Child Loss: Supporting A Sister In Grief

Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heal them.  ~ Leo Tolstoy

A reader writes: My 6 year old niece died suddenly a month ago. She was a completely healthy, strong little girl, until all of a sudden she wasn't. She had been sick for a few days with a low grade fever and a headache. Her parents thought it was just the bug going around. One morning she woke up still complaining of her headache, but asking her parents if she could still go to her cheer competition the upcoming weekend. She was so excited about it. She fell back to sleep. When her father went to wake her an hour or so later, she started seizing. He rushed her to the hospital, where she continued seizing until at one point she stopped breathing and was intubated. She never woke up from that point. Once many tests had been run we were told that she was brain dead and she died from bacterial meningitis.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 3 - September 16, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's X stream this week:

When a loved one dies, “things” are no longer “just things.” In everyday life, the shoes someone leaves in the middle of the room can be an ongoing nuisance. But when the person who wore them dies, those shoes left behind can become sacred. The act of moving them represents a new challenge. Picking them up acknowledges the reality that they will not be left there again.  Why You Should Resist Taking Care of "Things" for those Grieving « Nancy Berns

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 21 - May 27, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Children process grief differently from adults. The grief and sacrifice of a child who loses a parent in military combat are ongoing. Children can process the death of a soldier parent, but the realness and permanence may be hard to accept. Memorial Day: A Hidden Audience in Grief « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 12 - February 18, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

If Dog Mountain were just a joyful place where dogs can run around, or plop into a nice pond, it would still be pretty special – 150 dog-friendly acres in the scenic hills of northern Vermont. But there is much, much more to this story. It's actually a real tear jerker, sweet but sad.  A dog lover's pilgrimage to Dog Mountain « CBS News

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 13 - November 19, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The definition of paying it forward in grief can vary significantly. But it all comes down to one basic idea: you use what you’ve learned during your experience with grief to help others. It provides new meaning and purpose to your shattered life. Paying It Forward in Grief « Alive in Memory

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 2 - October 8, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief is not exclusive to death; other losses occur more often throughout life. Broadening our understanding of grief and bereavement can help create more inclusive and compassionate communities. Grieving When No One Has Died « Psychology Today

In Grief: A Teen Mourns The Death of Her Best Friend

Because children and teens grieve differently than adults, their needs, especially support through the grieving process, are often overlooked. Consequently, children and teens are frequently forgotten, even invalidated, as mourners.  ~ Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

A reader writes: When I was 12 years old, my best friend in the whole world died, one month before her 12th birthday. She was in the swimming pool playing that game—you know, who can hold their breath the longest—she was under but when she came up she inhaled a lot of water. She stood up and went over to the ladder and she was wheezing. She got up to the ladder and fell backwards, but her cousin caught her.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 8 - May 14, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

New research identifies key determinants of bereavement intensity. Understanding Grief in the Shadow of COVID-19 « Psychology Today 

If someone you love has died during the novel coronavirus pandemic, you have come to grief in an exceptionally challenging moment in history . . . These and other pandemic-related barriers to the cultural grief rituals we rely on may be making your grief journey especially painful. Ten Freedoms for Using Ceremony During The Pandemic « AfterTalk

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 2 - January 8, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

2021, you showed me that grief is more than just losing someone who died. It’s also about losing people who are still alive. Dear 2021, you taught me a lot about grief « SpokaneFāVS

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, February 28 - March 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Zoe’s death has rocked me because it is a marker. A reminder that time is the most relentless force in the universe: that no matter what we do, its thievery marches on. Love Persevering « No Mercy / No Malice 

In my many years of moderating an online pet loss forum, far too often I have heard from pet parents whose precious cat or kitten has died after being trapped in a clothes washer or dryer. It happened AGAIN! Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers « Grief Healing

Caregiving & Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the absence of rituals surrounding the dying — such as visiting the bedside, viewing the body and having a funeral — the picture of the experience has been rapidly transformed.  How Coronavirus Complicates the Grieving Process « Pain Medicine News

Teen Grief: When A Friend Moves Away

[Reviewed and updated July 3, 2021]

Truly great friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.  ~ G. Randolf

A reader writes: I am 14 years old. Can you tell me what the 7 stages of grief are and which one I am going through? I am hurt right now because my friend moved away to Texas. She moved away 2 months ago and I'm still sad. Help me.

My response: You've asked about the so-called "stages of grief." You may be thinking of the stages of dying first described by the famous Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Please know that, wonderful as her work in death and dying was, her "stages" model was never meant to be applied to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Caregiving & Grief, March 29 - April 4, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In this op-ed, "Teen Vogue" identity editor Brittney McNamara explains why it's okay to feel anticipatory grief over seemingly small things during the coronavirus crisis. Anticipatory Grief Is Real, and It's OK to Feel it During the Coronavirus Crisis « Teen Vogue

Caregiving & Grief, September 22 - September 28, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Spousal caregivers are largely fending for themselves, according to a new study published in the June issue of Health Affairs. Spousal Caregivers Are a Lonely Bunch, https://j.mp/2mJL0M1 « Seven Ponds Blog

Written after the death of her son, Denise Riley’s Time Lived, Without Its Flow finds radical and consoling ways to understand bereavement. Max Porter on the book everyone should read about grief: 'I felt changed',  https://j.mp/2mkG7ZL « The Guardian

Grief after non-death losses—like the voluntary “laying down” of one’s career—are often disenfranchised in our society. Today, I Chose Loss, https://j.mp/2lFmXgR « Grief Perspectives

Teen Grief: "People Criticize The Way I Grieve"

[Reviewed and updated July 3, 2021]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

A reader writes: I'm 16 years old. My father died of cancer last week. We were extremely close, and at first I was handling his death very well. Now, as time goes by, I am beginning to miss him so much I can barely perform the everyday tasks without hurting. People criticize the way I grieve. I feel as if nobody could possibly understand the way I feel in the loss of my father. I am very young, and people keep telling me to be strong. Yet, when I am "strong," people question why I'm not grieving. A very dear friend of mine referred your website to me, and I thought that perhaps you could offer some advice to me on a more personal level.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 14- July 20, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief-Sensitive School Initiative, http://j.mp/2O4OIN7 « New York Life Insurance Company

6 Ways to Support a Grieving Teen, http://j.mp/32yWsKu « Modern Loss

Traveling with Grief, http://j.mp/2O2iNwO « The Artful Caregiver

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 13 - January 19, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My dad’s lesson in parenting through grief, served with a side of eggs, http://j.mp/2RBjAGl « The Washington Post

Grieving Who I Used To Be, http://j.mp/2RyUgku « What's Your Grief ?

Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/2HuFva9 « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 12 - November 18, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"Conversational Narcissism" ~ an excellent read on grief response: The Mistake I Made with My Grieving Friend, http://j.mp/2zU65pg « Oprah.com

Grief Is Good, http://j.mp/2iZZP7m « OptionB.Org

STOP! Read This Before You Post Another RIP on Social Media, http://bit.ly/2inAip5 « Grief Watch

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 27 - September 2, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving May Be Lonely (But it Doesn't Have to Be), http://j.mp/2vVmAhg « Open to Hope

Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering, http://bit.ly/hO4In3 « Grief Healing

Attachment Is the Source of All Suffering, http://j.mp/2wmizFZ « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 23 - July 29, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Struggling with Grief? You Need Not Struggle Alone, http://j.mp/2uJT0wl « Self Healing Expressions

Reject the 'J' Word that Devastates Grievers, http://j.mp/2v6dr9c « Stunned By Grief

Grief Identity Crisis: Who are we now? http://j.mp/2v4DZYp « The Grief Toolbox