to the bereaved and those who care for them. For 21 years we've been there with one another, day after day, month after month, year after year ~ finding our way together through the loss of someone dearly loved, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion. Visitors have been welcome to browse, and nearly 12,000 registered members have been free to use all the features of the site.

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

There are] two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.  ~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. We had him euthanized when the disease had progressed to the point where, although he still had his dignity and awareness, he was so painfully thin and weak that we knew he was very tired; he had "fought the good fight," and it was time to let him go. 

When Hospice Care Fails to Meet Caregiver's Expectations

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.  ~ Henry Ford

A reader writes: I lost my husband from a cancer. He was a fighter and I stood by him day and night all the way for seven months. I watched him deteriorate to a skeleton and when hospice was called in they did such a horrible job by letting him suffer that I cannot forgive myself for me having to shove pain medicine into his mouth with a little bit of water in a straw. I still hear him asking me what are you doing to me? Are you trying to kill me? and he was in such pain. I hate hospice for letting this happen.

Surviving A Sibling’s Overdose Death

Much like suicide grief, there is a complexity in overdose deaths in that people feel like the death was somehow preventable.  ~ Litsa Williams

A reader writes: My sister died unexpectedly from a drug overdose. She'd been off and on drugs since she was 13, but she was one of those very cool, very intelligent, very functional addicts (did I just call my sister an addict?). She got into some trouble last April and moved to live with other family so she could get clean. And--she DID! She was doing great! Had a great job, was enjoying life, it was all good! We had become close again and talked at least once a week.

In Grief: Staying Present in The Face of Inevitable Loss

Find the latest version of this post here:

Anticipatory Grief: Staying Present When Loss Is Inevitable

A reader writes: My husband has advanced-stage lung cancer, and I have to face the inevitable that he will die soon. It’s been 8 months; we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m sure that it’s normal, but the thoughts that are running through my head are driving me insane. I keep envisioning myself starting relationships with other men. I feel guilty like I’ve already moved on with my life. It’s survival instinct too, because I can’t support my kids on my own and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I love my husband dearly. I want to be focused on the present. How do I do that?  Read on here >>>

Grief Healing Discussion Group Members Ask, How Long Can We Stay?

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.  ~ Brene Brown

Those of us in mourning often wonder how long the pain of grief will last. As I’ve often observed, I think this is like asking how high is up, because the time it takes to process grief simply cannot be measured. Grief has no timeline, and for most of us, we’ll never stop loving and missing the one we have loved and lost. Nor will we ever stop needing the understanding and support of others, even as we worry that our needs might one day exceed their willingness and capacity to help.

Childhood Sexual Abuse, Mom’s Murder Complicate A Daughter’s Grief

[Reviewed and updated July 24, 2022]

If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

A reader writes: My Mom was murdered a year ago. She was poisoned by my father....so not only did I lose my Mom, I lost my father as well... As one could imagine, I am not dealing with reality very well. I have and still am going through counseling on a weekly basis but the pain, rage, and guilt is still very much a part of my daily life.... there have been no arrests by the police... they tell me it is one thing to know he killed her but another thing to prove it..... he fed her fatal doses of anti-freeze over time... she died a very painful death....

Praise for Online Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like a hug from a child.  ~ Phyllis McGinley

A reader writes: I joined your online discussion groups three months after my mother died. I always read the posts from others whose parents had died, but barely responded because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact. 

Does Information on The First Year of Grief Still Apply in The Second Year?

Sometimes too late is just in time.  ~ C.J. Carlyon

A reader writes: I wrote to you a while ago about the loss of my dad in an accident and issues regarding my brother who was unable to save him. I am so grateful for your detailed suggestions and I have taken your advice and have seen positive results with the conversations that have evolved with my brother. I look at the Grief Healing Discussion Groups forum daily and even have my mom reading the posts. They help us both. Sometimes, I would like to write something myself but since my mom reads them, I am afraid that she would know it was me and it would make her feel worse if she knew of all the junk going on in my head.

Pet Loss: A Letter of Thanks

Find an updated version of this post here: 

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. 

In Grief: When Sorrow Is Delayed

[Reviewed and updated May 18, 2025]

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul.  ~ William Shakespeare

A reader writes: Hello I lost my mum 3 yrs ago, she died suddenly of a heart attack at 41 yrs. I was 19 at the time and had suffered the loss of a friend 7 months prior to mum’s death, as well as the separation with the father of my 14 month old son. After mum died my son, younger sister and i had to move 5 times that year until we were granted government housing. After that, life just kept going and so did i. I feel i have a lot of delayed grief which i wish desperately not to keep bottled up. If you could help me out by sending me some helpful info i would be so very grateful.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 1 - July 7, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Artifacts by Mark Liebenow, http://j.mp/2tMwi7t «  Hippocampus Magazine

Saying No to The Fourth of July, http://j.mp/2z5USVW « Modern Loss

Life lesson: Loss and grief; What is my role? http://j.mp/2tYqHtP « Hudson Star Observer

In Grief: Grateful for Grief Healing Discussion Groups

[Reviewed and updated September 8, 2019]

If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.  ~ Meister Eckhart

A reader writes: I joined your online Grief Healing Discussion Groups soon after my mother died, and at the time, I got some responses from folks that really helped me. I barely posted myself because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.

Today, 18 months later, I can honestly say that I feel good.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 20 - August 26, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

“Closure” by Kelly Farley, http://j.mp/2wxsWb5 « Grieving Dads

Grief Healing Discussion Groups is part of Option B's Group Directory and follows its community guidelines, http://j.mp/2w8lNLF « Option B

The Hollow Days, http://j.mp/2wrrmaw «Widower's Grief

Grief Healing Notified of HONcode Certification!

Certificate of Compliance

Updated September 22, 2020

I am pleased to report that both the Grief Healing Blog and the Grief Healing Discussion Groups Web sites continue to be fully compliant with Health on the Net Foundation’s HONcode. We've recently been notified that both sites are HONcode-certified, which entitles us to display the HONcode seal on the sites’ home pages for the following year.

Health On the Net (HON) was founded to encourage the dissemination of quality health information for patients and professionals, and to facilitate access to the latest and most relevant medical data through the use of the Internet. The Health On the Net (HON) Foundation is a non-governmental organization, internationally known for its pioneering work in the field of health information ethics, notably for the establishment of its code of ethical conduct, the HONcode—the oldest and most trusted code for medical and health-related information available on the Internet.

Grief Healing Earns HONcode Certification

I am pleased to report that for the sixth straight year, both the Grief Healing Blog and the Grief Healing Discussion Groups websites have demonstrated full adherence to Health on the Net Foundation’s high HONcode standards. As a result, both sites have earned HONcode certification, which entitles us to continue displaying the HONcode seal on the sites’ home pages through September 2017.

Health On the Net (HON) was founded to encourage the dissemination of quality health information for patients and professionals, and to facilitate access to the latest and most relevant medical data through the use of the Internet. The Health On the Net (HON) Foundation is a non-governmental organization, internationally known for its pioneering work in the field of health information ethics, notably for the establishment of its code of ethical conduct, the HONcode—the oldest and most trusted code for medical and health-related information available on the Internet.

When Hospice Care Fails A Family

Find the latest version of this post here:

When Hospice Care Fails to Meet Caregiver's Expectations

A reader writes: I lost my husband from a cancer. He was a fighter and I stood by him day and night all the way for seven months. I watched him deteriorate to a skeleton and when hospice was called in they did such a horrible job by letting him suffer that I cannot forgive myself for me having to shove pain medicine into his mouth will a little bit of water in a straw. I still hear him asking me what are you doing to me? Are you trying to kill me? and he was in such pain. I hate hospice for letting this happen.

They did nothing for my husband and damaged me inside. I loved my husband for forty years and I did everything in my power to help him and keep him comfortable and then this happened in the end. I am so lonely now without him I want to cry all the time, I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me as we did everyday. Help me I am falling in the cracks of life.

In Grief: Support Groups vs. Individual Counseling

Source

[Reviewed and updated August 24, 2026]

A reader writes: My husband died on a hospice service six weeks ago. I feel very comfortable on your online Grief Healing Discussion Groups site, and have already received great support from the people there. They encourage and inspire me. I'm learning a lot from those who've inhabited this world of grief longer than I have. That's why it would be good to hear your thoughts on the following issue. 

          The forum helps me, but I feel I need additional counseling. I met individually with a grief counselor from the hospice where my husband died and she encouraged me to come to one of their local support group meetings. I went, but hearing the other group members' sad stories made me feel uncomfortable, and even more depressed than I already was.

Anticipating the Death of A Spouse

Find the updated version of this post here:

In Grief: Staying Present in the Face of Inevitable Loss

A reader writes: My husband has advanced-stage lung cancer, and I have to face the inevitable that he will die soon. It’s been 8 months; we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m sure that it’s normal, but the thoughts that are running through my head are driving me insane. I keep envisioning myself starting relationships with other men. I feel guilty like I’ve already moved on with my life. It’s survival instinct too, because I can’t support my kids on my own and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I love my husband dearly. I want to be focused on the present. How do I do that?

New Moderator Joins Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I am delighted to announce the appointment of Mary Friedel-Hunt, MA, LCSW to assist me in administering and moderating our online Grief Healing Discussion Groups, beginning this week. Many have come to know Mary through her loving presence on our site these last three years, ever since she came to us as a new member following the death of her beloved husband Bill on March 27, 2010. As a skilled and accomplished psychotherapist intimately familiar with the challenges of care giving, loss, grief and transition, Mary is uniquely qualified to serve in this capacity, and I am thrilled that she is willing to take on this new role, as henceforth she is officially designated as a Counselor and Administrator on our Discussion Groups site. Please join me in welcoming Mary to her new position.

Below, Mary shares her thoughts: