What I Never Understood Until I Lost My Mother

When a mother dies, a daughter’s mourning never completely ends.        ~ Hope Edelman

A reader writes: Today I visited your site for the first time, and I have decided to share something I wrote with you. This fall I lost my mother less than a week before my son's wedding. I have been grieving both my empty nest (all three of my adult children have moved on with their lives) and the loss of my mother. Each time I feel lonely or sad because my children have grown and left the nest, I feel deep pain for having caused my mother the same grief. Relationships with parents are complicated: expectations, irritations, personality quirks, being a 47-year-old daughter, and all the rest. Along with the emotional connectedness we shared, my grief also includes the loss of my mother as a friend.

Coping with the Holidays: Suggested Resources 2025

[Updated January 18, 2026]

Self-care is how you take your power back. ~ Lalah Delia

When someone dearly loved has died, we grieve not only for that individual, but also for the life we used to have, the love that special someone gave us and all the memorable times we spent together. Perhaps there is no time of the year when we're more aware of the empty space our beloved has left behind than during the holiday season.

Finding Joy in Grief?

[Reviewed and updated February 2, 2025]

For we have shared many griefs, but they are translated into pure love and rejoicing when we meet. ~ May Sarton

A reader writes: I am reading a wonderful little book Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman and I have a question for you. I have found this book of daily readings to be of great comfort to me. It has helped me survive one day at a time. Like the daily book readings, some days are better than others. I find that some readings are very difficult for me to comprehend. Overall, I can still recommend the book, but it is not perfect! 

In Grief: Failing to Protect My Mother

Kiss of the sun for pardon. Song of the birds for mirth. You’re closer to God’s heart in a garden than any place else on earth. ~ Dorothy Frances Gurney

A reader writes: I have seen your internet site and found it so interesting. I lost my beautiful mother in 2020 having nursed her at home for ten years. She was wheelchair bound and had dementia but we had a wonderful life together. Sadly I spent alot of time during those years protecting her from Social Services and Continuing Healthcare who were always trying to take her away and put her in a home as the care was cheaper in a nursing home than in her own home and I had to have help from other carers. I was her full-time carer and was on the go all day and many nights at times. I loved caring for her but the endless battle with Social Services left me drained and frightened we would be parted. Social Services tried everything they could to break me down but I had my faith and love to keep me going.

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, January 31 - February 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Whether you’re managing someone who has experienced a loss, or grieving yourself, communication and empathy are key. 7 tips for dealing with grief in the workplace « Fast Company

In Grief: Saying Goodbye to A Family Home

We carry our homes within us which enables us to fly.  ~ John Cage

A reader writes: I found out Saturday afternoon on a walk that there are people living in my parents' old house. Intellectually I knew it was going to happen, but emotionally... (I always have this dichotomy: an intellectual grasp of something, and an emotional grasp. There is quite often a significant lag time for the emotional grasp to catch up. I am trying to follow others' advice about letting the emotions lead, but its hard. My basic "default" setting is intellect first, then emotions.)

Caregiving and Hospice, October 1 - October 7, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

NHPCO Report: Hospice patients with short period of service continues to be a concern, http://j.mp/2fQeCjQ « Markets Insider

Book Review: "Life After the Diagnosis" by Dr. Steven Z. Pantilat, http://j.mp/2fO9TyY « Seven Ponds Blog

Stunning Poem on Living with Depression: "Having It Out with Melancholy," http://j.mp/2hHjsE7 « Brain Pickings

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 27 - September 2, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving May Be Lonely (But it Doesn't Have to Be), http://j.mp/2vVmAhg « Open to Hope

Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering, http://bit.ly/hO4In3 « Grief Healing

Attachment Is the Source of All Suffering, http://j.mp/2wmizFZ « Psychology Today

In Grief: Daughters Mourning Mothers

A reader writes: Today I visited your site for the first time and I have decided to share something I wrote with you. This fall I lost my mother less than a week before my son's wedding. I have been grieving for both my empty nest (3 adult children have moved on with their lives) along with the loss of my mother. Each time I feel lonely or sad because my kids have grown and left the nest, I feel deep pain for having caused my mother the same grief. Relationships with parents are complicated; expectations, irritations, personality quirks, being a 47 year old daughter, etc. Along with the emotional connectedness we had with one another, my grief includes loss for my mother as a friend.

And for her support and constant love that was available whenever I felt the need and which I most definitely undervalued. She was there to call, from Illinois to California, just to chat, connect, share trivia about my kids or grandchild or find a recipe. Anyway, I write to you to thank you for your thoughtful site. And also to send a poem. I wrote this with one of my sisters in my mind and heart. Her loving eyes, mirroring her feelings of loss, and how I feel experiencing my own
emotion of loss:  Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 12 - January 18, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Irony and Inconsistency of Grief, http://j.mp/1hBhmeS « Journeys Through Grief Newsletter Blog

Offering kindness through the breath: finding some ease in grief, http://j.mp/19CygJG « Refuge in Grief

"Mindfulness and Grief: The Transformative Power of Now" has been accepted for ADEC Annual Conference! bit.ly/adec2014 « Mindfulness and Grief