When a Teen Driver Carries the Weight of Guilt After a Fatal Accident

God teach us by Moments, we only know it as Accidents  ~ Dyota Narotama

A reader writes: Two weeks ago my nephew was involved in a terrible auto accident. He was driving at night during a heavy thunderstorm when one of his rear tires blew out. He lost control of his car, skidded off the highway and ended up hitting a tree. His girlfriend was in the passenger seat and did not survive the accident. My nephew is only 17 years old and is not handling this well at all. I am worried about him and don’t know what I can do to help. 

My response: I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic auto accident that took the life of your nephew’s girlfriend. I can only imagine how devastating this has been for you, your nephew, and both families. Auto crashes are among the most sudden and unanticipated of deaths, and that alone can make grieving especially complicated.

It’s very likely that your nephew believes, deep down, that he was somehow responsible for his girlfriend’s death—even though the accident was unintentional.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 15 - January 18, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed:

The end of a caregiving journey brings a complex mix of emotions that can feel overwhelming and confusing. While grief is expected, many caregivers are surprised to experience relief after caregiving ends – a natural feeling that often triggers guilt. Understanding these emotions is crucial for healing and moving forward. Relief after Caregiving Ends « Caregiver Action Network

Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

When it hurts to stand still next to someone and the only thing you have in common is the past, sometimes the best thing you can do for each other is walk separately towards a future and it’s there you’ll find someone who stays. ~ Kirsten Corley

Whenever there is a loss of something significant in our lives, we suffer grief. When an intimate love relationship ends – whether we were married, living together with a partner or significant other, or committed to another as part of a couple – the separation can be overwhelmingly painful. Usually for a death there is a set ritual with a funeral or memorial service, and some understanding in our culture that mourning is important. But for the death of a love relationship, there is no prescribed ritual of mourning, and the accompanying grief that is part of the divorce / breaking-up process is seldom acknowledged or accepted. The ending of a love relationship is yet another kind of death, and it is just as worthy of our understanding and support. Gathered here are a number of resources that can help.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 10 - November 23, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Grieving adults must take care of themselves first so they can take care of their kids. Model healthy grief for children by letting them know that sadness and anger are OK. Remember that everyone grieves differently and help children figure out what works for them. Find a place for joy as well as sorrow in daily life. Helping Your Kids When You're Grieving Yourself « Psychology Today

Dealing with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

There is a light within each of us that need never entirely go out. We can lose the battles, but not the war. We can go on when our minds tell us that there is no point in going on- because something deep inside tells us we can go on. And we do.  ~ A. Powell Davies

A colleague writes: I am wondering if you would send me your best recommendations for dealing with traumatic loss. If you know any activities or rituals that can help a person heal that would be helpful. A coworker is dealing with a traumatic event and has asked for some help. Thanks so much.

Voices of Experience: Sounding The Alarm for Cats Dying in Clothes Dryers

A danger foreseen is half avoided. ~ Thomas Fuller

Prevent Tragic Accidents: Put Reminder Stickers on Your Washer and Dryer!

This past March, Anne's life changed forever. While working from home, struggling with internet issues during a meeting, she moved to another room and briefly paused and restarted her noisy clothes dryer. Tragically, in that brief moment, her beloved 9-year-old, 7-pound cat sought refuge in the warmth of the machine. Anne didn’t anticipate this, and when she restarted the dryer, her kitty was inside. Her cat perished in what has become Anne's worst nightmare. This is her story.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 21 - April 27, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

According to research from national bereavement charity Sue Ryder, gardening and nature can have a profound impact on the grieving process and 40% of the 1,000 respondents surveyed said that gardening had actually ‘saved’ them from their grief. Gardening Is 'Saving' People From Grief By Providing A Safe Space For Reflection « HuffPost

Pet Loss: Yet Another Kitten Killed in Clothes Dryer

[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2025]

A deliberate mistake is not the same as an accidental one.  ~ Frank Sonnenberg

A reader writes: My mother saved three kittens from a feral life when she found them on her property by a feral mom. She watched them closely until mom had started weaning them then she took them in and had been raising them for the last couple months. They’re finally big enough for their sterilization surgeries and they are scheduled. I’ve been around animals my entire life. I’ve worked as an assistant in the veterinary field so I’m no stranger to animal care or loss. However yesterday crushed me.

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 24 - July 30, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The language of closure can often create confusion and false hope for those experiencing loss. Individuals who are grieving feel more supported when they are allowed time to learn to live with their loss and not pushed to find closure. Pushing 'closure' after trauma can be harmful to people grieving – here's what you can do instead « The Conversation

In Grief: Surviving The Trauma of Abuse

[Reviewed and updated April 18. 2024]

A good half of the art of living is resilience.  ~ Alain de Botton

A reader writes:  Where to begin? As a child I was sexually abused starting at the age of 4, by my older siblings. I have 4 brothers in all and have been abused by 3 of them. This didn’t last long, but has left a mark on me that I have had to endure all my life. I have or thought I had come to terms with it.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 9 - January 15, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What is it that makes young people feel too uncomfortable to talk about grief, and how can we better support them? More than a third of 18–35s are uncomfortable talking about grief, study reveals 

Caregiving & Grief, March 29 - April 4, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In this op-ed, "Teen Vogue" identity editor Brittney McNamara explains why it's okay to feel anticipatory grief over seemingly small things during the coronavirus crisis. Anticipatory Grief Is Real, and It's OK to Feel it During the Coronavirus Crisis « Teen Vogue

Mourning The Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

Find the latest version of this post here:

Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

Whenever there is a loss of something significant in our lives, we suffer grief. When an intimate love relationship ends – whether we were married, living together with a partner or significant other, or committed to another as part of a couple – the separation can be overwhelmingly painful. Usually for a death there is a set ritual with a funeral or memorial service, and some understanding in our culture that mourning is important. But for the death of a love relationship, there is no prescribed ritual of mourning, and the accompanying grief that is part of the divorce / breaking-up process is seldom acknowledged or accepted. The ending of a love relationship is yet another kind of death, and it is just as worthy of our understanding and support. Gathered here are a number of resources that can help.
 

As always, if you know of others you've found useful that you think ought to be included, let us know in the Comments section below.

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 1 - April 7, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Dialogues, http://j.mp/2EnpejY « The Grief Dialogues

Dealing with Unresolved Trauma, http://j.mp/2HaXiDc « PsychAlive

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

A colleague writes: I am wondering if you would send me your best recommendations for dealing with traumatic loss. If you know any activities or rituals that can help a person heal that would be helpful. A coworker is dealing with a traumatic event and has asked for some help. Thanks so much. Read on here >>>

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 27 - December 3, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Life Lessons After Death: A Doctor Explains Her Own Healing At TEDMED, http://bit.ly/2gASRpZ « Fast Company

Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping, http://j.mp/18jpL5t « Grief Healing

Loving My Son, After His Death, http://nyti.ms/2h568Im « New York Times

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 19 - April 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

 Grief is powerful. Here are 6 lessons survivors learn from tragedy, http://j.mp/1HDpUzR « Vox

How To Deal When Your Widowed Parent Starts Dating Again, http://j.mp/1Gg3TTv « Adequate Man

Groundbreaking Guidelines Address Grief, Trauma, Distress of Suicide Loss, http://j.mp/1z1CxmW « Grief after Suicide Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 19 - January 25, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Survivors of Suicide: Members of a Very Small Club, http://j.mp/1emQrzk « New York Times Magazine

6 Things to Never Say to a Bereaved Parent, http://j.mp/1awPHfx « Still Standing Magazine

64 Movies About Grief and Loss, http://j.mp/1aV4R8Q « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 18 - August 24, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Excellent! How long does grief last? http://j.mp/156myhD « Grief Helps

Beyond Surviving: after the suicide of a loved one, http://j.mp/1f9rEiE « SevenPonds Blog

Just outstanding: The Taboo Against Trauma, http://j.mp/19Mf1Nt « Maria Shriver

On a better understanding of depression and suicide, http://j.mp/16LUMgM « Widow's Voice

Suggestions for Coping with Sorrow in Grief, http://j.mp/15337u9 « Grief Healing Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 28 - August 3, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving a parent and healing our inner wounds, http://j.mp/19AMdqb « Caring with Confidence

Scott Simon: Goodbyes and Grief in Real Time,  http://j.mp/16IRp6p « New York Times

10 Ways to Honor a Deceased Coworker, http://j.mp/16aoZ56 « About.com Death & Dying

Yes! Kudos to Scott Simon for His Tweets, http://j.mp/15wsJ1J « The Family Plot Blog

Talking about death with young children: lessons from Sesame Street, http://j.mp/14iQoWO « The GroundSwell Project