Teen Grief: When A Friend Moves Away

[Reviewed and updated July 3, 2021]

Truly great friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.  ~ G. Randolf

A reader writes: I am 14 years old. Can you tell me what the 7 stages of grief are and which one I am going through? I am hurt right now because my friend moved away to Texas. She moved away 2 months ago and I'm still sad. Help me.

My response: You've asked about the so-called "stages of grief." You may be thinking of the stages of dying first described by the famous Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Please know that, wonderful as her work in death and dying was, her "stages" model was never meant to be applied to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, July 19 - July 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Animals give us innumerable gifts during our lives together. Even as we understandably mourn their physical presence, it’s important to understand that the gifts from our animals do not go away at death. Cherishing The Legacies Our Animals Bequeath To Us « Animal Souls Matter

Pet Loss: When A Pet's Routine Surgery Goes Bad

[Reviewed and updated December 11, 2021]

If a cat spoke, it would say things like 'Hey, I don’t see the problem here.'  ~ Roy Blount Jr.

A reader writes: Three months ago, my dear cat passed away from cancer. I became very familiar with your online Loss of A Pet forum. It helped immensely. Now, I need advice.

I adopted two kittens shortly after my cat's death. They are now 20 weeks old -- got them at 9 weeks. Well, I took both of them in to get spayed and neutered. The neutering went fine, but one of my dear kittens is now blind.

Caregiving & Grief, July 12 - July 18, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A fun and boisterously positive adult coloring book for anyone affected by cancer: "F*ck Cancer: A Totally Inappropriate Self-Affirming Adult Coloring Book" by Jen Meyers « Seven Ponds Blog

I've been thinking about what our immediate and most basic needs are in grief. I guess we could call them "basic grief needs." What's Your Most Basic Grief Need? « What's Your Grief?

In Grief: Helping My Partner Mourn His Dad When I'm Still Mourning My Mom

Find the latest version of this post here:

In Grief: When Partners Are Mourning Separate Losses

A reader writes: I am at a loss with things right now and I really need some help. My partner's dad is dying and on the advice of his doctor he has been placed in hospice care. My mom passed 4 months ago today and I am still numb from that. I'm still not knowing how to handle my own grief, and now here I am with my partner and his family going thru this themselves.

Although they have dealt with passings a few times before, they are really upset. I also know that every passing is different and the feelings are different too. I am at a loss on how to handle this and how to help. I hate to see people hurting and in pain, but I am also in pain and very confused on how to handle it. On where and what to do. I am not in the family, only on the sidelines. 

I had a bad experience with hospice with my mother, so now with this hospice in my own mind I am questioning their motives and everything they do. I keep it to myself, as I would never hurt the family with my feelings. I guess my question to you is how do I handle all of this, and where is my spot so I do not over-step my boundaries? I will be there for them all the way, but what if I have a moment because my own grief is so fresh? Am I being selfish for even thinking that I have my mom in my head also? I went to the hospice house last night and kept myself together until I was alone in my van and they could not see me. I went home and my partner came over and we ate dinner. When he went in my room and went to bed I went out on the couch, watched TV and feel asleep. We did not really speak but that is ok as we both were tired and stressed and drained. 

I am at a loss for words again. I had just started to find myself remembering my mom in ways other than when she was in the hospital until she left me. I am now right back to thinking again about how she passed. I feel so alone with nobody to turn to. I keep everything bottled up inside and I feel as if any time now I am going to burst and that will be it. I have tried talking to a pro but it did nothing for me at all. It made me so much madder I was seeing red. I was made to feel as if I was an inconvenience.

Helping A Friend with Child Loss

[Reviewed and updated September 10, 2023]

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.  ~ Walter Winchell

A reader writes: My dear, dear friend and her husband recently lost her two young children in a horrific accident. I so wish I could take some of her pain away. But, I just don't know how to help her. I try to spend time with her and her husband, just listening and holding her, but I feel as if there's nothing I can do for her. I mean, it's not like it makes her feel better, my being there. Her loss is just too big. Can you please advise me on how to help her???

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 28 - July 4, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If you can’t mourn the death of a loved one the way you want to right now, these grief counselors still have tips for getting through it. How to Cope With Grief During the COVID-19 Pandemic « Allure