In Grief: Coping with A Stranger's Insensitivity

If you were 12 years old, no one would believe it odd that you would grieve the loss of your mom, so why do we assume it is easier 50 years later?  Those 50 additional years carry even more shared memories.  ~ Kenneth Doka

A reader writes: I am writing because I had a negative interaction with a store clerk about the death of my mother and I am stunned at how sensitive I am to the insensitivity of strangers. I need some kind of reality check.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 14 - April 20, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Out of Grief Comes Emotion, http://j.mp/2PiE96c « The Grief Dialogues

Grief Mistakes, http://j.mp/2PiWqAb « Soaring Spirits International

The Griever's Bill of Rights, http://j.mp/2Pm00tG « Refuge In Grief

In Grief: What's Age Got To Do With It?

Find the latest version of this post here:

In Grief: Coping with A Stranger's Insensitivity

A reader writes: I am writing because I had a negative interaction with a store clerk about the death of my mother and I am stunned at how sensitive I am to the insensitivity of strangers. I need some kind of reality check.

My mother loved cardinals, and one day I went to a rather snooty boutique (my first mistake) in search of a gift for my mother's friend. I asked the clerk if they sold cardinal figurines at their store. She said although it was "an obscure question," she thought there might be a cardinal figurine in one of the cases, and invited me to look with her. I shared with her that my mother died two weeks ago and cardinals were her favorite birds. I explained that she had died a month after open-heart surgery, and the clerk said she was sorry. Then she said "How old was your mother?" I said that didn't matter. She was my mother. The clerk responded with "Look, I was only asking. Don't get snippy. My parents died in less than a year of each other. I know all about grief." Taken aback, I answered, "Oh, so now we're into 'my pain is greater than your pain'?" "No," she said, "but that's what you're doing." With that remark, I walked out of the store. Read on here 

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 28 - July 4, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Widow sends travel-loving husband in a bottle with heartfelt note, http://j.mp/1dAblBx « Daily Mail

Grief at Work: Covering a Colleague’s Funeral, http://j.mp/1gd85Of « Victoria Noe

Hearing the Unheard in Grief, http://j.mp/1KwZHUV «  The Manifest-Station

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 12 - January 18, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Irony and Inconsistency of Grief, http://j.mp/1hBhmeS « Journeys Through Grief Newsletter Blog

Offering kindness through the breath: finding some ease in grief, http://j.mp/19CygJG « Refuge in Grief

"Mindfulness and Grief: The Transformative Power of Now" has been accepted for ADEC Annual Conference! bit.ly/adec2014 « Mindfulness and Grief

Explaining Death to Children

Source

[Reviewed and updated October 19, 2025]

Any child old enough to love is old enough to mourn. ~ Alan D. Wolfelt

If this is your family’s first experience with death, you may be wondering how and even whether to include your children in the rituals of grief and mourning for the special person who has died. You may have many questions about how best to meet your children’s needs at such a sad and difficult time. In this first in a series of posts on this topic, I hope to help you answer some of those questions.

Quite simply, what your children need most from you is honesty. They need accurate, factual information and freedom to ask their questions and express their feelings. Whenever possible, they need to be included in decisions, discussions and family commemorative rituals. They need stable, consistent attention from their caretakers. And like the adults around them, they need time to explore and come to terms with the meaning of their loss.