Using Avoidance or Denial to Cope with Loss

Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 27 - September 2, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

The early, dark days of grief can feel hopeless. Others will hold out the hope of waning pain for you, since that can be hard to imagine. Because we can't change what has happened, hope must focus on the future. Finding Hope in Grief « « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 11 - June 17 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Although it happens to everyone, death is not talked about very often. It remains a taboo topic for many people, surrounded by fear and uncertainty. The way death is portrayed in movies or television isn't always accurate, either. As a result, there are many widespread misconceptions about death and people who are dying. Hospice Nurse Shares 6 Common Misconceptions About Death « Today

Coping with Pet Loss, June 2 - June 8, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Grief Is Traumatic: Harder Than Losing a Human Friend, Study Finds http://j.mp/2QLGdnS « Wide Open Pets

Researchers Reveal That Losing A Dog Can Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One, http://j.mp/2QWmSkh « Power of Positivity

The gifts our dying dog gave to my sons, http://j.mp/2KnBMyI « The Washington Post

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Voices of Experience: Why I Wrote You Are Not Alone

You are not alone. No matter what you endure in this life, you never endure it alone. Those are the four most important words in all of grief support – you are not alone.  ~ Bryan Taylor

Debbie Augenthaler is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City, where she has specialized in trauma, grief, and loss. Her husband, Jim, died suddenly in her arms when she was only 36 years old. He had been healthy and vibrant ~ the doctors compared the probability of his death by heart attack to being struck by lightning. That lightning strike ended her life as she knew it and thus began the “baptism by fire” that brought her to her new future.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 6 - May 12, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The ever creative and wise @stacylondon has thoughts on repurposing and reinterpreting items left behind by loved ones. Read them and then rock something inherited as your own. Trust us; it’ll feel good. http://bit.ly/2KSUyM0 « Modern Loss

The Milestone Cipher, http://j.mp/2KSlPOH « Bryan C. Taylor

The Silver Lining, http://j.mp/2G3hvZ6 « Second Firsts

Recognizing The Vital Role of Hospice Volunteers

[Reviewed and updated April 18, 2026]

Volunteers don't get paid, not because they're worthless, but because they're priceless. ~ Sherry Anderson

As noted in Healing through the Gift of Volunteering, at some point in the course of your own grief journey you may find yourself thinking about becoming a hospice volunteer.  The agency with which I was affiliated for 17 years, Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix, AZ, was founded by volunteers, and to this day, volunteers at Hospice of the Valley are considered vital members of the team, supporting dying patients and their families and offering respite care.  As part of HOV's Bereavement Services, they assist staff members with office tasks, special projects, sending condolence cards and preparing bulk mailings.  Through periodic telephone calls over a 13-month period following the death, volunteers offer compassion, understanding and support, as well as referral to appropriate resources, to bereaved individuals whose family members were Hospice of the Valley patients.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 4 - June 10, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It's hard to articulate grief after a suicide – but we still need support, http://bit.ly/2s4W9rh  « The Guardian

Powerful: The Gifts We Give, The Gifts We Are, http://bit.ly/2s4ZmqB « On Being

Finding the Strength You Need, http://bit.ly/2r18Obr « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 12 - February 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

New Book: There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love, http://n.pr/2kJMZsU « NPR

You Can Find Love Again, http://bit.ly/2loepIz « Star Letters

Blessings of Grief, http://bit.ly/2lWRYHu « Widower's Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healing Takes A Lifetime, http://j.mp/1DgR5B8 « The Grief Toolbox

Beautiful: She became a hospice nurse because of this story, http://j.mp/1KFhxnR « Kevin MD

Observing A Deceased Loved One's Birthday, http://j.mp/1I64F9c « What's Your Grief?

Caregiving and Hospice, December 14 - December 20, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Outstanding interview with author Stan Goldberg on his newest book, "I Have Cancer," aimed at caregivers http://j.mp/1sL1Kcs « YouTube

Midwives for the Dying, http://j.mp/JVeGfZ « The Atlantic

Palliative Care: It’s About Easing Suffering, http://j.mp/16zsuIz « U.S.News and World Report

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 28 - October 4, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Finding Grief Support That is Right for You, http://j.mp/zCUOOB « Grief Healing Blog

Funeral etiquette: Why some people behave so badly, http://j.mp/1pv8hGx « Detroit Free Press

A child's perspective: Death Is A Very, Very Long Time, But Not Forever, http://j.mp/YUM6SW « GriefMinister.com

Caregiving and Hospice, July 6 - July 12, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Amen! 'Let’s not lose sight of the gifts of hospice,' http://j.mp/TZqvGH « The Daily Journal

Brilliant! Not So ‘Crazy,’ After All, http://j.mp/1sI0PL3 « Modern Loss

The Death Doula, http://j.mp/1kaBhAV « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 29 - January 4, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Who are you? The Self after Loss, http://j.mp/19HN7D0 « It's OK to Die

Online resources for those who have lost pregnancies, http://j.mp/1iCRwtF « Reconceiving Loss

Friday Favorites: Grief Articles from this Week, http://j.mp/1i2IWkS « What's Your Grief?

Caregiving and Hospice, October 13 - October 19, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

How To Visit a Friend or Acquaintance With Dementia, http://j.mp/GVu5vb « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Whoopi Knows About LBD. Do You? http://j.mp/1aw5mVI « Lewy Body Dementia Association

Important! When palliative care is no longer enough service, http://j.mp/19QtdAU « Caring with Confidence

Caregiving and Hospice, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Good question: My loved one has dementia, but when is it time for hospice? http://ow.ly/eVgIv

A hospice and palliative care physician counsels a patient on voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, http://ow.ly/1QaM2u via @hospicepharmacy and @abbrody

The time to speak-up with concerns for caregiving in a nursing home is NOW, http://bit.ly/SYDODN via @AARPKY

Doing It All Yourself: When Siblings Don't Pull Their Weight, http://j.mp/Urk35b

Holiday Gift Ideas for Caregivers and Seniors, http://j.mp/QYm5g7 « Soundscape Music Therapy

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 9 - December 15, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

To have when you need them: Grief and Mourning Resources for Gifted Kids, http://j.mp/Z874Nh via @HoagiesGifted

Comfort from MJ: Grief Hope for a Heavy Heart During the Holidays, http://j.mp/12fhGZJ by @HopefulMJ

Blue Christmas: 6 Ways to Navigate the Holidays in Grief, http://j.mp/Y1UPAv by Ashley Davis Bush

Permission to Mourn This Holiday Season, http://j.mp/VTKvcN « Grief Healing Blog

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources http://j.mp/SI6P3r « Grief Healing Blog

Caregiving and Hospice, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

All you need to know about Living Wills, Making Decisions about Medical Care, http://j.mp/TzMMFb « Hospice of the Valley

The Caregiver Crisis, a TEDMED Great Challenges video, is available for viewing here: http://j.mp/Snkuyq

Common Misconceptions Associated with Hospice and Palliative Care, http://j.mp/QVWrts via @BestBudsRetreat

End of Life Conversation in Midst of Life Part 2: Sit Down, Take Action, http://huff.to/10h6sCO via @ALSAssistiveTec

No One Dies Alone program plays a valuable role in end of life care, http://bit.ly/TuQUJI via @hospicepharmacy

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 12 - August 18, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Terrific expert information on Traumatic Loss! http://j.mp/S4XEMm  « SevenPonds Blog
  
  
• Send a sympathy gift of food anywhere in the continental US from The TLC Kitchen, http://bit.ly/NMV2Sr via @TheTLCkitchen
  
  
• Getting Out From The Cloak of Grief, http://j.mp/NK0Ie0 
  
  
• Carole Brody Fleet: 15 Things You Should Never Say To The Bereaved, http://j.mp/OFWKGY
  
  
• Wonderful! Radio interview with author of Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise (Christian perspective), http://j.mp/N7KDmc via @griefminister01

Remembering My Mom on Mother's Day

My mother and me, circa 1949

There's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins. ~ Mitch Albom

On this Mother's Day I wish to pay tribute to my own mother, Evelyn Cecilia Merritt, by remembering her and sharing with you the special person she was.

Born on March 27, 1916, she exchanged her earthly address for a heavenly one on October 6, 1993, at the age of 77.

Because she was there from my beginning, she is a significant part of who I have become, and I am grateful for all the gifts she gave to me.