Hospice Care Doesn’t End With Death

Endings matter, not just for the person but, perhaps even more, for the ones left behind.  — Atul Gawande

In his article, Demystifying Hospice Care, medical news and information reporter William Stroh argued that hospice organizations need to do a better job of informing the public about the services they provide. He urged them “to fire up a dialogue with people in their community about hospice care” and to “engage with the community on a regular basis through popular sharing sites such as Facebook and Twitter.”

I couldn’t agree more. Through such efforts, I hope more patients and their families will come to understand that when a life-limiting illness no longer responds to treatment aimed at a cure, they can turn to hospice for the comfort, care, and support they need.

But did you also know that your local hospice organization may be one of your best sources of bereavement information, comfort, and support—both before and after a death?

Grief Healing Discussion Groups: Time to Say Goodbye

Announcing the closing of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, effective January 1, 2025

To all those who visit our Grief Healing Discussion Groups sister site: 

Since May of 2003, our Grief Healing Discussion Groups site has been open to everyone, members and visitors alike ~ advertisement-free and at no cost, 24 hours a day, seven days a week ~ offering reliable information, comfort and support to the bereaved and those who care for them. For 21 years we've been there with one another, day after day, month after month, year after year ~ finding our way together through the loss of someone dearly loved, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion. Visitors have been welcome to browse, and nearly 12,000 registered members have been free to use all the features of the site.

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

There are] two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.  ~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. We had him euthanized when the disease had progressed to the point where, although he still had his dignity and awareness, he was so painfully thin and weak that we knew he was very tired; he had "fought the good fight," and it was time to let him go. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 17 - September 23, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

People bereaved during the first two waves of the Covid pandemic are three times more likely to have prolonged grief disorder (PGD), which can leave them lonely and in intense emotional pain, research from Cardiff and Bristol universities has revealed. The disorder, also known as complicated grief, can result in persistent longing for the deceased, intense emotional pain including guilt and denial, and trouble engaging with friends and planning for the future, all of which goes on for longer than six months. Prolonged grief disorder more common in Covid lockdown bereaved, study finds  « The Guardian

Supporting A Parent in Grief

[Reviewed and updated December 22, 2024]

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

A reader writes - My mom died six months ago after a long battle with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Knowing that she had a terminal illness and that she was in the end stages of this disease, our family agreed to take her off life supports. I thought I had this all figured out, her dying. I thought I was prepared for that day. Boy what a shock to myself. This has been the worst thing that I have been through. I miss my mom so much that I feel physically ill. I don't think you ever really get over it, just need to figure out how to live with it. Now I am very worried about my dad. He has shut down. He drinks too much. He sits on the couch watching TV. He says he has no ambition to do anything. He misses her badly and is very lonely. My adult children do not visit him because they don't know how to handle him. So I call everyday and visit, have him over two or three times a week for supper. I don't know how to help him start living again.

In Grief: Finding Support On A Message Board

A reader writes: I am a university student enrolled in a Theories of Personality course. I am contacting you because you focus on counseling that pertains to grief and loss, and have a message board (of which I could not get beyond 2 posts without reaching for the tissues) as part of your work. I also see that you have been involved with Hospice. I have been on the receiving end of that organization's services a few times and consider the people involved to be damn near angelic. I have no idea whether they realize just how strongly they affect the families that they are involved with.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 28 - December 4, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The number of U.S. deaths from COVID-19 has surpassed 775,000. But left behind are tens of thousands of children — some orphaned entirely — after their parents or a grandparent who cared for them died. How unresolved grief could haunt children who lost a parent or caregiver to COVID « PBS News Hour

Grief Healing Discussion Group Members Ask, How Long Can We Stay?

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.  ~ Brene Brown

Those of us in mourning often wonder how long the pain of grief will last. As I’ve often observed, I think this is like asking how high is up, because the time it takes to process grief simply cannot be measured. Grief has no timeline, and for most of us, we’ll never stop loving and missing the one we have loved and lost. Nor will we ever stop needing the understanding and support of others, even as we worry that our needs might one day exceed their willingness and capacity to help.

In Grief: A Note of Thanks

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that will be enough.  ~ Meister Eckhart

A reader writes: I wanted to thank you for your wonderful website. I still have much to learn about grief and how to deal with it. But I thank you because through this website I have been able to connect with other people. It's nice to know that there is a place like this that I can go to when I need encouragement.  And it feels good to know that I am able to support others during their time of need.  ~ A.

Understanding andManaging Grief, August 22 - August 28, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:  

I’m not a horse whisperer, but I have a new understanding of horses and their internal power. It began with Dr. Jo Anne Grace’s gentle voice inviting me to participate in a two-day equine-assisted grief therapy program. Equine-Assisted Grief Therapy: Healing with Horses at Humble Ranch « Steamboat Magazine

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, June 13 - June 19, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

When compared with every other human group with whom grievers typically interact, animals provided significantly more support than family, friends, colleagues, therapists, social workers, medical staff, spiritual providers and more. Too often with humans, fear gets in the way of love. Animals simply just show up. Social work professor Joanne Cacciatore explores animals’ abilities to help those dealing with grief « ASU News

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss: March 14 - March 20, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Following a stroke, it’s normal for both survivors and those who love them to experience grief.  A stroke may cause many losses, including the loss of career, mobility, independence, and confidence. Grief After Stroke « Psychology Today 

These people, whom I affectionately refer to as “my coding friends,” may not know my name or where I live. But that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly close with some of them. Dealing with Loss in An Online World « The Miami Student

Understanding and Managing Grief: January 24 - January 30, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Toxic positivity is the concept that no matter how difficult a situation, people should maintain a positive outlook. But being positive isn't always the best way forward. It denies people’s emotions. It makes one feel ashamed, and it makes one pile on the guilt, feeling unable to move on.  Toxic Positivity? Say It Ain't so! « Thrive Global 

Understanding & Managing Grief, April 19 - April 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Honored that Grief Healing is named Best Monitored Discussion Group: "They report that their discussion groups are closely monitored and moderated by the owner to ensure quality, safety, and security." The 7 Best Online Grief Support Groups of 2020 « VeryWellMind

The world is grieving an astonishing amount of loss, and most of us are doing it alone. Losing Touch - Struggling with Grief in the Era of Social Distancing « SevenPonds Blog

Does Information on The First Year of Grief Still Apply in The Second Year?

Sometimes too late is just in time.  ~ C.J. Carlyon

A reader writes: I wrote to you a while ago about the loss of my dad in an accident and issues regarding my brother who was unable to save him. I am so grateful for your detailed suggestions and I have taken your advice and have seen positive results with the conversations that have evolved with my brother. I look at the Grief Healing Discussion Groups forum daily and even have my mom reading the posts. They help us both. Sometimes, I would like to write something myself but since my mom reads them, I am afraid that she would know it was me and it would make her feel worse if she knew of all the junk going on in my head.

Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief

[Reviewed and updated October 9, 2023]

Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.  ~ Veronica Roth

A reader writes: My sister told me about you and your wonderful dedication to helping those suffering the loss of a furry companion. I thank you for your dedication and compassion that we can find in very few people with whom we come in contact on a day-to-day basis.  The guilt that I suffer right now, along with an intense sense of loss and sorrow, is not related to euthanasia or questions like, "Why am I feeling this way?"

Pet Loss: A Letter of Thanks

Find an updated version of this post here: 

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. 

In Grief: Grateful for Grief Healing Discussion Groups

[Reviewed and updated September 8, 2019]

If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.  ~ Meister Eckhart

A reader writes: I joined your online Grief Healing Discussion Groups soon after my mother died, and at the time, I got some responses from folks that really helped me. I barely posted myself because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.

Today, 18 months later, I can honestly say that I feel good.

Grief Healing Notified of HONcode Certification!

Certificate of Compliance

Updated September 22, 2020

I am pleased to report that both the Grief Healing Blog and the Grief Healing Discussion Groups Web sites continue to be fully compliant with Health on the Net Foundation’s HONcode. We've recently been notified that both sites are HONcode-certified, which entitles us to display the HONcode seal on the sites’ home pages for the following year.

Health On the Net (HON) was founded to encourage the dissemination of quality health information for patients and professionals, and to facilitate access to the latest and most relevant medical data through the use of the Internet. The Health On the Net (HON) Foundation is a non-governmental organization, internationally known for its pioneering work in the field of health information ethics, notably for the establishment of its code of ethical conduct, the HONcode—the oldest and most trusted code for medical and health-related information available on the Internet.

In Grief: Needing To Tell The Story

[Reviewed and updated July 24, 2022]

A reader writes: I feel like I am losing it. Both my mother and my sister were killed in an auto accident two months ago. I find myself talking about it over and over again, to anyone who will listen. But no matter how many times I tell the story, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it. I am trying to believe that it really did happen, because at this moment in time, I really cannot believe it myself.