Healing Through Story: Helping Children Understand Loss

There is no substitute for books in the life of a child.  ~ Mary Ellen Chase

Helping children understand death—and the powerful emotions that accompany any disappointment or loss—is not easy, especially when other family members may be grieving as well. When adults are struggling with major life events such as divorce, serious illness, an accident, fire, natural disaster, a crisis in the world, or the death of someone close, children can feel lost, frightened, and confused. In such circumstances, they need stable and consistent attention from their caregivers, accurate and factual information, and the freedom to ask questions and express their feelings. Like the adults around them, they need time to explore and come to terms with the meaning of their loss.

When a Parent Dies: Supporting the Grief of Adolescents

A father is one of God's first gifts to our hearts, and his love stays with us always.  ~ Holly Gerth 

A reader writes: I lost my dad 6 months ago. He had a tumor in his pancreas that was discovered two years before that. He was told he had cancer on my 13th birthday. He had many operations, and cancer treatments like chemotherapy, but after a long struggle he died in a hospice in our city. I live with my mother and my 7-year-old brother. We are happy, but I feel really sad sometimes, because I miss my dad. I was very close to him, and we were very alike in the way we were both mechanical. He was a professor of engineering and he wrote many articles and textbooks. I am very proud of him. I boast about him a lot, and it makes me feel better to know that he did something in his life that was so fantastic – or I think so anyway. It’s just gone past 6 months since he died, and I’m beginning to feel very sad a lot of the time.

Loss and The Grief of Abandonment

A reader writes: I was recently informed that my mother has died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about: how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I met my second husband, etc. I do not fit into those groups. They are grieving such a beautiful memory that I’m afraid I will poison their precious period of grief if they hear my story of abandonment. I didn’t have a mother to maintain kinship ties with an extended family. I had an evil stepfather who was remote and distant and lied to me about why my mom was gone: “She left you.”  Read on here >>>

Coping with Father Loss in Early Childhood

It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. ~ Anne Sexton

A reader writes: I'm 35 years old and was nine years old when I lost my father. I live my life in a perpetual state of loss, it seems. I'm able to find a lot of joy, but it's always shadowed by an inevitable sense of sadness and loneliness. Sometimes, like right now, it just hurts and I don't know what to do with it. I've had years of therapy, with various therapists; I've been in 12-step programs; read numerous books on the subject, but I still live with this deep sense of loss. I guess I just want to know -- WILL IT EVER GO AWAY??

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 Things No One Tells You About Losing A Parent As A Child, http://j.mp/1R7mp8O « BuzzFeed

Self Care After Devastating Loss, http://j.mp/1pSTdcM « Christina Rasmussen

Making Time for Grief During Pregnancy, http://j.mp/1Ujh5CJ « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Seeing Death in Nature: Preparing Children for Loss, http://j.mp/1IVh3L5 « It's OK to Die

Don’t You Tell Me How to Grieve! http://j.mp/1KakGta « GriefMinisterDotCom

Helpful article! Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing, http://j.mp/1git8i3 « Open to Hope

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 19 - October 25, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Insightful: Grieving Without God, http://j.mp/ZRbFFo « Alive in Memory

The Grief Journey-What To Pack, http://j.mp/1zpNSww « The Grief Toolbox

Child’s Eye View of Death: The Power of Picture Books to Explain, http://j.mp/1wa3Bxj « The Guardian

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 5 - October 11, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary Date of A Loved One's Death, http://j.mp/1pVEyuE « Grief Healing Blog

After-Death Communication: A List of Resources, http://j.mp/fiWZXV « Grief Healing Blog

A Poet On Losing HIs Son: Edward Hirsch, Author Of Gabriel: A Poem, http://j.mp/1slppmS « NPR

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 23 - March 29, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Kay Warren: A Year of Grieving Dangerously, http://j.mp/1jgoE9E «  Christianity Today

Useful guide! Important contacts after your partner’s death, http://j.mp/P9aID1 « Lost My Partner Blog

Helpful new grief website launched, http://j.mp/1dvs7kD « Personal Growth and Grief Support Center

Residual Grief: Father Loss in Early Childhood

Find the updated version of this post here:

Coping with Father Loss in Early Childhood

A reader writes: I'm 35 years old and was nine years old when I lost my father. I live my life in a perpetual state of loss, it seems. I'm able to find a lot of joy, but it's always shadowed by an inevitable sense of sadness and loneliness. Sometimes, like right now, it just hurts and I don't know what to do with it. I've had years of therapy, with various therapists; I've been in 12-step programs; read numerous books on the subject, but I still live with this deep sense of loss. I guess I just want to know -- WILL IT EVER GO AWAY??

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 24 - November 30, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Lessons About Human Nature and Grief From My Work With Chemically Dependent Individuals, http://j.mp/ItIAXR « The Grief Toolbox

Friday Favorites: Articles About Grief, http://j.mp/199nHYT « What's Your Grief?

Understanding Survivors of Suicide Loss, http://j.mp/1b3YUbF « Psychology Today

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 17 - November 23, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Friday Favorites: November 22, 2013, http://j.mp/1bcjxVF « What's Your Grief?

What Jackie Knew: Children Grieve, http://j.mp/1bID4b7 « National Alliance for Grieving Children

Research: 'Widowhood Effect' Strongest During First Three Months, http://j.mp/I3Jf2c « Medscape Nurses

Caregiving and Hospice, September 1 - September 7, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Ultimate End-of-Life Plan,  http://j.mp/17GvtLT « The Wall Street Journal

The Difference Between Helping and Enabling a Loved One, http://j.mp/166b81T « AgingCare.com

Children's book helps kids learn about hospice, http://j.mp/15DZTKX « Books Make A Difference

Trends in Cancer Care Near the End of Life, http://j.mp/14xSBYR « Robert Wood Johnson Foundation

What is Hospice Nursing? http://j.mp/18ABc47 « Nursing Crib

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 1 - September 7, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Lovely commentary: Death and Dying: Living and Dying in 140 Characters, http://j.mp/17dLzvv « Huffington Post

Two Stages of Grief (for Preschoolers), http://buff.ly/1dHUKti « Mommy Man

Friday Favorites: Grief Articles, http://j.mp/15Bv4GD « What's Your Grief?

Inspiring! Finding My Stride, http://j.mp/15EcdAB « Hello Grief

The Bereavement Counselor: Public Misperception, http://j.mp/14vJvM7 « Pallimed

Including Children in Rituals of Grief and Mourning: Special Situations

Source

[Reviewed and updated February 14, 2026]

Previously we've discussed how to explain to your children that a loved one has died, and offered some preparation tips on what to expect at a funeral or memorial service. Of course things don't always go smoothly at a time like this, and when certain situations arise, you may appreciate some additional guidance.

What if your child is reluctant or unwilling to go with you?
It’s been said that families who love together grieve together. Encourage your children to go to the funeral or memorial service. Explain that you are a family, and this is an important family event. Let them know that you expect them to go with you. Say that it is important to you to have them there with you. Ask them to attend for your sake.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 30 - July 13, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Are You Experiencing Grief, Trauma or Both? http://j.mp/10ThVKf « Open to Hope

Child Loss and The Fear of Forgetting, http://j.mp/158v8yg « Alive in Memory

10 Answers to the questions WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP http://j.mp/158uSiJ « The Grief Toolbox

Lovely! First Wedding After a Death, http://j.mp/11JoHEX « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Special Days: Grief: The Day After and The Day After and The Day After http://j.mp/1392FoT « Stop Thief! Don't Steal My Grief

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 4 - November 10, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Kids say "It's Okay To Talk About Grief," http://j.mp/Q29vwX video by @BrookesPlace

• Grieving students cope at school with Hospice help, http://ow.ly/2t7uUC via @GriefHelp

• Video promo for Children's Grief Awareness Day. Check it out! http://ow.ly/f9zTR via @NAGCnews

• Animal Friends: Love in the Present Moment, http://j.mp/YYRvEV via @MarianneSoucy

• Interview with Proof Of Heaven's author, Dr. Eben Alexander III, http://www.AfterlifeTV.com by AfterLifeTV's @bobolson

Mother Loss and the Grief of Abandonment

A reader writes: I was recently informed that my mother has died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about: how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I met my second husband, etc. I do not fit into those groups. They are grieving such a beautiful memory that I’m afraid I will poison their precious period of grief if they hear my story of abandonment. I didn’t have a mother to maintain kinship ties with an extended family. I had an evil stepfather who was remote and distant and lied to me about why my mom was gone: “She left you.”   Read on here >>>

           

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 19 - August 25, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Secondary loss: Maggie's Cool Car - A Goodbye, http://j.mp/Qz1qZQ

• Great read! Robin Amos Kahn: How Your Loss Can Transform You, http://j.mp/PMDN3z

• Lovely! "Grief is to be trusted, not treated," http://j.mp/Ob7VGb by @survivegrief

• Grief Beyond Belief: Faith-free support for non-religious people, http://j.mp/zzbmYe

• Powerful story from Grief Digest Magazine » Growing Up, http://j.mp/PYtsTX

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 22 - April 28, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Outstanding newsletter from Bill Hoy: Preparing for the End of Life, http://j.mp/KijxQO
  
  
• Compelling! Grief Update — Two Years and One Month,  http://j.mp/IrhP4q « Bertram's Blog
  
  
• The healing power of two loved cats | Herald Sun, http://j.mp/I8xtxT
  
  
• "No one to blame but God" ~ Teen Mourns the Death of Her Best Friend, http://j.mp/I8yCph by Marty Tousley
  
  
• Love and death on the Springsteen tour, http://bit.ly/JdqRMT (Love this! Thanks to @_lizzy_)
  
  
• Grief at work: Tips for dealing with the death of a co-worker, http://wp.me/p1HmLc-dY via @cjbryant
  
  
• The Gardenia Bush – Kelly Buckley, on pruning so we can heal, http://j.mp/IomlSv
  
  
• Amazing video: Stillbirth & Surfing: A Grief Journey, http://bit.ly/nUQ1je  via  @betherann
  
  
• Powerful project: 'Debris violins' pull at heartstrings, http://bit.ly/IGGtLz via @_lizzy_
  
  
• Beautiful! A Father’s Eulogy for his Son, http://shar.es/rVRTA from @SixSeedsTV via @amyjuliabecker at @patheos
  
  
• FriendGrief: Dying Matters 2012, http://j.mp/JBGvbI
  
  
• Touching story! How Friends Can Help after a Suicide, http://j.mp/IS44Iu
  
  
• Stan Goldberg: Knowing what to do is not the same as knowing how to do it, http://j.mp/IvcXKf
  
  
• Explaining Death to Children: Simple Gestures to Comfort, http://shar.es/rVnrf via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• Beautiful! Promises to Keep: When a Parent is Dying | Hello Grief, http://j.mp/JDzV1x
  
  
• Be part of National College Student Grief Awareness Week, http://shar.es/rRPyJ via @TheGriefToolbox
  
  
• This is National College Student #Grief Awareness Week, http://bit.ly/JNffBt from @HelloGrief via @How_We_Die
  
  
• Sibling Grief: Love, loss and what she wore, http://zite.to/IfHdol via @Ms_Bix
  
  
• Updated: Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering, http://j.mp/hO4In3
  
  
• National College Student Grief Awareness Week, April 22-28, 2012, http://j.mp/HVNPd8
  
  
• Sandy Fox: Not Leading a Grief Stricken Life, http://j.mp/J1GWoS