When a Widowed Parent Starts Dating: Why Adult Children Struggle

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.  ~ J.K. Rowling

A reader writes: Nearly a year after my father died at 54, I’m struggling with how much my mother has changed since she began dating someone new. I’m 34, the oldest of five, with three children of my own, and I’m deeply worried about the future of our family.

During my father’s illness—later revealed to be terminal—my mother was his full-time caregiver, handling every aspect of his care until he died. Afterward, she took a short break to visit her sister, then returned home seemingly renewed. She went back to work, attended grief counseling, and told us she had met a “friend,” a widower whose wife had also died of cancer.

Walking the Path of Sibling Loss

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.  ~ Clara Ortega

A reader writes: My older brother and only sibling passed away suddenly at the age of 30. This is selfish, but what I hated most during the funeral and days to follow were people telling me to:

• Take care of my parents.
• Be there for my parents.
• Watch out for my parents.

It was weird; it was like my grief did not/does not exist. I hate the fact that sibling grief is something that is usually not acknowledged. I mean you can usually find more information on parents losing children or children losing parents or even when you lose a pet -- but hardly any information on the feelings of siblings losing siblings.

In Grief: Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger

It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions ~ especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage and grief.  ~ Debbie Ford

A reader writes: My counselor came. We talked. I told her about my horrible feelings about other people who have been ill and are recovering. Instead of feeling good for them like a proper empathetic person should do, I feel sorry that they are getting better. How totally awful is that? My counselor said that it's anger that my husband died and they didn't. She said she asked me way back if I felt anger at my husband’s death and I said No. She said now the anger is coming out in resentment that others have survived and my husband has not. I think she may be right. I have struggled with this because it seems such a horrible attitude.

When Support Feels Absent: Finding Comfort After Loss

It sounds obvious, but it wasn’t until I was sitting with a friend (and feeling gloriously understood) that it finally clicked: no man can ever replace your mother.  ~ Anna Pasternak

A reader writes: I tearfully happened upon your website by chance this morning. My dearest friend, my mom, died in my arms this past month. I had brought her here to live with me after her colon cancer returned. From the moment of diagnosis, I watched her hurt and endure so much treatment, never giving up, always smiling, always gentle, humble. Mom lasted 7 months. My precious friend is no longer with me. Since she died, I’ve received very little support from my husband or anyone else. I joined an online grief group, but I do not feel as if I belong there. My friends have faded away. You would be surprised how people fade away when someone is thrust into care giving. Even our church turned their backs—no calls, no words of comfort, no nothing. My husband confronted them on this, but still no contact.

I do not understand. What am I doing wrong? My heart is breaking—where do I turn? I want to know it is okay to cry and that I will still be loved. I want to know that I can be distant in my sorrow and I will still be loved—not rejected. Can you help me to understand?

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 1 - October 31, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

Grief is a universal experience that touches everyone—from kids to adults. And for fourth grade teacher Ryan Brazil, she used her own recent loss to help educate and open up to her students about grief. She explains what grief is to her students using a vase. Fourth Grade Teacher Explains Grief to Her Students « Upworthy

If ever there is a time when you’re entitled to ignore the rules of etiquette, or a time when immediate thanks is neither expected nor required, it is when you are in mourning.It is perfectly acceptable to express your gratitude for gifts of flowers, donations and other acts of kindness later, when other affairs are in order and when you may feel more up to the task. It is also appropriate to delegate this task to those family members and friends who are willing and able to do it on your behalf. In Grief: On Writing Sympathy Thank-You Notes « Grief Healing

In Grief: Coping with A Stranger's Insensitivity

If you were 12 years old, no one would believe it odd that you would grieve the loss of your mom, so why do we assume it is easier 50 years later?  Those 50 additional years carry even more shared memories.  ~ Kenneth Doka

A reader writes: I am writing because I had a negative interaction with a store clerk about the death of my mother and I am stunned at how sensitive I am to the insensitivity of strangers. I need some kind of reality check.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 1 - May 31, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this month:

For someone like Emilie, who has let millions into her life online, there's a false sense of intimacy. Fans feel like they know her. They want to comfort her. But in doing so, some cross a line. When comments shift from your pain to my fear, or my gratitude, they stop being about support and start being about self. And that's where well-meaning turns into harm. The six words no grieving mother wants to hear. « Mamamia

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 24 - November 30, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

When I count the blessings in my life, I find that what I value most are the treasures that are free: my family members and loved ones, my friends, neighbors and colleagues ~ and most certainly my clients, readers and followers ~ fellow travelers in life's journeys, as together we find our way through the challenges of caregiving, loss and grief. Counting Blessings and Giving Thanks « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 16 - June 29, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Cody Delistray wanted to get good at grief. After his mother died of melanoma when he was in his early twenties, he found, as he writes in his new book The Grief Cure: Looking for the End of Loss,“There was no control to exert. No blueprint to follow.” So, feeling frustrated and exhausted, he did just what a mourner who’s also a journalist might do — he investigated. Grief is brutal, but there is value in it, experts say. So why do we try to "cure" it? « Salon

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 14 - April 20, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

A pediatric clinician shares the rewards and challenges of working with terminally ill children and their families. Terminally Ill Pediatric Patients and the Grieving Therapist « Psychotherapy.net

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 17 - March 23, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

From the loss of my daughter and countless hundreds of families I’ve helped over the years, I mapped out eight guidelines for how to go on after a devastating loss called “The Eight Honorings.” As outlined in my book, How We Go On, each of these honorings speaks to the answerable and unanswerable questions that Meghan’s parents are asking. The Love That Never Dies « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 25 - March 2, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Losing a parent is devastating. Losing both in a short time creates a unique set of emotional and practical challenges. Navigating grief can be overwhelming, especially when dealing with the Social Security system. Financial planner J.C. Corrigan, CFP® shares his experience so that others might avoid similar issues. Navigating Grief and Benefits When Both Parents Die « Advisor Perspectives

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 28 - February 3, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Megan Roantree lost both her dad and her best friend Shauna in her teens, now she reflects on the things it taught her about grief, and what she wishes she knew. What I Learned In Loss – & What I Wish I Knew About Grief « Stellar

A practical, technical or vocational major may have value in the job market, but it won’t provide the emotional or philosophical tools needed to cope with profound personal experiences like the death of a parent. For that, one needs a grounding in the humanities, which delve into the human experience, emotions and existential questions that arise during our most significant life events. How The Humanities Can Aid in Coping With Loss « Inside Higher Ed

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 26 - December 2, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

After experiencing a loss, the first year can be one of the most challenging times in the grieving process. Whether it’s a holiday, birthday, or anniversary, those firsts without your loved one present can trigger complicated feelings. Though the firsts aren’t easy, there are things you can do to help make them a little more tolerable. Tips on how to cope with grief during year of firsts « Clarksville Now

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 19 - November 25, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Knowing how to respond sensitively to someone else’s bad news is the last missing piece in the jigsaw of adulthood, the life skill most of us only realise, to our dismay, we are lacking in that particular sniper’s alley of the late 40s and 50s, when everyone is seemingly running from something and it suddenly feels very important indeed to be a good friend. These are the years of losing elderly parents, but also of early heart attacks, cancer diagnoses, of friends blindsided by now-the-kids-are-grown-and-gone divorces. Lately I’ve found myself struggling too often for the right words. There’s no right thing to say to people who are grieving, but the worst thing is fearing to speak at all « The Guardian

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 1 - October 7, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

In short, eventually you may well find an accommodation with your grief. I suppose that’s one of the few lessons I’ve learned in those four years. Not a happy accommodation perhaps, but enough of one to get you through the days and weeks and months and, now, years. That said, every so often grief will casually raise its head to remind you that it hasn’t finished with you. That it never will. That it is part of your make-up for the rest of your time on this planet. Every so often, grief will remind you it hasn't finished with you « The Herald

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 24 - September 30, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

As long as we love, we are going to grieve, and as long as we grieve, we are going to need support. Though it was on-trend for half a century, mourning attire has now been out of fashion even longer. Black is the customary color of mourning in the U.S., but wearing all black doesn’t infer what it did. Why Grief Is Ready for Its Renaissance Era « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 16 - July 22, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

People who are grieving can make us feel uncomfortable. We tend to isolate those who are grieving, exacerbating their pain and loneliness. Acknowledging and addressing each other's suffering goes a long way to alleviating it. We need to be less afraid of saying or doing the "wrong thing" when addressing someone's grief. I'm Sorry For Your Loss « Psychology Today

Voices of Experience: Saying Yes to Help (Saying Yes to Everything)

Never say "there are no words" to the grieving.  ~ Colin Campbell 

In his new book, author Colin Campbell offers an honest account of his journey through profound loss and grief, while providing guidance and practical tools for others going through similar experiences. Loss and grief are universal experiences but too often shrouded in isolation and discomfort.

Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose is a powerful and personal exploration of grief, as a bereft father shares his experience of losing both his children, Ruby and Hart when a drunk driver hit their car, and changed what was a pleasant family outing to the worst day imaginable. Colin Campbell addresses the fear, pain, denial, guilt, rage, despair and isolation that accompanies grief and encourages readers to find community and ritual in the face of loss. 

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 23 - April 29, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

People in acute grief are especially vulnerable and may be very private or open to interacting with others about the details. Though the expression of sorrow may be sincere, one's personal beliefs may not be shared by the acutely bereaved. Being present and simply expressing sorrow for the person's loss is usually well-received.  What Not to Say to Someone Acutely Grieving « Psychology Today