Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts

Mixing Grief, Medication, and Alcohol: A Dangerous Combination

Heavy use of drugs or alcohol can intensify the experience of grief and depression and impair the bereavement process.
~ J. William Worden

A reader writes: I wonder if I might turn out to become one of those complicated grief people. I have all the risk factors. I'm not usually a drinker or a drug taker -- I've been regularly using alcohol and Serax (oxazepam) since my husband died. The same thing happened after we got his diagnosis a year ago, but when we received some positive news that they might be able to beat the cancer or at least control it - I was able to cut out the oxazepam and reduce drinking to a glass of wine a day. Then he suddenly died - and we were completely unprepared. Even the doctors were surprised.

Grief Healing Discussion Groups: Time to Say Goodbye

Announcing the closing of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, effective January 1, 2025

To all those who visit our Grief Healing Discussion Groups sister site: 

Since May of 2003, our Grief Healing Discussion Groups site has been open to everyone, members and visitors alike ~ advertisement-free and at no cost, 24 hours a day, seven days a week ~ offering reliable information, comfort and support to the bereaved and those who care for them. For 21 years we've been there with one another, day after day, month after month, year after year ~ finding our way together through the loss of someone dearly loved, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion. Visitors have been welcome to browse, and nearly 12,000 registered members have been free to use all the features of the site.

Using Music to Move Through Grief

When you're happy, you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad, you understand the lyrics.  ~ Frank Ocean

People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.

Finding Support in A Grief Group

Exploring the unknown requires tolerating uncertainty.  ~ Brian Greene

A reader writes: I am going to go to my first grief group meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have to admit, I have never been to any kind of support group meeting like this before, and I'm feeing pretty uncertain about it. Any thoughts you'd be willing to share with me?

My response: I applaud your decision to participate in a support group. It takes great courage to acknowledge your need for the support of others, and I respect and admire you for taking this important step in your own healing. Remember too that you are not alone in feeling as you do ~ I'm sure you'll meet others in your group who are just as reluctant to be there as you are. 

In Grief: Mixing Drugs with Alcohol

[Reviewed and updated April 29, 2024]

Heavy use of drugs or alcohol can intensify the experience of grief and depression and impair the bereavement process.  ~ J. William Worden

A reader writes: I wonder if I might turn out to become one of those complicated grief people. I have all the risk factors. I'm not usually a drinker or a drug taker -- I've been regularly using alcohol and Serax (oxazepam) since my husband died. The same thing happened after we got his diagnosis a year ago, but when we received some positive news that they might be able to beat the cancer or at least control it - I was able to cut out the oxazepam and reduce drinking to a glass of wine a day. Then he suddenly died - and we were completely unprepared. Even the doctors were surprised.

Using Music To Help With Grief

Find the latest version of this post here:
Using Music to Move Through Grief

People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.

Coping with Pet Loss, December 13 - December 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Saying Goodbye to Bruce: A Moving Tribute to a Beloved Pet Pug, http://j.mp/22dYJFx « VetStreet

Self-Help Remedies for Healing Grief, http://j.mp/1QvDhrN « Veterinary Wisdom Pet Parents

What to Do Before Euthanizing a Pet, http://j.mp/1T4gUr8 « Gentle Journey

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 22 - November 28, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Inspiring: To the Boy Who Has My Daughter’s Heart, http://j.mp/1XrWsBE « Alive in Memory

Updated: Coping With The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2015, http://j.mp/1YcZLyP « Grief Healing

Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) in Grief

[Reviewed and updated May 1, 2022]

When the Crying Won't Stop, Try Breathing - In this interesting article from Open to Hope, Gloria Arenson, MFT, DCEP, expert in using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), describes a simple technique for lessening the pain of negative emotions in grief -- one that can be used "one or more times a day to calm yourself any time you feel as if your despair is too much to bear."

Guided Imagery expert Belleruth Naparstek offers her opinion about EFT in her response to a reader's question, Does Emotional Freedom Technique Work for PTSD? See also EFT for Combat Veterans and Sue Hannibal's transcript of her EFT session, A One-Session Wonder: EFT Heals Combat Trauma in Sgt. Joshua. (Did you know that EFT is also effective in healing traumatized animals? See Healing Traumatized Animals with EFT.)

In this fascinating video, EFT Master Barbara Smith demonstrates how EFT can help, as she gently guides a bereaved mother in using the tapping technique to relieve the pain and suffering of her daughter's tragic death:



Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here

Additional Resources:
© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH     

Grieving Children and Adolescents: The Role of Internet Support

As part of its effort to explore how children and adolescents can use the Internet as an additional source of information and support for grief, Hospice Foundation of America will offer an online Webinar, Grieving Children and Adolescents: The Role of Internet Support on Tuesday, June 15, 2010, from 1:00 to 2:30 PM Eastern Time.  Panelists Pamela Gabbay and Cendra Lynn will discuss advantages and disadvantages of utilizing the Internet for bereavement support, as well as innovative strategies for using this technology for education, ritual and support in a monitored, safe way. Registration is open to both individuals and to organizations.

For Widows, Widowers and Single Parents

Single Dads Town - Bill McLeod's Web site is designed to support single parents through the often challenging job of raising children without a partner.  Having lost his wife (first to alcohol, then to divorce, and finally to death) Bill is a dedicated father of two children who has turned his challenging experiences of loss and transition into an effort to assist other single dads (and moms) to become successful parents. Bill says he created his Web site for three reasons: to support single parents across the country as they face the challenges, fears and joys of single parenthood; to inspire and motivate parents to be excellent role models for their children; and to provide a source of services, advice and resources to help single parents organize and balance their lives.  The site includes a Blog hosted by a team of "expert" weekly guest bloggers, enabling visitors to hear from other single parents, as well as an e-mail newsletter.  In addition, Bill hosts a weekly radio program on Saturday mornings on CBS Radio, Helping Single Parents Succeed.

Today's Widow   After a great 21-year marriage, Robin Craig lost her 43-year-old husband suddenly and unexpectedly.  Shortly thereafter she heard her own voice telling her that she had to help other widows, and with her blog she aims to do just that. Her various blog entries offer insights "to widows, widowers, those who are married to prepare them for losing a spouse, and singles contemplating marriage. Those who are divorced will benefit, as well, because they too have lost their spouses."  Robin says she is "today's widow surviving in today's world, and I am honored to have the opportunity to share and learn with you as we travel the bumpy road called 'widowhood.' The episodes of life afford a time for growth and an opportunity to reevaluate our position in it. We must ultimately decide if we are on the correct path and alter it if we are not." Four years into her widowhood, today Robin is a successful TV producer with two national daytime Emmys to her credit.  Her message to all, she says, "is to be the very best you can be no matter what life brings."

Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation (SSLF) is an inclusive, non-denominational organization working to provide a national network of support for anyone grieving the loss of someone they love, with a special emphasis on those whose spouse or partner has died.  Its focus is on hope and healing, offering its members the needed tools and resources to rebuild their lives in the aftermath of the death of a loved one.  This special community offers a variety of outstanding, peer-based online programs for those who have suffered the loss of a spouse, partner or significant other, including the following:
  • Widow Match - An on-line based support group that matches widows of similar circumstances for supportive e-mail correspondence. Matches will generally be within ten years of each other in age, will have lost their husbands within six months of each other, and are in the same situation regarding having children.
  • Widow’s Voice Blog - Seven widowed people share their unique view on widowed life -- every day of the week. Visit us for a daily dose of hope and understanding.
  • Grief Chats - This YouTube-based program features short film clips on topics related to losing a loved one. Written and read by SSLF founder and director Michele Neff Hernandez, each real-life story begins with loss and ends with hope. In this clip, the first in the series, Michelle introduces the program:

Resources for Service Members and Their Families

[Reviewed and updated September 9, 2025

The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.  ~ Douglas MacArthur

World War II was the last war fought in which the President asked Congress for a declaration of war. Nevertheless, United States armed forces have been engaged in combat operations ever since, and they are stationed all over the world. According to the Department of Defense, "Our military servicemembers and civilians operate in every time zone and in every climate. More than 450,000 employees are overseas, both afloat and ashore." Never before has our country been engaged in battle for so long a period of time, and never in our history has such a heavy burden been placed on our service members and their families, with no end in sight.

This Emotional Life TV Series and Web Site

This Emotional Life is a fascinating television series that aired last week on PBS, aimed at identifying the key to human happiness. It is hosted by Daniel Todd Gilbert, a social psychology professor at Harvard and author of the best selling book, Stumbling on Happiness. Split into three segments lasting two hours each, the program examines the importance of social connections and human relationships, how they can go right or wrong, and what we can do to make them better.

The first segment (Family, Friends & Lovers) features the stories of several different individuals and families struggling to stay connected, and concludes that, since we humans have a basic need for love and are “wired to connect,” our happiness lies in each other’s hands. The second part (Facing Our Fears) explores negative emotions as impediments to happiness, and shares new discoveries about and effective tools for the management of anger, anxiety and depression. The third installment (Rethinking Happiness) looks at the power of resilience and forgiveness, along with empirically and scientifically based self-help programs such as positive psychology and meditation. The importance of mental as well as physical exercise is emphasized, along with the value of identifying our strengths and building upon them. Finding happiness is a choice, Gilbert concludes, and the most important factor is social connection: maintaining successful relationships with family, friends and other social groups.

In addition to affording us an opportunity to view each of the three segments in their entirety, the PBS Web site, This Emotional Life offers a treasure trove of additional information, resources and access to social support. The Topics section offers in-depth information on any number of mental and emotional health issues, including attachment, bullying, grief and loss, addiction, ADHD, autism, depression, PTSD, forgiveness, humor and more. Perspectives is a collection of videos, interviews, and stories. People & Blogs offers personal stories and expert insight. Resource Finder features recommended resources and promises a national data base of support organizations. The TV series itself, along with an overview of all three episodes, is found on the TV Series tab and can be downloaded for individual viewing at your convenience.  

In addition to all of that, because of the need for urgent help and the potential for deep impact, the project focuses on two special areas of concern: Early Childhood Attachment  and Military Service Members.

As described on its Facebook page (yet another rich source of information as well as interesting viewer commentary),
The impact of the project will also be extended by organizations already working in the area of happiness, fulfillment and mental health and wellness. These partners will assist in developing content and in distributing our materials and resources (online and offline through our toolkits). Leading medical and health sciences organizations from around the country have recognized the potential impact and value of this multi-faceted project and are assisting in developing content and will be taking part in events and distributing materials and resources. Partners include The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), Mayo Clinic, The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Mental Health America, and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, as well as representatives from federal agencies and leading research institutions. Other partnerships at both the national and local level will be added as the campaign continues to grow.

Grief Songs: Music for the Grieving Heart

Image Source
[Reviewed and updated December 11, 2017]

When we are struggling with grief, music is a wonderful tool that can lift us up, take us out of our current mood, and transport us to another time and place.

When we cannot find the words, a particular song may express our thoughts and feelings even better than we are able to do.

With lyrics or without, music can be used as an escape or a respite from our pain, or as a form of relaxation or meditation while we confront our sorrow.

Music helps us to remember the one who died, and it can help to bring a sense of balance, peace and harmony back into our lives, even if only for a moment.

Based on recommendations from members of our own Grief Healing Discussion Groups (see Music That Soothes Me), this article links visitors to a number of beautiful songs whose lyrics have touched them in some meaningful way: Using Music to Help with Grief. Readers are invited to add to our list by posting a comment of their own.

See also Grief Healing's Pinterest board, Music for a Grieving Heart.

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing NewsletterSign up here


Related:
  • Using Music to Help With Grief
  • Alive Inside ~ "a joyous cinematic exploration of music's capacity to reawaken our souls and uncover the deepest parts of our humanity. Filmmaker Michael Rossato-Bennett chronicles the astonishing experiences of individuals around the country who have been revitalized through the simple experience of listening to music."
© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC

Research Report: An Internet Tool to Normalize Grief

Researchers have studied the usefulness of an Internet-based self-help tool, Making Sense of Grief, which they designed to inform, educate and support recently bereaved individuals experiencing normal grief. Results suggest that the intervention had a measurable positive impact on the participants, with no ill effects noted during follow-up interviews. The study points to “the positive potential of the Internet to assist the bereaved in normalizing their grief and enhancing adaptive adjustment to life without the deceased.” [Dominick S, Irvine A, Beauchamp N , Seeley J, Nolen-Hoeksema S, Doka K and Bonanno G. An internet tool to normalize grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying. Vol. 60(1), 71-87, 2009-2010.]