Understanding Grief Styles: How Personality Shapes the Way We Mourn

Ultimately it is [the] identification, validation, and exploration of their pattern of grief or adaptive grieving styles that grieving individuals will find empowering and that will allow them to deal with that loss on their own terms, with their own unique strengths. ~ Kenneth J. Doka, PhD

When someone we love dies, we expect grief to bring us closer together. But often, the opposite happens.

One person cries openly, needing to talk through every memory and emotion. Another stays quiet, focusing on tasks, logistics, or simply “getting through” each day. One may appear overwhelmed, while the other seems distant or unaffected. Misunderstandings take root. Feelings get hurt. And in the midst of loss, relationships can become strained.

What many people don’t realize is this: grief doesn’t look the same for everyone—and it’s not supposed to.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 27 - September 2, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

The early, dark days of grief can feel hopeless. Others will hold out the hope of waning pain for you, since that can be hard to imagine. Because we can't change what has happened, hope must focus on the future. Finding Hope in Grief « « Psychology Today

Caregiving & Grief, September 22 - September 28, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Spousal caregivers are largely fending for themselves, according to a new study published in the June issue of Health Affairs. Spousal Caregivers Are a Lonely Bunch, https://j.mp/2mJL0M1 « Seven Ponds Blog

Written after the death of her son, Denise Riley’s Time Lived, Without Its Flow finds radical and consoling ways to understand bereavement. Max Porter on the book everyone should read about grief: 'I felt changed',  https://j.mp/2mkG7ZL « The Guardian

Grief after non-death losses—like the voluntary “laying down” of one’s career—are often disenfranchised in our society. Today, I Chose Loss, https://j.mp/2lFmXgR « Grief Perspectives

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 10 - February 16, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Valentine Letter for YOU, http://j.mp/2GsVbwX « Second Firsts

Grief Support: Paying it Forward, http://j.mp/2IeRdd0 « Grief Compass

Over the Edge. Maybe, http://j.mp/2IdfvUO « Soaring Spirits International

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 3 - June 9, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Tell Me About Those Left Behind by Brandy Lidbeck, http://j.mp/2sHtLuv « The Gift of Second

To a deeply depressed mother, suicide isn't selfish: Kate Spade probably thought she was relieving her loved ones of a burden, http://j.mp/2sQYdSh « NY Daily News 

I’d love to say something enticing, like: do this 1 thing and you’ll see a 200% increase in your grieving friend’s satisfaction w your support skills! But that's odd. So – if you really want to support a grieving friend or family member, watch this tv clip, http://j.mp/2ggveVK « Refuge in Grief

Caregiving and Hospice, March 18 - March 24, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The role of canine companionship in end-of-life care, http://j.mp/2G5VdH6 « Lansing State Journal

Man Therapy: Innovative Approach to Suicide Prevention for Working Aged Men, http://j.mp/2FRdQ5y « ManTherapy.org

Challenges of ‘Being with’ Patients Nearing the End of Life, http://j.mp/2u2zVIY « Nursing Times

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 13 - August 19, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Nurses share a side to their profession that most people don't see, http://j.mp/2vP3qeC « Business Insider

12 tips for giving patients bad news, http://j.mp/2vOUnKG « Kevin MD

End-of-life advice: More than 500,000 chat on Medicare’s dime, http://j.mp/2vCf8Jd « USA Today

Caregiving and Hospice, May 14 - May 20, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We're Bad at Death. Can We Talk? http://nyti.ms/2rEVqJV « The New York Times

Cancer Patients Might Be More Optimistic About Prognosis Than Their Doctors, http://bit.ly/2qGtp5h « Seven Ponds

Rebecca Sudore on Advance Care Planning: The Prepare Trial, http://bit.ly/2rzfDRg « GeriPal

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 25 - December 31, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Buh Bye, 2016, http://bit.ly/2isEzZB « Modern Loss

Grief Diaries: Through The Eyes of Men, http://amzn.to/2iNS46X

Using Children's Books to Help with Grief, http://bit.ly/w4PFMh « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Do You Recover After the Loss of a Child? http://j.mp/1NC4N3Y « Seven Ponds Blog

Irish singer's moving video about grief will make you weep, http://j.mp/1Jpx4sP « SheKnows

Understanding the Grief of Suicide, http://j.mp/1PqhCNi « HuffPost Living Canada

Caregiving and Hospice, June 7 - June 13, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

At the end of life, 'the front line of truth telling is the physician,' http://j.mp/1CRajJX « Barbara Karnes, RN

Men in Grief: Strength Found in Solitude, http://j.mp/1L1suSW « Grief Watch

Words Matter: Cancer and 'Fighting' Language, http://j.mp/1GvT99t « Pallimed

Caregiving and Hospice, May 11 - May 17, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 life lessons [for men] from hospice workers, http://j.mp/QQYrUj « Men's Health

Building Outrage: Mad as Hell—and Then What? http://j.mp/1sBkPgN « MediCaring.org

Watch the short film to find out how ehospice improves access to quality palliative care worldwide, http://youtu.be/sD4IspE3NpI « YouTube

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 23 - March 1, 2014

Source

Thanks for the moments we danced. Thanks for the little while.  ~ Darcie D. Sims

On Thursday, February 27, 2014 we were shocked and saddened to learn that our precious Darcie Sims had died in her home in Puyallup, Washington. Described by those who love her as mother, wife, grandmother, educator, leader, rose-colored glasses wearer, smile-on-a-stick carrier, and friend, Darcie was one of a kind. She had a heart as big as a mountain, a sense of humor that rivaled Erma Bombeck's, and the ability to speak, write and teach about grief that captivated her audience, her readers and anyone fortunate enough to be in her presence. We're happy that she has exchanged her earthly address for a Heavenly one, but our hearts are broken in her absence, and we know this world will never be the same without her. We are so grateful to have known you, dear Darcie, if only for a little while.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 19 - January 25, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Survivors of Suicide: Members of a Very Small Club, http://j.mp/1emQrzk « New York Times Magazine

6 Things to Never Say to a Bereaved Parent, http://j.mp/1awPHfx « Still Standing Magazine

64 Movies About Grief and Loss, http://j.mp/1aV4R8Q « What's Your Grief?

How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences

When someone we love dies, we expect grief to bring us closer together. But often, the opposite happens.

One person cries openly, needing to talk through every memory and emotion. Another stays quiet, focusing on tasks, logistics, or simply “getting through” each day. One may appear overwhelmed, while the other seems distant or unaffected. Misunderstandings take root. Feelings get hurt. And in the midst of loss, relationships can become strained.

What many people don’t realize is this: grief doesn’t look the same for everyone—and it’s not supposed to.  Read on here >>>

Caregiving and Hospice, August 25 - August 31, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Aesthetic Experiences at the End of Life, http://j.mp/15IDxLe « Soundscape MusicTherapy

Dementia Books For Children http://j.mp/14Lyb2a « Dementia Journeys

Does my dad have dementia? http://j.mp/1476tyo « Caregiver Stress

Buried in the mounds of your loved one's legal documents? AARP's Amy Goyer offers solutions, http://bit.ly/1dkU7pm « The Organized Caregiver on YouTube

Positive interaction for Calm Caregiving, http://j.mp/15mpCgz « Eleanor Silverberg

Caregiving and Hospice, January 6 - January 12, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Fatally Ill, and Making Herself the Lesson, http://j.mp/V1usYe « New York Times

Good comments on Costs of Medical Care at the End of Life, http://j.mp/WIZFwm « New York Times

Mom's Coming to Live with Us: How Should I Prepare My Family?  http://buff.ly/WyWhUs « AgingCare.com

8 Websites To Help Caregivers Manage Money,  http://ow.ly/gyrB6 « eCaring

A time of caregiving crisis is the wrong time to make important descions. Plan ahead, http://conta.cc/WqLvQU

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 29 - May 5, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief, http://shar.es/2cd0Y via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Devastation leads to opportunity: Cracking the World Wide Open, http://j.mp/JjDKHq by WidowChick
  
  
• Beautiful. "Love is in the Details," http://j.mp/JjDsAg by FriendGrief
  
  
• Experience counts: The Widows' Bond: Duct Tape Meets Its Match, http://j.mp/JjD199
  
  
• The club no one wanted to join: Widow's Voice, Not Very Private, http://j.mp/Iz0sfB
  
  
• Excellent! Grief Digest Magazine: Negotiating the Ever-Changing Currents of Grief, http://j.mp/IyY1tp
  
  
• Why Every Girl Needs a Dog, http://j.mp/K2jsEo
  
  
• Fantastic Hospice of the Valley resource: Explaining Funerals to Your Children, http://bit.ly/IEvM0e via @ctsinclair
  
  
• Tween mourns death of best friend, http://j.mp/I8yCph by Marty Tousley
  
  
• When You’re Feeling Gloomy, Encouragement Is a Lifeline! http://j.mp/IrmkuI by Stunned By Grief
  
  
• Great post! Competing Over Grief, http://j.mp/IHt83o by @karlsprague via @Victoria_Noe
  
  
• Dealing with Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief, http://j.mp/JMoQwV
  
  
• Excellent piece: When grief feels like a competition, http://j.mp/IwexwE
  
  
• Men Grieving Their Friends, http://ht.ly/azXyN from @TheGriefToolbox via @GoodMenProject
  

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 15 - January 21, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Creative Healing: using the arts in dealing with grief of at-risk youth, http://j.mp/wHTRjT
  
  
• Darcie Sims: You know you're making progress through griefwhen..., http://j.mp/wgIC5o
  
  
• Disenfranchised grief and infertility, http://huff.to/yu8oHO by@savvyauntie via @sBaffone
  
  
• When the pain of grief starts to subside, http://bit.ly/zDMYCp via @AliveHospice
  
  
• Tools to help others in grief, http://j.mp/wMpSQb by @TheGriefToolbox

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 6 - November 12, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Handling Grief through the Holiday Season, The Compassionate Friends Webinar on Thursday, November 17, 8-9 pm EST; register at http://t.co/ffKp0Uap

• Coping with The Holidays: extensive list of articles, books, ideas, http://bit.ly/3jkKKh

• Write On! The Storybooks for Healing (SFH) Community is Open, http://conta.cc/ukBZY0 via @StoryForHealing

• What is patience and where can I buy some? http://bit.ly/uAQOIX via @caregiverblog

• What Else I Learned about Myself from Delle Chatman, http://bit.ly/uguYMn by @friendgrief

• Brilliant! Using photography as a way to fill the void in grief, http://bit.ly/vc7Egm 

• Therese Rando on Interventions after Traumatic Death, bit.ly/w500Ph ADEC webinar on Wednesday, November 16 by @ADECnews 

• Coping: I Miss You So SO Much! http://bit.ly/rM92xG by @Esdeer 

• Perinatal loss: the truth about grief, http://bit.ly/vibFXw

• Suicide is hard to comprehend for those left behind, ithacajr.nl/uh83lw

• Dealing with a deceased loved one's personal belongings, http://tinyurl.com/7vmqo99 via @caracappa 

• What I Learned about Myself from Delle Chatman, http://bit.ly/rGmjli via @friendgrief

• "The Surviving Parent's Role" in grief, http://ow.ly/7i4BL via @HelloGrief 

• Ain't No Sunshine: Men Reveal the Pain of Heartbreak, http://bit.ly/oeligm via @KindleSurprise