In Grief: Rituals of Remembrance for Special Days

Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.  ~ Stephen Levine

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss. Sometimes, out of fear of “letting go,” we may find ourselves holding on to our pain as a way of remembering those we love. Yet letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty, nor does it mean forgetting the people who have died. Letting go means leaving behind the sorrow and pain of grief and choosing to go on—taking with us only those memories and experiences that enhance our ability to grow and expand our capacity for happiness.

Grief Rituals Can Help on Special Days

We’ve barely caught our breath after enduring the holidays of November, December, and January, and now the stores are bursting with hearts, flowers, and candy—celebrating once again the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving. For some, it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us, there is no celebration; there is only the grief that stems from absence and the pain of loss.  Read on here >>>

In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

I have found in the years that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance . . . If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. ~ Bill Jenkins

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I don’t know how to explain my mood to my seven-year-old son. All I would love to do is to go to sleep for those 10 days and wake up afterwards. I know that in this journey I am going to take some steps backwards and believe me the backwards steps are not as severe as in the beginning, but I just can’t stand feeling this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 11 - February 17, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Milestone dates can catch us off guard and bring us to our knees. Preparing ahead of time can bring sweetness and meaning to the day. Create rituals that honor your loved one's life and legacy. Grieving Through Birthdays and Death Days « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief: January 24 - January 30, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Toxic positivity is the concept that no matter how difficult a situation, people should maintain a positive outlook. But being positive isn't always the best way forward. It denies people’s emotions. It makes one feel ashamed, and it makes one pile on the guilt, feeling unable to move on.  Toxic Positivity? Say It Ain't so! « Thrive Global 

In Grief: Re-Visiting Past Losses

[Reviewed and updated November 1, 2022]

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. ~ Søren Kierkegaard

A reader writes: I lost my youngest brother to an unfortunate incident a little over 20 years ago. We were stopped at a rest area and Dave was bitten by a
rattlesnake. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The memories are so painful that I can’t even stand the sight of snakes. If we go to the zoo my children are upset with me because I refuse to go anywhere near the exhibit. But it still is so fresh in my mind. The following year after my
brother’s passing my mother was diagnosed with cancer of her intestines.
In the 1980's there wasn’t a lot that could be done. Within a year she
was gone as well. I know I should be over this by now but it still hurts
very much.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 7 - February 13, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine's Day, http://bit.ly/gZTzkp « Grief Healing

What is the Stress of Grief Doing to Me? http://j.mp/1QcxurQ « GriefMinisterdotcom

The Reality of Growth and Grief: Where the Hell Is My Rainbow? http://j.mp/1Qcx1WI « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 15 - February 21, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Art of Grieving, http://j.mp/1qDNYXP « Peace Through Grief

A Response to the Online Flurry About "Complicated Grief," http://j.mp/1MI2MCv « Personal Growth and Grief Support Center

5 Ideas for Facing Deathiversaries, http://j.mp/1F9Z8eO « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 22 - June 28, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Stephen Colbert: "If you try to ignore [grief], it will be like a wolf at your door." http://fb.me/2XE9gZW2Z « Longreads

8 Reasons We Don’t Help Grievers, http://j.mp/Vu9S7w « GriefMinisterDotCom

Beautiful piece: Do You See the Mystery? http://j.mp/1lsR3v6 « Open to Hope

In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary Date of A Loved One's Death

Find an updated version of this post here: 

In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 30 - July 13, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are You Experiencing Grief, Trauma or Both? http://j.mp/10ThVKf « Open to Hope

Child Loss and The Fear of Forgetting, http://j.mp/158v8yg « Alive in Memory

10 Answers to the questions WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP http://j.mp/158uSiJ « The Grief Toolbox

Lovely! First Wedding After a Death, http://j.mp/11JoHEX « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Special Days: Grief: The Day After and The Day After and The Day After http://j.mp/1392FoT « Stop Thief! Don't Steal My Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 8 - July 14, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Daddy, they took you too soon... http://bit.ly/Nwzswv  | The Grief Toolbox
  
  
• Dealing with The Extra Closet and Drawer Space, http://bit.ly/Mn5VLL | The Grief Toolbox
  
  
• Interesting! Why Steve Jobs' Death Made Millions Of Strangers Grieve, http://onforb.es/LUYOWs
  
  
• Book, A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss by Jerry Sittser: "A treasure in the face of ‪grief‬ and ‪loss‬" ~ Agreed!
  
  
• Good read! Is ‪Grief‬ Causing Me to Lose My ‪Faith‬? http://wp.me/p1l0Zh-7q by @griefminister01

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 6 - May 12, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• On the death of one’s parent, http://j.mp/J3Pbpo by @Bradyesque
  
  
• Outstanding! Leave a Legacy of No Regrets, http://j.mp/J3JesD
• Helping children with loss, http://j.mp/J3sUrO  | SevenPonds Blog
  
  
• Mothers Day is Sunday; what if your mom has already died? http://ow.ly/aNBpz via @HelloGrief
  
  
• Mothers Day Award-Winning Song for All Moms: Story Behind the Song, http://j.mp/M4hqGc
  
  
• Sibling Grief: The Surviving Child, http://j.mp/K2nxok by Kate Carlton
  
  
• Mother's Day Prep: Getting Through This Week, http://j.mp/K2iILL via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Daughter Who Started Mother’s Day, http://j.mp/K2i9S1  via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Siblings Grieve Too - Free webinar on Wednesday, May 16, http://dld.bz/bzx4z via @TCFofUSA
  
  
• Crossing a Bridge: Grief Reflection ~ from wife to widow; from us to me, http://bit.ly/IFybTK by @StoryForHealing
  
  
• Lovely! Mother’s Day Is Different Now, http://j.mp/ITVP1v by @esdeer
  
  
• Stunning: A Long Goodbye, http://j.mp/IIRfiE | Widow's Voice
  
  
• Grief on Special Days, http://j.mp/ICNtbL  | Hospice and Caregiving Blog
  
  
• Lovely: When Mother’s Day Is Hard, http://j.mp/KjSjwO by @DeniseLThompson
  
  
• Choosing NOT to "accept" death of a loved one is ok! http://j.mp/KjR9kU by @GriefScope
  
  
• Voices of Experience: The Labyrinth of Grief, http://j.mp/JaD9ZI
  
  
• Did you know Mother's Day was started by grieving moms? http://j.mp/JaCGqs via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Chocolate Chipped, A Smelly Book about Grief: "A Book I Hope You Never Need," http://j.mp/KAxIXY Review by @SussexMummy
  
  
• A beautiful photo of what courage is, http://ow.ly/aJMOp by @Esdeer
  
  
• What Does Tigger Know about Grief? http://shar.es/2jAjA via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Lovely book review at FriendGrief: "Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake," http://j.mp/KArUO0 by @Victoria_Noe
  
  
• After Husband's Suicide, Joy of Living Eventually Returns, http://j.mp/JW7j1L
  
  
• Death of a Child: The Blessing of a Broken Heart, http://j.mp/JW3J7Z
  

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 4 - December 10, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• In this touching video, a widow eulogizes her "beautifully imperfect" husband, http://j.mp/vCvmdb
  
  
• Grief: Counting the Days, Weeks, Months « Bertram's Blog, j.mp/skCTs7
  
  
• When There Is No Jingle In The Bells - Grief Healing Discussion Groups, http://j.mp/v5OWVE
  
  
• Blogs (and Books) for Bereaved Parents http://j.mp/v577pf
  
  
• Understanding Secondary Losses In Grief - Grief Healing Discussion Groups, http://j.mp/sfnbWR