What I Never Understood Until I Lost My Mother

When a mother dies, a daughter’s mourning never completely ends.        ~ Hope Edelman

A reader writes: Today I visited your site for the first time, and I have decided to share something I wrote with you. This fall I lost my mother less than a week before my son's wedding. I have been grieving both my empty nest (all three of my adult children have moved on with their lives) and the loss of my mother. Each time I feel lonely or sad because my children have grown and left the nest, I feel deep pain for having caused my mother the same grief. Relationships with parents are complicated: expectations, irritations, personality quirks, being a 47-year-old daughter, and all the rest. Along with the emotional connectedness we shared, my grief also includes the loss of my mother as a friend.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 1 - May 31, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

For someone like Emilie, who has let millions into her life online, there's a false sense of intimacy. Fans feel like they know her. They want to comfort her. But in doing so, some cross a line. When comments shift from your pain to my fear, or my gratitude, they stop being about support and start being about self. And that's where well-meaning turns into harm. The six words no grieving mother wants to hear. « Mamamia

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 28 - May 11, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Grief is a journey. You can move through grief without letting go of the memory of your loved one. I will focus on the “morning” phase, or the sense of hope and faith that keeps us going. Learning From Loss « Psychology Today

Many experts in the field of grief psychology no longer speak of "stages" of grief that you passively go through, but rather of active "tasks" of healthy grieving, particularly in cases of traumatic losses such as the death of a child or death due to an accident, natural disaster, homicide or suicide. Not 'stages' of grief, but 'tasks': Escaping the spiral of heartache « Yahoo! Life

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 14 - May 20, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief can blindside us at otherwise ordinary moments. Grief is an invisible wound because all our pain is internal. Sharing these experiences can help educate others about grief. How Your Pain Helps Teach The World « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, May 7 - May 13, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

For practical suggestions on how to cope with grief on Mother’s Day ~ or on how to better understand and support a mother, mother figure, daughter, grandmother (or a dad!) in grief ~ you're invited to access one or more of the helpful articles and resources listed here:  Coping with Grief on Mother's Day: Selected Resources « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 24 - May 7, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Like so many institutions and rituals, the funeral business has undergone extraordinary change during the pandemic . . .The lifting of restrictions is allowing more people to attend funerals in person. With restrictions easing, families begin to turn grief into mourning « London Free Press 

Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day: Selected Resources

[Reviewed and updated May 10, 2025]

If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden.  ~ Claudia Adrienne Grandi

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day set aside for honoring one’s own mother and for celebrating motherhood. But for those who are mourning the loss of a mother or grandmother, or for mothers who are mourning the loss of a child or grandchild, this can be instead a most difficult day to endure.

If you find yourself or someone you love in these circumstances, know that you are not alone.

For practical suggestions on how to cope with grief on Mother’s Day ~ or on how to better understand and support a mother, mother figure, daughter, grandmother (or a dad!) in grief ~ you're invited to access one or more of the helpful articles and resources listed here:

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 2 - May 8, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Jana Kramer hosted an emotional and honest episode of her podcast, where she talked about the grief she feels from ending her marriage. On Grief After Divorce « Sounds Like Nashville

Nearly 30 years ago, Carol Smith lost her son. This year, her mother died. As old and new grief collide, this is what she's learned. On Mother's Day Grief: Closure Is A Myth « TODAY

In Grief: A Lovely Tradition on Mother's Day

Mother’s love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. If it is there, it is like a blessing; if it is not there, it is as if all the beauty had gone out of life.  ~ Erich Fromm

A reader writes: I just lost my mom a month ago. We had only known for 6 weeks that she had lung cancer. Let me tell you, those six weeks were short. She had just started the chemo treatments. I still can not believe she is gone ~ especially when I think about my first Mother's Day without her.

Caregiving & Grief, May 3 - May 9, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Optimal strategies for helping people develop new rituals to remember those who die during the COVID-19 era: Death, Grief and Funerals in the COVID Age « COVID White Paper

In the midst of a global pandemic, this day might actually feel a bit more aligned with what I want it to be. A Widowed Mother's Day à la COVID-19 « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 5 - May 11, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Forget the Flowers and Skip the Brunch. I Hate Mother’s Day. http://j.mp/2VrUfAF « Medium

Parents Who Lost A Child Need A Day Like Mother's And Father's Day, http://j.mp/2HnstvB « The Federalist

Writing a Book With My Mom Kept Her Memory Alive, http://j.mp/2Vjl4qO  « Modern Loss

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 13 - May 19, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Powerful: After a Teenager's Death, Metaphors Fail, http://j.mp/2IrHgZe « Modern Loss 

'Keep living your story' ~ Shadow Narratives, http://j.mp/2IqnihH « Bryan C. Taylor

Woman Has Photos Taken of Herself in Wedding Dress after Death of her Fiance, http://j.mp/2rSqGHH « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 6 - May 12, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The ever creative and wise @stacylondon has thoughts on repurposing and reinterpreting items left behind by loved ones. Read them and then rock something inherited as your own. Trust us; it’ll feel good. http://bit.ly/2KSUyM0 « Modern Loss

The Milestone Cipher, http://j.mp/2KSlPOH « Bryan C. Taylor

The Silver Lining, http://j.mp/2G3hvZ6 « Second Firsts

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 29 - May 5, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In grief, keep living, http://bit.ly/2jwTjpt « Bryan C. Taylor

The Good and the Bad of Life After Loss, http://j.mp/2KEerWV « Second Firsts

Shared by Megan Devine: Here's a handy Do This/Not That cheat sheet on how to help a friend in grief, http://j.mp/2KBwInQ « Pinterest

In Grief: Daughters Mourning Mothers

A reader writes: Today I visited your site for the first time and I have decided to share something I wrote with you. This fall I lost my mother less than a week before my son's wedding. I have been grieving for both my empty nest (3 adult children have moved on with their lives) along with the loss of my mother. Each time I feel lonely or sad because my kids have grown and left the nest, I feel deep pain for having caused my mother the same grief. Relationships with parents are complicated; expectations, irritations, personality quirks, being a 47 year old daughter, etc. Along with the emotional connectedness we had with one another, my grief includes loss for my mother as a friend.

And for her support and constant love that was available whenever I felt the need and which I most definitely undervalued. She was there to call, from Illinois to California, just to chat, connect, share trivia about my kids or grandchild or find a recipe. Anyway, I write to you to thank you for your thoughtful site. And also to send a poem. I wrote this with one of my sisters in my mind and heart. Her loving eyes, mirroring her feelings of loss, and how I feel experiencing my own
emotion of loss:  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 30 - May 6, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Sudden Loss: 5 Ways it Differs from Expected Loss, http://bit.ly/2pRHooo « The Grief Toolbox

Digitally Delivered Mental Health – The Revolution Is Here! http://bit.ly/2qMuoQa « Health Journeys

The Bigger Lesson From Facebook’s New Bereavement Leave Policy, http://bit.ly/2pKavtP « Fast Company

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 8 - May 14, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Sitting with Pain: Week 2 of BE-ing with Suffering, http://j.mp/1Ol5bH5 «  Hospice Times

When a death isn't peaceful, serene or good, http://j.mp/1WYIfPh « WhatsYourGrief?

Self Talk: What happens when we start to believe it? http://j.mp/1rEjlch « Rx for the Soul

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 1 - May 7, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Scares Us About Grief ? Week 1 of BE-ing with Suffering, http://j.mp/1TpTDON « Hospice Times

Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day: Selected Resources, http://j.mp/1FIpvMj « Grief Healing

Grief for a Loved One With Dementia, http://j.mp/1SJiRbu « Hospice Times

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 3 - May 9, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day: Selected Resources, http://j.mp/1FIpvMj « Grief Healing Blog

 A widower exclaims: I AM NOT A MOTHER !! http://j.mp/1zOytq9 « The Grief Toolbox

List of The Best Online Support Forums Includes Grief Healing! http://bit.ly/qprgrfrs « Qeepr Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 26 - May 2, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

After a spouse's suicide: Scared of the Anger, http://j.mp/1QYaZo9 « Widow's Voice

Tips for Who Should Be In Your Grief Support System, http://j.mp/1GCKsob « GriefMinisterDotCom

5 Things to Do Before Visiting a Psychic Medium, http://j.mp/1EVRgCn « Modern Loss