When A Grieving Friend Refuses Offers of Support

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.  ~ Seneca

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 29 - October 5, 2024

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month  

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

In these turbulent times, families have suffered devastating losses of loved ones, from the anguish of COVID-related deaths to gun violence, drug overdose, suicide, environmental disasters, and war. More attention is urgently needed in marriage and family therapy training and practice to help the bereaved heal and forge pathways to live and love fully beyond loss. Loss, Grief, and Resilience « Psychology Today

Grief After Suicide Loss: Supporting A Friend

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.  ~ Helen Keller

A reader writes: Six months ago I learned that a dear friend’s husband died by suicide. He was found hanging in their garage. As horrible as that was, I’ve just been told that yesterday their 17-year-old son took his own life too, and in the very same way. We are all in a state of shock. I don’t know what I can do to help her. I don’t even know where to begin. Would you have any suggestions or words of wisdom for me?

Helping A Friend with Child Loss

[Reviewed and updated September 10, 2023]

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.  ~ Walter Winchell

A reader writes: My dear, dear friend and her husband recently lost her two young children in a horrific accident. I so wish I could take some of her pain away. But, I just don't know how to help her. I try to spend time with her and her husband, just listening and holding her, but I feel as if there's nothing I can do for her. I mean, it's not like it makes her feel better, my being there. Her loss is just too big. Can you please advise me on how to help her???

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, May 10 - May 16, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Many people falsely think that we get over grief, we recover from grief, we recover from a loss. The reality is [that] we learn to live with it. And we're learning to live with this. Now, what is important for us to understand is: there is no night that hasn't given way to a new day; there is no storm that didn't pass. This will pass, this will end someday.  David Kessler on learning to live with grief in a "grief-illiterate" culture « KCRW

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 25 - December 1, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Updated: Grief Bibliography, http://j.mp/2BJk5VA « Grief Healing

Book Review: "What to Do When I'm Gone: A Mother's Wisdom to Her Daughter" by Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman, http://j.mp/2KLN5yH « Seven Ponds Blog

When that Last Piece Dies by Brandy Lidbeck, http://j.mp/2KHfQwy « The Gift of Second

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 29 - August 4, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Massage Therapy Sessions Help Clients Cope, http://j.mp/2ODkf57 « The Amateur's Guide To Death and Dying

I (Still) Go To Therapy, http://j.mp/2MhIPqs « Soaring Spirits International

Is Everyone Grieving or Is It Just Me? http://j.mp/2McTpPK « Victoria Noe

Caregiving and Hospice, June 24 - June 30, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How to Be a Friend Until the End, http://j.mp/2yTzsen « Lion's Roar

Music and Memory Provides Comfort for the Elderly and Dementia Patients, http://j.mp/2tFCjCR « Seven Ponds Blog

What’s ignored in the debate over aid in dying,  http://j.mp/2yTK8tv « San Francisco Chronicle

In Grief: When A Friend Pulls Away

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 27 - September 2, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving May Be Lonely (But it Doesn't Have to Be), http://j.mp/2vVmAhg « Open to Hope

Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering, http://bit.ly/hO4In3 « Grief Healing

Attachment Is the Source of All Suffering, http://j.mp/2wmizFZ « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 29 - December 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Moving on After the Death of a Loved One With Alzheimer’s, http://j.mp/1m27D8s « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Using Art to Express Myself When I Lost the Words to Grief, http://j.mp/1HLQ3j2 « Maria Shriver

How to Help a Grieving Friend: 11 Things to Do When You're Not Sure What to Do, http://j.mp/1O85w9Q « HuffPost Healthy Living

Caregiving and Hospice, May 10 - May 16, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Assisted-suicide debate puts palliative, hospice care in spotlight, http://j.mp/1ENzUkK « Modern Healthcare

Interview: How Do Caregivers Enjoy Time with Alzheimer's Patients? http://j.mp/1HjItYz « Seven Ponds Blog

Overkill: America’s Epidemic of Unnecessary Care - Atul Gawande, http://j.mp/1JJeae4 « The New Yorker

Caregiving and Hospice, August 17 - August 23

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Valuable Lessons: 10 Pieces of Advice From a Young Caregiver, http://j.mp/1vdIpCX « HuffPost Healthy Living

New senior living website, http://j.mp/VI9sd7 « Be.Group

5 Things To Remember When A Friend is Grieving, http://j.mp/XsHVxY « Maria Shriver

Caregiving and Hospice, October 13 - October 19, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

How To Visit a Friend or Acquaintance With Dementia, http://j.mp/GVu5vb « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Whoopi Knows About LBD. Do You? http://j.mp/1aw5mVI « Lewy Body Dementia Association

Important! When palliative care is no longer enough service, http://j.mp/19QtdAU « Caring with Confidence

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 13 - October 19, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Walking Through Grief Video: I'm Grieving, Now What? http://j.mp/1aw9jtF « The Grief Toolbox

Well worth reading! Friday Favorites: Articles about grief, http://j.mp/H5Qp5V « What's Your Grief?

Outstanding! I Am Alone. I Am With You, http://j.mp/19PL3np « Widow's Voice

Coping with Pet Loss, September 29 - October 12, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream:

Dogs Are People, Too, http://j.mp/15oi0YB « New York Times

When a Friend Loses a Pet – 7 Meaningful Do's and Don’ts, http://j.mp/GNDrcN « Bunny's Blog

On the Loss of Oscar, http://j.mp/1aS1OiE « Grief Helps

Remembering Two Precious Souls

Sami

The animals are more ancient than us. They were here for millennia before humans surfaced on the earth. Animals are our ancient brothers and sisters. They enjoy a seamless presence – a lyrical unity with the earth. Animals live outside in the wind, in the waters, in the mountains, and in the clay. The knowing of the earth is in them. The Zen-like silence and thereness of the landscape is mirrored in the silence and solitude of animals. Animals know nothing of Freud, Jesus, Buddha, Wall Street, the Pentagon, or the Vatican. They live outside the politics of human intention. Somehow they already inhabit the eternal. ~  John O'Donohue, in Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

It is with deep sorrow and a heavy heart that I report the death of two beloved animal friends who perished in an apartment fire after their guardian had left for work. By the time they were discovered, both had succumbed to smoke inhalation, and it was too late to save them.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 25 - August 31, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Aesthetic Experiences at the End of Life, http://j.mp/15IDxLe « Soundscape MusicTherapy

Dementia Books For Children http://j.mp/14Lyb2a « Dementia Journeys

Does my dad have dementia? http://j.mp/1476tyo « Caregiver Stress

Buried in the mounds of your loved one's legal documents? AARP's Amy Goyer offers solutions, http://bit.ly/1dkU7pm « The Organized Caregiver on YouTube

Positive interaction for Calm Caregiving, http://j.mp/15mpCgz « Eleanor Silverberg

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 23 - June 29, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After Tragedy: 3 Reasons And 21 Ways To Bring Joy Back into Your Life, http://j.mp/19GzjI5 « Tiny Buddha

Finding Balance: A self care quiz for grievers,  http://j.mp/biCTnZ « Hello Grief

Lively discussion dominates Death Cafe, http://j.mp/14CCIRD « Baltimore Sun

Grief Relief! 5 Holistic Alternatives to Therapy, http://j.mp/19Ia9FA « With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes

Lovely! Saving Grief Until After Wimbledon, http://j.mp/12vdXU3 « Friend Grief

Coping with Pet Loss, April 28 - May 4, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Peace of Mind program frees hospice clients of worry about animal companions, http://j.mp/115CBB

Discussion: Can you grieve the death of a pet as much as the death of a relative or friend? http://bit.ly/18fa0cL « AARP Online Community

Anticipating the death of my pets and getting real with my emotions, http://j.mp/Yjo8h9 « L.M. Sherwin Blog

Good boy, Gus, http://j.mp/11DAY8U « Spirit Scraps

Pet Loss and Estate Planning to Keep Your Pet Safe: first of a series, http://j.mp/124p601 « DashKitten.com