Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

When it hurts to stand still next to someone and the only thing you have in common is the past, sometimes the best thing you can do for each other is walk separately towards a future and it’s there you’ll find someone who stays. ~ Kirsten Corley

Whenever there is a loss of something significant in our lives, we suffer grief. When an intimate love relationship ends – whether we were married, living together with a partner or significant other, or committed to another as part of a couple – the separation can be overwhelmingly painful. Usually for a death there is a set ritual with a funeral or memorial service, and some understanding in our culture that mourning is important. But for the death of a love relationship, there is no prescribed ritual of mourning, and the accompanying grief that is part of the divorce / breaking-up process is seldom acknowledged or accepted. The ending of a love relationship is yet another kind of death, and it is just as worthy of our understanding and support. Gathered here are a number of resources that can help.

Unresolved Guilt Following Accidental Pet Loss

Apologies aren't meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future.  ~ Kevin Hancock

A reader writes: I have been doing some research on a grief-related topic over the past few days, and stumbled across some of your blog posts, and find them rather encouraging and welcoming.

Around ten years ago, I inadvertently killed a cat while driving home from a class on a dark road. I later killed a deer that ran directly in front of my car. I have been unable to overcome the guilt in all that time, as I feel that I need to apologize to the cat's owner in order to properly move on (I've never found them). If I never find the owner, to whom should I directly apologize?

The Burden of Guilt in Grief

Guilt is the source of sorrows, the avenging fiend that follows us behind with whips and stings.  ~ Nicholas Rowe

Guilt is a normal response to the perception that we’ve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that we’ve done something wrong. It generates a jumbled mixture of feelings including doubt, shame, inadequacy, insecurity, failure, unworthiness, self judgment and blame, anxiety and fear of punishment.

Voices of Experience: Sounding The Alarm for Cats Dying in Clothes Dryers

A danger foreseen is half avoided. ~ Thomas Fuller

Prevent Tragic Accidents: Put Reminder Stickers on Your Washer and Dryer!

This past March, Anne's life changed forever. While working from home, struggling with internet issues during a meeting, she moved to another room and briefly paused and restarted her noisy clothes dryer. Tragically, in that brief moment, her beloved 9-year-old, 7-pound cat sought refuge in the warmth of the machine. Anne didn’t anticipate this, and when she restarted the dryer, her kitty was inside. Her cat perished in what has become Anne's worst nightmare. This is her story.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 25 - March 2, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Losing a parent is devastating. Losing both in a short time creates a unique set of emotional and practical challenges. Navigating grief can be overwhelming, especially when dealing with the Social Security system. Financial planner J.C. Corrigan, CFP® shares his experience so that others might avoid similar issues. Navigating Grief and Benefits When Both Parents Die « Advisor Perspectives

In Grief: The Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.  ~ Corrie Ten Boom

A reader writes: I lost my mom six weeks ago. We had a distant and strange relationship my entire life as she favored my brother and made no qualms about showing it financially and otherwise. During my childhood there was much conflict in the house and she didn't protect me from it and wasn't remorseful. Dad had 7 heart attacks during my teen years and died when I was 19 (I'm 53 now). Our home revolved around chronic illness and tension and anger. I resented mom during my 20's and 30's for not protecting me from my father and brother and also had trouble with her obvious favoritism toward my brother which she expressed financially. I moved away many years ago and tried to create a more functional environment for myself and learn about love and support in other types of circles.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 23 - January 29, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We call them unspeakable losses because we do not have the vocabulary to speak about them. My partner died. Then my brother. Here’s what not to say to someone who is grieving « The Guardian

In Grief: Keeping The Secret of An AIDS Diagnosis

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.  ~ Paul Tournier

A reader writes: I'm not really sure what I am looking for. This will be the first time I say these words to anyone other than my husband or sister. Even my own kids don't know the truth, but I feel I need support right now and you've been so helpful and kind.

My mom died of AIDS last month at the age of 68. Barely one week later, my dad was diagnosed with full blown AIDS. He is 70. Today I spent the day moving him from the hospital to a nursing home. We were shocked when my mom was diagnosed, after being sick for a year. They did every kind of test in the world, except an HIV test. She was so sick by the time they did the test. We spent the last year taking care of her and watching her slowly leave us. During the last few months of her life, I started really thinking and searching thru things in my dad's life. I discovered a life-time of lies and deceit.

In Grief: Will I See Her In My Dreams?

Desire is indeed powerful. It engenders belief. ~ Marcel Proust

A reader writes: I know this is probably foolish to ask, but then again the way I have been over the last 2 months anything can be seen as foolish. I have been told by others that have suffered a loss to expect to see my loved one within a few months after death........ I wait, and I wait, and I'm still waiting... I want so much to tell her one more time that I love her ...as I sit in the dark I look and listen for her.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 28 - March 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Zoe’s death has rocked me because it is a marker. A reminder that time is the most relentless force in the universe: that no matter what we do, its thievery marches on. Love Persevering « No Mercy / No Malice 

In my many years of moderating an online pet loss forum, far too often I have heard from pet parents whose precious cat or kitten has died after being trapped in a clothes washer or dryer. It happened AGAIN! Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers « Grief Healing

In Grief: The Power of Forgiveness

Find the latest version of this post here:

In Grief: The Gift of Forgiveness

A reader writes: I lost my mom six weeks ago. We had a distant and strange relationship my entire life as she favored my brother and made no qualms about showing it financially and otherwise. During my childhood there was much conflict in the house and she didn't protect me from it and wasn't remorseful. Dad had 7 heart attacks during my teen years and died when I was 19 (I'm 53 now). Our home revolved around chronic illness and tension and anger. I resented mom during my 20's and 30's for not protecting me from my father and brother and also had trouble with her obvious favoritism toward my brother which she expressed financially. I moved away many years ago and tried to create a more functional environment for myself and learn about love and support in other types of circles.

Mourning The Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

Find the latest version of this post here:

Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

Whenever there is a loss of something significant in our lives, we suffer grief. When an intimate love relationship ends – whether we were married, living together with a partner or significant other, or committed to another as part of a couple – the separation can be overwhelmingly painful. Usually for a death there is a set ritual with a funeral or memorial service, and some understanding in our culture that mourning is important. But for the death of a love relationship, there is no prescribed ritual of mourning, and the accompanying grief that is part of the divorce / breaking-up process is seldom acknowledged or accepted. The ending of a love relationship is yet another kind of death, and it is just as worthy of our understanding and support. Gathered here are a number of resources that can help.
 

As always, if you know of others you've found useful that you think ought to be included, let us know in the Comments section below.

Coping with Pet Loss, January 3 - January 13, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Hospice 101: Quality of Life: Recognizing Pain in a Pet, http://j.mp/2FgZCqV « Gentle Journey

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Still Getting Killed in Clothes Dryers, http://j.mp/2Ffdzp6
« Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Still Getting Killed in Clothes Dryers

[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2025]

Precaution is better than cure.  ~ Edward Coke

In an earlier post I shared a number of stories from members of our online pet loss forum describing their personal experiences with cats and kittens being accidentally killed in clothes dryers.

As I said then, losing a beloved animal in such a horrific way leaves pet parents traumatized with gruesome images and devastating feelings of grief, guilt and remorse.

I’m sorry to say that despite my own efforts to alert and to warn, with an eye toward prevention, these tragic accidents continue to this day.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 22 - October 28, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loss of a Spouse: 5 Things Only a Widow/er Understands,  http://j.mp/2yZ6SXr « The Grief Toolbox

Trust Me As I Grieve, http://j.mp/2yYFZTM « What's Your Grief ?

Lin Sue Cooney: Coping with grief during holidays, http://j.mp/2yTFOqE « AZ Central

Coping with Pet Loss, July 2 - July 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What to Do When Your Dog is Lost, http://j.mp/2uLfwnp « TruDog®

Grief Healing: Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved, http://j.mp/2uC5oNm « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved

Source

[Reviewed and updated October 26, 2024]

Dealing with guilt is often thought of as the “dark side” of grieving. In fact, if you were to write a play about grief, guilt would be your villain.  ~ Dana Durrance

A reader writes: First I want to say that my 10-year-old dog is the love of my life sent to me by God to care for. He is epileptic and I devote my life and time to helping him in every way. I dread the day he has to leave me. My prior dog I also loved, perhaps not as closely, but she lived to be almost 17 and I loved her. My problem is that many years ago I gave away a little dog to someone, even knowing in my heart it was not the best home, and I am pretty sure she got run over as they lived on a busy road. It is a long story, but what was I thinking?

In Grief: Death of a Possibility

[Reviewed and updated March 8, 2022]

Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion.  ~ Arthur Koestler

A reader writes: My dad has been deceased for two years, and I am just coming to grips with the fact that he is really gone. It seems like only yesterday I got the phone call that changed my life forever.

My dad and I were never really close. His traumatic childhood had left him in a 24/7 dream world, and my parents divorced when I was about 4 years of age. My dad was a very sick man with schizophrenia and alcoholism. My mom left him when he became physically abusive, and throughout my childhood I met with him maybe five times. I have since forgiven him for what he did in the past to my mom and me, as he was sick and could not control his actions or words.

In Grief: Causing Accidental Death or Injury (CADI) to Another

[Reviewed and updated January 25, 2026]

Life is an adventure in forgiveness, the writer Norman Cousins once said, but few things come so hard as forgiving oneself.  ~ Todd Leopold

A reader writes: Three weeks ago I hit a pedestrian. Two days later he died. I am up and down, feeling guilt. Sometimes I try to act OK. My husband is very worried about me. I am going to a class on anxiety. It helps me understand what I am experiencing. But are there any online resources that deal with someone dying who is NOT a loved one, but rather actually a complete stranger and the ongoing guilt I feel about this?

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers

Source

[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2025]

Accidents happen. Our bones shatter, our skin splits, our hearts break. We burn, we drown, we stay alive.~ Moïra Fowley-Doyle

Nothing hurts my heart more than hearing from an animal lover whose cherished companion animal has died in an accident that could have been prevented. In my many years of moderating an online pet loss forum, far too often I have heard from pet parents whose precious cat or kitten has died after being trapped in a clothes washer or dryer. Losing a beloved animal in such a horrific way leaves a person with gruesome images and devastating feelings of grief, guilt and remorse.