When Grief Is Postponed: Finding Your Way Back to Healing

I tried to shut out the feelings that were hurting my heart with a thousand tiny pinpricks, which was somehow worse than having it broken all at once.  ~ Morgan Matson, in Second Chance Summer

A reader writes: I lost my dad ten months ago, while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I originally felt rejected by him, but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible. 

 So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving. 

Resources for Supporting Others Through Anticipatory Grief

 Saying that I was experiencing “anticipatory grief” would not have come close to capturing all the nuances and struggles, unique for me, as it is for everyone. ~ Donna S. Davenport

A colleague writes: I have a request to consult tomorrow with counseling staff at a high school regarding a staff member just diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor. Looking through your rich web site I'm saying to myself, "Articles, and books and messages, oh, my." Can you help me go to materials on anticipatory grieving, or feeling our own mortality/vulnerability, or helping someone cope with a terminal illness?? You may be able to help me sort through so I can go straight to the meat this busy day before I must show up ready to help! Many thanks if you can help at this last moment.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 23 - April 5, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

The experience of dying a gradual death is an important, integral part of life. It is an opportunity to write our final chapter, to define the ending of our story. Writing Our Final Chapter More Meaningfully « Barbara Karnes, RN

Sadly, I frequently have families experiencing grief state some variation on the following: “Don’t play music, we might cry.” by Alan Wolfelt Educating Families about the Value of Music « AfterTalk

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 16 - March 1, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Every year, Hillsdale students bury parents, siblings, or best friends. Every year, Hillsdale students suffer devastating mental or physical health crises. Every year, Hillsdale students endure divorce or serious family discord. And if they’re bold enough to share the struggles, they most often receive pity or polite silence: two poor substitutes for real empathy. We can do better. In a largely Christian environment, we have the tools and tradition at our disposal to better accompany those teammates, classmates, and friends who are grieving. First, though, we must open our hearts. After Eden: Embrace Grief « Hillsdale Collegian

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 1 - December 7, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

When someone you love loses a person they love, it can be hard to know what to say. You want to show your friend you love and support them, but you also know there really isn't much you can say to heal their pain. In this situation, the best thing to do is "name the elephant in the room," says Mekel Harris, a psychologist and grief consultant. The Do's and Don'ts of Expressing Condolences « NPR

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 30 - July 13, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Over the years, a significant concern of mine has been how to not only share the incredible essence of my mother with those dear to me, but also not hiding the fact she died by suicide. This concern became most pressing over 11 years ago when I was expecting my son. I often pondered how I would introduce him to a grandmother he never had the chance to meet—a woman who loved me intensely yet had a complex story. How could I convey that she loved me, but that I would not leave him? I Finally Told My Son About Mom's Suicide. I Didn't Expect His Reaction « Newsweek

Grief At Work: When Job Performance is Affected

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.  ~ Fred Rogers

A reader writes: This past year was a very difficult one for me and my family.   My father was diagnosed with a terminal illness and passed 7 months later. The day he died my mother-in-law was hospitalized and a few days later we found out she had stage 4 cancer and had only a few months left. She died 2 months later. I took one month compassionate care leave to look after my father and two bereavement leaves, and most of the year I was in a fog. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer over several months before he passed away at home.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 3 - December 9, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

It’s now widely accepted that the lingering residue of unprocessed shame, grief and trauma remains in the body and can lead to depression, persistent pain and even death. What is often diagnosed as depression is actually low-level, chronic grief, shame and despair. When we avoid feeling and fully expressing our pain, we resign ourselves to a life lived in this dimmed existence. And we don’t even realise that we’re doing it. How Our Grief Opens Us Up to Life « The Good Men Project

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 9 - July 15, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The bereavement-support organization Judi’s House estimates that more than 450,000 U.S. children will lose a parent to suicide by the time they turn 18. Short sleepaway camps have emerged as a unique way to support children and families grieving these losses.  Bereavement Camps Help Kids Affected by Suicide Grieve « TIME

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 1 - January 7, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Comedian Cariad Lloyd has spoken to hundreds of bereaved people for her award-winning series Griefcast and a new book on dealing with loss. She shares the lessons she has learned. 16 Ways to Talk to People Who Are Grieving « The Guardian

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 16 - October 22, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Joanne Cacciatore's Arizona farm is drawing mourning parents from around the globe seeking solace after the loss of a child. Arizona Farm Gives Refuge From Pain, for Man and Beast Alike « U.S.News

Despite going through this turmoil, our society hardly provides the required support to the grieving mothers. Customarily, this issue is considered very trivial in our society and is rarely talked about. Child Loss: A trivialised grief « Minute Mirror

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, July 17 - July 23, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The dying process usually starts well before death actually occurs. Learn how to recognize the signs of approaching death from one month to one day. The End of Life Stages Timeline: What to Expect « VeryWellHealth

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 10 - July 16, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The key to overcoming sorrow and sadness is to remember that you will get past it in time — even though you can’t possibly see how at the present. Overcoming Sorrow « PsychCentral

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 6 - March 12, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loss during a pandemic can be complicated, especially when people haven't been able to gather as usual after a death, or to carry on traditions they normally would. Psychologist says pandemic complicates loss and grief « CBC News 

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 20 - February 26, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talk of death is often avoided around children, unless the loss must be confronted. Approaching the subject, even when necessary, can leave caregivers uncertain about how to address it and what to say.  When a loved one is lost: Working through grief with a child « Columbia Missourian

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 23 - January 29, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We call them unspeakable losses because we do not have the vocabulary to speak about them. My partner died. Then my brother. Here’s what not to say to someone who is grieving « The Guardian

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 9 - January 15, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What is it that makes young people feel too uncomfortable to talk about grief, and how can we better support them? More than a third of 18–35s are uncomfortable talking about grief, study reveals 

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 31 - November 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

“But for a small but significant group of people, grief doesn’t resolve. It is ongoing, pervasive, intense and debilitating,” said Katherine Shear, professor of psychiatry at the School of Social Work and founding director of the Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia University. “This is what we call prolonged grief disorder.”  Prolonged grief disorder is now in the DSM. Here’s what you need to know. « The Washington Post

Understanding and Managing Grief and Pet Loss, October 24 - October 30, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When COVID-19 began to spread throughout the U.S., our team felt a strong call of action in response to the overwhelming mental health crisis we saw unfolding before us. We began to explore online resources that could help bereaved people address their grief, manage their painful emotions, build resilience, and improve their mental health and well-being. COVID-Internet Resource Guide « Stony Brook University (pdf) 

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 19 - September 25, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tony Falzano: For all those that have lost a loved one especially during the last 18 months. May you find comfort in this short, music video produced by The Caring Music Group. Grief Song: You're With Me Now « YouTube