Living With Loss Without Living in Grief

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.  ~ Unknown

A reader writes: It's been a week since the fifth anniversary of my Mum's passing. Since then, I have found that I'm trying to forget about it. Putting it to the back of my mind and hoping it doesn't appear in a conversation. Is that wrong? It’s also been six months since I visited the cemetery, but it's not because I find it hard to go there, I suppose I feel that it's not important to. Is that wrong?

When Grief Is Postponed: Finding Your Way Back to Healing

I tried to shut out the feelings that were hurting my heart with a thousand tiny pinpricks, which was somehow worse than having it broken all at once.  ~ Morgan Matson, in Second Chance Summer

A reader writes: I lost my dad ten months ago, while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I originally felt rejected by him, but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible. 

 So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving. 

In Grief: Trying to Forget Mum's Passing

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.  ~ Unknown

A reader writes: It's been a week since the fifth anniversary of my Mum's passing. Since then, I have found that I'm trying to forget about it. Putting it to the back of my mind and hoping it doesn't appear in a conversation. Is that wrong? It’s also been six months since I visited the cemetery, but it's not because I find it hard to go there, I suppose I feel that it's not important to. Is that wrong?

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 27 - December 3, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Parents, caregivers, and other concerned adults can help young people understand and get through challenging times. Even very young children can understand death and its permanence. How Grief Can Affect A Child -- And Helping Them Cope « EveryDay Health

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 19 - July 2, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Assumptions about the nature of a person's grief based on the type of relationship they shared with the person who died often lead to disenfranchised grieving. What's in a name? Why you can't judge grief by a title « What's Your Grief? 

"I don’t downplay other people’s losses—each is its own unique pain—but the loss of a spouse is perhaps the most world-altering in the day-to-day. It is vast, encompassing every aspect of one’s life." The Infinite Sorrows of Grieving a Spouse « Psychology Today

When Grief Is Delayed and Unresolved

[Reviewed and updated May 2, 2026]

Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on.     ~ Rabindranath Tagore

A reader writes: I found your Grief Healing websites via Google and I appreciate the wonderful articles and online support you offer. I'm a man, 44, and through some wonderful recent life experiences I am just now getting in touch with some very old and very deep sadness. It feels like grief but there's no person I'm grieving over; it's the loss of a normal childhood that I'm feeling deep sadness over. Are there grief support groups on the Internet that help guide people in my situation? Thanks very much.

Voices of Experience: It's Never Too Late to Grieve

A sibling may be the keeper of one’s identity, the only person with the keys to one’s unfettered, more fundamental self. ~ Marian Sandmaier

Judy Lipson says there is no recipe for grief. Her sisters were her compass, constant, champions, and competitors and for thirty years she suppressed the grief of losing her two beloved sisters. Judy lost her younger sister Jane at age 22 in an automobile accident and nine years later her older sister Margie at age 35 to a twenty-year battle with anorexia and bulimia. It was not until 2011 that Judy began her journey to mourn for Margie and Jane, turning tragedy into Celebration through an annual ice-skating fundraiser. The following is taken from Judy's book, Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, and is reprinted here with her permission.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, January 30 - February 5, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We hold on to love while we can, but sometimes letting someone go is the greatest expression of that love. I'm A Vet Who Helps People Say Goodbye To Their Pets. When My Dog Was Dying, I Couldn't. « HuffPost 

A Brooklyn writer learns to process her grief through her love of art. Welcome to The 'Grief Club' « YouTube

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 27 - July 3, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

The unfairness of it is breathtaking. Grieving for what your person is missing, for what “he would have loved,” is complicated. There is no way to prepare for it. I'm Grieving For All The Things My Husband's Missing « Scary Mommy

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 17 - May 23, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We can’t visit the dying in hospitals, and we can’t gather for funerals—but technology can lessen the pain. Grief in the Time of COVID-19 «  Scientific American

In Grief: Being Open to Mourning

[Reviewed and updated July 20, 2019]

Along with meditation, some of your grief will want to be written, to be cried out, to be sung, to be danced. Let the timeless wisdom within you carry you through grief to an open heart.  ~ Jack Kornfield

A reader writes: I certainly understand the loss of pets as I grieved terribly for a cat I had that was killed by a car, she was just a young cat and I feel I let her down. I also had an abortion and that was four years ago and I am still grieving to some degree. My dad I lost a year and a half ago, he was my best friend and I loved him so much but beyond the initial crying when he first passed away I can't let the grief out, though I miss him terribly, when I cry my eyes sting and I hear a voice inside telling me to dry up my tears.

In Grief: Acknowledging A Need for Support

[Reviewed and updated June 21, 2026]

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.  ~ Nelson Mandela

A reader writes: Ten years ago I lost my first and only wife of 47 years. All of them were fantastic years and we had a great marriage. She died after a two-year struggle with cancer. A lot of pain and lot of suffering. I cared for her in my home with the great help of hospice. She died in my arms. I continued to work through this time up until the last 3 weeks, but had awesome help from a daughter and daughter-in-law and many friends. After her death I was back on the job within 2 weeks or less and felt that I was strong and could handle the whole situation without any problem.

In Grief: When Sorrow Is Delayed

[Reviewed and updated May 18, 2025]

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul.  ~ William Shakespeare

A reader writes: Hello I lost my mum 3 yrs ago, she died suddenly of a heart attack at 41 yrs. I was 19 at the time and had suffered the loss of a friend 7 months prior to mum’s death, as well as the separation with the father of my 14 month old son. After mum died my son, younger sister and i had to move 5 times that year until we were granted government housing. After that, life just kept going and so did i. I feel i have a lot of delayed grief which i wish desperately not to keep bottled up. If you could help me out by sending me some helpful info i would be so very grateful.

Mother Loss: Years Later, Still Can't Cope

[Reviewed and updated August 25, 2019]

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is NOW.  ~ Chinese Proverb

A reader writes: I lost my mum to cancer 8 years ago. I was 17. My brothers were 15 and 13. We have no dad as he never wanted to know us and left years ago. So now I have neither parent. My beautiful mummy was 42 when she died, she would have been 50 this year. She had 16 months of pain and suffering with us by her side until her cancer finally got the better of her and we lost her.

Pet Loss: Delayed Grief

[Reviewed and updated June 12, 2022]

A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.  ~ Alfred Tennyson

A reader writes: Hi, I found your website and thought that maybe you could explain something to me. I am 32 years old. I am married with two wonderful small children. I have a great life. I just found out from my parents that my rabbit, Precious, who died 13 years ago, did not pass away the way I had been told.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 25 - July 1, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why Grief Is A Series of Contractions and Expansions, http://j.mp/2usodTo « Tricycle

What one good doctor taught this mother about grief, http://j.mp/2tqYldm « Kevin MD

Delayed Grief: When Grief Gets Worse, http://j.mp/2tqhQm7 « The Grief Toolbox

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 2 - April 8, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

There Is Nothing You Can Say to Heal Someone Else's Grief, http://bit.ly/2jjQ7M1 « The Mighty

5 Things NOT to Say to Someone Who is Grieving, http://bit.ly/2o5gR7P « Grief In Common

Delayed Grief: When We Don't Take Time to Mourn, http://bit.ly/2nvSoFq Grief Healing

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Delayed Grief: When We Don't Take Time to Mourn

[Reviewed and updated February 22, 2024]

You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. ~ Johnny Depp

A reader writes: I don't know what's happening. It has been more than three years since my friend Jane died. We shared a home for over ten years. Both of our parents had died and our siblings were gone also. We were the only family that either of us had. After she died I went right back to work. Really I went back to overwork. Last December I went to Kenya for four months; when I came back I was not working. I started having dreams about Jane. She would go somewhere and I couldn't find her. I would wake up in a panic.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 19 - February 25, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief's Grenades, http://bit.ly/2lN6CnQ « Second Firsts

For Widows Only: Who We Are, http://bit.ly/2lhnRKS « Griefcase

Updated today: Grief Bibliography, http://bit.ly/9J8Wa4 « Grief Healing

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 12 - June 18, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Running from Dad’s Death,  http://j.mp/1INFg4l « Open to Hope

What the Term “Fatherless Daughter” Means To Me, http://j.mp/1XZzFCq « Maria Shriver

Why I'm Jealous of Grieving People, http://j.mp/1W3Q2Mb « Modern Loss