When a Marriage Ends: Grieving the Death of a Love Relationship

In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.  ~ Fulton J. Sheen

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is deeply personal, but I still feel irrational and very foolish.

Complicated, Prolonged, Persistent Grief Disorder: "Maybe I am Nuts"

Complicated Grief is a form of grief that takes hold of a person's mind and won't let go.

A reader writes: "Complicated Grief," "Prolonged Grief Disorder" and now "Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder." In reading about all of these "disorders" with an open mind, I clearly am suffering from all three. And suffering is the appropriate word. It's been over four years since my beloved died and I still don't know my place in this world. Still feel my life is mostly meaningless without her. I've kept her clothes and most of her things just where they always were. I feel like if I got rid of that stuff,  my life would feel even more empty  than it already does. Her things being where they always were gives me a small sense of comfort.

In Grief: Still Struggling After The First Year

If you find yourself (or someone you know) struggling with new waves of grief after having reached the one year mark, you are not alone. A woman whose husband died 15 months ago described her experience this way:

Using Antidepressants to Manage Acute, Normal Grief

[Reviewed and updated November 9, 2024]

Encouraging words are good medicine for the soul. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A reader writes: About four weeks ago, I came off an antidepressant which allowed the unresolved grief issues over my brother’s death to surface. I believe that the antidepressant kept me from fully grieving his loss, which I am in the process of doing now. A colleague, therapist, and good friend who has known me over the years knows exactly where I am and says perhaps just a small dosage of an antidepressant (not the one that I was on) could be beneficial until resolution and integration is accomplished. I see my M.D. next week to explain what has been going on, and to get a med check (I am also on a thyroid medication). I seem to be doing well and don’t really want to take any more meds. I would appreciate any advice in this respect.

Seeing a Specialist in Grief Counseling: Why It Matters

[Reviewed and updated April 4, 2026]

A reader writes: I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time and am under the care of a psychiatrist. I went to see my doctor for the first time since my father died and was a complete wreck since I had to re-tell what happened. I was crying because it's hard to talk about Dad's sudden downfall and last day, but my psychiatrist seemed to think that I was being overly emotional. I tried to tell him that I'm not upset every day and that I didn't think that my sadness less than five months after Dad's death was abnormal. I did confess to doing some stupid things immediately after he passed and how hard some things have been, but I walked out of his office feeling like I should be over it. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 26 - April 1, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Wind phones function as a therapeutic salve for people grappling with bereavement. They are typically found in a booth set in natural surroundings, where grieving folks can go to call their departed loved ones on a disconnected “phone” that will carry their words to them with the wind. Call Them on a ‘Wind Phone’ so the Breeze Can Carry Your Words « Goodnet

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 15 - January 21, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The truth is: We have very active imaginations. We actually CAN imagine what they're going through. We just don't want to. We recoil at the idea of envisioning ourselves in their shoes. So we tell them, and ourselves, that we can't imagine it, and it keeps the pain at a distance. Can You Imagine How a Grieving Person Feels? « Next Avenue

Supporting A Parent in Grief

[Reviewed and updated December 22, 2024]

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

A reader writes - My mom died six months ago after a long battle with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Knowing that she had a terminal illness and that she was in the end stages of this disease, our family agreed to take her off life supports. I thought I had this all figured out, her dying. I thought I was prepared for that day. Boy what a shock to myself. This has been the worst thing that I have been through. I miss my mom so much that I feel physically ill. I don't think you ever really get over it, just need to figure out how to live with it. Now I am very worried about my dad. He has shut down. He drinks too much. He sits on the couch watching TV. He says he has no ambition to do anything. He misses her badly and is very lonely. My adult children do not visit him because they don't know how to handle him. So I call everyday and visit, have him over two or three times a week for supper. I don't know how to help him start living again.

In Grief: Death of A Marriage

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel so weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is a deeply personal thing, but I feel irrational and so very foolish. Read on here >>>

In Grief: Is Anger One of The Stages?

[Reviewed and updated March 15, 2025]

But if she let go of her anger, all that would remain was grief and pain. Anger was easier. Anger could be focused outward. Grief corroded from within.  ~ Robin Hobb

Although anger is commonly identified as one of the so-called Stages of Grief, we now recognize that grief does not occur in easily defined stages, and anger is not always a part of everyone’s experience. Better to think of anger as a state (the circumstances or condition in which you may find yourself at any given time) rather than a stage (one of several sequential phases you may be in, as you work your way toward an end).

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 10 - October 16, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The loss of a pet can be very painful; for us animal lovers, it can hit as hard as losing a human loved one. This pain isn’t helped by a lack of understanding and social support many of us experience after losing a pet. However, a new study reveals that saying goodbye to a pet can be as painful as losing a human loved one, and here’s why. Why losing a dog feels the same as losing a loved one « Newsner

In Grief: Is This Counselor Safe For Me?

[Reviewed and updated September 22, 2024]

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear  ~ Zen Proverb

A reader writes: I hope it's okay to ask you this question, I have no one else to ask. I am seeing a hospice bereavement counselor, my Mom passed away two months ago, I have seen this lady about 5 times at the most, anyway, I saw her this past Friday and I finally told her that I was fighting with suicidal thoughts, she really said nothing but "they are not equipped to deal with this."

In Grief: Can This Relationship Survive?

[Reviewed and updated January 25, 2025]

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.  ~ Rabindranath Tagore

A reader writes: I am not sure if you can help me or not but I want to let you try. I was in a very good relationship with a person until she received news that her mother was terminal. In a matter of a weekend she completely turned on me and wanted me out of her life. This is after 2 years of an almost perfect and very loving relationship. I was told that this is how some people grieve is to take the person closest to them and drive them away. It has left me completely devastated at this point. Do you know anything about this type of grieving and what I can expect from the future? She will not go to counceling since in her eyes nothing is wrong. I won't go into a lot of details unless you feel you can possibly understand why this happened and tell me a little more about what to expect. Thank you for your time.

In Grief: Am I Feeling Sorry for Myself?

 

[Reviewed and updated June 9, 2024]

The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.  ~ Mitch Albom

A reader writes: I would really appreciate your comments on my own particular kind of grief. Would it be appropriate to liken it to the death of a loved one or pet, when in actual fact they are still alive but you no longer see them for various reasons? After 2 years of depression, anxiety and wanting only to cry all the time, it came to me that perhaps the reason for my feelings was because the daughter I loved I no longer have visit me, various members of family became separated from me and I have no one to confide in.

Hospice, Grief, & Pet Loss, January 19 - January 25, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

This post is for you, Mamaw. Thank you for loving me so well, and for showing me that kindness can change the world. Echoes, https://j.mp/2RIeAgu « Bryan C. Taylor

Depression killed my innately joyful sister. When people ask how she died, this is how I respond. 'Was She Sick?' https://j.mp/30KWHSr « Modern Loss

Face this profound challenge by staying connected and finding friends who will listen. How Men Grieve, https://j.mp/36jY5wt « Next Avenue

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, November 24 - November 30, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

You probably know a child who is grieving, or an adult whose childhood was punctuated by grief. Read this. Six Reasons Why You Should Focus on a Grieving Child, https://j.mp/2R5he17 « Modern Loss

In our culture the holidays, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas, emphasize family and friend togetherness. The absence of a friend or family member becomes more evident. Our sense of loss is more 'in our face' than other times of the year. How Can I Celebrate The Holidays When I Feel So Sad? https://j.mp/2XUgU6F « BK Books

The main thing we think of in mourning is the loss of the individual who’s died . . .  But there’s also a profound loss of SELF involved in mourning. i miss her, and i miss my self, https://j.mp/2KYSxzD « Kay Bruner

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 27 - February 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Am I Depressed? http://j.mp/2G5DG5H « Talkspace

My Cat’s Death Broke My Brain, http://j.mp/2G4whDw « Modern Loss

50 Practical Gestures to Help a Grieving Friend, http://bit.ly/2qmUgCq « Hospice and Palliative Care of Greensboro

Voices of Experience: Four-Footed Healers Support The Team

by Michael Shannon O’Keefe

Isolation is a natural reaction to depression and grief. If you’re in the depths of depression, it can be hard to pick up the phone and call a friend. If you’ve lost of a loved one, lost your good health, or lost a relationship, you may pull inward and grieve alone.

But just because isolation is natural doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Isolation can create a spiral of despair. Depression and grief cause people to cut themselves off from friends and family, which in turn causes more depression and grief, and so on.

Talk therapy and medications are the standard treatments for these states of mind. Recent research, however, points to another way to help people escape that spiral. It’s been called the pet effect. Simply put, being around animals helps people feel less isolated, depressed, and grief-stricken.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 3 - June 9, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tell Me About Those Left Behind by Brandy Lidbeck, http://j.mp/2sHtLuv « The Gift of Second

To a deeply depressed mother, suicide isn't selfish: Kate Spade probably thought she was relieving her loved ones of a burden, http://j.mp/2sQYdSh « NY Daily News 

I’d love to say something enticing, like: do this 1 thing and you’ll see a 200% increase in your grieving friend’s satisfaction w your support skills! But that's odd. So – if you really want to support a grieving friend or family member, watch this tv clip, http://j.mp/2ggveVK « Refuge in Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 4 - March 10, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is it time to "get back to life"? Grief doesn't work that way.  http://j.mp/2G8nHAI « Refuge In Grief

How to Tell When Technology Makes Anxiety Worse, http://j.mp/2G6Q7eq « PsychCentral

Tips for Talking with Children about Addiction and Overdose Loss, http://j.mp/2Fu8hWl « Hey Sigmund