When Does Grieving End?

Grief comes in three stages: the beginning, the middle, and the rest of your life.  ~ Candace Lightner

A reader writes: I have been reading a wonderful little book called Healing After Loss by Martha Hickman. It contains brief, one-page daily reflections to help people work through their grief.

Today's reading centered on this thought: "Sometimes the best choice is to be in my grief, sometimes not."

The author suggests that we can become so accustomed to living in a grieving state that, in some ways, it feels more comfortable than making the effort to step away from it.

In Grief: When Healing Is Mistaken for Letting Go

I desire no future that will break the ties of the past.  ~ George Eliot

A reader writes: I have been told several times by people to "let go" of my ex who has died. I hate that.

I was told by a counselor once to "let him go," and this counselor (a spiritual counselor) said I was holding his spirit back by hanging on to my grief. I began to feel guilty, and decided I wouldn't think about him or talk aloud to him any more, if I was holding him back from moving on into heaven. That very night I had a dream. He and I were riding in a car with my sisters, and he had his arm around me. He turned to me and said very clearly, "We belong together. Why do you listen to others tell you things you know are not true?"

Struggling With Acceptance and "Letting Go" in Grief

The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.  ~ Steve Maraboli

A reader writes: I send you a letter, asking for guidance and help, my father passed away two months ago, and it's very hard to accept that he is gone, my mom is angry and sad, can you help us.

In Grief: Feeling Pressured to "Move On"

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.  ~ Robert Frost

A reader writes: I was married to a wonderful man for 26 years. At the age of 45 he suffered a massive heart attack and was given a life expectancy of two to five years, but with pacemakers, meds, and various procedures, he was able to be with us another ten years. They were not always easy years, as illness does not bring out the best in any of us. Nevertheless, we fell back in love and had the opportunity and blessing of this past year. We grew very close and he was my best friend. We have a grown son that my husband cherished. My question is this: Why after only six weeks do others think my son needs to move on?????

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 21 - April 27, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

According to research from national bereavement charity Sue Ryder, gardening and nature can have a profound impact on the grieving process and 40% of the 1,000 respondents surveyed said that gardening had actually ‘saved’ them from their grief. Gardening Is 'Saving' People From Grief By Providing A Safe Space For Reflection « HuffPost

Acceptance, Closure, and "Moving On" in Grief

Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it. ~ Michael J. Fox

A reader writes: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that.

Voices of Experience: A Glimpse of Life After Loss

By Sharon McCuistian

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.  ~ Havelock Ellis

After the sudden, unexpected death of her husband, Sharon Ellis McCuistian found herself a widow at the age of 48. With two grown children in college, Sharon had to find a way to live in her new reality. She turned to the things she loved to help in her journey through grief: faith, family, friends, and her love of words. Writing became the cathartic venue by which she began to process her loss. That writing grew into her blog, Now Choose Life, where the following post first appeared. It is reprinted here with her permission.

In Grief: Refusing to Let Go

A reader writes: I have been told several times by people to "let go" of my ex who has died. I hate that.

I was told by a counselor once to "let him go," and this counselor (a spiritual counselor) said I was holding his spirit back by hanging on to my grief. I began to feel guilty, and decided I wouldn't think about him or talk aloud to him any more, if I was holding him back from moving on into heaven. That very night I had a dream. He and I were riding in a car with my sisters, and he had his arm around me. He turned to me and said very clearly, "We belong together. Why do you listen to others tell you things you know are not true?"

So from that time on, I ignored anyone who told me to move on, or let go. I believe I AM moving on, however slowly and at my own pace, and I am taking my changed relationship with my former husband WITH me as I move on. I know his spirit watches over me, and that he will be there when it is my time to cross over. I know I can fall in love again, if that is what is in the cards for me, and that will not take away from my love for my first love. I have never said goodbye to him, and I never will -- at most, "see you later." Read on here: In Grief: When Healing Is Mistaken for Letting Go

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 20 - January 26, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Captivating World of Mary Oliver, http://j.mp/2RKw66y « TIME

“Get Over It,” http://j.mp/2ROTXC0 « Grief Compass

I Died Too, http://j.mp/2RLpipk « Better Not Bitter Widower

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 2 - December 8, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Review: Meditation Coloring Books for Grieving, http://j.mp/2BWIZB7 « Seven Ponds Blog

PSA: TAPS These Days #FamiliesNeverForget, http://j.mp/2BXXULl « You Tube

Grief and Not Wanting to Be Alive, http://j.mp/2BW8ylI « Grief Compass

In Grief: Is Dad Dating Too Soon After Mother's Death?

[Reviewed and updated April 18, 2024]

I have a dead husband... I have a scarred heart. I am in a different place. Love after love will not feel the same. But that doesn't mean that it's not love.  ~ Janine Teague Eggers

A reader writes: My mother passed away last May and Dad started dating again three months after mom's death. He is now serious with a lady he met online. On the one hand, I am happy that he is happy again, as he was married to my mom for 45 years and it was a shock to everyone when she died five months after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. However, I am feeling neglected and ignored by my dad.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 4 - March 10, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is it time to "get back to life"? Grief doesn't work that way.  http://j.mp/2G8nHAI « Refuge In Grief

How to Tell When Technology Makes Anxiety Worse, http://j.mp/2G6Q7eq « PsychCentral

Tips for Talking with Children about Addiction and Overdose Loss, http://j.mp/2Fu8hWl « Hey Sigmund

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 28 - February 3, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talking Openly About Suicide, http://j.mp/2rVFVCg « Seleni Institute

I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore: Grief and Loss of Identity, http://j.mp/2GyYXBN « What's Your Grief?

Grief During the Last Stages of His Life, http://j.mp/2Gu1Q6R « Barbara Karnes, RN

In Grief: When Counseling Isn’t Helping

[Reviewed and updated December 31, 2023]

If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  ~ Frederick Douglas

A reader writes: Well it seems I am not doing any better now since both my parents have died. And I have no doubt that this is hurting me more than anyone else in the family. My Mom and I lived together and she knew me better than all of them and I knew her better than all of them. The only person in my family that probably knew my Mom as well as I did was my Dad.

But anyway, I just can't make any progress and feel I am in an endless pit of grief, mourning, sorrow, and despair. Tonight I asked God to just take me. I don't want to be here anymore. I am sick of it and sick of it ALL!

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 13 - August 19, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Greatest Fears of Grief, http://j.mp/2vMDdNF « GriefMinisterdotcom

When the 'U' Word Is Missing, Grievers Suffer, http://j.mp/2w5TwHR « Stunned By Grief

Do You Really Never Get Over Losing A Child? http://j.mp/2vGUS9y « Grieve Well

Grief Healing: Where Did You Get That Name?

[Reviewed and updated September 9, 2025]

Heal-ing: (n) - the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again; (adj) - tending to heal; therapeutic. Example: "a healing experience." Synonyms: alleviate, ease, assuage, palliate, relieve, help, lessen, mitigate, attenuate, allay. ~ Marion Institute

When I was deciding many years ago what name to give my collection of Grief Healing websites, I struggled with whether to use the word “healing” in my title, because I knew that the notion of healing from grief can seem offensive to some. After all, those of us who are anticipating or coping with the loss of a loved one know full well that grief is not an illness to be cured or a physical injury from which we will recover.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 7 - August 13, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

I'm Not Moving On From. I'm Moving On With. http://j.mp/2aSrlks « The Huffington Post

Not So Fast... Thank You, http://j.mp/2aJv8PM « Grief Watch

Revolutionary Act: Choosing Love When Death is All Around, http://j.mp/2aQrBxS « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 19 - July 9, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream:

Coping with grief overload: Sometimes you just have to take a break from the media exposure around national tragedies, http://j.mp/29pM10r « What's Your Grief?

Moving On Versus Healing, http://j.mp/29rGwxL « All The Things

How to Hurt a Suicide Survivor, http://j.mp/29pvsDQ « The Gift of Second

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 27 - October 3, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Family Misunderstanding After A Death, http://j.mp/1jDtVMt « What's Your Grief?

Why Listening Can Be A Gift, http://j.mp/1NYA3dp « HuffPost Quiet Revolution

In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts Of "Acceptance" and "Moving On," http://j.mp/1NWWAr9 « Grief Healing

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In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts Of "Acceptance" and "Moving On"

A reader writes: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that.  Read on here: Acceptance, Closure, and "Moving On" in Grief