Anticipating The Death of One’s Parents

After you find out all the things that can go wrong, your life becomes less about living and more about waiting.  ~ Chuck Palahniuk

A reader writes: I have been reading your website and accompanying forums, and it is obvious to me that you are a remarkable bereavement counselor. I hope you don't mind my turning to you with this strange question. 

I am 25 years old and still living with my parents, to whom I am extremely close. While I do have one other close friend, they are by far my best friends. Our lives are heavily intertwined. Recently it has 'hit me' (although I knew this rationally, of course) that they will inevitably die, most likely during my lifetime. Since that moment I have been obsessed with this thought.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 10 - January 16, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

During 63 years of marriage we were a couple and now it was just me, flying solo. What did I need to survive and thrive? Assembling My Grief Survival Kit: What's In Yours? « Open to Hope 

Public misperception is a barrier between patients and palliative care. Based on the true story of a nurse practitioner’s experiences with patients and families facing serious and terminal illnesses, this film depicts the patient-centered interdisciplinary care that so many seriously ill patients need.  Film ‘The Elephant in the Room’ Shines a Light on Palliative Care « Hospice News

Pet Loss: Relinquishment Leads to Unresolved Guilt

Every man is guilty of the good he did not do.  ~ Voltaire

A reader writes: I found your site quite by accident and felt I had to write. I am hurting and I don't know how to heal. I am a 60-year-old widow of seven years. My husband died of brain cancer. We had a good life for 23 years, and I was devastated when he died. Not only because of losing him, but there was no insurance, so I was penniless. I had a little Chihuahua named Pepper whom I loved dearly as well.

She was such a sweetheart and gave me so much comfort.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 3 - January 9, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why processing the death of your mother is critical to your personal growth. How To Find Freedom From Grief « Essence  

There are birth certificates and death certificates. But this one new piece of paper has helped families deal with their grief after the loss of a baby or child. How 'certificates of life' can help parents grieving the loss of a baby « ABC Everyday

In Grief: I Hereby Resolve

Nothing relieves and ventilates the mind like a resolution. ~ John Burroughs

A reader writes: It has been 10 weeks now since my husband died, and I’m noticing that I cannot concentrate on things like I used to. I just daydream so much about him – good things and bad. Also my memory is not so good lately which surprises me. I just write down a to-do list for myself often so that my life won’t completely fall apart. I can’t seem to decide on what to do a lot of the time, and I change my mind so much that I don’t want to promise people anything.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 27 - January 2, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In A Monster Calls, 13-year-old Conor dreams about a monster, but the words he's afraid to say about his dying mother are much scarier. Book Review by Cara Olexa « Seven Ponds 

The lingering pandemic has amplified feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety for countless Pennsylvanians, particularly as family-oriented holidays approach. Coping with Loneliness, Grief During a Holiday Pandemic « Daily American

Voices of Experience: Offering Comfort

But words are things, and a small drop of ink, 
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.  ~ Lord Byron

When Barbara Abercrombie’s husband died, she found the language of condolence, no matter how well intended, often unhelpful and sometimes downright irritating. In her grief, she yearned for words that acknowledged the reality of what it felt like to survive a loved one’s death, and that could unflinchingly speak to the sorrow and loneliness (and sometimes even guilt and anger) that can show up in the mourning process. 

In searching for a book that she could read during her time of grief, Barbara came up short. Every book she looked at was either too clinical or too flowery. So she started collecting selected writings that resonated with her personal experience of mourning, and The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life began to form. Here she shares how she came to write "the book I needed when my husband died."

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 20 - December 26, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Hospice providers nationwide are reassessing how they provide bereavement care due to the need for social distancing during the ongoing pandemic. With few other options, many are turning to telehealth systems to support grieving families. Hospices Redesign Bereavement Care Due to Social Distancing « Hospice News

In Grief: Longing to Feel A Loved One’s Presence After Death

A reader writes: At the age of 47, I have suddenly lost the most significant person in my whole life. He was my first and only true love. I just cannot go on. I will not harm myself but I know my heart needs to find his. I am empty -- lifeless without him -- I sometimes lay my head down and night and want him to come to me and take me with him. I have not felt his presence and crave it every single second of every single day. I have lost many people close to me including my dad but this pain is unbearable. I don't believe I have ever loved this deeply in my life and I have many loved ones around me. The only comfort I crave is to be in his arms again -- so I ache for something that I will never have.

Caregiving, Hospice & Grief, December 13 - December 19, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In this time of Santa we hear the saying “naughty and nice”. Here are four “naughties” that can be turned into “nice”, enhanced experiences common to end of life. Four "Naughties" for End of Life « BK Books 

With employees emotionally drained and residents suffering from loss, many nursing homes and assisted living centers are working with chaplains, social workers and mental health professionals to help residents and staff, and bringing in hospice providers to offer grief counseling, among other strategies. Prayers and Grief Counseling After COVID: Trying to Aid Healing in Long-Term Care « Kaiser Health News