Should We Tell Our Dad That He's Dying?

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.  ~ Aldous Huxley

A reader writes: We know my dad is dying of cancer but apparently he still isn't aware of the truth. I don't find this to be right. I believe he should be told so if he has things he would like to say or do he can say or do them. I don't find that my stepmother is being fair with him. She has been a tough one to deal with during all this. She doesn't even tell us girls what is going on with our father. I was angry with her for this, but I have accepted that this is just her way for whatever her reasons. My stepbrother has called to tell me that hospice is dropping more and more hints, the signs of his end are more obvious, and it is really only a matter of time now. My sister and I have decided to visit him for the last time and say our goodbyes. Is there something you can share with me on coping with this being the last time I will probably see him alive? Should I say something about him not going to pull through this one? I am scared to face this now. Any words from you will be appreciated.

Keeping the Secret of A Terminal Prognosis: Afterword

[Reviewed and updated June 19, 2026]

Sharing tales of those we've lost is how we keep from really losing them.  ~ Mitch Albom

A reader writes: As the daughter of the woman whose letter appears in your post Keeping the Secret of A Terminal Prognosis: Finding the Courage to Tell Those You Love, I wanted you to know that just four months after she wrote those words to you, my beautiful mother died in her sleep of heart failure. My father woke up in the morning and found her gone.

She left us all letters, and in mine she left a link to your online forum, along with her log in and password. She wanted us to read all that she had written.

I want to let you and your readers know what she was like.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 11 - October 17, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Useful Tips: Grief Hacks: Lists and Little Journals, http://j.mp/1NeNAfv « What's Your Grief?

What They Don’t Tell You About Grief, http://j.mp/1ZFBwe9 « Thought Catalog

I'm the Relationship Vulture: If you have a flaw, I'll circle until I find it. http://j.mp/1GHB57F « Widow Chick

Should Our Dad Be Told That He's Dying?

Find the latest version of this post here:

Should We Tell Our Dad That He's Dying?

A reader writes: We know my dad is dying of cancer but apparently he still isn't aware of the truth. I don't find this to be right. I believe he should be told so if he has things he would like to say or do he can say or do them. I don't find that my stepmother is being fair with him . . . 

Coping with Pet Loss, July 6 - July 12, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Euthanasia From the Veterinarian’s Perspective, http://j.mp/TZsVVx « Dr. Ryan Llera, DVM

Pet Loss: Keeping the Secret of a Cremation Mistake, http://j.mp/1n00ii8 « Grief Healing Blog

Waiting: In grief, facing yet another loss, http://j.mp/1rDzkEt « Personal Growth and Grief Support Center

Pet Loss: Keeping the Secret of a Cremation Mistake

[Reviewed and updated November 21, 2022]

We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows. ~ Robert Frost

A reader writes: I wonder if you could give me some advice. Recently our pet cat died and we decided to have her cremated so the ashes could be scattered in our garden. I have just learned from our vet who sent the cat to the crematorium that accidentally our cat was not labeled and was mass-cremated. It now leaves me with a dilemma as I know my partner will be distraught about this. Should I get another set of ashes (which my vet says they can supply) or should I tell her the truth? I honestly don’t know where to look for advice on this. I hope you can point me in the right direction. Thank you.

Caregiving and Hospice, April 20 - April 26, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

NPR's This American Life takes a look at hospice and end-of-life care on this week's episode 523: 'Death and Taxes,' http://j.mp/1hykxFC « eHospice

Awesome! The Documents You Need, When You Need Them, http://j.mp/1fbF3NI « Paula Span, The New Old Age, The New York Times

Communicating with Healthcare Professionals? How to Stand Your Ground and Get What You Need, http://j.mp/1nNUMBY « by Dr. Arlene Houldin, The Caregiver Space