Resources for Supporting Others Through Anticipatory Grief

 Saying that I was experiencing “anticipatory grief” would not have come close to capturing all the nuances and struggles, unique for me, as it is for everyone. ~ Donna S. Davenport

A colleague writes: I have a request to consult tomorrow with counseling staff at a high school regarding a staff member just diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor. Looking through your rich web site I'm saying to myself, "Articles, and books and messages, oh, my." Can you help me go to materials on anticipatory grieving, or feeling our own mortality/vulnerability, or helping someone cope with a terminal illness?? You may be able to help me sort through so I can go straight to the meat this busy day before I must show up ready to help! Many thanks if you can help at this last moment.

Anticipatory Grief: Staying Present When Loss Is Inevitable

In order to get from what was to what will be, you have to go through what is.  ~ Unknown

A reader writes: My husband has advanced-stage lung cancer, and I have to face the inevitable that he will die soon. It’s been 8 months; we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m sure that it’s normal, but the thoughts that are running through my head are driving me insane. I keep envisioning myself starting relationships with other men. I feel guilty like I’ve already moved on with my life. It’s survival instinct too, because I can’t support my kids on my own and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I love my husband dearly. I want to be focused on the present. How do I do that?

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 6 - April 26, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Grief is already a wild, topsy-turvy rollercoaster, but there’s even more loops and drops when you experience it during a Cambridge term. In my third term of first year a relative, who was an instrumental part in my life, unfortunately passed. I think their passing hit particularly hard for two reasons: one being that we were extremely close, and two because it was the first time someone particularly dear to me had passed, the unfamiliarity of it all making it feel a lot worse . . . Coping with Grief at Cambridge « Varsity

Coping with A Cancer Diagnosis: Anticipatory Grief in Caregiving

Understand there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, including anticipatory grief. It’s like the ocean. It ebbs and it flows. There can be moments of calm. But out of nowhere, it can feel like you’re drowning.  ~ Dana Arcuri

A reader writes: I am searching for an online support group for people and/or their loved ones who have been diagnosed with cancer. Three months ago, my husband (54 years old) felt a mass in the left side of his abdomen. Through several different physician referrals it was determined that he had massive splenomegaly. His spleen was removed last month. The pathology report stated he has CLL ~ Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It is said to be stage 3. This week he will be having a bone marrow aspiration, to determine possible treatment options, if any.

Should We Tell Our Dad That He's Dying?

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.  ~ Aldous Huxley

A reader writes: We know my dad is dying of cancer but apparently he still isn't aware of the truth. I don't find this to be right. I believe he should be told so if he has things he would like to say or do he can say or do them. I don't find that my stepmother is being fair with him. She has been a tough one to deal with during all this. She doesn't even tell us girls what is going on with our father. I was angry with her for this, but I have accepted that this is just her way for whatever her reasons. My stepbrother has called to tell me that hospice is dropping more and more hints, the signs of his end are more obvious, and it is really only a matter of time now. My sister and I have decided to visit him for the last time and say our goodbyes. Is there something you can share with me on coping with this being the last time I will probably see him alive? Should I say something about him not going to pull through this one? I am scared to face this now. Any words from you will be appreciated.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 17 - September 23, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

People bereaved during the first two waves of the Covid pandemic are three times more likely to have prolonged grief disorder (PGD), which can leave them lonely and in intense emotional pain, research from Cardiff and Bristol universities has revealed. The disorder, also known as complicated grief, can result in persistent longing for the deceased, intense emotional pain including guilt and denial, and trouble engaging with friends and planning for the future, all of which goes on for longer than six months. Prolonged grief disorder more common in Covid lockdown bereaved, study finds  « The Guardian

Anticipatory Grief: Coping With A Cancer Diagnosis

Find the latest version of this post here:

Coping with A Cancer Diagnosis: Anticipatory Grief in Caregiving

A reader writes: I am searching for an online support group for people and/or their loved ones who have been diagnosed with cancer. Three months ago, my husband (54 years old) felt a mass in the left side of his abdomen. Through several different physician referrals it was determined that he had massive splenomegaly. His spleen was removed last month. The pathology report stated he has CLL ~ Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It is said to be stage 3. This week he will be having a bone marrow aspiration, to determine possible treatment options, if any.

He and I talk very openly about the future for him, and for all of us as a family. We have 3 grown children, all in their early twenties.

I am hoping to find someone who might be going through this situation, and is willing to talk about how they are handling their situation, their type of cancer, or just anything they would like to share.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 28 - June 3, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When someone you know and love tells you they have been diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like a scary and shocking surprise. How you respond to them can either make them feel worse, which is not the intention, of course, or it can make them feel comforted and supported.  Finding the Right Words: When Someone You Know is Diagnosed with Cancer « Columbia University Irving Medical Center

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 23 - November 5, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When I lost my husband to brain cancer, I learned there is no road map for grief.  A guide to dealing with grief as a widow « The Washington Post 

Anderson Cooper takes us on a deeply personal exploration of loss and grief. He starts recording while packing up the apartment of his late mother Gloria Vanderbilt. Going through her journals and keepsakes, as well as things left behind by his father and brother, Cooper begins a series of emotional and moving conversations about the people we lose, the things they leave behind, and how to live on - with loss, with laughter, and with love. All There Is with Anderson Cooper « CNN Audio

Helping A Grieving Grandparent

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance. And inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy and their understanding.  ~ Helen Keller

A reader writes: Hello, I’m a grandmother watching her 10 yr old granddaughter suffer through osteosarcoma. I’ve denied the terminal diagnosis, hoping she’ll defy the odds. Hoping and praying for a miracle. I talk to the starry heavens every night, begging. I’m forced to watch my daughter suffer with her daughter’s suffering. I’m crushed and absolutely broken. I’m angry. Why the children …

In Grief: Staying Present in The Face of Inevitable Loss

Find the latest version of this post here:

Anticipatory Grief: Staying Present When Loss Is Inevitable

A reader writes: My husband has advanced-stage lung cancer, and I have to face the inevitable that he will die soon. It’s been 8 months; we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m sure that it’s normal, but the thoughts that are running through my head are driving me insane. I keep envisioning myself starting relationships with other men. I feel guilty like I’ve already moved on with my life. It’s survival instinct too, because I can’t support my kids on my own and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I love my husband dearly. I want to be focused on the present. How do I do that?  Read on here >>>

Pet Loss, Grief & Caregiving Tweets, July 21 - July 27, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why the Death of a Pet Can Feel Worse than Losing a Human Loved One, http://j.mp/32RPEIl « PEOPLE.com

Kate Bowler: How to Speak to Someone Who's Suffering « The Atlantic http://j.mp/2K6nlNE

WWRMD - What Would Rhoda Morgenstern Do? http://j.mp/2K4EJCm « Thrive Global

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 14- July 20, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief-Sensitive School Initiative, http://j.mp/2O4OIN7 « New York Life Insurance Company

6 Ways to Support a Grieving Teen, http://j.mp/32yWsKu « Modern Loss

Traveling with Grief, http://j.mp/2O2iNwO « The Artful Caregiver

Caregiving and Hospice, March 24 - March 30, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Jacqueline Marcell - Elderly Patient Care, http://j.mp/2Ov9cLK « Throomers

I Hear You, But I Don't Understand, http://j.mp/2OqXEsN « BK Books

Alex Trebek, Cancer, and the Language of Life-Limiting Illness, http://j.mp/2OoyzyJ « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

Caregiving and Hospice, October 28 - November 3, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Documentary Review: "Passing On" produced by Arizona Public Media, http://j.mp/2EZOMcG « Seven Ponds Blog

Ten Reasons Why I Want to Talk About Death, http://j.mp/2ETKnId « After Talk

NEW Clinical Practice Guidelines for Quality Palliative Care Released!! http://j.mp/2AFI2w8 « Pallimed

Caregiving and Hospice, August 5 - August 11, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Is The Right Time For Hospice Care? http://j.mp/2KOoTKE « Forbes

Meditation App Benefits Hospice and Palliative Care Clinicians, http://j.mp/2KHZXEw « Oncology Nursing News

Dog with cancer helps hospice director spread the word to keep living after terminal diagnosis, http://j.mp/2MBovk9 « Idaho State Journal

Caregiving and Hospice, February 18 - February 24, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The POLST Care Continuum Toolkit, http://j.mp/2GBjmW2 « National POLST Paradigm

A Stage-4 Cancer Patient Shares The Pain And Clarity Of Living 'Scan-To-Scan', http://j.mp/2GBnKEx « NPR

How to Say Goodbye to a Loved One, http://j.mp/2jgIJCa « Hospice Red River Valley

In Grief: Mourning The Loss of A Former Life

Source

[Reviewed and updated January 17, 2026]

If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.  ~ Winston Churchill

A reader writes: Wow, where do I start. In a nutshell: My son-in-law was killed in a vehicular accident two years ago. He was an amazing father and husband to my daughter, who at the time was pregnant with their fifth child. My daughter was never as happy as she was when she found the man of her dreams. My husband and I moved last year to be closer to my daughter and our grandchildren. I had been a hairdresser at the same salon for 30 years, but I gave it up because my husband could work from home anywhere. Meanwhile last October our 28 year-old son moved in with our daughter to help take care of the kids. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma last December. He had two surgeries: ribs cracked open to remove a mass from his chest, then a large mass in his neck, followed by 10 chemos and 14 radiations.

I have been married to the same man for 33 years. I feel like I have given up my life, my friends and job but don't think I/we had a choice. Our daughter needed help with our five grandkids ages 10, 9, 5, 2 and 11 months. How do I move on and be happy with the life I have now???

Caregiving and Hospice, July 16 - July 22, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Health reform everybody could love, http://j.mp/2vsz15b « Kevin MD

Opt-out Organ Donation Saves Lives, http://j.mp/2uHuWML « Seven Ponds

Cancer Doesn't Choose Who Survives Based On How Hard Someone Fights, http://j.mp/2vrYmw0  « HuffPost

Caregiving and Hospice, July 9 - July 15, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

'Are you saying I'm dying?' Training doctors to speak frankly about death, http://j.mp/2uoDCat « STAT

Life After the Diagnosis: A Podcast with Steve Pantilat, http://j.mp/2vkMr2f « GeriPal

Medicare4All won't fix the problem, http://j.mp/2uk3Af0 « Kevin MD