Should We Tell Our Dad That He's Dying?

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.  ~ Aldous Huxley

A reader writes: We know my dad is dying of cancer but apparently he still isn't aware of the truth. I don't find this to be right. I believe he should be told so if he has things he would like to say or do he can say or do them. I don't find that my stepmother is being fair with him. She has been a tough one to deal with during all this. She doesn't even tell us girls what is going on with our father. I was angry with her for this, but I have accepted that this is just her way for whatever her reasons. My stepbrother has called to tell me that hospice is dropping more and more hints, the signs of his end are more obvious, and it is really only a matter of time now. My sister and I have decided to visit him for the last time and say our goodbyes. Is there something you can share with me on coping with this being the last time I will probably see him alive? Should I say something about him not going to pull through this one? I am scared to face this now. Any words from you will be appreciated.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 25 - December 31, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Give the gift that keeps on giving: straight talk on end-of-life care, http://bit.ly/2hWhnQ6 « STAT

Dying Isn't Fighting Death, http://bit.ly/2iGoZKA « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 2 - October 8, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"If They Would Just Eat, Everything Would Be Better," http://bit.ly/2dzh4KK « Barbara Karnes RN

Hospice care: The best man for the job is a dog, http://j.mp/2dp1sNc « The Irish Times

Madness! The interference in health care is mesmerizing, http://j.mp/2cO2MrC « Kevin MD

Caregiving and Hospice, September 25 - October 1, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

End-of-Life Care Needs an Overhaul, http://j.mp/2dgzpNo « TIME

Who’s In Your Care Crew? http://j.mp/2dfjjDV « The Unprepared Caregiver

Suicide: Only cause of Top 10 U.S. deaths that's rising, http://j.mp/2dCNRNX « Miami Herald

Caregiving and Hospice, June 12 - June 18, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

New: Chat for Those Caring for a Family Member Who Had a Stroke,  http://j.mp/1V1MNQm « CareGiving.com

It's Time to Train All Doctors on How to Talk to Patients About End-of-Life Care, http://j.mp/1YuwZLR « The Huffington Post

Leaving With Love: The Difference Palliative Care Makes, http://j.mp/1tyJomo « Media Planet Cancer Care

Caregiving and Hospice, January 17 - January 23, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others, http://j.mp/1QpEsbm « YouTube

Please, Ask Me a Question, http://j.mp/23jth9m « The Unprepared Caregiver

5 things you should know about Medicare's new end-of-life discussions, http://j.mp/1PJcyT4 « PBS NewsHour

Caregiving and Hospice, October 11 - October 17, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Music Provides Comfort in End of Life, http://j.mp/1LrKiTn « SevenPonds Blog

‘We soothe souls.’ How end-of-life care can make a difference, http://j.mp/1MCsSIg « The Guardian

Funny Video - The iShiva App, http://j.mp/1G9yPLt « A Good Goodbye

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Chemotherapy may worsen end-of-life quality, study finds, http://j.mp/1GNK45F « The Seattle Times

Still Caring, http://j.mp/1MNFI3H « Musings of a Distractible Mind

End-of-life chemotherapy: Does it do more harm than good? http://j.mp/1MrN5kf « CBS News

Caregiving and Hospice, May 24 - May 30, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Attention Caregivers: Making Use of Helpful Services, http://j.mp/1dDnGFX « Harvard Health Publications

When Someone Dies by Suicide All Systems Must Provide Help, http://j.mp/1PTThny « Grief After Suicide Blog

Wisconsin Is Learning How to Die, http://j.mp/1HAizxo « Vox

Caregiving and Hospice, February 8 - February 14, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Excellent Review of PBS FRONTLINE's Being Mortal with Dr. Atul Gawande,  http://j.mp/1Anj3Ys « Pallimed

Researchers Identify 8 Signs of Impending Death, http://j.mp/1KMzaA6 « WebMD

Staff Concerned "We Are Starving Mom To Death," http://j.mp/17fVlCr  « Barbara Karnes Books, Inc.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 28 - January 3, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What are my options? Interactive tool to guide healthcare choices, http://j.mp/142KwRQ « Moments of Life

NHPCO responds to latest Washington Post article, http://j.mp/1xDqMP4 « National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

Review: Consider the Conversation 2: Stories about Cure, Relief, and Comfort, http://j.mp/1AjYiuW « Pallimed

Caregiving and Hospice, November 23 - November 29, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"We signed 4 DNR orders this month and you're telling me you did CPR on her?" http://j.mp/12feHEl « It's OK to Die

Who Will Speak for Superheroes When They Get Sick? http://j.mp/1v0VUZ9 « Pallimed

Dealing with Discouragement in Caregiving, http://j.mp/1rrrRtZ « The Caregiver Space

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 9 - November 22, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day - Letter to a Father http://j.mp/1AyCf5Z « AfterTalk

8 Tips to Help Someone Grieving During the Holidays, http://j.mp/1ta50hv « eHospice

Equine Therapy: Using Horses As A Healing Tool, http://j.mp/1xJsCAl « Philippi Center

Caregiving and Hospice, November 2 - November 8, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

5 Signs of Alzheimer's That Sometimes Show Up Before Memory Loss, http://j.mp/1sr6Een « Caring.com

Approaching the Question of Faith or its Absence in End of Life Care, http://j.mp/1wwdGDJ « Barbara Karnes Books, Inc.

With gratitude to nurses everywhere: Big Medicine, http://j.mp/1tWJpNy « Rx for the Soul

Caregiving and Hospice, October 5 - October 11, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Call for Maternalism in Medicine, http://j.mp/1stECDP « GeriPal

No Risky Chances: The Conversation That Matters Most ~ Terrific excerpt from Atul Gawande's new book, Being Mortal, http://j.mp/1rmd5xt « Medical Examiner

Palliative Care gets Boost from IOM, Gawande, http://j.mp/ZTsNLg « Hospitals and Health Networks

Caregiving and Hospice, September 21 - September 27, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Twisted Argument Against End-of-Life Care, http://j.mp/1vnSwVw « Kevin MD

New Chat and Forum for Caregivers, http://j.mp/1qEDyGj « CareGiving.com

The Dual Process Model of Grief, http://j.mp/1slPwfk « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Pet Loss, September 14 - September 20, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Goodbye to Jumpy: Lessons for the Health System, http://j.mp/1soEiRb « Aging Today

End of Life Care for Pets: A Guide, http://j.mp/1uDHwFg « SquadFiftyOne

Disaster Preparedness for Your Pets, http://j.mp/1pgJHIl « Spot Speaks

Should Our Dad Be Told That He's Dying?

Find the latest version of this post here:

Should We Tell Our Dad That He's Dying?

A reader writes: We know my dad is dying of cancer but apparently he still isn't aware of the truth. I don't find this to be right. I believe he should be told so if he has things he would like to say or do he can say or do them. I don't find that my stepmother is being fair with him . . . 

Caregiving and Hospice, September 7 - September 13, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Draw the Lines: The Art of Setting Boundaries, http://j.mp/1tPLHij « Pallimed

The Story of Your Life Carries Great Power, http://j.mp/1us1eU4 « It's OK to Die

The Caregiving and Meditation Connection, http://j.mp/1uzi02I « Maria Shriver

Caregiving and Hospice, August 10 - August 16, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Communicating with the hospice patient with dementia, http://j.mp/VnABC6 « Caring with Confidence

Excellent description of the hospice chaplain's role: A Hospice Chaplain's Tale, http://j.mp/1l6i21r « Jewish Journal

Depression is a Duplicitous Asshole, http://j.mp/1oIq4Nz « The Manifest-Station