Showing posts with label death of a relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death of a relationship. Show all posts

When a Marriage Ends: Grieving the Death of a Love Relationship

In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.  ~ Fulton J. Sheen

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is deeply personal, but I still feel irrational and very foolish.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 8 - December 14, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

My heart weighed so heavy in my chest that it felt as if I was drowning. I needed to feel less alone, so I turned to Facebook and asked others to share their experiences of birth trauma. "Are you looking for stories about stillbirth?" one grandmother asked, and that is how The Loss Mother's Stone began. Through 'The Loss Mother's Stone,' mothers share their grief from losing a child to stillbirth « NPR

Abortion Leads to Partner's Silent, Disenfranchised Grief

There’s no love like a lost love and no pain like a broken heart.  ~ Ben Harper

A reader writes: My girlfriend and I got pregnant about two months ago. She went and took the abortion pill yesterday. I begged her not to, to marry me and have this child. But she said no. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I am grieiving not only the loss of our possible child together, but the loss of our possible life together. I'm not even sure where to begin, but I still can't believe that she actually went through with it. 

In Grief: Death of A Marriage

A reader writes: Two months ago my wife of 5 years came to me out of the blue and asked me for a divorce. To make a long and painful story short, she had been seeing another man and in the time since discovering this I have found out our entire relationship was one lie after another.

I feel foolish, naive, weak, and sad. I am an intelligent, attractive, passionate, funny, 32-year-old and yet I find myself sobbing at times for this loss. I am deeply spiritual, and have found much comfort in my faith. But I just don't know how to let go. Every sign is pointing to the fact that I have really lost nothing, but instead have been given the chance to greatly improve my health and overall wellbeing.

I feel so weak knowing that deaths and marriages much longer than mine abound. I realize the significance of loss is a deeply personal thing, but I feel irrational and so very foolish. Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, March 20 - March 26, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief is usually associated with a loss due to death. There are other losses we grieve: loss of a marriage, relationship or friendship, a job, our health, a miscarriage, and loss of function due to aging. These are all extremely personal losses. Omnipresent Grief  « Couple's Net

Let me share with you what I know about grief from dealing with it in others and myself for over 50 years. The most important thing I know is that the measure of grief is the measure of love. The God Squad: How long should grief last? « New Haven Register

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 31 - November 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

“But for a small but significant group of people, grief doesn’t resolve. It is ongoing, pervasive, intense and debilitating,” said Katherine Shear, professor of psychiatry at the School of Social Work and founding director of the Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia University. “This is what we call prolonged grief disorder.”  Prolonged grief disorder is now in the DSM. Here’s what you need to know. « The Washington Post

In Grief: “I’ve Lost Everything That Was Normal”

There is something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible—a wound that will never quite heal.  ~ Susan Wiggs

A reader writes: My mom died of cancer 3 months ago, after 7 years of fighting. I am 22 years old and I have lost everything that was normal. I miss my mom so very much, she was my very best friend. I just need someone to talk to that understands. I feel so alone. I am a Christian and that helps a lot but I literally don't have anyone, my dad had to move away, my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me 1 week after the funeral and my friends are too into college and partying. I feel like I have been robbed.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 17 - January 23, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Two weeks ago, my cat unexpectedly passed away. Over the years, she’d become a real-deal dear friend, and in the midst of being isolated during the pandemic, my connection to her only grew stronger. 9 Tips for Grieving the Loss of a Pet During the Pandemic « Well+Good 

You asked why your relationship to your hospice work was affected following the death of your dad. I think because every time you entered a patient's home and life it touched the scar in your heart from your father's death. It rubbed your grief wound.  The Scar In Your Heart: Grief In End of Life Care « BK Books

In Grief: Mourning A Lost Love

[Reviewed and updated April 19, 2022]

But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.
  ~ Calla Quinn

A reader writes: I am a 20-year old female who lost someone I considered a very good, close friend. We had broken up a year before, but still remained the best of friends. My friend and I had been in a bad wreck together, and we both almost died that day. We were the lucky ones, but the driver of the car we hit wasn't so lucky.

Disenfranchised Grief: In The Wake of Girlfriend's Abortion

Find an updated version of this post here:
Abortion Leads to Partner's Silent, Disenfranchised Grief

A reader writes: My girlfriend and I got pregnant about two months ago. She went and took the abortion pill yesterday.I begged her not to, to marry me and have this child. But she said no. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I am grieiving not only the loss of our possible child together, but the loss of our possible life together. I'm not even sure where to begin, but I still can't believe that she actually went through with it. 

Caregiving & Grief, March 8 - March 14, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When you are grieving, your mental and emotional bandwidth are already strained. Adding external stress and instability can be even harder to cope with than it would be otherwise. Taking Care of Your Mental Health During Coronavirus, https://j.mp/2IPNGPz « What's Your Grief?

Miscarriage can be a painful experience with long-lasting effects on women’s emotional, mental, and physical health. How can they move toward healing?Emotional Healing After a Miscarriage: A Guide for Women, Partners, Family, and Friends, https://j.mp/3cUEKXa « Nursing@Georgetown

Caregiving & Understanding and Managing Grief, November 3 - November 9, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The following excerpt is adapted from the book Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, in which Soffer writes about communing over grief in a social media era. Data: Loss (and Found) on the Internet" https://j.mp/2NTny8I « CBS News

Before she died, my mother asked me to find a support group – but there were none for twentysomethings like me. Could I start my own? On Millennial Grief, 
https://j.mp/2Nxcwas « The Guardian

Heart failure care is about more than just treating the heart. Drs Mandrola and Meier discuss the importance of treating the whole person with palliative care, and its distinction from hospice care. Palliative Care in Heart Failure: Manage the Person, Not the Prognosis, https://j.mp/2qG3j6l « Medscape

In Grief: When Sorrow Is Delayed

[Reviewed and updated May 18, 2025]

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul.
  ~ William Shakespeare

A reader writes: Hello I lost my mum 3 yrs ago, she died suddenly of a heart attack at 41 yrs. I was 19 at the time and had suffered the loss of a friend 7 months prior to mum’s death, as well as the separation with the father of my 14 month old son. After mum died my son, younger sister and i had to move 5 times that year until we were granted government housing. After that, life just kept going and so did i. I feel i have a lot of delayed grief which i wish desperately not to keep bottled up. If you could help me out by sending me some helpful info i would be so very grateful.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 8 - April 14, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After the Funeral, There's the Quiet, http://j.mp/2HwpO25 « Widower's Grief

On sudden upsurges of grief: Riptide, http://j.mp/2GYpOqK « Bryan C. Taylor

Picking a Fight with God: The Positives of Anger, http://j.mp/2HwjlEo « Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care

In Grief: Supporting A Partner in Mourning

[Reviewed and updated April 19, 2025]

When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words.  ~ Thema Davis

If those who shared their stories in our online Loss of a Love Relationship forum were any indication, individuals whose partners have lost a family member to death are often dismayed by the profound and often negative impact such a loss can have on the couple's relationship. As stated in an earlier post, we are all different from one another, not only in how we think, feel and behave, but also in how we mourn. If this is a couple's first experience with significant loss and they are unfamiliar with grief, they may misinterpret each other's behaviors, misunderstand their partner's needs and fail to meet their expectations. Hurt feelings and conflict may follow, and eventually their entire relationship can get derailed.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 20 - March 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Love/Hate Relationship with Easter, http://j.mp/1SkucAi « MADD

Easter and Grief: An Inescapable Connection, http://j.mp/1nZlM6C « The Huffington Post

Picture book helps parents talk to little ones about death, http://ow.ly/XP7lL  « Just Enough Books

Is Grief A Normal Reaction to Divorce?

Source
[Reviewed and updated March 8, 2026]

Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.  ~ Toni Morrison

A reader writes: I recently tried to join a grief group. When the leader found out that my wife had not died, she told me that the others in the group would not feel that my grief was as deep as theirs. She suggested that I look for a divorce-recovery group. I wish I was certain that recovery will eventually happen. It has been over 17 years since I lost my wife. Isn’t it pretty clear by now that I will not ever recover?

My response: I’m so sorry to learn that you were met with such insensitivity from a support group leader. I also think your story illustrates the importance of the language we choose to use when speaking about grief.

First, it is pointless to compare one person’s loss with another’s, or to argue whether one type of loss is “deeper” than another kind. Better to say that the grief associated with divorce is different from the grief experienced when a spouse dies, but it is still a death – the death of a relationship – and it still engenders grief.