Finding Comfort, Connection and Hope in a Grief Support Group

A knowledge that another has felt as we have felt, and seen things not much otherwise than we have seen them, will continue to the end to be one of life’s choicest blessings.  ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

A reader writes: Today is exactly two months since my husband died. I have been crying since Sunday, after my son and his fiancé left. I can't seem to find any joy in anything. Two of our children are getting married, I have a new grandchild on the way, there is so much happy stuff going on, and I just want to cry. Maybe I’ve been trying to be brave. Nobody likes a downer, but damn it, I feel like a downer. I just saw an ad in the newspaper for a grief group that’s starting this month, and I really feel I need this. I have never been one to join a group, but this is more then I can deal with. Do these groups really help? There are six sessions, all dealing with different steps. Is it worth trying? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.

In Grief: Learning from Experience

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.  ~Laurence J. Peter

Over a single weekend, a remarkable series of posts appeared in one of the forums on our online Grief Healing Discussion Groups. Entitled What I’ve Learned, it began when one of our widowed members decided to share what she’s learned from grief ~ both positive and negative ~ and she invited others to follow suit.

The result is a remarkable list of helpful tips and insights, all containing the wisdom that only comes from the hard-won, gut-wrenching experience of having lost a loved one. We decided that such wisdom deserves to be shared with others who are grieving.

In Grief: Finding Support That Is Right for You

The human organism knows how to heal itself, once it knows its symptoms are normal.  ~ Gail Sheey, in New Passages

Reaching out to others is often very difficult when we’re struggling with grief, but experience teaches us that the more support and understanding we have around us, the better we will cope.

You may wish that friends, family and co-workers would just “be there” for you without your having to ask, but that’s not likely to happen. It’s not that these people are uncaring; there simply is no way for them to fully understand the significance of your loss and the depth of your pain. Unfortunately your friends, family members and co-workers may not fully understand or appreciate the attachment you have with the one who has died and the pain you may still be feeling weeks and months after the death. What is more, your need to talk about your loss may outlast the willingness of others to listen.

If you find yourself in this position, please know that you have a number of helpful alternatives available to you.

In Grief: Son Disapproves of The Way Mom Needs to Grieve

Imagine the choices you'd make if you had no fear-of falling, of losing, of being alone, of disapproval.  ~ Martha Beck

A reader writes: It will be one year tomorrow that the love of my life, my everything -- will have been in Heaven for one year and I miss him so very, very, very much. Announcement of the anniversary of my husband’s death appears in the newspaper today and I am a wreck. I just can't do this life thing without my beloved...it is so hard and I don't know where to turn. I am tired of pretending, so very, very tired................

My oldest son didn't want to put in a memoriam and my youngest, well he basically asked me to do it for him. It hurts so much. I know they truly miss their father with all of their being but why, why won't they talk to me or, or I don't know what.

In Grief: Widowed Mom's Drinking Alienates Family

Compassion for our parents is the true sign of maturity. ~ Anaïs Nin

A reader writes: My father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids," then couldn't afford to live apart. He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mother's life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms.

I did not have a good relationship with him (nor did my brother) - he was mean, selfish and just not a very nice person to us or anyone else. Nonetheless, I did and still do grieve for him. I also grieved for the father I never had, but I did forgive him before he passed away and was present when he died.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 3 - March 9, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

Asking yourself about the grief process and overdoing this work is a great insight that is always good to examine. I hadn’t thought of the possibility of working so hard at grief that it could be a distraction from stepping into life, but it makes great sense and is a profound insight. The importance of taking time for 'recess' in the grief process « Taos News

In Grief: Making Big Decisions After Major Loss

Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful. ~ José N. Harris

A reader writes: Two months ago we lost our 18-year-old son in a traffic accident just two blocks from our home. He was driving alone. We are talking about moving because my wife can't drive by the intersection anymore and does not feel comfortable in the home. I need some advice on the subject of moving. Would this be good, bad, or too soon? Would we regret a move later down the road? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

Grief Support Group: When Is It Time?

The type of group [in person or online] isn't the most important factor in the grief journey. Rather, finding a group that best enables personal growth, healing and moving forward is key.  ~ Anna Baglione, PhD

A reader writes: I lost my husband while I was pregnant with our first child and he was undergoing a bonemarrow transplant for his treatment of lymphoma. I was wondering if anyone around the 6th month maybe (cause thats where I am at now) remembers things more vividly. I had forgotten so many precious things and I don't know if it was the point that I am at but everything comes to me so clearly. I dream more vividly,

In Grief: How Writing Letters Can Help

More than kisses, letters mingle souls.  ~ John Donne

A reader writes: I'm so sorry for all our losses and the horrible pain we're feeling. I'm a little reluctant to comment because my spouse died two years ago. Yes, I should be "over it" by now as so many have said, but I'm not. I hope my writing this doesn't depress too many others.

Voices of Experience: Navigating Grief in the Wake of A Husband's Suicide

After taking her sons on a hike with the family dog one beautiful fall afternoon, Charlotte Maya returned home to find a police woman, a policeman, and a priest in her driveway—there to deliver the news of her husband’s suicide. Charlotte knew her husband had been stressed about work, but she had no idea he was suicidal. She thought he had stayed home to take a nap. 

As a young widow, Charlotte cried, cursed, meditated, medicated, downward-dogged, and ran as a way to make sense of her husband’s suicide. As the mother of two bereft sons, she summoned her inner strength and clarity in order to provide steady guidance for them to navigate their own ways through the ensuing months and years. Her story offers intimate moments, powerful lessons, as well as practical ways through which not only suicide survivors but any of us experiencing loss can move forward to live lives of joy and purpose.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, July 25 - July 31, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Many people are starting to celebrate the return to a pre-pandemic life. How does that feel to those who have suffered losses and are still grieving? Joy and grief will coexist as Americans return to pre-pandemic life – 'everyday memorials' will help « Religion News Service

Voices of Experience: Coloring As A Healing Tool in Grief

by Anne M. Gorman

When my husband of forty years died in 2012, I searched for whatever I could find that might help me with my grief. In 2013 I was introduced to the idea of mindfulness coloring for adults, in the form of Johanna Basford's beautiful coloring book, Secret Garden. I've since found this method of coloring to be a wonderful help in calming me and giving me something relaxing to do ~ especially since I live alone. 

In Grief: When to Consider Joining A Support Group

[Reviewed and updated June 29, 2026]

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.  ~ Booker T. Washington

A reader writes: I was wondering if anyone around the 6th month maybe (because that's where I'm at now) remembers things more vividly. I had forgotten so many precious things and I don't know if it was the holidays or a point that I am at but everything comes to me so clearly. I dream more vividly, I look around my house and memories just flow in. In some ways I am glad to have these memories come to me, but they are also reminding me of how wonderful things were with him here and how I won't have that again.

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, January 31 - February 6, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Whether you’re managing someone who has experienced a loss, or grieving yourself, communication and empathy are key. 7 tips for dealing with grief in the workplace « Fast Company

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 10 - January 16, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

During 63 years of marriage we were a couple and now it was just me, flying solo. What did I need to survive and thrive? Assembling My Grief Survival Kit: What's In Yours? « Open to Hope 

Public misperception is a barrier between patients and palliative care. Based on the true story of a nurse practitioner’s experiences with patients and families facing serious and terminal illnesses, this film depicts the patient-centered interdisciplinary care that so many seriously ill patients need.  Film ‘The Elephant in the Room’ Shines a Light on Palliative Care « Hospice News

In Grief: Worried About Widowed Mother

Find an updated version of this post here: 

In Grief: Widowed Mom's Drinking Alienates Family 

My father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids," then couldn't afford to live apart. He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mother's life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 22 - November 28, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

It’s your new identity without your loved one and it’s important to establish guidelines and boundaries. It’s important to make it through the holidays and do what’s best for you. Honor yourself and one day the holidays will be good again for you.  Thanksgiving Grief: You Are What You Eat « The Wellness Universe Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 11 - October 17, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

"I’ve heard of something called palliative care, but I don’t understand it and no doctor has mentioned it. Can you help me?"  Confused About Palliative Care Vs. Hospice Care? You Aren’t Alone « Egosan

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 27 - November 2, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Such a difficult question to answer, “What is to come?” Dementia does not play by the dying process rules. There is no time frame we can put on dementia’s progression. What Comes Next? Dementia at End of Life, https://j.mp/2PGwsZA « BK Books

Research shows that as many as one third of seriously ill, hospitalized older people are receiving invasive treatments they don’t want at end-of-life, because no one has talked to them about their wishes for future care. To die well, we must talk about death before the end of life, https://j.mp/2oy3osd « PBS NewsHour

More companies are putting extra thought into their bereavement leave policies, one of the trickiest elements in any benefits package. Does Your Boss Have Your Back When a Loved One Dies? https://j.mp/34cx8dm « The Wall Street Journal

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 6 - October 12, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

For over three decades, students have shown an ever-increasing desire to learn about death. College Death Classes Are Gaining Popularity, http://j.mp/2My7kBp « Seven Ponds Blog

He suggested that I shouldn't be so terribly upset about the death of my dog. I disagreed. Losses come in many forms, and we can honor all of our feelings about them. Let me be upset. https://j.mp/2ME292C « Heart Callings

Craving sex is an awkward but deeply human response to one of life's worst moments. Yes, Grief Can Make You Horny, https://j.mp/2IBK0S6 « VICE