In Grief: Coping with Deaths "Close Enough to Hurt"

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In Grief: Coping with Traumatic Loss

A reader writes: For the sixth night in a row I can't sleep. Last Monday a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. Her three children were in the car, the nine and eleven year old were perfectly fine, in fact just scratched. Her four year old was severely injured and helicoptered to another hospital. She died the next day. Mother and child were buried together in one casket. She was a friend from the past, but we had parted ways over the years. She still had a close relationship with my sister, and my niece and her eleven year old are close friends. This was not a death I would consider very close to me, although close enough to hurt. Anyway, I've become so paranoid I can't sleep.

Coping with Overwhelming Loss

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Coping with Overwhelming, Traumatic Loss

A reader writes: I have come to the conclusion this year for me is supposed to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off I had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia.

I got him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2-year-old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition.

Every day is a struggle and I am in more pain than I can bear. My heart hurts.

I have 3 amazing boys who need me right now but I can’t manage to be the strong mother I need to be. I am barely making it through this. Some days I don't think I will make it. I know my children and my faith are what is keeping me alive. My boys need me and I know if I were to commit suicide I would never be able to see my beautiful daughter again. These thoughts are what keep me going.

Then this past week the 16-year-old young man who lived next door decided he could not live anymore and hung himself. My boys found him and I had to break the news to his parents and help cut him down. This young man was very close to my family. My boys looked up to him like a big brother. I even looked at him as family. I can't help but be angry with him though. We already had enough difficulties in our lives and now we have to deal with this. I also feel sorry for what could have been going through his mind.

I don't sleep, my kids keep having nightmares. I have developed claustrophobia. I can't stay in a room for too long without it feeling like it is closing in. I can't stop crying. My mind will not shut off. I do not know what to do for myself, my family, or in general.

In Grief: Coping with Multiple Losses

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[Reviewed and updated April 6, 2024]

You don't think you'll live past it, and you don't really. The person you were is gone, but the half of you that's still alive wakes up one day and takes over again.  ~ Barbara Kingsolver

A reader writes: Over the past 3 years I've lost four close friends to various types of cancer. It's been hard for me to deal with this adversity, but I have an especially difficult time with the fact that when someone dies I feel very sad about them dying and then if someone else dies, the more recent death seems to consume me and I forget just how painful losing my other friend was. I want to remember all of my friends so I feel guilty for letting the pain associated with their death leave me to be replaced by another. Is this typical for someone like me? Just wondered. Thanks.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Do You Recover After the Loss of a Child? http://j.mp/1NC4N3Y « Seven Ponds Blog

Irish singer's moving video about grief will make you weep, http://j.mp/1Jpx4sP « SheKnows

Understanding the Grief of Suicide, http://j.mp/1PqhCNi « HuffPost Living Canada

Coping with Cumulative Losses: Personal vs. Professional

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[Reviewed and updated September 9, 2025]

It never rains but it pours.  ~ Old English Proverb

A reader writes: I don’t know where or how to start. I lost a beloved dog a month ago. My other dog is critically ill. I lost a very good friend earlier this year. I am also feeling enormous grief and guilt over the loss of another dog who was killed by a car.
          I am an RN so maybe you can relate a little. I was in critical care for many years and then worked in oncology and hospice. Most of my patients either died suddenly or suffered and eventually died. My involvement with significant others and family members was extensive. I attended many deaths in the course of my career.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 24 - March 2, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Helpful! Grief Support Groups, Resources and Information, http://j.mp/WtFp30 « About.com Death & Dying

Coping with Cumulative Losses, http://j.mp/Y7KuxM « The Grief Toolbox

Thoughts on How Spring Restores Hope, http://j.mp/YYYoGu  « When Every Day Matters

Wonderful ideas to help people at a difficult time, http://bit.ly/VNojjp « What's Your Grief

Coping with the Loss of a Loved One, http://j.mp/XQmfF6 « Psychology Today

Coping with Cumulative Losses

[Reviewed and updated September 9, 2025]

A reader writes: I lost my brother to brain cancer five months ago. After the funeral, I headed to my best friend's home (in another state) for our annual visit. Her dad had been in a nursing home for Alzheimer's for the past 7 years. The day that I’d intended to return home was the day that he passed away. So, I stayed for that funeral too. Barely two months later, this same friend’s mother (who for years has been like a second mom to me) suffered complications during surgery and developed a blood infection. I rushed back to my friend’s home and arrived in time to see her mom, although she was in already in a coma. She died two days later. Okay - that's three major deaths within three months. I feel as if I can't breathe. I don't know anyone who this has happened to. Many people have no idea what I'm going through because the deaths of my friend's parents “don't count” for me. People think that I don't have a “right” to grieve these deaths. They aren't my “in-laws” and they aren't technically related to me. Tell that to my broken heart. So, I thought that I would write and see if you could say a few words that might help me.