Supporting A Parent in Grief

[Reviewed and updated December 22, 2024]

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

A reader writes - My mom died six months ago after a long battle with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Knowing that she had a terminal illness and that she was in the end stages of this disease, our family agreed to take her off life supports. I thought I had this all figured out, her dying. I thought I was prepared for that day. Boy what a shock to myself. This has been the worst thing that I have been through. I miss my mom so much that I feel physically ill. I don't think you ever really get over it, just need to figure out how to live with it. Now I am very worried about my dad. He has shut down. He drinks too much. He sits on the couch watching TV. He says he has no ambition to do anything. He misses her badly and is very lonely. My adult children do not visit him because they don't know how to handle him. So I call everyday and visit, have him over two or three times a week for supper. I don't know how to help him start living again.

Pet Loss: Feeling Lost, Broken in Wake of Parents’ Euthanasia Decision

[Reviewed and updated July 19, 2020]

The heart will break, but broken live on.  ~ Lord Byron

A reader writes: My cat Susie was put down today by my parents. I had some reversals in my life and at 42 ended up having to live with my mom and her husband. I arrived with 2 cats and my mother immediately did not like the kitten and decided he needed to be sent to the pound. I ended up trying to kill myself that night for not being able to care for something I loved so much. I got good help and good medications and made it through.

Helping Elderly Parents with Pet Loss

Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.  ~ Agnes Sligh Turnbull

A reader writes: I was referred to your site in my search for grief counseling on the loss of a pet. I am an avid dog lover and was raised in a house with two parents who taught me the quality of being an animal lover. My question is if you might be able to offer some tips for dealing with my parents who recently and suddenly lost their pet dog. They are in their eighties and the dog was a big focus of their lives. Neither one of them is active outside of the home. My mom seems to be able to verbalize her emotions, but my dad is very upset, has stopped eating somewhat and does not want to see any company at all. Any advice as to what I can say?

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 5 - May 11, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Forget the Flowers and Skip the Brunch. I Hate Mother’s Day. http://j.mp/2VrUfAF « Medium

Parents Who Lost A Child Need A Day Like Mother's And Father's Day, http://j.mp/2HnstvB « The Federalist

Writing a Book With My Mom Kept Her Memory Alive, http://j.mp/2Vjl4qO  « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 6 - May 12, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The ever creative and wise @stacylondon has thoughts on repurposing and reinterpreting items left behind by loved ones. Read them and then rock something inherited as your own. Trust us; it’ll feel good. http://bit.ly/2KSUyM0 « Modern Loss

The Milestone Cipher, http://j.mp/2KSlPOH « Bryan C. Taylor

The Silver Lining, http://j.mp/2G3hvZ6 « Second Firsts

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 28 - October 4, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Finding Grief Support That is Right for You, http://j.mp/zCUOOB « Grief Healing Blog

Funeral etiquette: Why some people behave so badly, http://j.mp/1pv8hGx « Detroit Free Press

A child's perspective: Death Is A Very, Very Long Time, But Not Forever, http://j.mp/YUM6SW « GriefMinister.com

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 3 - August 9, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tips for Coping with Traumatic Loss, http://j.mp/1yfjgYD « Open to Hope

Continuing Bonds: A Journal Exercise, http://j.mp/1nBePRY « What's Your Grief?

Review: Coloring Book for Child Coping with Death, http://j.mp/1yddlDs « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 22 - June 28, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Stephen Colbert: "If you try to ignore [grief], it will be like a wolf at your door." http://fb.me/2XE9gZW2Z « Longreads

8 Reasons We Don’t Help Grievers, http://j.mp/Vu9S7w « GriefMinisterDotCom

Beautiful piece: Do You See the Mystery? http://j.mp/1lsR3v6 « Open to Hope

Caregiving and Hospice, April 27 - May 3, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Give your family the gift of making your own decision, http://j.mp/1mlO89C « Caring with Confidence

Terrific! Everything I Need to Know about Twitter I Learned from Hospice, http://j.mp/1iLdIMF « Social in DC

Are you listening, docs? The Health-Care System Is So Broken, It’s Time for Doctors to Strike, http://j.mp/R7nvqm « The Daily Beast

Caregiving and Hospice, June 30 - July 13, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Choosing Wisely: 5 Things Physicians, Patients Should Question, http://j.mp/15DCig6 « AAHPM

5 Tips to Help Aging Parents Retain Their Independence, http://j.mp/15aP9o0 « DailyFinance

Top Mistakes and Misconceptions for Patients with Dementia, http://ow.ly/mOylB « BeClose

What to do if aging parents won't listen or receive help graciously, http://bit.ly/10OQcKC « AARP Bulletin

Nineteen Purple Flairs: How we can respond to public tragedy, http://j.mp/1bvd06u « Hospice of the Valley

Caregiving and Hospice, May 26 - June 1, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On prolonging life in an era of limited resources: Love & Let Die, http://j.mp/11ijQHW « WNYC

Lovely! Amy Goyer's take on the importance of family meals and her 89 yr old Dad saying grace, http://j.mp/11ITaC9 « YouTube

7 Tips to Help Beat Your Aging Parent's Loneliness, http://ow.ly/lzkfy « Forbes

What To Do When Displeased With Our Parent's Care,  http://ow.ly/lzEDh « AgingCare.com

Good tips to avoid family caregiving disputes, http://ow.ly/lxh6q « TimesUnion.com

Caregiving and Hospice, May 5 - May 11, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Asking family members for help in caregiving, http://shar.es/lQjBh « Hernando Today

Mothering a dying child - wise and beautiful essay, http://j.mp/198ADxO « Slate

Video: How to Talk to Parents About Their End-of-Life Wishes, http://j.mp/10djqCn « U.S. News Money

National Nurses Week: The high calling of the hospice nurse, http://j.mp/12gK4tZ « Tryon Daily Bulletin

How to Use a Life Insurance Policy to Pay for Long Term Care, http://buff.ly/13yukTF « AgingCare.com

Caregiving and Hospice, September 9 - September 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Now's the time to ask: How do you want to die? http://j.mp/ONqQV9 

• When Work Makes You Choose,  http://j.mp/O4a2O4 « New York Times

• Caring for dad: when is enough enough? http://j.mp/SkWJnD « Caregiver Stress 

• Animal Assisted Therapy: Outstanding interview re Pet Partners program, http://j.mp/TZUDOf

• An Esssay: Vote YES for Online Communties http://buff.ly/S3QmoJ by @TheBowTieGuy via @IAmAmeerah @natriceR @caregivin

• Lovely! When a hospice nurse's loved one is in hospice, http://ht.ly/dARFA via @AgraceHospice

Caregiving and Hospice, June 24 - June 30, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Supreme Court ruling implications for ‪hospice‬, ‪palliative‬ care, http://bit.ly/MZrEmI
  
  
• We need to join mainstream ‪media‬ in educating public on ‪hospice‬ and ‪palliative‬ care! http://bit.ly/MxpOLH
  
  
• Dogs demonstrate empathy to crying strangers, http://usat.ly/MYTjbc
  
  
• Precious! Pet Peace of Mind: A Little Dog's Heart http://j.mp/MDx5Mx ‪‬
  
  
• Facing Frailty at End of Life, http://j.mp/MW35c9 ‪#eol‬

Two Deposits in Heaven: Making Sense of Child Loss

Find the latest version of this post here:

Faith and Finding Meaning in the Aftermath of Child Loss

A reader writes: I think for me, right now, the worst part of my son’s death is not knowing exactly what happened. He died in a hit-and-run motorcycle accident, and we still don’t know the details or who was responsible for his death. Through the many trials of this life, I've become what others call a very strong person. I'm generally not someone who cries. In my life, my tears have usually been due to overwhelming frustration where I just couldn't take anymore. This is the second one of my children I've buried. Two deposits in Heaven! One of my other sons died many years ago at the age of 3 months from SIDS. I know the grieving process and I also know that this is very hard on the rest of my family. I have three grown children, all of whom still live at home. I felt I needed to find my support elsewhere because I know we all grieve differently. I have a strong belief system, so I know my sons are happy and in Heaven, but I'm still their mom and I miss them both so very much! I feel like I've been in a protective bubble and it is starting to deflate. I know a lot of things about grief but my knowing doesn't always help. The difference between the "head" and "heart" I suppose.  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 8 - April 14, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Maureen Hunter: If This Is You, You're Normal, http://j.mp/HGegr1
  
  
• Grief: Listening To My Anger, http://j.mp/HGdudv
  
  
• Truly amazing story, turning the tragedy of a child's death into a mission of education and hope, http://on.fb.me/Inydzf via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Beautiful poem from Jane Yolen, http://bit.ly/Jdfyo8 via @mbquilts
  
  
• 3 Things to Do When You Are Feeling Low, http://j.mp/IumdPp

Caregiving and Hospice, March 4 - March 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• An RN's perspective on end-of-life in hospitals and what needs to be changed, http://j.mp/wHYrUx
  
  
• What Do Hospice Social Workers Do? http://j.mp/xUKtgF via @HFAHospice
  
  
• Employer Best Practices for Workers with Caregiving Responsibilities, http://1.usa.gov/Au2eh7 via @chooseworkSSA
  
  
• Dr. Ira Byock on Transforming the Way We Die, http://bit.ly/xIjIvS via @RedefineHospice and  @hospicepharmacy
  
  
• Who does what on the hospice care team? http://bit.ly/zV4es4  via @SolariHospice

Caregiving and Hospice, January 1 - January 7, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D.: Tips for Talking to Children About Terminal Illness, http://j.mp/z68RR7
  
  
• Accepting Death As an Inevitability, http://j.mp/wdluU8
  
  
• Should for-profit hospices be banned? Or are they victims of a witch hunt? http://j.mp/A6dpia
  
  
• Hospice of the Valley pets featured in calendar j.mp/xCjC28
  
  
• Guidelines: when hospice and palliative care may be appropriate for CHF, heart disease, http://j.mp/zJ2wIr

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 25 - 31, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• The Power of Grief, http://j.mp/umawDY by @PatBertram
  
  
• Coping with the death of your Mum or Dad, http://bit.ly/sSXPxq by@SueAtkins
  
  
• In the film, The Descendants, George Clooney's character knows how to say goodbye, http://bit.ly/shQOiY by @authordhallman
  
  
• After-Christmas Break: A Lesson from the Animals, http://j.mp/vWxLmN
  
  
• Post-Holiday Blues: Why do I feel SO Sad? http://j.mp/t0DL7A
  
  
• A Christmas Message, from My Heart to Yours, http://j.mp/vihE5t
  
  

Caregiving and Hospice, October 16 - October 22, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Keeping a Wheelchair-bound Loved One Comfortable http://ow.ly/75yP4 MT @CaregiverTweets

• Benefits of palliative care for seriously ill, http://ow.ly/72zwH via @ContinuumHCH @GetPalliative

• Personal stories about people's experience with hospice, http://ow.ly/73Xnq MT @HouHospice

• Jane Gross on the Failings of Medicare - Excellent review, http://ow.ly/74Olk by @geri_doc on @geripalblog 

• Caregiving Dilemma: The Undeserving Parent, nyti.ms/mQrtuO by @nytimeshealth via @emilybarryPR