In Grief: Coping with The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

I have found in the years that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance . . . If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. ~ Bill Jenkins

A reader writes: I am just 10 days away from the one year mark of my wife’s death, and the last few days have been horrible. I have that all-too-familiar feeling of dread in the pit in my stomach and I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I don’t know how to explain my mood to my seven-year-old son. All I would love to do is to go to sleep for those 10 days and wake up afterwards. I know that in this journey I am going to take some steps backwards and believe me the backwards steps are not as severe as in the beginning, but I just can’t stand feeling this way.

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

There are] two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.  ~ Edwin Arlington Robinson

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. We had him euthanized when the disease had progressed to the point where, although he still had his dignity and awareness, he was so painfully thin and weak that we knew he was very tired; he had "fought the good fight," and it was time to let him go. 

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, June 13 - June 19, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

When compared with every other human group with whom grievers typically interact, animals provided significantly more support than family, friends, colleagues, therapists, social workers, medical staff, spiritual providers and more. Too often with humans, fear gets in the way of love. Animals simply just show up. Social work professor Joanne Cacciatore explores animals’ abilities to help those dealing with grief « ASU News

In Grief: When Nobody Seems to Understand

Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.  ~ Roy T. Bennett

A reader writes: Hi! I'm new to this. I lost my father this past fall. The grief and loss that I am feeling is almost unbearable. I am 35 years old. I've been married to my second husband for 2 years. I am at a total loss. My husband doesn't understand nor does he try to. He says that it's something he could get over. He says life goes on. Well, I realize that but it doesn't make it any easier.

Keeping the Secret of A Terminal Prognosis: Afterword

[Reviewed and updated June 19, 2026]

Sharing tales of those we've lost is how we keep from really losing them.  ~ Mitch Albom

A reader writes: As the daughter of the woman whose letter appears in your post Keeping the Secret of A Terminal Prognosis: Finding the Courage to Tell Those You Love, I wanted you to know that just four months after she wrote those words to you, my beautiful mother died in her sleep of heart failure. My father woke up in the morning and found her gone.

She left us all letters, and in mine she left a link to your online forum, along with her log in and password. She wanted us to read all that she had written.

I want to let you and your readers know what she was like.

Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief

[Reviewed and updated October 9, 2023]

Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.  ~ Veronica Roth

A reader writes: My sister told me about you and your wonderful dedication to helping those suffering the loss of a furry companion. I thank you for your dedication and compassion that we can find in very few people with whom we come in contact on a day-to-day basis.  The guilt that I suffer right now, along with an intense sense of loss and sorrow, is not related to euthanasia or questions like, "Why am I feeling this way?"

In Grief: No Sense of "Collective Closure" After Dad's Death

Reviewed and updated July 22, 2024]

When words are inadequate, have a ritual.  ~ Author Unknown

A reader writes: As soon as they learned that my father had died, the most beautiful flowers and lovely cards from friends and relatives around the country began to arrive at my door. Knowing that so many people are there for me and that all of them care means so much to me.

Still, all of this is so very, very odd-feeling, and I hope you can help me to understand why. My step-mother arbitrarily decided that, in her opinion, my father didn't know enough people in their town to make having a funeral or memorial service for him there "worth the effort." She had his body cremated virtually instantly, and she says we'll probably scatter his ashes over Long Island Sound sometime this summer.

Pet Loss: A Letter of Thanks

Find an updated version of this post here: 

Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief

A reader writes: Dear Marty, I want to express my gratitude to you personally for the comfort and strength you have given me and others like myself who have lost special companion animals. My cat of eleven and a half years died of kidney disease. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 14 - April 20, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Out of Grief Comes Emotion, http://j.mp/2PiE96c « The Grief Dialogues

Grief Mistakes, http://j.mp/2PiWqAb « Soaring Spirits International

The Griever's Bill of Rights, http://j.mp/2Pm00tG « Refuge In Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 10 - February 16, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Valentine Letter for YOU, http://j.mp/2GsVbwX « Second Firsts

Grief Support: Paying it Forward, http://j.mp/2IeRdd0 « Grief Compass

Over the Edge. Maybe, http://j.mp/2IdfvUO « Soaring Spirits International

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 6 - May 12, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The ever creative and wise @stacylondon has thoughts on repurposing and reinterpreting items left behind by loved ones. Read them and then rock something inherited as your own. Trust us; it’ll feel good. http://bit.ly/2KSUyM0 « Modern Loss

The Milestone Cipher, http://j.mp/2KSlPOH « Bryan C. Taylor

The Silver Lining, http://j.mp/2G3hvZ6 « Second Firsts

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 22 - April 28, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Secondary Losses,  http://j.mp/2I4c5Qd « Bryan C. Taylor

Interview: Current Research on Grief Responses, http://j.mp/2FmqbJZ « Open To Hope Radio

Beating A Dead Horse, Or At Least The Word Dead, http://j.mp/2FlnQiq « Laurie Grad

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 8 - January 14, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief's Coloring Book, http://bit.ly/2jECcA2 « Widower's Grief

Understanding Rubin's 2-Track Model of Bereavement, http://bit.ly/2ikXRvQ « What's Your Grief?

Caring for a Loved One: The Letter Every Caregiver Should Write, http://bit.ly/2iGfuHL« Grief In Common

Caregiving and Hospice, September 11 - September 17, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Gratitude for ‘Extremis,’ Netflix’s new documentary about end-of-life care, http://j.mp/2cO3Lam « Zap2It

A Letter to Our Friends and Family, http://j.mp/2cRrMeM « The Unprepared Caregiver

Does the government know what it's doing to physicians? http://j.mp/2cumCG6 « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 12 - June 18, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Running from Dad’s Death,  http://j.mp/1INFg4l « Open to Hope

What the Term “Fatherless Daughter” Means To Me, http://j.mp/1XZzFCq « Maria Shriver

Why I'm Jealous of Grieving People, http://j.mp/1W3Q2Mb « Modern Loss

Voices of Experience: Prayer for Safety ~ A Pastor's Response

by Michelle Jarvie

The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

It was a normal moment. The last meeting before Easter was coming to a close, the cookie container was emptying, people were discussing next steps. Sitting in my church’s conference room at a large rectangular table, I heard one of my colleagues say, “Let’s close in prayer.”

As the ISIS attack on Brussels occurred just one day before, the first prayer request was for the safety of a friend we all knew traveling in Europe. “I’d also like to pray for my children, who are traveling for Spring Break. Please bring them home safely,” another chimed.

I don’t think I heard anything after that. Instead, I felt my temperature rise, saw my husband’s body dragged on the road by a reckless SUV, and revisited many thoughts I’ve had hundreds of times before:

Voices of Experience: Standing Up for What You Need When Grieving

by Michelle Jarvie

Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. ~ Spencer Johnson

In an article I wrote earlier this year, I shared the letter I wish I could’ve received after my husband was killed. It focused on validation and simplifying expectations for the truly important things to do in those initial months. It also held hope: for various coping mechanisms, helping others through grief, and in someday being a mother.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 24 - January 30, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

8 Things To Remember When Everything Is Going Wrong, http://j.mp/1nv7dYy « Medical Health News

'Shouldn't You Be Over That by Now?' How to Respond to Judgment on Your Grieving Process http://j.mp/1KI5TH7 « HuffPost Healthy Living

Crazy with Grief, http://j.mp/1Kb7ESc « What to Say When Someone Dies

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 10 - January 16, 2016

Thanks to my colleagues for these
Kudos for Grief Healing on Social Media This Week:

Twitter: "9 Best Twitter Feeds for Grief and Loss," http://j.mp/1PtIKd4 « Walker Funeral Home, @WalkerCares

Grief Healing Blog: "A vote for the fantastic site Grief Healing as Best Health Blog!" http://j.mp/1JVkEbn « ADEC Headquarters ‏@ADECnews

Facebook: #FollowFriday @2healthylife @GriefHealing @ElaineMansfiel7 for being top influencers in my community this week :) « @BarbaraKarnesRN

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 1 - November 7, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The condolences end. Being a widow doesn't. http://wpo.st/Qell0 « The Washington Post

Using Cremated Remains to Make Portraits, http://j.mp/1WDMNHN « A Good Goodbye

Don’t Make Them Eat Cake, http://j.mp/1Pqti51 « Modern Loss