Explaining Dad's Suicide to A Child

If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.  ~ Albert Einstein

A reader writes: My husband committed suicide six weeks ago. He left behind our nine-year-old son and myself. I know exactly why he killed himself. He had suffered years of physical pain, had emotiona If l problems, depression, manic depression and other problems, some of which were attributed to the fact he had no male role model in his youth. His biological father left when he was five. His stepfather showed him no love or support whatsoever and his mother suffered from depression. He had not worked in many years and felt useless. He felt that his manhood was gone and thought the only way out was to overdose. He said in his suicide note that his race was done. He had become very difficult to live with.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 25 - September 7, 2024

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

Best selections from Grief Healing's most recent X feed:   

Children and teens have their unique way of grieving. Loss tends to affect children in different ways than from adults. Depending on their age, experiences, and maturity levels, all children will have a different grief experience from the next. Oftentimes, a child’s grief is overlooked or overshadowed by adults who may be grieving the same loss as in the case of a sibling or a grandparent that has died. 11 Ways to Help a Grieving Child or Teenager « Cake

Dealing with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

There is a light within each of us that need never entirely go out. We can lose the battles, but not the war. We can go on when our minds tell us that there is no point in going on- because something deep inside tells us we can go on. And we do.  ~ A. Powell Davies

A colleague writes: I am wondering if you would send me your best recommendations for dealing with traumatic loss. If you know any activities or rituals that can help a person heal that would be helpful. A coworker is dealing with a traumatic event and has asked for some help. Thanks so much.

Setting Clear Boundaries in Grief

Boundaries in child-parent relationships basically establish that you're an adult with your own rights, choices, preferences and capacities.  ~ JR Thorpe

A reader writes: We lost our dad 5 months ago and my mother-in-law 3 months ago. My mom is constantly complaining that my 2 siblings and I are not doing more for her. I'm feeling very depressed with all the guilt she is putting on me.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 11 - August 24, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed:   

Since he began specializing in grief counseling after becoming a licensed Mental Health Counselor in 2012, Todd Schmenk said the most meaningful response he has ever gotten from a client is for them to cry. “They just cried and then looked at me afterward and said, thanks for showing up,” Schmenk said. When it comes to helping others through grief, especially after losing a loved one, Schmenk said one simply needs to stop trying to fix the other person’s pain. The Key to Grief Is to Feel It « The Valley Breeze

Voices of Experience: Sounding The Alarm for Cats Dying in Clothes Dryers

A danger foreseen is half avoided. ~ Thomas Fuller

Prevent Tragic Accidents: Put Reminder Stickers on Your Washer and Dryer!

This past March, Anne's life changed forever. While working from home, struggling with internet issues during a meeting, she moved to another room and briefly paused and restarted her noisy clothes dryer. Tragically, in that brief moment, her beloved 9-year-old, 7-pound cat sought refuge in the warmth of the machine. Anne didn’t anticipate this, and when she restarted the dryer, her kitty was inside. Her cat perished in what has become Anne's worst nightmare. This is her story.

Transition after Loss: Spending Time in The Neutral Zone

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. ~ Andre Gide 

A reader writes: How do you bring back the "drive"? The desire to improve one's self? The desire to learn something new, or to go with your goal? Since my husband died nearly a year ago, I've lost this drive and it seems hard to get it back. I still want to achieve some goals, yet I can’t seem to find the focus, the desire to go for them unlike before. My mind is willing to try again, but my body is tired. One minute I feel like I'm going to accomplish something, the next I feel too tired.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 28 - August 10, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:  

Remember, early grief is a naturally out-of-control time. And it is this loss of control that often makes people feel like they’re going crazy. I know it doesn’t feel good to be out of control, though. That is because change and unpredictability stress our minds, bodies, and emotions. Any time we encounter something substantially different, we have to assess potential new dangers and figure out new responses. It is difficult, being in new situations—especially those we don’t want to be in. But the more we acknowledge that control is an illusion, the more comfortable we can become with the constant change and unpredictability of life.  You’re Not Crazy – You’re Grieving Pt. 3 « AfterTalk

Widow Asks: Should I Adopt A Second Dog?

I have found that when you are deeply troubled, there are things you get from the silent devoted companionship of a dog that you can get from no other source. ~ Doris Day

A reader writes: I love dogs, and since my husband died, only my beautiful little Cockapoo saves me from living alone. I couldn't survive without her. I know how many dogs in shelters need homes, and one great no‑kill shelter near me may have to shut down for lack of funds. So I've been thinking a lot about adopting a second dog. But I don't know if it's a good time to bring a new pet into my life. I still hurt so much from losing my husband that the thought of opening up my heart again, even to a dog, is scary. And I've been a human companion to many dogs, so I know what to expect: Bringing a new one home would probably mean some bad behavior, an "accident" or two, maybe some chewing and (I hope not) fighting. If these were normal times, no problem. But with the limited control of emotions I have now, I worry that both the dog and I might be too stressed.

Child Loss: Supporting A Sister In Grief

Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heal them.  ~ Leo Tolstoy

A reader writes: My 6 year old niece died suddenly a month ago. She was a completely healthy, strong little girl, until all of a sudden she wasn't. She had been sick for a few days with a low grade fever and a headache. Her parents thought it was just the bug going around. One morning she woke up still complaining of her headache, but asking her parents if she could still go to her cheer competition the upcoming weekend. She was so excited about it. She fell back to sleep. When her father went to wake her an hour or so later, she started seizing. He rushed her to the hospital, where she continued seizing until at one point she stopped breathing and was intubated. She never woke up from that point. Once many tests had been run we were told that she was brain dead and she died from bacterial meningitis.