In Grief: Coping with Deaths "Close Enough to Hurt"

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In Grief: Coping with Traumatic Loss

A reader writes: For the sixth night in a row I can't sleep. Last Monday a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. Her three children were in the car, the nine and eleven year old were perfectly fine, in fact just scratched. Her four year old was severely injured and helicoptered to another hospital. She died the next day. Mother and child were buried together in one casket. She was a friend from the past, but we had parted ways over the years. She still had a close relationship with my sister, and my niece and her eleven year old are close friends. This was not a death I would consider very close to me, although close enough to hurt. Anyway, I've become so paranoid I can't sleep.

Coping with Overwhelming Loss

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Coping with Overwhelming, Traumatic Loss

A reader writes: I have come to the conclusion this year for me is supposed to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off I had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia.

I got him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2-year-old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition.

Every day is a struggle and I am in more pain than I can bear. My heart hurts.

I have 3 amazing boys who need me right now but I can’t manage to be the strong mother I need to be. I am barely making it through this. Some days I don't think I will make it. I know my children and my faith are what is keeping me alive. My boys need me and I know if I were to commit suicide I would never be able to see my beautiful daughter again. These thoughts are what keep me going.

Then this past week the 16-year-old young man who lived next door decided he could not live anymore and hung himself. My boys found him and I had to break the news to his parents and help cut him down. This young man was very close to my family. My boys looked up to him like a big brother. I even looked at him as family. I can't help but be angry with him though. We already had enough difficulties in our lives and now we have to deal with this. I also feel sorry for what could have been going through his mind.

I don't sleep, my kids keep having nightmares. I have developed claustrophobia. I can't stay in a room for too long without it feeling like it is closing in. I can't stop crying. My mind will not shut off. I do not know what to do for myself, my family, or in general.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 19 - July 9, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream:

Coping with grief overload: Sometimes you just have to take a break from the media exposure around national tragedies, http://j.mp/29pM10r « What's Your Grief?

Moving On Versus Healing, http://j.mp/29rGwxL « All The Things

How to Hurt a Suicide Survivor, http://j.mp/29pvsDQ « The Gift of Second

Facing Another Funeral, Without 'Falling Apart'

[Reviewed and updated September 2, 2025]

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again. ~ English Nursery Rhyme

A reader writes: My brother passed away from colon cancer 18 months ago. I spent the last two weeks of his life with him. It was a horrible, painful death and I don't think he ever came to grips with it, thinking that he would somehow be OK even in his final days. He didn't want people to fawn over him or feel sorry for him, so I was the only person other than his wife that he asked to be there.

Coping with Cumulative Losses

[Reviewed and updated September 9, 2025]

A reader writes: I lost my brother to brain cancer five months ago. After the funeral, I headed to my best friend's home (in another state) for our annual visit. Her dad had been in a nursing home for Alzheimer's for the past 7 years. The day that I’d intended to return home was the day that he passed away. So, I stayed for that funeral too. Barely two months later, this same friend’s mother (who for years has been like a second mom to me) suffered complications during surgery and developed a blood infection. I rushed back to my friend’s home and arrived in time to see her mom, although she was in already in a coma. She died two days later. Okay - that's three major deaths within three months. I feel as if I can't breathe. I don't know anyone who this has happened to. Many people have no idea what I'm going through because the deaths of my friend's parents “don't count” for me. People think that I don't have a “right” to grieve these deaths. They aren't my “in-laws” and they aren't technically related to me. Tell that to my broken heart. So, I thought that I would write and see if you could say a few words that might help me.