Loss and The Grief of Abandonment

There were many ways of breaking a heart. But what really broke the heart was taking away its dream -- whatever that dream might be.  ~ Pearl Buck

A reader writes: I was recently informed that my mother has died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about: how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I met my second husband, etc. I do not fit into those groups. They are grieving such a beautiful memory that I’m afraid I will poison their precious period of grief if they hear my story of abandonment. I didn’t have a mother to maintain kinship ties with an extended family. I had an evil stepfather who was remote and distant and lied to me about why my mom was gone: “She left you.”

In Grief: Doing The Work of Mourning

If I think of the real work of grief as doing whatever I can to keep my heart open, to feel and to face every stitch of both pain and love, without somehow abandoning myself in the process, well – that’s “work” I can get behind. That’s work I understand. ~ Megan Devine

A reader writes: It has been a year and 3 months since my best friend died. I think I've moved thru alot of the intensity of my grief and now what I feel left with is something similar to the wreckage after a train wreck. I feel so afraid...so removed from the person I used to be. I am not myself...my old self. I kinda expected that, but I feel so unmoved by life right now. Nothing seems to thrill me...in fact everything seems to be a struggle to do.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 1 - June 30, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Pet loss can be just as devastating as the loss of a human loved one. Some say it is even worse. Studies like this can help to validate this experience—and shed light on how people cope, grow, and honor their special bond. For anyone who has grieved a pet, you’re not alone. What It’s Like to Lose a Pet: 4 Lessons About How We Grieve « Psychology Today

In Grief: Finding Support That Is Right for You

The human organism knows how to heal itself, once it knows its symptoms are normal.  ~ Gail Sheey, in New Passages

Reaching out to others is often very difficult when we’re struggling with grief, but experience teaches us that the more support and understanding we have around us, the better we will cope.

You may wish that friends, family and co-workers would just “be there” for you without your having to ask, but that’s not likely to happen. It’s not that these people are uncaring; there simply is no way for them to fully understand the significance of your loss and the depth of your pain. Unfortunately your friends, family members and co-workers may not fully understand or appreciate the attachment you have with the one who has died and the pain you may still be feeling weeks and months after the death. What is more, your need to talk about your loss may outlast the willingness of others to listen.

If you find yourself in this position, please know that you have a number of helpful alternatives available to you.

In Grief: Coping with A Stranger's Insensitivity

If you were 12 years old, no one would believe it odd that you would grieve the loss of your mom, so why do we assume it is easier 50 years later?  Those 50 additional years carry even more shared memories.  ~ Kenneth Doka

A reader writes: I am writing because I had a negative interaction with a store clerk about the death of my mother and I am stunned at how sensitive I am to the insensitivity of strangers. I need some kind of reality check.

Bereaved Parent Asks: Can I Offer Grief Counseling in My Home?

One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.  ~ Shannon L. Adler

A reader writes: I have been looking into doing counseling in my home for bereaved parents and sibliings. Do you know if there is a license a person would have to have to start this, or are there other courses to take? I have just finished a psychology and sociology program over the internet. I am a beraeaved parent, and am wanting to help others walk this path in life that we never intended on taking. Can you help me or direct me to another party who can?

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 1 - May 31, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

For someone like Emilie, who has let millions into her life online, there's a false sense of intimacy. Fans feel like they know her. They want to comfort her. But in doing so, some cross a line. When comments shift from your pain to my fear, or my gratitude, they stop being about support and start being about self. And that's where well-meaning turns into harm. The six words no grieving mother wants to hear. « Mamamia

Memorial Day: Honoring Fallen Service Members and Their Families

They fell, but o'er their glorious grave /
Floats free the banner of the cause they died to save.
~ Francis Marion Crawford

Nearly four million men and women have served in the U.S. military over the last fifteen years, and more than half of them are married with children.
 
Originally designated as a day “to cherish tenderly the memory of our heroic dead,” Memorial Day is held on the last Monday of May each year. The holiday offers us a great opportunity to recognize and honor the sacrifice of these dedicated service members and their families.

Parent Loss: Keeping Memories Alive

Be keepers of the memories. If their song is to continue, then we must do the singing. ~ Elaine Stillwell

A reader writes: When I found out that no more could be done for my beautiful dad, I realized how lucky I was that I had no bridges to build with my father. When I needed him he was always there: always letting me know he loved me, guiding but not controlling me, watching but never judging me, holding but never smothering me—not necessarily agreeing with me but always listening, always hearing me. The bridge was always there. I realized that the knowledge of his illness gave us the most precious gift and I embraced it with all my heart: TIME!!

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 6 - April 26, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Grief is already a wild, topsy-turvy rollercoaster, but there’s even more loops and drops when you experience it during a Cambridge term. In my third term of first year a relative, who was an instrumental part in my life, unfortunately passed. I think their passing hit particularly hard for two reasons: one being that we were extremely close, and two because it was the first time someone particularly dear to me had passed, the unfamiliarity of it all making it feel a lot worse . . . Coping with Grief at Cambridge « Varsity