In Grief: Am I Making Too Much of My Grandpa's Death?

Young people need something stable to hang on to — a culture connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their own future. Most of all, they need what grandparents can give them.  ~ Jay Kesler

A reader writes: I lost my grandpa just a few days after his 82nd birthday and I miss him so much. I went to be with him as often as I could and in the last weeks of his life, though it tormented me to see this dignified man, who I more often saw in suits and nice shoes - and now in only in a diaper. The last days of his life seemed to me characterized by only pain and being out of rightful mind. Whether this was due to the beginnings of Alzheimer's or the morphine, I'm not sure.

Understanding & Managing Grief, August 2 - August 8, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Peter was my husband, my companion, and my very best friend. We shared a home, a bed, and a most wonderful life for 20 years. Unbeknownst to me for all of those years, he was — and is — gay. My Disenfranchised Grief When I Discovered My Husband Is Gay « Seven Ponds Blog

Newly Widowed Grief Counselor Seeks Advice

A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.  ~ Helen Keller

A reader writes: I am a hospice bereavement counselor, and as you can imagine, things have been difficult since the sudden, unexpected death of my husband. I had to close up his business which will be going on for a bit longer. I have one son away at college and a younger son who is still here with me in high school. There are a zillion decesions each day but I try to take it as slowly as I can get away with. 

Caregiving & Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the absence of rituals surrounding the dying — such as visiting the bedside, viewing the body and having a funeral — the picture of the experience has been rapidly transformed.  How Coronavirus Complicates the Grieving Process « Pain Medicine News

Teen Grief: When A Friend Moves Away

Truly great friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.  ~ G. Randolf

A reader writes: I am 14 years old. Can you tell me what the 7 stages of grief are and which one I am going through? I am hurt right now because my friend moved away to Texas. She moved away 2 months ago and I'm still sad. Help me.

My response: You've asked about the so-called "stages of grief." You may be thinking of the stages of dying first described by the famous Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Please know that, wonderful as her work in death and dying was, her "stages" model was never meant to be applied to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, July 19 - July 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Animals give us innumerable gifts during our lives together. Even as we understandably mourn their physical presence, it’s important to understand that the gifts from our animals do not go away at death. Cherishing The Legacies Our Animals Bequeath To Us « Animal Souls Matter

Pet Loss: When A Pet's Routine Surgery Goes Bad

If a cat spoke, it would say things like 'Hey, I don’t see the problem here.'  ~ Roy Blount Jr.

A reader writes: Three months ago, my dear cat passed away from cancer. I became very familiar with your online Loss of A Pet forum. It helped immensely. Now, I need advice.

I adopted two kittens shortly after my cat's death. They are now 20 weeks old -- got them at 9 weeks. Well, I took both of them in to get spayed and neutered. The neutering went fine, but one of my dear kittens is now blind.

Caregiving & Grief, July 12 - July 18, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A fun and boisterously positive adult coloring book for anyone affected by cancer: "F*ck Cancer: A Totally Inappropriate Self-Affirming Adult Coloring Book" by Jen Meyers « Seven Ponds Blog

I've been thinking about what our immediate and most basic needs are in grief. I guess we could call them "basic grief needs." What's Your Most Basic Grief Need? « What's Your Grief?

In Grief: Helping My Partner Mourn His Dad When I'm Still Mourning My Mom

If you want to support others you have to stay upright yourself.  ~ Peter Hoeg

A reader writes: I am at a loss with things right now and I really need some help. My partner's dad is dying and on the advice of his doctor he has been placed in hospice care. My mom passed 4 months ago today and I am still numb from that. I'm still not knowing how to handle my own grief, and now here I am with my partner and his family going thru this themselves.

Helping A Friend with Child Loss

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.  ~ Walter Winchell

A reader writes: My dear, dear friend and her husband recently lost her two young children in a horrific accident. I so wish I could take some of her pain away. But, I just don't know how to help her. I try to spend time with her and her husband, just listening and holding her, but I feel as if there's nothing I can do for her. I mean, it's not like it makes her feel better, my being there. Her loss is just too big. Can you please advise me on how to help her???