Remembering the Fallen, Honoring the Grieving

While Thanksgiving is about appreciation for what you got, Memorial Day is so much deeper. It's appreciation for those who died to give you what you got. ~Doug Koktavy

When I think of Memorial Day and what it means to me, I think of how blessed I am to live in this country, where freedom still rings, even though at times we may take some of our freedoms for granted. I think of the fallen soldiers who paid the ultimate price so that we might continue to live free. I also think of the families, friends, and loved ones of the fallen — the unsung heroes struggling to survive in the face of unspeakable loss. I cannot imagine the depth of their pain. I don’t know how to thank them for their sacrifice except to say that I am deeply grateful, and that I promise to remember them, holding each and every one of them in gentle thought and prayer.

In Grief: On Writing Sympathy Thank-You Notes

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life.  Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.  ~ Margaret Cousins

Upon the death of a loved one, it is customary to send written thank you notes as soon as possible, usually within two weeks of receiving a gift. But if ever there is a time when you’re entitled to ignore the rules of etiquette, or a time when immediate thanks is neither expected nor required, it is when you are in mourning. 

Counting Blessings and Giving Thanks

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

When I count the blessings in my life, I find that what I value most are the treasures that are free: my family members and loved ones, my friends, neighbors and colleagues ~ and most certainly my clients, readers and followers ~ fellow travelers in life's journeys, as together we find our way through the challenges of caregiving, loss and grief.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 16 - June 29, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Cody Delistray wanted to get good at grief. After his mother died of melanoma when he was in his early twenties, he found, as he writes in his new book The Grief Cure: Looking for the End of Loss,“There was no control to exert. No blueprint to follow.” So, feeling frustrated and exhausted, he did just what a mourner who’s also a journalist might do — he investigated. Grief is brutal, but there is value in it, experts say. So why do we try to "cure" it? « Salon

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

There are] two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.  ~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. We had him euthanized when the disease had progressed to the point where, although he still had his dignity and awareness, he was so painfully thin and weak that we knew he was very tired; he had "fought the good fight," and it was time to let him go. 

In Grief: Thanksgiving Blessings

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. ~ Meister Eckhart

Throughout this season of gifting and giving thanks, please know that I am deeply grateful for those of you who continue looking to this blog for the information, comfort and support you need and deserve. It is my fondest wish that here you'll find some of what you are seeking. Blessings to you all, and from my heart to yours, thank you! ~ Marty T

This Holiday Season and Beyond: I Wish You Enough

Dear Ones,

This story came to me over the Internet a while ago. I've since learned that it was taken from a piece originally written by Bob Perks, and it is reprinted here with his permission. I hope it touches your heart as it does my own:

Recently, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together [at a regional airport.] 

They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." 

Veterans Day, 2021

The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.  ~ Douglas MacArthur 

The theme for this year's Veterans Day Poster is Honoring All Who Served. Artist Matt Tavares explains, 

In this poster, a Tomb Guard carries out his responsibilities with unwavering dedication, alone on the quiet plaza at dawn. There have been Tomb Guards of all races, genders, religion and creeds, so I wanted to keep the identity of this Tomb Guard ambiguous. By placing the Tomb Guard off to the side I hoped to remind the viewer to look past the sentinel and focus on the tomb itself and the unknown soldiers who died in service to our nation.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 9 - May 15, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My friend died when we were in ninth grade. He had cancer. He was sick over a year and I knew he probably wouldn’t make it, but his death hit me hard. It's important to understand grief is part of loss « Observer-Reporter

In Grief and Caregiving: Finding Inspiration to Go On

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.     
~ Lao Tzu

A reader writes: I lost my dad four months ago. It has been a very difficult time for me. We were very close and our relationship grew even stronger 5 years ago when my mom underwent bypass surgery and suffered complications. As a result she developed what they call infarct dementia. Since my dad (who wasn't in the best of health) could not possibly care for her on his own, my wonderful husband  decided it was time for them to move in with us. I helped my dad nurse my mom back to a state where she could walk again and be in the world again. Although her recovery was miraculous in itself she was never again to be the same mentally. But that was o.k. we were just happy to have her back again. And for me it was a true lesson of how the power of love can get  you through your most difficult times. It certainly restored my faith. It was something that father and daughter did together as a true act of love.

The point of all of this is that my dad's passing left me feeling alone and hopeless. I silently asked myself how can I possibly care for my mom by myself?

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, November 24 - November 30, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

You probably know a child who is grieving, or an adult whose childhood was punctuated by grief. Read this. Six Reasons Why You Should Focus on a Grieving Child, https://j.mp/2R5he17 « Modern Loss

In our culture the holidays, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas, emphasize family and friend togetherness. The absence of a friend or family member becomes more evident. Our sense of loss is more 'in our face' than other times of the year. How Can I Celebrate The Holidays When I Feel So Sad? https://j.mp/2XUgU6F « BK Books

The main thing we think of in mourning is the loss of the individual who’s died . . .  But there’s also a profound loss of SELF involved in mourning. i miss her, and i miss my self, https://j.mp/2KYSxzD « Kay Bruner

Voices of Experience: Bittersweet

Memories, even bittersweet ones, are better than nothing.  ~ Jennifer Armentrout

Jan Warner believes that honoring grief is honoring love. She says she wants her husband's life to matter more than his death, but she also acknowledges that she will always grieve his loss. After nine years of learning to live without him, she still has days when everything falls apart. Nevertheless, she has a letter from her husband telling her how he watches her fall down and then get back up again: "He writes that he loves me and is proud of me for this. I hope I am still making him proud." Here Jan shares some of where she's been in her own grief journey, and what she's discovered along the way:

Veterans Day 2018

Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as best he can, the same cause.
~ Abraham Lincoln

2018 marks the Centennial Commemoration of the end of World War I on November 11, 1918. The theme for the 2018 Veterans Day Poster is: “The War to End All Wars” and features a poppy and barbed wire.

Veterans Day was established by our country to honor the men and women who have worn the uniform of the United States. Unlike Memorial Day (the day we set aside to remember and honor military personnel who died in the service of our country), Veterans Day is intended to thank and honor all those who served honorably in the military, in wartime or peacetime, as well as those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. Veterans Day is our opportunity to thank Veterans and their families for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served ~ not only those who died ~ have sacrificed and done their duty.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 1 - July 7, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Artifacts by Mark Liebenow, http://j.mp/2tMwi7t «  Hippocampus Magazine

Saying No to The Fourth of July, http://j.mp/2z5USVW « Modern Loss

Life lesson: Loss and grief; What is my role? http://j.mp/2tYqHtP « Hudson Star Observer

In Grief: Grateful for Grief Healing Discussion Groups

[Reviewed and updated September 8, 2019]

If the only prayer you say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.  ~ Meister Eckhart

A reader writes: I joined your online Grief Healing Discussion Groups soon after my mother died, and at the time, I got some responses from folks that really helped me. I barely posted myself because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.

Today, 18 months later, I can honestly say that I feel good.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 25 - March 31, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Easter Admission on Gratitude, Grief, and Ambivalence — and How Faith Factors in Consoling Friends, http://j.mp/2Gr9nag « What to Say When Someone Dies

Thanks For The Offer, But I Don't Know What I Need! http://j.mp/2GjaBnK « What's Your Grief?

How to Use Grief Dosing to Get Through the Day, http://j.mp/2DZxPsZ « Grieve Well

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 3 - December 9, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Gratitude Amid Grief, http://j.mp/2BYJfgV « Grieve Well

A Very Brady Christmas (But Way More Complicated), http://j.mp/2BRjcHo « Modern Loss

Feeling Lonely and Isolated in Grief, http://j.mp/2BPgNgq « The Grief Toolbox

Veterans Day 2017

Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Americans across the country celebrate Veterans Day on November 11, a special day to salute the men and women who have bravely served our country in the military.

These fellow Americans ~ and their family members ~ have made profound sacrifices in defense of freedom and they deserve our heartfelt thanks, appreciation and support.

The liberty that we citizens enjoy comes at a price paid by these valiant men and women. May we all make sure we do our part to recognize and support them throughout their lives.

To all our nation’s veterans and their families, a sincere and heartfelt thank you.

From My Heart to Yours: A Thanksgiving Message

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

When I count the blessings in my life, I find that what I value most are the treasures that are free: my family members and loved ones, my friends, neighbors and colleagues ~ and most certainly my fellow travelers in life's journeys, as together we find our way through the challenges of caregiving, loss and grief.

You inspire me daily with your wisdom, courage and determination, and I am humbly grateful for all that I have learned from each and every one of you.

I wish all of you life's dearest blessings, on this Thanksgiving Day and always ♥ 

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT

Caregiving and Hospice, November 2 - November 8, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

5 Signs of Alzheimer's That Sometimes Show Up Before Memory Loss, http://j.mp/1sr6Een « Caring.com

Approaching the Question of Faith or its Absence in End of Life Care, http://j.mp/1wwdGDJ « Barbara Karnes Books, Inc.

With gratitude to nurses everywhere: Big Medicine, http://j.mp/1tWJpNy « Rx for the Soul