When my husband of forty years died in 2012, I searched for whatever I could find that might help me with my grief. In 2013 I was introduced to the idea of mindfulness coloring for adults, in the form of Johanna Basford's beautiful coloring book, Secret Garden. I've since found this method of coloring to be a wonderful help in calming me and giving me something relaxing to do ~ especially since I live alone.
Grief, the experts tell us, is not an emotion, like sadness, but a process by which we come to terms with loss. Seen through that lens, in different ways and for different reasons, we are all grieving right now. Face to Face: Grief in the Time of COVID « UMB News
My response: You’ve asked a very important question, my dear. At various points in my own life, I’ve found myself asking much the same question, which I suppose is what calls me to keep searching for answers (not unlike yourself).
It’s no wonder so many people fail to complete grief counseling sessions that are staged over a period of several weeks, with many attendees opting to bail out of such programs after just a week or two. Why? I believe one of the reasons is because too many of the programs fail to provide a real roadmap to the healing grievers seek. Grief Recovery Programs Need to Include Action Plans « Open to Hope
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ Lao Tzu
A reader writes: I lost my dad four months ago. It has been a very difficult time for me. We were very close and our relationship grew even stronger 5 years ago when my mom underwent bypass surgery and suffered complications. As a result she developed what they call infarct dementia. Since my dad (who wasn't in the best of health) could not possibly care for her on his own, my wonderful husband decided it was time for them to move in with us. I helped my dad nurse my mom back to a state where she could walk again and be in the world again. Although her recovery was miraculous in itself she was never again to be the same mentally. But that was o.k. we were just happy to have her back again. And for me it was a true lesson of how the power of love can get you through your most difficult times. It certainly restored my faith. It was something that father and daughter did together as a true act of love.
The point of all of this is that my dad's passing left me feeling alone and hopeless. I silently asked myself how can I possibly care for my mom by myself?
If we know someone who has lost a loved one – and especially if they were not able to have a funeral or a memorial for that person as a result of COVID-19 – we need to reach out to them, let them know we are thinking about them, and be present for them during their pain and loss. Op-Ed: After Death, Grief Shared Is Grief Diminished « MedPage Today
A reader writes: I am going to go to my first grief group meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have to admit, I have never been to any kind of support group meeting like this before, and I'm feeing pretty uncertain about it. Any thoughts you'd be willing to share with me?
My response: I applaud your decision to participate in a support group. It takes great courage to acknowledge your need for the support of others, and I respect and admire you for taking this important step in your own healing. Remember too that you are not alone in feeling as you do ~ I'm sure you'll meet others in your group who are just as reluctant to be there as you are.
Humans by nature are social beings, and mourning is an interpersonal process. When death touches someone we love, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion, we naturally feel a need to be with others who understand because their experiences are similar to our own, and we feel a need to tell our stories of loss.
Unfortunately, because we still live in a death-denying culture, most of us have grown up with little if any exposure to death and dying. Until hospice programs offered an alternative, most people died in hospitals and nursing homes, and their remains were whisked off to funeral homes ~ it all took place somewhere other than at home. We've had little experience and training in how to manage grief. We don't live in tribes, villages or small towns anymore (where everyone knew everyone else and we knew what was going on in one another's lives), and unless we live near extended family, we don't have people around us who know enough about us to be with us in our losses. When someone close to us dies, the people we might encounter every day (at work, at the cleaners, the grocery store, the post office, etc.) know little or nothing about us and our losses, or what the deceased pet or person meant to us ~ so they don't know what we need or how to respond to us. And during the year-long COVID-19 pandemic, we may have been isolated and prevented from being with a loved one when they died, or unable to mourn a death in person with supportive family and friends.
My suffering feels irrelevant at times; so many other people around the entire world are experiencing the same struggles, or even worse struggles than my own. With that being said, we need to acknowledge the sheer magnitude of what we’ve been through. A Grief Unobserved « The University News
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