When Grief Comes Without Tears

Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.  ~ F. Alexander Magoun 

A reader writes: My only sibling and big brother passed away six months ago. He was 30 years old. I used to be able to cry. I mean, I would cry at work when things got stressful, cry after fighting with friends, or cry when I was frustrated. My brother passes away, and no tears. No tears at the funeral home. No tears at the hospital. No tears at the funeral. And no tears six months later.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 1 - September 30, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Most people expect to feel better after that first year of bereavement, as if they've reached some sort of significant milestone in their grief journey. Unfortunately, this is another of those myths about grief that simply does not hold true. If you assume that grief will ease as the second year begins, you may soon discover that in many ways it seems much harder now than it did before. You may find yourself feeling even worse ~ and that can seem very unsettling. Beyond the First Year: Struggling with New Waves of Grief « Grief Healing

In Grief: Finding Crying Time

Sorrows which find no vent in tears may soon make other organs weep. ~ Sir Henry Maudsley

A reader writes: My sister has been very sick and only recently recovered from a serious illness, thank goodness. Thursday will be three months since my big brother died. And last night I found myself crying—really crying—for the first time. Maybe it’s because I can breathe a little easier now that my sister is more out of the woods. I've always been a caretaker. I've always put everyone I love before myself. I did that for my big brother when he was alive. And I'm doing it for my sister. I couldn't save my big brother, just as I couldn't save our father. I cried for a good couple of hours last night. My husband tried to console me, but either I just wouldn't allow it, or he was doing it wrong. I don't know really. All I know is that my big brother is gone and I'm having a hard time with his loss. He was my big brother and meant the world to me. His passing is hitting me hard.

Making Time and Space for Grief

It is said that Time soothes mourning ~ No, Time makes nothing happen; it merely makes the emotivity of mourning pass. ~ Roland Barthes

A reader writes: The selfishness in me is getting the best of me right now. I know grieving is normal but this takes the cake. I do agree with the idea of putting one foot in front of the other, as I have to do that each and every day. I have 3 kids to live for and take care of. (I love doing that). I can also tell when I step over my own two feet ~ you know the feeling, as if it’s your first day on your new feet, it is a hard day. And not having the choice to stay in bed is hard but I cannot. Not any day! Let me ask this question: Do you think that because we (I) have to go go go every day that it makes it even harder and longer that we take to heal because we have not had the chance to hide and cry and however we do grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 28 - June 3, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When someone you know and love tells you they have been diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like a scary and shocking surprise. How you respond to them can either make them feel worse, which is not the intention, of course, or it can make them feel comforted and supported.  Finding the Right Words: When Someone You Know is Diagnosed with Cancer « Columbia University Irving Medical Center

In Grief: Feeling Numb, Unable to Cry

A reader writes: My only sibling and big brother passed away six months ago, he was 30 years old. I used to be able to cry. I mean I would cry at work when things got stressful, and I would cry after fighting with friends, or cry if I were purely frustrated. My brother passes away and no tears. No tears at the funeral home. No tears at the hospital. No tears at the funeral. And no tears ... six months later. 

I have gotten teary-eyed but all of a sudden have the ability to shut it off. I just feel numb. I always thought that if someone were to die in my family I would go insane and weep like a banshee. My brother dies suddenly and no tears. I do feel really bad and miss him so much, but I think I'm blocking out the fact that he's gone -- but not sure about that. I just find it strange that I won't cry ... I'm thinking that down the road when I'm older I'll end up having a nervous breakdown.  Read on here >>> 

Pet Loss: Amazed At How We Are Grieving

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay 

[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2025]

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.  ~ Albert Schweitzer

A reader writes: Just wanted you to know that your site offered a lot of insight into the grieving process when one loses a pet. My husband and I are in our 50's, with no children, but four cats and a dog. We recently lost our 10-year-old cat, very suddenly, to an unknown condition (perhaps a tumor) but somehow related to diabetes. She was in Intensive Care at a University Vet Hospital for two days but only went downhill to the point where the vets indicated that her prognosis was poor and that she would probably never recover. At this point we chose to euthanize her because she was in such pain and had labored breathing.

Our problem is that my husband and I are rather amazed at how we are grieving over this loss.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 4 - March 9, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 Ways to Treat Yourself With Kindness While Grieving, http://j.mp/2Hozqy3 « What's Your Grief?
‏
How Matthew Broderick's movie "To Dust" explores grief with laughter, http://j.mp/2H4W8f2 « Legacy.com

Life after Caregiving, http://j.mp/2NKCfdG  « AfterTalk Inspirational 3.7.19

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Am I Depressed? http://j.mp/2G5DG5H « Talkspace

My Cat’s Death Broke My Brain, http://j.mp/2G4whDw « Modern Loss

50 Practical Gestures to Help a Grieving Friend, http://bit.ly/2qmUgCq « Hospice and Palliative Care of Greensboro

In Grief: Taking Time to Mourn

Find the latest version of this post here:

Making Time and Space for Grief

A reader writes: The selfishness in me is getting the best of me right now. I know grieving is normal but this takes the cake. I do agree with the idea of putting one foot in front of the other, as I have to do that each and every day. I have 3 kids to live for and take care of. (I love doing that). I can also tell when I step over my own two feet ~ you know the feeling, as if it’s your first day on your new feet, it is a hard day. And not having the choice to stay in bed is hard but I cannot. Not any day! Let me ask this question: Do you think that because we (I) have to go go go every day that it makes it even harder and longer that we take to heal because we have not had the chance to hide and cry and however we do grief?

As to asking Why? and Why Not? Why not the bad people, the ones who do wrong and don't ask for forgiveness? Well one answer that my brother told me was that God does not want bad souls in heaven only angels and my mom is an Angel 100%. I have also been told that we each and everyone one of us is put here on earth to accomplish something and once we do it’s time to go Home so to speak. I realize that people die its natural but why my mom? Her life was hard enough and she suffered for many years on personal things so that this cancer she had was a piece of cake. Mom survived breast cancer years and years before. I know that it is not our choice in the matter. I do want my mom back. I see every time I turn on the TV about a cancer breakthrough yea thanks is all I can say at this time. Please forgive me in my mood writing its just this is the 1st time of losing someone and have no idea how to get through it!!!!!!!!! Its been 3 months and 4 days. Thanks. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 25 - March 31, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Easter Admission on Gratitude, Grief, and Ambivalence — and How Faith Factors in Consoling Friends, http://j.mp/2Gr9nag « What to Say When Someone Dies

Thanks For The Offer, But I Don't Know What I Need! http://j.mp/2GjaBnK « What's Your Grief?

How to Use Grief Dosing to Get Through the Day, http://j.mp/2DZxPsZ « Grieve Well

In Grief: When Tears Won’t Come

A reader writes: My only sibling and big brother passed away six months ago, he was 30 years old. I used to be able to cry. I mean I would cry at work when things got stressful, and I would cry after fighting with friends, or cry if I were purely frustrated. My brother passes away and no tears. No tears at the funeral home. No tears at the hospital. No tears at the funeral. And no tears ... six months later.

I have gotten teary-eyed but all of a sudden have the ability to shut it off. I just feel numb. I always thought that if someone were to die in my family I would go insane and weep like a banshee. My brother dies suddenly and no tears. I do feel really bad and miss him so much, but I think I'm blocking out the fact that he's gone -- but not sure about that. I just find it strange that I won't cry ... I'm thinking that down the road when I'm older I'll end up having a nervous breakdown. Read on here >>>

Facing Another Funeral, Without 'Falling Apart'

[Reviewed and updated September 2, 2025]

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again. ~ English Nursery Rhyme

A reader writes: My brother passed away from colon cancer 18 months ago. I spent the last two weeks of his life with him. It was a horrible, painful death and I don't think he ever came to grips with it, thinking that he would somehow be OK even in his final days. He didn't want people to fawn over him or feel sorry for him, so I was the only person other than his wife that he asked to be there.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 8 - December 21, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Guilt: My Constant Companion, http://j.mp/1fM9aaz « Modern Loss

Friday Favorites: December 20th 2013, http://j.mp/19YaW3N « What's Your Grief?

New Holiday Traditions for Widowers, http://j.mp/1dWXRus « National Widowers' Organization