Voices of Experience: My Brother's Love Became My Angel

Source

That is the tragedy of losing an older brother. He stays still. You keep on and one day become the older one. It's unnatural, that reversal. It's the thing that keeps the family from ever being whole again.  ~ Tiffany McDaniel, The Summer that Melted Everything

As I was clearing out some old files the other day, I came upon the following piece. It's a post that appeared some 15 years ago on what was then my website's message board. I saved it because its wisdom touched my heart, and I share it with all of you today in hopes that it touches yours. ♥

It has been 33 years since I had to experience the loss of a loved one first hand. It happened when my brother was killed by a drunk driver while standing at the side of the road. He was 21 years old. I was twelve. The experience that followed, my view of it all, and my eventual comforting conclusions of what had transpired in my life is what I want to share with you.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 18 - December 24, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Wishes For You This Christmas, http://j.mp/1wVMU8c « Grief Healing

6 reasons why you might have to put someone with dementia in a memory care facility, http://bit.ly/2i6sOIw « Alzheimer's Reading Room

How Can Caregivers Support Patients Without Suffering Themselves? http://bit.ly/2gYRaSU « Seven Ponds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 18 - December 24, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Updated: Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources 2016, http://bit.ly/2g7m25n « Grief Healing

Ease Grief by Volunteering, http://bit.ly/2hZ3rb9 « Seven Ponds Blog

New father loss song: Lukas Graham single, You're Not There, http://bit.ly/2ifgzcR « AfterTalk

Coping with Pet Loss, December 18 - December 24, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Don Lawson's Musical Tribute to Departed Animal Friends, http://ow.ly/wriT307eLnT « YouTube

How to Make Pet Loss Easier to Bear, http://bit.ly/2hivotH « A Good Goodbye

The grief of pet loss is traumatic and universal. So why don't we talk about it? http://bit.ly/2hLUQbF « The Guardian

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Grief Support Group: Should I Stay or Leave?

[Reviewed and updated June 16, 2023]

I will leave when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.  ~ Unknown

A reader writes: I've been attending a loss of spouse group for a couple months now, and last night was the first time that the whole group came at one time. It was 8 widows, all in various stages of loss. It is held at a time I normally would not be out of the house. Well, last night when I got home, I felt myself over stimulated; not emotional, but just not able to quiet my mind. I find myself worrying about one of the members. She is just two months out and she used the word desperate. She is on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds, and feels they aren't working. It is not my place to say anything, but I am concerned for her.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 11 - December 17, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Helping caregivers get to know who their patients once were, before dementia, http://wapo.st/2hZLqWy « The Washington Post

How to create a tangible pre-need keepsake, http://bit.ly/2hvp6oj « A Good Goodbye

21 Amazing Facts about Funeral Celebrants, http://bit.ly/2gHYKBg « Love Lives On

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 11 - December 17, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Powerful! A Life Worth Living, http://bit.ly/2hrIx1y « The Gift of Second

Voices of Experience: Helen's Christmas Gift, http://j.mp/uuOgZW « Grief Healing

Social Media Offers New Ways to Express Grief, http://bit.ly/2hfSH7I « SevenPonds Blog

Coping with Pet Loss, December 11 - December 17, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with pet loss through the gift of photography, http://bit.ly/2gWGXnL « Alicia Rius Photography

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Difficulty Making Decisions

[Reviewed and updated January 11, 2024]

He who rides the middle of the road gets hit from both ends.  ~ Loni Bergqvist

A reader writes: I have been browsing the Articles Worth Reading section of your Tools for Healing forum. I was wondering if there is an article or book that you can suggest for me about decision making and grief. I'm in the second year and I feel I'm making all the wrong decisions regarding my life, like job searching, where to live, how to spend money. Or I find that I'm unable to decide at all.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 4 - December 10, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

“Gimme My DaM Data”: the video, the story, the next speech, http://bit.ly/2gGhxun « e-Patient Dave

Please dear doctor, give me my results. My life is on hold. http://bit.ly/2gfom4Q « Kevin MD

Is Palliative Care Right for You? http://bit.ly/2haXB6S « SevenPonds Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 4 - December 10, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Secondary Losses: Why Grief is So Hard and Lasts So Long, http://bit.ly/2gd35Jn « The Grief Toolbox

Patton Oswalt's Year Of Magical Parenting, http://bit.ly/2h0Fu2H « GQ

What Is A Life-Cycle Celebrant? Interview With Life-Cycle Celebrant Holly Pruett: Part 1, http://bit.ly/2g1pOMW « SevenPonds Blog

Coping with Pet Loss, December 4 - December 10, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

God Squad: Being able to let go is allowing God’s will to become real, http://bit.ly/2hyk2ic « The News and Observer

Grieving for a Pet During the Holidays, http://bit.ly/2h634uR « NC State Veterinary Medicine

A Reality Check Concerning Christmas Puppies, http://bit.ly/2gU3kKJ « Spot Speaks

Pet Loss: Finding Support in A Group

[Reviewed and updated January 15, 2023]

A knowledge that another has felt as we have felt, and seen things not much otherwise than we have seen them, will continue to the end to be one of life’s choicest blessings. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

A reader writes: I have a question. I had to make one of the hardest decisions this past Saturday when I had to put down my beloved dog Bruno. I am not doing so well now. My vet knows of a pet loss support group she thinks I should attend, but I’m not sure how it could help, and I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable in a group like that. Can you tell me what you would recommend?

Caregiving and Hospice, November 27 - December 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How is hospice paid for? http://bit.ly/2fMpMbL « Hospice of the Red River Valley

Lifetime of memories: Dollhouse project helps hospice patient leave legacy, http://trib.in/2gtUG5h « Chicago Tribune

What Not to Say to a Cancer Patient, http://nyti.ms/2gDj84Q « New York Times

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 27 - December 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Life Lessons After Death: A Doctor Explains Her Own Healing At TEDMED, http://bit.ly/2gASRpZ « Fast Company

Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping, http://j.mp/18jpL5t « Grief Healing

Loving My Son, After His Death, http://nyti.ms/2h568Im « New York Times

Coping with Pet Loss, November 27 - December 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"No Way, No How, Nobody" Lyric Video Tribute To Animal Friends Who've Passed, by Don Lawson http://bit.ly/2glKL1f « YouTube

When a guide dog dies, the grief can be intense, http://bit.ly/2gKFB2h « San Antonio Express News

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: “Being There” for Someone in Mourning

[Reviewed and updated September 29, 2024]

When your fear touches someone’s pain, it becomes pity. When your love touches someone’s pain, it becomes compassion.  ~ Stephen Levine

Why is it so hard to "be there" for someone in mourning? If you're like many other good-hearted, well-meaning people, you may find it difficult to be with someone who is anticipating or coping with the death of a loved one. When you aren't sure what to say or do to support another person, it's natural to feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 20 - November 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Death and dying: Do dogs have it better? http://bit.ly/2guxRyM « Kevin MD

I have to go home, http://bit.ly/2fMpCND « Soaring Spirits International

Dear every cancer patient I ever took care of, I’m sorry. I didn’t get it. http://bit.ly/2feaPyU « Here Comes The Sun

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 20 - November 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After a Suicide; Surviving a Suicide Loss, http://bit.ly/2fgJri4 « Vimeo

The Legacy Lives on at Maui Pasta Company, http://bit.ly/2fwLawE « Maui Now

In the After ~ http://bit.ly/2gnQWBy « Soaring Spirits International

Coping with Pet Loss, November 20 - November 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Do Dogs Grieve Over the Loss of an Animal Companion? http://bit.ly/2f124s3 « Psychology Today

Veterinarian provides in-home hospice care for pets, http://bit.ly/2garUaC « Las Vegas Review-Journal

Guidelines for Veterinary Hospice Care, http://bit.ly/2fgHi6f « AVMA

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

From My Heart to Yours: A Thanksgiving Message

[Reviewed and updated November 21, 2021]

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

When I count the blessings in my life, I find that what I value most are the treasures that are free: my family members and loved ones, my friends, neighbors and colleagues ~ and most certainly my fellow travelers in life's journeys, as together we find our way through the challenges of caregiving, loss and grief.

You inspire me daily with your wisdom, courage and determination, and I am humbly grateful for all that I have learned from each and every one of you.

I wish all of you life's dearest blessings, on this Thanksgiving Day and always ♥ 

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH

Caregiving and Hospice, November 13 - November 19, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Caregivers have different set of problems, http://bit.ly/2g56E4r « Walking With Jane

Compassion and Choices Introduces Truth in Treatment, http://bit.ly/2gsQff9 « A Good Goodbye

FAQ for New Hospice Volunteers: 15 Questions You're Afraid to Ask, http://bit.ly/2g2dVnc « Pallimed

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 13 - November 19, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Many Paths of Grief: 8 Tips From Survivors of Loss, http://huff.to/2g2hgD0 « The Huffington Post

In Grief: The Healing Language Of Touch, http://huff.to/2fAiYgj « The Huffington Post

The People Who Can't Stop Grieving, http://di.gg/2fhvlut « Digg

Coping with Pet Loss, November 13 - November 19, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

When Friends and Family Don’t Understand Pet Loss, http://bit.ly/2g146bl « One Green Planet

Making Animal Hospice a Reality, http://j.mp/2e5OUau « The Grey Muzzle Organization

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources 2016

[Most recent update: Tuesday, January 10, 2017]

It's funny to think that Christmas — a time known for its joyful togetherness — can be the loneliest time of the year for some. ~ Giovanna Fletcher

Once again we find ourselves heading into the holiday season, which for many of us can be a stressful and challenging time, especially if we're anticipating or coping with the loss of a loved one. Fortunately the Internet offers access to a variety of useful and reliable resources that can help us find our way through these difficult days. In addition, many community hospices and mortuaries offer programs and workshops to guide and support individuals and families to identify and learn how to manage the mixed and painful emotions that can surface at this time.

As I’ve done in years past, I’ll be looking online for articles, webinars and other reliable resources to recommend to my readers, and each day throughout the holiday season I’ll be posting links to them on this page. Since I am building upon this list on a daily basis, I invite you to check back often to see what’s been added.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 6 - November 12, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On the Other Side of Hope – Hospice, http://bit.ly/2eFD6cz « The Unprepared Caregiver

5 Things You Can Expect from Your First Palliative Care Meeting, http://bit.ly/2cZfbFv « Get Palliative Care

We give pets dignified deaths, why not our loved ones? http://bit.ly/2fwwjEK « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 6 - November 12, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Election: Of Hate, Grief, and a New Story, http://bit.ly/2esdJzV « Charles Eisenstein

Mourning, Elections, and Choosing to Be Kind, http://bit.ly/2fsGPfM « What to Say When Someone Dies

On losing my dad to Alzheimers, http://bit.ly/2fLapRc « Custom Crafted Songs

Coping with Pet Loss, November 6 - November 12, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Making End of Life Decisions for Your Pet, http://bit.ly/2fIu2pY « PET MD

Helping Kids Understand the Death of a Pet, http://buff.ly/2eKBulb « Daily Mom

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Veterans Day, 2016

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

Veterans Day is a federal holiday celebrated every year in the United States on the 11th of November. Originally called "Armistice Day," it was intended to honor veterans of foreign wars, but its purpose over the years has evolved to include and honor anyone who has ever served honorably in the military. It affords us an opportunity to thank veterans and their families for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served ~ not only those who died ~ have sacrificed and done their duty.

In addition to the Veterans Day National Ceremony held each year on November 11 at Arlington National Cemetery at 11 a.m., communities across America plan their own ways to observe the holiday ~ but you need not wait until that day to reach out to veterans and their families.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 30 - November 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A story that needs to be told, http://bit.ly/2eFuGTb « ehospice

The costly Medicare boondoggle that’s wasting tax dollars and infuriating doctors, http://bit.ly/2flPGOQ « Kevin MD

Dangers of Morphine for the Dying, http://bit.ly/2ftoS46 « Barbara Karnes, RN

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 30 - November 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Contacting the Spirits, http://bit.ly/2eiGYjL « Widower's Grief

Cybergrief: Grieving an Online Friend, http://bit.ly/2fiQHZK « What's Your Grief?

Readers on overpowering nature of grief, death and dying, http://bit.ly/2fBu19w « The Guardian

In Grief: What to Do With Cremation Ashes?

[Reviewed and updated July 13, 2019]

The kind of "blind obedience" once theologized as the ultimate step to holiness, is itself blind. It blinds a person to the insights and foresight and moral perspective of anyone other than an authority figure.  ~ Sister Joan D. Chittister, OSB

Recently I came upon a Facebook post linking the reader to an article entitled Vatican: No more scattering of cremation ashes. The article describes the Vatican's recently published (but long held) guidelines for Roman Catholics who wish to be cremated, noting that cremation ashes are not to be scattered, divided up among family members or kept at home. Instead, they are to be stored in a place the church approves as a "sacred place."

The angry responses generated by the post reminded me of an exchange I had a while ago with a member of our online Grief Healing Discussion Groups:

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 23 - October 29, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Good Grief, Halloween! (It’s Not All Good), http://bit.ly/2frHh0D « What to Say When Someone Dies

Halloween and Holy Days, http://bit.ly/2eVGRgg « Widower's Grief

Grieving Inside the Waiting Room vs Outside, http://j.mp/2eY0GmC « Christina Rasmussen

Coping with Pet Loss, October 23 - October 29, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Short Film Captures Grief and Longing of Pet Loss, http://bit.ly/2ff9atv « Dogster

Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers, http://bit.ly/2extG6X « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers

Source

[Reviewed and updated August 11, 2024]

Accidents happen. Our bones shatter, our skin splits, our hearts break. We burn, we drown, we stay alive.~ Moïra Fowley-Doyle

Nothing hurts my heart more than hearing from an animal lover whose cherished companion animal has died in an accident that could have been prevented. In my many years of moderating an online pet loss forum, far too often I have heard from pet parents whose precious cat or kitten has died after being trapped in a clothes washer or dryer. Losing a beloved animal in such a horrific way leaves a person with gruesome images and devastating feelings of grief, guilt and remorse.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 16 - October 22, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Book: LGBTQ-Inclusive Hospice and Palliative Care http://amzn.to/2dvweOg « Columbia University Press

How Palliative Care Can Help You, http://bit.ly/2eisFOV « Get Palliative Care

Study Confirms Benefits of Early Palliative Care, http://bit.ly/2dqyR3S « National Cancer Institute

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 16 - October 22, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

10 comprehensive tips for talking to kids about grief and death, http://j.mp/2dzXeQb « What's Your Grief?

When Everyday Objects Become Sacred, http://j.mp/2eBKsDc « Seven Ponds Blog

you were loved. http://j.mp/2eiIkAE « Refuge In Grief

Coping with Pet Loss, October 16 - October 22, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Making Animal Hospice a Reality, http://j.mp/2e5OUau « The Grey Muzzle Organization

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

Source

[Reviewed and Updated May 11, 2023]

Alongside the hole left by losing a loved one, a caregiver may be surprised to feel a different kind of loss: a foundering sense of purpose. It makes sense -- caregiving can be so consuming and can require such hard-won expertise that it can be difficult to regain a footing in "normal life" afterward. ~ Paula Spencer Scott

A reader writes: My mother died 2 weeks ago. I had been her caregiver for 21 years. I don't know what to do or how to live. Everything I did was based on what was best for Mom. In the last couple of years, as Mom began to weaken, I became so depressed. I would care for Mom but neglected housework and yard work. I was always too tired. Now, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want....but I don't know where to begin . . . all of this stuff just makes me so tired. I just want to sleep or watch TV. Is this normal grieving? How do I shake myself out of this non-productive funk?

Caregiving and Hospice, October 9 - October 15, 2016

Stan Goldberg on ‘Loving, Supporting, and Caring for the Cancer Patient,’ http://j.mp/2e85e8t « Blog Critics

Caregiver Remorse: 3 Ways to Find Peace, http://j.mp/2e5Uw7q « Open to Hope

Ain't The Way To Die, http://j.mp/1MtTASL « ZDogg MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 9 - October 15, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

3 Reasons To Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions, http://j.mp/2df191f « Huffington Post

“In My Pocket” by Kelly Farley, http://bit.ly/2ekx5XX « Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back

Disenfranchised Grief: Stop Judging, Start Accepting, http://j.mp/2dKVrbs « Grief In Common

In Grief: Terminating A Counseling Relationship

Find the latest version of this post here: 

In Grief: When A Counseling Relationship Is Ending

A reader writes: My situation isn't really typical of the reasons most people join your forums, but I am experiencing terrible grief and it's not something I can talk to anyone about because most people don't recognize or understand it. I feel incredibly alone.

I've seen a counselor for coming up to three years and she has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. I have a tough life with a long-term illness and I have a disabled child so I feel really isolated. I've been fortunate enough to see my counselor free at an agency and I feel really close to her. I'm not close to my family at all as I had a tough upbringing and I don't see my friends very often. I'm a single parent since my marriage broke down 5 years ago.

My counselor told me 4 weeks ago that she is leaving the agency due to personal circumstances.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 2 - October 8, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"If They Would Just Eat, Everything Would Be Better," http://bit.ly/2dzh4KK « Barbara Karnes RN

Hospice care: The best man for the job is a dog, http://j.mp/2dp1sNc « The Irish Times

Madness! The interference in health care is mesmerizing, http://j.mp/2cO2MrC « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 2 - October 8, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

6 Vital Ways Dogs Make Life Better! http://j.mp/2dXW67q « The Huffington Post

Grief Before and After the Storm, http://bit.ly/2e9Yo6p « What to Say When Someone Dies

The 'O' Word that Hits Grievers—and What to Do about It, http://j.mp/2dP9u1f « Stunned By Grief

Grief Healing Earns HONcode Certification

I am pleased to report that for the sixth straight year, both the Grief Healing Blog and the Grief Healing Discussion Groups websites have demonstrated full adherence to Health on the Net Foundation’s high HONcode standards. As a result, both sites have earned HONcode certification, which entitles us to continue displaying the HONcode seal on the sites’ home pages through September 2017.

Health On the Net (HON) was founded to encourage the dissemination of quality health information for patients and professionals, and to facilitate access to the latest and most relevant medical data through the use of the Internet. The Health On the Net (HON) Foundation is a non-governmental organization, internationally known for its pioneering work in the field of health information ethics, notably for the establishment of its code of ethical conduct, the HONcode—the oldest and most trusted code for medical and health-related information available on the Internet.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 25 - October 1, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

End-of-Life Care Needs an Overhaul, http://j.mp/2dgzpNo « TIME

Who’s In Your Care Crew? http://j.mp/2dfjjDV « The Unprepared Caregiver

Suicide: Only cause of Top 10 U.S. deaths that's rising, http://j.mp/2dCNRNX « Miami Herald

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 25 - October 1, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Uninvited Guest: Making Room for Grief, http://j.mp/2cIXcEU « WhatsYourGrief?

Grief Healing: Where Did You Get That Name? http://j.mp/2daLjHr « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, September 25 - October 1, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I wrote a thing last night about feelings I've been feeling. On Grief and Hamilton, http://bit.ly/2dGoN8A  « Samantha Joyce

What I Learned from Sprinkles, http://bit.ly/2d4ee11 « Moody Speaks

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Grief Healing: Where Did You Get That Name?

[Reviewed and updated October 4, 2023]

Heal-ing: (n) - the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again; (adj) - tending to heal; therapeutic. Example: "a healing experience." Synonyms: alleviate, ease, assuage, palliate, relieve, help, lessen, mitigate, attenuate, allay. ~ Marion Institute

When I was deciding many years ago what name to give my collection of Grief Healing websites, I struggled with whether to use the word “healing” in my title, because I knew that the notion of healing from grief can seem offensive to some. After all, those of us who are anticipating or coping with the loss of a loved one know full well that grief is not an illness to be cured or a physical injury from which we will recover.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 18 - September 24, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why Bereavement Support is an Essential Component of Hospice and Palliative Care http://j.mp/2csFjqx « Liv On

Can sheer will power keep patients alive in their dying hours? http://bit.ly/2cAUe5m « STAT

RESPECT: An Approach to Death and Dying at End of Life, http://j.mp/2cErgVm « Marin Medicine

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 18 - September 24, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why Bereavement Support is an Essential Component of Hospice and Palliative Care, http://j.mp/2csFjqx « Liv On

The Death You Die When Someone You Love Dies, http://j.mp/2dnOYkx « John Pavlovitz

64 Tips for Grieving through The Winter Blues, http://j.mp/2cII0VT « What's Your Grief?

In Grief: College Student Considers Dropping Out of School

Find an updated version of this post here: 

Mother Loss: College Student Feels Like Quitting

A reader writes: In my 20 years of living there was not a single day that I had spent without my mom. She was my world and I was hers. She was more like a best friend to me. She played video games with me, we went to trips together, she cooked food for me. It was like she was for me and I was for her. And then, within a matter of 3 days, I lost her. She was just 42.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 11 - September 17, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Gratitude for ‘Extremis,’ Netflix’s new documentary about end-of-life care, http://j.mp/2cO3Lam « Zap2It

A Letter to Our Friends and Family, http://j.mp/2cRrMeM « The Unprepared Caregiver

Does the government know what it's doing to physicians? http://j.mp/2cumCG6 « Kevin MD

Coping with Pet Loss, September 11 - September 17, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What More Is There Possibly to Ask? http://j.mp/2cJMwXK « The Huffington Post

What this family physician learned from his dog, http://j.mp/2d16B9B « Kevin MD

Pet Loss: At My Age, Is It Selfish to Get Another Dog? http://j.mp/2cpa4gz « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Pet Loss: At My Age, Is It Selfish to Get Another Dog?

Source

[Reviewed and updated December 4, 2022]

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.  ~ Leroy "Satchel" Paige

A reader writes: My husband and I are both 74 and we have no children. So our pets become surrogate kids. My husband loved our dog but he seems to cope much better with her loss. He has health problems so much of her care fell on me. She was my friend! It has been three weeks now and I still feel sick when I think of her. I would like to get another dog but I am not sure what would be best. I am fairly active for my age and walked my golden retriever every day. Plus there is a park across from where I live where she was able to run. I am considering a sheltie. I just hope I am not being selfish getting another dog at my age.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 4 - September 10, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview with Karl Steinberg, MD: What is a Doctor’s Role in Advance Care Planning? http://j.mp/2c1vuow « Seven Ponds Blog

Difficult Conversations: How to Talk About Hospice Care, http://j.mp/2cDJh5B « Hospice of Red River Valley

Bedpans to outcomes: Why can't we quantify nursing care? http://j.mp/2bQs3M6 « Kevin MD

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Understanding and Managing Grief, September 4 - September 10, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Cleanup in the Produce Aisle, http://j.mp/2cz8T0f « Modern Loss

Dear Ayden: Responding to "How are you?" http://j.mp/2cO5zAi « All The Things

Despair, http://j.mp/2ckoNNE « All The Things

Voices of Experience: The Stethoscope, a Link to Past, Present and Future

Linking objects are literally any type of physical object or an image that connects a mourner in a comforting way with a deceased loved one.  ~ Lou LaGrand

Harriet Hodgson has been an independent health and wellness journalist for more than 37 years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists, Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the MN Coalition for Death Education and Support. She has presented at numerous conferences and has appeared as a guest on dozens of radio and television programs. A prolific author, she has contributed hundreds of articles to online and print publications, and has published 35 books ~ all stemming from her personal experiences with anticipatory grief, traumatic loss, grief recovery, health and wellness, grandparenting and primary caregiving. Learn more about this busy author, caregiving wife and grandmother at her website, HarrietHodgson.com and on her Facebook page.

Our elder daughter, mother of our twin grandchildren, died from the injuries she received in a car crash. This was bad enough, but six months later, the twin’s father died from the injuries he received in another crash.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 28 - September 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

This is what my ideal EHR looks like, http://j.mp/2bPKnWk « Kevin MD

Does 'No Code' Mean No Care? http://bit.ly/2bR4XYS « Barbara Karnes, RN

5 Things Care Givers Want Hospice Workers to Know, http://bit.ly/2c082Wb « Psychology Today

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Understanding and Managing Grief, August 28 - September 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, http://j.mp/2bHW7hL « Grief In Common

Powerful piece on child loss: No Longer the Victim: Emerging From Loss, http://j.mp/2bUONLV « Open to Hope

Pets Grieve Too, http://j.mp/2ci4dxG « Journey Care

Coping with Overwhelming Loss

[Reviewed and updated June 27, 2022]

A reader writes: I have come to the conclusion this year for me is supposed to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off I had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia.

I got him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2-year-old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition.

Every day is a struggle and I am in more pain than I can bear. My heart hurts.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 21 - August 27, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

More Than Medication: Hospice Care, http://j.mp/2bkZsPh « KJZZ

A physician tells a health insurance CEO what she really thinks, http://j.mp/2brUZfm « Kevin MD

Last 25 Articles on the Alzheimer's Reading Room, http://j.mp/2bzU7aj « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 21 - August 27, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Do I help A Grieving Child In My Classroom? http://j.mp/2c4f1iE « Suzanne J. Bayer, LLC

Children Want the Truth, http://j.mp/2bpbab6 « Widower's Grief

Eight Times Grief Made Me Feel Ugly, Mean or Crazy, http://j.mp/2bEwhfi « What's Your Grief?

Traumatic Loss: Surviving A Sibling's Fatal Accident

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.  ~ Clara Ortega

A reader writes: I'm going through a very difficult time. My oldest brother (39) died a month ago in a car wreck. We were super close as I lived with him for 5 years and he was always  protecting me and giving me his support and guidance ( I'm 31). Even before he died he told me how much he loved me and to take care of my belly, that we will see each other in a few days -- but this never happened and I'm devastated! He was so full of life. His wife recently had a baby, they both had great jobs and just bought a new house. He had so many dreams but was robbed of all of them by a negligent driver! I'm so full of anger and hate!

Caregiving and Hospice, August 14 - August 20, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Aging Solo: Okay, I don’t have a child to help me, but I do have a plan, http://j.mp/2aZlXZI « The Washington Post

The Gold Standard for Current Cancer Treatment, http://bit.ly/2biQYZm « Care And Cost

Why Listening Can Be a Gift, http://j.mp/2bcodgZ « Quiet Revolution

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 14 - August 20, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Exploring grief with photography, http://j.mp/2blqARv « Bereavement Care: Vol 34, No 2

When Breath Becomes Air: An evening with Lucy Kalanithi, http://j.mp/2btK5b2 « Interlochen Public Radio

Children: The Overlooked Grievers, http://bit.ly/2b9ZACS « GriefMinisterdotcom

Coping with Pet Loss, August 14 - August 20, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with grief after the loss of a beloved pet, http://j.mp/2bcfFXp « North Shore News

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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In Grief: My Life Turned Upside Down

Source

[Reviewed and updated February 6, 2021]

Strange, how death had a way of turning a table upside down in an instant. It swept away all the dust that covered treasures, blew the fog from one's view, knocked away facades.  ~ Julianne MacLean

A reader writes: My son-in-law was killed in a motorcycle accident two years ago. He was an amazing father and husband to my daughter, who was pregnant with their 5th child. He was a professor at a Bible college and going to get his doctorate. My daughter was never as happy as she was when she found the man of her dreams. My husband and I moved last year to be closer to my daughter and our grandchildren. I had been a hairdresser at the same salon for 30 years, but I gave it up because my husband could work from home anywhere. Meanwhile last October our 28 year-old son moved in with our daughter to help take care of the kids. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma last December. He had two surgeries: ribs cracked open to remove a mass from his chest, then a large mass in his neck, followed by 10 chemos and 14 radiations.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 7 - August 13, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Unnecessary Suffering and Indignity, http://bit.ly/2aJAdFV « BarbaraKarnesRN

Electronic hell records are here. Watch and weep. http://j.mp/2b5iauP « Kevin MD

Dying to Know Day: D2KD 2016, http://j.mp/2aGviLE « D2KDay|USA

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Understanding and Managing Grief, August 7 - August 13, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I'm Not Moving On From. I'm Moving On With. http://j.mp/2aSrlks « The Huffington Post

Not So Fast... Thank You, http://j.mp/2aJv8PM « Grief Watch

Revolutionary Act: Choosing Love When Death is All Around, http://j.mp/2aQrBxS « Open to Hope

Coping with Pet Loss, August 7 - August 13, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Rob Lowe and son John Owen bid warm goodbyes to their dog Buster, http://j.mp/2b20hPq « Daily Mail

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Voices of Experience: Unending Circle

Photo by Amy Willard

by Amy Willard

The symbolism of the ring is not, ultimately, about your own efforts or decisions or commitments, it’s a reminder of the promise that another has made to you, and of the promise that God has made to you both.  ~ Fr. Stephen Wang

Daniel put this ring on my finger 14 years ago today. The one beside it, I placed on his.

On this day, sitting here without him, I tell myself that it's important - vital - that I focus on the day I gave him this ring and shove back the thoughts of the day I took it back off his finger before they took his body away from me.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 31 - August 6, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After Caregiving: How to Fill the Void, http://j.mp/2aAxKks « Grandparents.com

No Glamorous Pink Ribbon Here: A Reflection on Death and Life, http://j.mp/2b01hlW « GeriPal

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

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Understanding and Managing Grief, July 31 - August 6, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Regret: It's Too Late Now, or Is It? http://j.mp/2aoRM2x «  Elaine Mansfield

If You Can’t Stand To Look At The Empty Chair – Sit In It, http://j.mp/2awskFn « The Grief Toolbox

25 Years After Losing My Father to Suicide, Sadness Resurfaces, http://j.mp/2aVFHmF « The Gift of Second

Coping with Pet Loss, July 31 - August 6, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Palliative Care for Your Terminally Ill Dog, http://j.mp/2aRtFe0 « Dogster

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you'd like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you're cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: When Can I Stop The Process?

Source

[Reviewed and updated January 18, 2019]

Grief comes in three stages: the beginning, the middle, and the rest of your life.  ~ Candace Lightner

A reader writes: I have been reading a great little book called Healing After Loss by Martha Hickman. It contains brief, one-page daily readings to help people work through their grief.

The theme for this day was “Sometimes the best choice is to be in my grief, sometimes not.”

The author says that sometimes we get used to living in the grieving mood and find it more “comfortable” to stay with than to make the effort to move away from the grief.

She writes, “We are the best judges of when to stay in our grief and when to move on to something else.” I completely agree with that statement.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 24 - July 30, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Ending Life Support, http://j.mp/2apbSbC « Hospice Times

It is as simple as saying “Hello, my name is…” http://j.mp/2a7Ggsh « Pallimed

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you'd like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you're cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 24 - July 30, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Ten Common Signs That The Deceased Send to Loved Ones, http://j.mp/2azEkHa « Open to Hope

Child Loss: I Am NOT Crazy! http://j.mp/2aAvg7k « The Huffington Post

Reaching for the Far Side of Grief: finding balance after the death of a loved one, http://buff.ly/2aqKwRB « Barbara Karnes, RN

Coping with Pet Loss, July 24 - July 30, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Losing a pet is super hard. Now there's a ton of research to back it up, http://j.mp/2ac6YeW « Vox.com

Compassionate care for pets: Why some animal lovers are turning to hospice, http://j.mp/1pDxvcv « NJ.com

Dog Given Months To Live Takes Epic Road Trip, http://j.mp/2aey0W3 « The Huffington Post

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you'd like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you're cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Coping with Mom’s Toxic Behavior

Source

We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming or cruel when we speak our truths.  ~ Melody Beattie

A reader writes: I'm having a hard time with my mom. My parents have been divorced for 20 years and frankly, my mom couldn’t stand my dad and often said so. She got a new boyfriend right when my dad died. In fact she introduced me to him while I was throwing up in her bathroom from the grief of my dad’s death two days earlier. She told me the day before the funeral that my dad was in hell. She rolls her eyes if I cry in front of her. I tried to talk to her about how much I needed her and she said I was an adult with my own kids, and I don’t need her. 

Caregiving and Hospice, July 17 - July 23, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Company We Keep, http://j.mp/2afEliU « The Unprepared Caregiver

Mindfulness Prayer to Begin IDT Meetings, http://j.mp/29IeM7H «  Pallimed

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.