Grief and The Burden of Guilt

Source

[Reviewed and updated December 31, 2023]

Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death. ~ Coco Chanel 

Guilt is a normal response to the perception that we’ve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that we’ve done something wrong. It generates a jumbled mixture of feelings including doubt, shame, inadequacy, insecurity, failure, unworthiness, self judgment and blame, anxiety and fear of punishment.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 23 - December 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Former CEO, now a hospice volunteer, learns the value of living in the present, http://j.mp/TuwaAd from @DailyProgress via @SolariHospice

Helpful resource: Hospice terms defined, http://j.mp/YRArT8 via @SolariHospice

10 Practical Tasks for Those Facing Terminal Illness, http://bit.ly/Vh55PE via @NationalHME

A Caregiver’s Christmas Wish List, http://j.mp/TKWeuc by @AARP via @SrCareCorner

NHPCO's Don Schumacher talks about hospice and advance directives on RadioMD, http://j.mp/UyOk5T

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 23 - December 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Considering grief counseling? Use this check-list to see if it might be right for you, http://bit.ly/Vb2je9 by @suncoasthospice

Helpful New Year's Resolutions for Mourners, http://wp.me/p1l0Zh-cf  by @griefminister01

New grief website to explore: What's Your Grief, http://j.mp/W4rS0A

Why, God? http://j.mp/12F0LzZ

Holiday Break: A Lesson from the Animals, http://j.mp/VcJeZB

Holiday Break: A Lesson from the Animals

Beringer Tousley demonstrates lolling, ca. 2010

A wonderful mid-holiday-season message for all of us:

. . . You are a good person doing the best you can. So, remember that new book under the Christmas tree? Pick it up and start reading. Those music CDs in your stocking? Borrow your daughter’s portable player, close your eyes and listen for a while. Unwrap those bath salts and scented soaps, and claim the tub for a quiet soak.

Humans are the only creatures who are too hard on themselves. Dogs loll. Birds roost. When cats get tired, they sleep; when they’re hungry, they eat.  Mostly, they lie in the sun and yawn. There’s a lesson there.

Next week, we enter the New Year. Life will just keep getting faster and faster as our lives become shorter and shorter. In this brief intermission, as the world waits for the next act, take time to stand still, lie down, nap. You’ve earned it.

— Tad Bartimus, in The Arizona Republic, December 29, 1999

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

Related:

• A Time to Push, A Time to Pause by Elaine Mansfield

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC

A Christmas Message from My Heart to Yours

The tragic events in Newtown CT earlier this month 

have affected all of us, and certainly those of us

already burdened with grief. 

I know that few of us are in the mood 

to celebrate the holidays.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Lovely! Celebrating the Gifts of the Season http://t.co/KzqxWLxz « Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation

When “Knowing” Changes Everything: The value of “mapping” end-of-life pathways, http://j.mp/WxiGEl

Touching! "Doctor makes house calls, brings understanding ways," http://ow.ly/giCwc via @KPNapaSolano

Beautiful! Hospice nurse uses hand portraiture to support families: Loving Hands, http://ow.ly/ghOko « ADVANCE for Nurses

Check out these helpful and informative podcasts on hospice, http://ow.ly/gih52  from @hfahospice and @irabyock

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Help for "complicated" grief, http://ow.ly/gjeeI via @CompEap

Say his name: the #1 tip, and my reality, http://j.mp/100SEhb « Fresh Widow

Great video on Talking to Kids about Death, http://j.mp/THZm6A « The Family Plot Blog

Coping with loss: Hospice suggests steps to help with grieving process, http://j.mp/Tffrkc

From Alan Wolfelt: How to Talk to Kids in Your Life About the Newtown, CT Tragedy, http://j.mp/UaDVx3

Coping with Pet Loss, December 16 - December 22, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is your pet also grieving? http://j.mp/V9FE5s « LOST MY PARTNER Blog

Voices: The Tragedy in Newtown, CT

Harry Proudfoot lost his wife Jane to neuroendocrine tumor cancer (NET) in December, 2010. In the wake of that devastating loss, he decided the most effective way he could move through his grief was to go after with a vengeance the disease that killed his beloved. The result is his foundation, Walking with Jane, which you can read about here. Upon learning of the tragic shooting that took place in Newtown, CT on December 14, 2012, he wrote the following piece, reprinted here with his permission.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Good question: My loved one has dementia, but when is it time for hospice? http://ow.ly/eVgIv

A hospice and palliative care physician counsels a patient on voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, http://ow.ly/1QaM2u via @hospicepharmacy and @abbrody

The time to speak-up with concerns for caregiving in a nursing home is NOW, http://bit.ly/SYDODN via @AARPKY

Doing It All Yourself: When Siblings Don't Pull Their Weight, http://j.mp/Urk35b

Holiday Gift Ideas for Caregivers and Seniors, http://j.mp/QYm5g7 « Soundscape Music Therapy

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

To have when you need them: Grief and Mourning Resources for Gifted Kids, http://j.mp/Z874Nh via @HoagiesGifted

Comfort from MJ: Grief Hope for a Heavy Heart During the Holidays, http://j.mp/12fhGZJ by @HopefulMJ

Blue Christmas: 6 Ways to Navigate the Holidays in Grief, http://j.mp/Y1UPAv by Ashley Davis Bush

Permission to Mourn This Holiday Season, http://j.mp/VTKvcN « Grief Healing Blog

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources http://j.mp/SI6P3r « Grief Healing Blog

Coping with Pet Loss, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Information and support for pet loss, http://j.mp/SO9Q47

Voices of Experience: In My World, Superman

Source

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~ Clarence B. Kelland

The following comes to us from Lisa Rosendahl, in tribute to her father, Marvin Becker, who died on October 26, 2012, the day after celebrating his 63rd wedding anniversary with his wife and family. Lisa writes that following his massive stroke in 2011, "we almost lost Dad several times, but his strength and stubbornness kept him going until his final time, proving that he really is Superman." Marvin is survived by his dear wife Bonnie, eight children, 16 grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, "and so many more family and friends."

Caregiving and Hospice, December 2 - December 8, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Dying with peace and dignity: Engage with Grace movement http://j.mp/VpVdCx from @_lizzy_ via @BostonDotCom

Karen M. Wyatt, MD: What Doctors Need to Learn About Death and Dying, http://j.mp/WMev69

We All Need a Mental Vacation Destination, Caregivers. What’s Yours? http://j.mp/RbjxfX

Are you on Pinterest? You're cordially invited to visit, http://pinterest.com/griefhealing/ « Grief Healing

Can palliative care bridge the gap between cure-based care and hospice? Tell us what you think about Don's quote, http://fb.me/1q6iPMWim

A different way to get ready for the holidays: The Advent Conspiracy, http://j.mp/R0S2FI « Grief Healing Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 2 - December 8, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Dealing with Death During the Holidays: an Interview with Brad Leary, http://j.mp/11X7eFV

Prenatal Loss: The Due Date, http://j.mp/VpWHNa « The Grief Toolbox 

"It's time to move on." Oh,yeah? Says who?  The Luxury of Grief, http://j.mp/UtGisf by @Victoria_Noe « FriendGrief

Amen! Time to bury the 'five stages of grief' myth, http://j.mp/YXW4Rk via @JenMarsh2

Nice ideas: help yourself through the holidays by helping others, http://j.mp/Uho5Ma

Coping with Pet Loss, December 2 - December 8, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are you on Pinterest? You're cordially invited to visit, http://pinterest.com/griefhealing/ « Grief Healing

Grieving is an important part of healing when a loved pet dies, http://j.mp/SH0CYs

Diana Nyad: Euthanasia: A Moment of Grace and Heartache, http://j.mp/SJNHDC

For those who believe in animal reincarnation, http://j.mp/VEwss6 « Grief Healing

Worldwide Candle Lighting Service, 2012

 Candles will glow on Sunday, December 9 when tens of thousands of bereaved parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, and friends around the globe will join together to light remembrance candles to honor the memories of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

Held annually the second Sunday in December, this will be the 16th Worldwide Candle Lighting sponsored by The Compassionate Friends (TCF), the nation’s largest self-help bereavement organization for families that have suffered the tragic loss of a child. TCF has more than 650 chapters in the United States, with sister organizations in at least 30 countries around the globe.

The Advent Conspiracy

For many Western Christians this past Sunday marked the beginning of the season of Advent ~ the four weeks before Christmas, originally intended to be a time of spiritual reflection and preparation before celebrating the nativity of Jesus. 

In recent years, those same four weeks have become a peak shopping period for retailers known as "the Christmas shopping season." For those of us engaged in caregiving, or in the midst of mourning the loss of a loved one, these four weeks can seem like little more than an additional and overwhelming burden. 

Given the state of the world and our struggling economy here at home, many more people may be looking for a different way to get ready for Christmas.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

All you need to know about Living Wills, Making Decisions about Medical Care, http://j.mp/TzMMFb « Hospice of the Valley

The Caregiver Crisis, a TEDMED Great Challenges video, is available for viewing here: http://j.mp/Snkuyq

Common Misconceptions Associated with Hospice and Palliative Care, http://j.mp/QVWrts via @BestBudsRetreat

End of Life Conversation in Midst of Life Part 2: Sit Down, Take Action, http://huff.to/10h6sCO via @ALSAssistiveTec

No One Dies Alone program plays a valuable role in end of life care, http://bit.ly/TuQUJI via @hospicepharmacy

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Beautiful piece by Deirdre Felton on the death of her brother "Brendan," http://j.mp/Uhti8N « Grief Digest

Health Risks of Loneliness (and What to Do), http://j.mp/TjW6Mx « Caring.com

“Man’s Best Counselor” by Kelly Farley, http://j.mp/Togflo « Grieving Dads Project

A Conversation with Marty Tousley, Grief Counselor, http://j.mp/V2fcqB « ElderBranch

Coping with Pet Loss, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The death of a pet is often dismissed, as in "It's Just a Dog. Get Over It,"  http://j.mp/QVTJnT via @rhgerard

Voices of Experience: Sacred Presence, Silent Compassion

Source

by Joyce Marie Sheldon

We have all experienced grief and loss during our journey on this earth. It isn't always about the death of a loved one, but can be the loss of a job, a relationship, financial security, our own health.

There's much written on how to be supportive to others during their time of grief and I contemplate the many good suggestions for being a friend and supporter during times of stress.

For me, however, the greatest gift, often brought by hospice or home care during my husband's illness, was Sacred Presence and Silent Compassion.

Let's talk about Sacred Presence and Silent Compassion as it relates specifically to the caregiver during the illness and subsequent death of a loved one. However, let's remember these simple guidelines can be incorporated into the setting where you are wondering how to show love and support for those suffering other types of loss.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 18 - November 24, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Categorized Technology for Family Caregiving, http://buff.ly/WGuKX5 from @CaregivingCafe via @NFCAcaregivers

Five Principles For Elder Caregiving, http://j.mp/TgGzh1 via @SeniorList

Engage With Grace This Thanksgiving, http://j.mp/UVcGm2

Create your caregiving team with family and friends: Start a Personal, Safe, Free Website for Any Health Event,  http://ow.ly/eZgki « CaringBridge

Often confused with hospice care, the scope of palliative care is broader, http://bit.ly/QusSPJ via @hospicepharmacy

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 18 - November 24, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Strengthen Your Spiritual Link As You Mourn The Death Of Your Loved One, http://j.mp/ShyhIc

New bereavement support standards for palliative care services in Victoria (pdf), http://bit.ly/10m5LIA @LDMatters via @tweet_acgb

Absolutely stunning: The Poetry of Sandy « Art Beat | PBS NewsHour | PBS, http://j.mp/TleffS

Terrific film review: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel  http://j.mp/UjdJzB « The Family Plot Blog

For That, I Am Thankful,  http://j.mp/XDjlbR « Grief Healing Blog

Coping with Pet Loss, November 18 - November 24, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Lean on me: Loving and losing a dog, http://ow.ly/fwsUx via @MySmartPuppy

New England Pet Hospice: But What if I DON'T Feel Thankful? http://j.mp/UMeDAT

How to know when it's time to say goodbye to an animal companion, http://j.mp/QRDDv4

On This Day of Giving Thanks ~

On this Thanksgiving Day ~ and throughout the holiday season, dear readers ~ please know that I am thankful for each and every one of you.  ~ Marty Tousley

Grief Support Groups: What Are the Benefits?

Source

[Reviewed and updated April 18. 2024]

A knowledge that another has felt as we have felt, and seen things not much otherwise than we have seen them, will continue to the end to be one of life’s choicest blessings.
~ Robert Louis Stevenson

A reader writes: Today is exactly two months since my husband died. I have been crying since Sunday, after my son and his fiancé left. I can't seem to find any joy in anything. Two of our children are getting married, I have a new grandchild on the way, there is so much happy stuff going on, and I just want to cry. Maybe I’ve been trying to be brave. Nobody likes a downer, but damn it, I feel like a downer. I just saw an ad in the newspaper for a grief group that’s starting this month, and I really feel I need this. I have never been one to join a group, but this is more then I can deal with. Do these groups really help? There are six sessions, all dealing with different steps. Is it worth trying? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 11 - November 17, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Is Palliative Care? An Interview with Dawn Gross, http://j.mp/T2mA5E « SevenPonds Blog

Helpful! Tips for a Grinchless Holiday Season, http://bit.ly/UIRSUw via @todayscaregiver

Furry friends are powerful allies in getting through tough days of caregiving! http://ow.ly/ewiM4 via @KathrynMurphyCK

Excellent! Act Like You’re Dying to Start Living Well, http://buff.ly/UJmy2b by @LostInYourCare via @CaregivingCafe

Start a Calendar as a Meal Planner, http://buff.ly/UJhNWh Caregiving Tool by @CaringBridge via @CaregivingCafe

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 11 - November 17, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The source of the love we feel is always with us, http://j.mp/TKlmdY

Well said! Am I In Love With Grief? http://j.mp/QP9Ing

Webinar: Helping Children Cope with Their Own Dying or the Death of a Loved One, offered Tuesday, November 20, from 12 noon to 1:30 PM Eastern Time, http://bit.ly/PYYUla by @hfahospice

When You Are Grieving, Thanksgiving Day Feels Painful, http://j.mp/UJemEJ by @HopefulMJ via @selfgrowthnow

Poem "Where is the Angel?" http://j.mp/T0upst by @HopefulMJ

Coping with Pet Loss, November 11 - November 17, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~John Taylor,  http://bit.ly/VZtQV8

If You've Ever Loved a Dog, http://j.mp/TOjjIm by Nancy Calhoun 

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources, 2012

Source

If you find special days (holidays, birthdays, death day anniversaries and the like) to be more than you can bear, please know that you are not alone. Support is available! Many community agencies make an extra effort to provide  programs to help you cope with special days, especially at this challenging time of year. Contact your local hospice, funeral home, or healthcare organization to learn what offerings and services are open to you.

In addition, the Internet is a rich and abundant resource where you can find and read any number of articles, books and tips aimed at helping you discover practical and creative ways to get through these difficult days. What follows is a list of links to many such resources ~ and if you know of any not listed that you'd like to see included, please feel free to add them in the Comments section below.

Veterans Day, 2012 ~ Honoring All Who Served

Our country has established two holidays ~ Veterans Day and Memorial Day ~ to honor the men and women who have worn the uniform of the United States. Unlike Memorial Day (the day we set aside to remember and honor military personnel who died in the service of our country), Veterans Day is intended to thank and honor all those who served honorably in the military, in wartime or peacetime, as well as those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. Veterans Day is intended to thank Veterans and their families for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served ~ not only those who died ~ have sacrificed and done their duty.

In addition to the Veterans Day National Ceremony held each year on November 11 at Arlington National Cemetery at 11 a.m., communities across America plan their own ways to observe the holiday ~ but you need not wait until that day to reach out to veterans and their families.

At AARP's Create the Good site, you'll find dozens of ways to give a lift to military families in your local community.

Joining Forces is another national initiative that encourages all of us to support our military service members and their families with jobs, education, and health-related issues.

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC

Permission to Mourn This Holiday Season

The following is a gift from Harold Ivan Smith, noted writer, teacher, storyteller and grief expert.  It is reprinted here with his permission.  Especially over the holidays, you may wish to copy, paste and print it, fill it in and share it with anyone who needs help in understanding and accepting where you are at this point in your grief journey.

Permission to Mourn

The holder of this certificate,  ________________________________________,

is hereby entitled to publicly acknowledge his or her loss, mourn openly,

to share narratives of the loss, and to recruit social support in his or her own way and time,

without apology or embarrassment during this holiday season.

Tears, memories, silence, uncertainty, and strong emotions are hereby enfranchised.

Please treat this griever with kindness, compassion, and love.

Signed this _____ day of __________, in the year _____.

This certification has no expiration date.
~

Text © by Harold Ivan Smith and reprinted with permission
Illustration © by Kara LC Jones and used with permission

Caregiving and Hospice, November 4 - November 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Keeping Intimacy Alive in caregiving, http://j.mp/SWQDic

• Checklists for all your caregiving needs, http://owl.li/f7EX1 via @AgingWisely

• November is National Hospice and Palliative Care Month, http://bit.ly/Tz3d4V via @JNJComm @JNJVideo

• Wow. New PSAs about caregiving are unsettling, but AARP says that's the point! http://ow.ly/f1XEA via @hwcaregivers

• What Henry Winkler wants you to know about stroke caregiving, http://j.mp/UbFFBp « Caring.com

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 4 - November 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Kids say "It's Okay To Talk About Grief," http://j.mp/Q29vwX video by @BrookesPlace

• Grieving students cope at school with Hospice help, http://ow.ly/2t7uUC via @GriefHelp

• Video promo for Children's Grief Awareness Day. Check it out! http://ow.ly/f9zTR via @NAGCnews

• Animal Friends: Love in the Present Moment, http://j.mp/YYRvEV via @MarianneSoucy

• Interview with Proof Of Heaven's author, Dr. Eben Alexander III, http://www.AfterlifeTV.com by AfterLifeTV's @bobolson

Coping with Pet Loss, November 4 - November 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Meditations for Grief from Loss of a Pet, http://j.mp/RN8Dt7 

• Pet loss support groups offer way for pet lovers to grieve, http://j.mp/VVMusc

• Grief counselor comforts pet owners at Penn's Ryan Veterinary Hospital, http://ow.ly/2t6gN3 via @GriefHelp

Mother Loss and the Grief of Abandonment

Source

[Reviewed and updated April 4, 2022]

There were many ways of breaking a heart. But what really broke the heart was taking away its dream -- whatever that dream might be.  ~ Pearl Buck

A reader writes: I was recently informed that my mother has died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about: how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I met my second husband, etc. I do not fit into those groups. They are grieving such a beautiful memory that I’m afraid I will poison their precious period of grief if they hear my story of abandonment. I didn’t have a mother to maintain kinship ties with an extended family. I had an evil stepfather who was remote and distant and lied to me about why my mom was gone: “She left you.” 
           Where is a group for me? I am mourning (a) my mother's death and my loss of a hope of a reconciliation where she tells me she is sorry, (b) my initial wound / loss that I never faced, and (c) finally facing that for 40 years I walked around with a huge ball of grief that I never admitted. There is no one to help me. I am all alone. There was no funeral, no coffin, no wake, no gravesite. No one came to me. No one sent flowers. 
          Today I bought myself a dozen roses. For the rest of my life, I will buy myself flowers every week, if that is what I need to be nurtured.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 28 - November 3, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• How to Reach Out During National Family Caregivers Month, http://bit.ly/SC0oRX @Caring via @VoiceQuilt
  
  
• Patient with difficulty swallowing pills? Check out these tips, http://j.mp/QbRUTa via @MedStarVNA
  
  
• Comfort. Love. Respect. Hospice Month Proclamation, http://j.mp/PLMH4o « National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization
  
  
• "Not eating at the end of life is a normal part of the dying process.We have forgotten that," http://bit.ly/QYWQHT
  
  
• Beautiful! "We don’t die inhaling…" about leaving this life, http://j.mp/Psamp6 by hospice nurse @AmyGetter

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 28 - November 3, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Free for bereaved families, 8-9 pm EST Wednesday, November 7, 2012 on Handling the Holidays. Register here: http://tinyurl.com/TCFWebinars, from @AliceaMom via @tcfofusa
  
  
• For anyone grieving or helping their kids through grief, http://wp.me/p1Eh1s-RX
  
  
• Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://j.mp/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing Blog
  
  
• Helpful! Daily Requirements for Coping With the Death of a Loved One, http://j.mp/SfAAIK
  
  
• Light Up A Life will be on Sunday, November 18 at Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix AZ, http://j.mp/SskTPi

Coping with Pet Loss, October 28 - November 3, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Study: Overcoming Grief an Important Factor in Future Pet Ownership, http://ow.ly/eJatL via @DrMaryCraig
  
  
• Having a Hospice Mindset for Your Aging Pet, http://ow.ly/eYfmU by @DrMaryCraig


• Lovely! Check out the new Quote Slideshow on Healing Pet Loss, http://j.mp/X6UU4Y by @MarianneSoucy


• Heartwarmer! Pet Peace of Mind: Rehoming the Hopeless: A Cat Named Bruiser, http://j.mp/PmciiV


• Dealing with Grief During Holidays and Anniversaries When You've Lost An Animal Loved One, http://j.mp/T1Fw4Z


• A Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers, http://j.mp/WVDJn6 « Grief Healing Blog

A Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers

It is Hereby Declared that Grieving Animal Lovers have the Right:

To feel the pain of grief when the bonds with our pets are broken. The bonds we have with our companion animals are deep and strong; the pain we feel when those bonds are broken is real and worthy of our grief.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 21 - October 27, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Ira Byock: Physician-Assisted Suicide Is Not Progressive, http://j.mp/Rp96RW « The Atlantic
  
  
• Lovely! How to Shoot a Photo to Remember - http://j.mp/TL0ovz « New York Times
  
  
• Great emotional health resources for hospice and palliative care http://bit.ly/RkpFAa from @VirtualHospice via @HospiceMayCourt
  
  
• Some caregiving tips for those caring for someone with multiple health issues, http://j.mp/SL1xVx via @CarrieSteckl
  
  
• New caregiving links to care, hospice, prescription reminders, Medicare news, http://j.mp/VtbRl3

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 21 - October 27, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Grief and the Holidays: Resources,Tips for Everyone, http://ow.ly/eNpCT via @HRRV
  
  
• On pregnancy, infant loss: STILL Project, http://j.mp/Y3FZ9V « Grieving Dads Project
  
  
• Good read! Grief: What If I Can Hold On and Let Go, http://j.mp/P8Btpg
  
  
• Do Men and Women Grieve Differently? Not Always, j.mp/U541Nw « Grief Toolbox
  
  
• Memory of My Darkest Moment Can Change a Life, j.mp/R282l4

Coping with Pet Loss, October 21 - October 27, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Study:Overcoming Grief an Important Factor in Future Pet Ownership, http://ow.ly/eJatL via @DrMaryCraig
  
  
• Getting a new pet after pet loss, http://bit.ly/Se3Q4V by @MarianneSoucy

The Widowed Pen Pal Program

The following comes to us from Michele Neff Hernandez, founder of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, and I'm delighted to share it here:

The SSLF Widowed Pen Pal program, formerly known as Widow Match, can connect you with a peer with whom you can share the ups and downs of the widowhood journey. You may choose to connect by email, phone, or whatever feels comfortable.

Peer support can be an invaluable resource for widowed people of all ages. You might talk about things other people don't understand, air feelings that are overwhelming, or just discuss what happened during your day. Most of all, you will know that you are not alone. Note: Peer support does not take the place of professional counseling, is not a forum for spiritual guidance, or financial or legal advice. These friendships should not be a burden on either party.

The SSLF Widowed Pen Pal program is the only program like this anywhere, with a track record of outstanding friendships since 2009. The SSLF Widowed Pen Pal program is just one of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation’s innovative and lifesaving programs for widows and widowers.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 14 - October 20, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Helpful resources for all: Family Caregiving 101, http://bit.ly/HnGtNE via @rightathome
  
  
• DeVitto: No One Deserves to Die Alone, http://j.mp/TwyXFY
  
  
• Helpful! Senior Care Terms Explained: Common Senior Care Terms, http://j.mp/Tg2k4Z « Caring.com
  
  
• "With great insight about whether seeing a specialist matters," http://ow.ly/eu34h « GriefHealing via @DeytaLLC
  
  

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 14 - October 20, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Lou LaGrand: Working To Become Resilient When Mourning, http://j.mp/T3a0RV
  
  
• Powerful: widower struggles to go on: "I'm So Tired," http://j.mp/TC0A0C « Widow's Voice
  
  
• Choose to mourn the many losses not typically associated with grief, http://j.mp/Vkr5hS by @judybrizendine
  
  
• In Memory of My Sister on the 5th Anniversary of Her Death, http://j.mp/OPd4F8 by @DrCHibbert via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Helpful and informative! Grieving Online, http://j.mp/R4CLkX

Coping with Pet Loss, October 14 - October 20, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• How hospice for pets comforts owners too, http://j.mp/TgdqXU via @PathwysHealth

• Pets on Pinterest: How images can be healing after pet loss, http://bit.ly/XnceAr
  
  
• What To Do When A Friend Loses A Pet, http://j.mp/QXczq1 « Psychology Today
  
  
• Animal Hospice: What it is and what it's not, http://j.mp/PC53o4

Seeing a Specialist in Grief Counseling: Does It Matter?

Source

A reader writes: I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time and am under the care of a psychiatrist. I went to see my doctor for the first time since my father died and was a complete wreck since I had to re-tell what happened. I was crying because it's hard to talk about Dad's sudden downfall and last day, but my psychiatrist seemed to think that I was being overly emotional. I tried to tell him that I'm not upset every day and that I didn't think that my sadness less than five months after Dad's death was abnormal. I did confess to doing some stupid things immediately after he passed and how hard some things have been, but I walked out of his office feeling like I should be over it. 

Caregiving and Hospice, October 7 - October 13, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• GeriTech: Neat new way for families to find in-home caregivers, http://j.mp/OYOWBc
  
  
• Saturday, October 13 is World Hospice and Palliative Care Day! http://ow.ly/eoCOC
  
  
• Christian Sinclair on Why We Should Get on Twitter, http://j.mp/RTA4Ck « GeriPal
  
  
• 3 Generations Gather for End-of-Life Conversation, http://j.mp/RmwzFj « ABC News
  
  
• For many, hospice eases relationships, http://j.mp/WXhkTQ

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 7 - October 13, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Helping The Grief-Stricken Prepare For Grief Triggers, http://j.mp/SQme4y 
  
  
• Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way, http://j.mp/wRiJJS 
  
  
• Child Loss and "Unsubstantiated Guilt," http://j.mp/OWIg6z
  
  
• Outstanding review of history of the DSM: "Never intended to be a bible," http://j.mp/TfmSVf via @dr_cacciatore
  
  
• Lovely! "Yielding to the Season of Grief," http://j.mp/RbbiOJ « YouTube

Coping with Pet Loss, October 7 - October 13, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Pet, http://bit.ly/xafOeB via @Kidlutions

Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations

[Reviewed and updated April 7, 2024]

At the moment, take heart from those around you who want to care for you and be present for you in your distress. They don't always know how, they don't always do it right, but they try. Sorrow is a matter of taking turns. This year, it's yours. Next year, it might be you setting the table for someone else who feels that they cannot cope. ~ Deidre Felton, in Bereavement Magazine, November/December 2000.

In an earlier post I shared the observation that, no matter how good their intentions, people may find it difficult to know what to say or do when we are struggling with the loss of a beloved family pet. But what happens when we’re anticipating or coping with the death of a person dearly loved?

Caregiving and Hospice, September 30 - October 6, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Palliative care is not the same as hospice, http://ow.ly/earjG via @AHHCNC
  
  
• Hospice of the Valley nurse recognized for work in LGBT community, http://bit.ly/QvbHt6 via @hospicepharmacy
  
  
• Hospice Awareness Campaign launches in Nebraska, http://j.mp/UFPCIl
  
  
• Wisconsin men's end-of-life documentary makes waves, http://j.mp/QsgefO
  
  
• 9 Organizations Every Caregiver Should Know, http://j.mp/UEhSLo « Caring.com

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 30 - October 6, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Grief Watch Monthly Newsletter now available here, http://j.mp/SI4bct by @griefwatch
  
  
• Widowed people review "Go On," new NBC Matthew Perry sitcom about grief, http://j.mp/OakUZy
  
  
• Excellent! Parenting After the Death of a Child, http://ow.ly/ebEmd from @hospicecalgary via @virtualhospice
  
  
• Updated: Grief Bibliography, recommended by the bereaved for the bereaved, http://j.mp/9J8Wa4
  
  
• Child Loss and Guilt: Is it Time to Forgive Yourself? http://j.mp/SCufWh « Grief Digest Magazine

Coping with Pet Loss, September 30 - October 6, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• For person loss or pet loss: beautiful images with quotes for Pinterest boards, http://bit.ly/Qwzwm0 via @MarianneSoucy
  
  
• Uncle writes adorable letter to kids from their dog who died, http://j.mp/Sz8YTK via @editorialmama

Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss

[Reviewed and updated August 22, 2024] 

Our duty is to remember them so their place in our lives is one of beauty, a beauty beyond this world. Our duty is to love them boldly, wildly, with every part of our being, and to carry their spirit into the world. ~ Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

A reader writes: It’s been two weeks since my baby died. I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. She had been extremely active ever since I first started feeling her move, but at around 22 or 23 weeks there were days when she wouldn't move at all. At 26 weeks, when I hadn't felt any movement for two days straight, my doctor ordered a full ultrasound, which showed no movement at all, although there was a heartbeat.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 23 - September 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Empowering article! "[It's] time to educate ourselves about caregiving," http://bit.ly/SIrdFK from @caregivingcafe via @CaregiverSN

• In this outstanding and comprehensive interview, NHPCO's Kathy Brandt discusses everything you ever wanted to know about end of life planning, hospice and palliative care, http://fb.me/1zNPjHQ4u

• Countdown to this year's World Hospice and Palliative Care Day, Saturday, October 13. How are you celebrating? http://j.mp/PN5zfO

• How technology can help you manage Caregiving: Favorite picks, http://bit.ly/Sdzxb9 via @CaregiverSN

• Video on End Of Life Care: The Difficult (And Neglected) Conversation, http://huff.to/SoNmmt via @ALSAssistiveTec

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 23 - September 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Excellent! Thoughts on Grief and Social Media, http://j.mp/SprqfC « GriefConnect Newsletter
  

• A Widow's Story of Hope, Healing and Recovery After Suicide, http://j.mp/VZxXh8 « Grief Toolbox

• Physician's chilling account of teen suicide: Death came in whatever he might be wearing at the time, http://j.mp/QeW7QP

• The Needs of Those Who Grieve, http://j.mp/P99v7X « Maureen Hunter, Esdeer

• Lost someone and can't sleep? Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness http://j.mp/hkoXnZ by @GriefHealing via @PetDecisions

Coping with Pet Loss, September 23 - September 29, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Good advice on explaining an animal's death to kids, http://ow.ly/e0TrW « Parenting Magazine

• Offering Support: What to Say (or Not) to a Grieving Animal Lover, http://j.mp/QzbIuP « Grief Healing Blog

• Not easy: Deciding When a Pet Has Suffered Enough, http://j.mp/Ok36ws « New York Times

Offering Support: What to Say (or Not) to a Grieving Animal Lover

Source

[Reviewed and updated April 7, 2024]

Words can sometimes, in moments of grace, attain the quality of deeds.  ~ Elie Wiesel

Recently I was asked for my thoughts on the importance of language and the words we use to comfort and support another in grief. Specifically this individual wanted to know what I would advise someone to say (or not say) to an animal lover who was anticipating or coping with the loss of a pet.

No matter how good our intentions, we may find it difficult to know what to say or do in these unpleasant circumstances. It’s not that we don’t care or don’t want to help, but oftentimes another person's grief can leave us feeling awkward and uncomfortable, most especially if we’ve had no prior experience with loving and losing a cherished pet. Still, words and actions do matter, and saying or doing nothing at all (for fear of making a mistake) conveys a total lack of caring.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 16 - September 22, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• 5 Benefits of Technology to Share with Seniors and Their Caregivers, http://j.mp/REinsx

• News about our friends at StoryCorps Legacy capturing hospice stories! http://fb.me/1tPInsQNF

• Little-Known Benefit for Aging Veterans, http://j.mp/PqwcqI « New York Times