Healing Through Story: Helping Children Understand Loss

There is no substitute for books in the life of a child.  ~ Mary Ellen Chase

Helping children understand death—and the powerful emotions that accompany any disappointment or loss—is not easy, especially when other family members may be grieving as well. When adults are struggling with major life events such as divorce, serious illness, an accident, fire, natural disaster, a crisis in the world, or the death of someone close, children can feel lost, frightened, and confused. In such circumstances, they need stable and consistent attention from their caregivers, accurate and factual information, and the freedom to ask questions and express their feelings. Like the adults around them, they need time to explore and come to terms with the meaning of their loss.

One of the most effective ways to help children understand normal grief reactions—their own and those of the people around them—is through story. You can tell a story of your own, or read together one of the many wonderful children’s books now available on loss, dying, death, and grief.

I am especially drawn to children’s books (even for adults!) because, with simple words and often breathtakingly beautiful illustrations, authors and artists manage to address some of the most complicated concepts in ways that are accessible to us all. Children’s books can be powerful vehicles for opening lines of communication, serving as gentle springboards for meaningful conversation. The ones I value most are written as much for adults as for children. Their stories are uplifting and hopeful, told with wisdom, honesty, and love. They encourage readers to seek support from caring others. They teach that while nothing lasts forever and death is a natural part of life, love endures. Through activities and rituals, we can continue to honor and preserve the memories of those we have loved and lost.

Books about pet loss are especially dear to me. The death of a beloved pet is often a child’s first encounter with loss. As metaphor, these stories can also help children explore and better understand many other kinds of grief.

A lovely example is Snort’s Special Gift: A Family Story, written by Suzann Yue and illustrated by Lin Wang. After the death of their beloved boxer dog, Snort, Savy and her family explore different ways to grieve and remember their cherished friend. In gentle and supportive ways, the story portrays the family sharing happy memories and creating a meaningful celebration of Snort’s life. When Savy is given a school assignment to write about someone special, she chooses Snort, reflecting on the lessons she learned from her faithful companion. In the end, she discovers a touching Christmas gift she believes has come from Snort. The book concludes with an activity page inviting readers to identify the special gifts and lessons they have received from their own cherished pets.

Whether you find a children’s book at the library, a local bookstore, or online, I encourage you to read the publisher’s description and reviews before making your selection. Doing so will help you determine whether the content fits your child’s experience and aligns with your family’s values and belief system.

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here. 

Related Articles and Resources:

• 7 Unusual and Wonderful Books That Help Children Grieve and Make Sense of Death
• 8 Memorable Middle Grade Books About Grief
• 8 Steps to Writing A Loss Story with Your Child
• 16 Books That Deal with Grief (Ages 8+)
• 25 Childrens's Books About Death & Grief
• 64 Children's Books About Death and Grief
• A Child's Eye View of Death: The Power of Picture Books to Explain
• Book Clinic: What Children's Books Might Help with Grief?
• Books Help Grieving Children and Teens
• Bridge to Terabithia (Book Review by Katherine Paterson)
• Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping
• Children and Teens in Grief: Suggested Resources
• Children Grieve Too, But Not The Same As Adults
• Cry, Heart, But Never Break (Book Review by Maria Popova)
• Do Pets Go to Heaven?
• First Books About Grief and Loss
• Family Changes: Explaining Divorce to Children
• Helping Children Cope with a Pet's Euthanasia
• I Miss You (Book Review by Debra L. Stang)
• Interview with Snort's Special Gift author Suzann Yue (Video)
• Logan's First Funeral
• Losing a Cherished Pet: Myths and Misconceptions
• Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs (Book Review by Ellary Allis)
• Papa Jay's Star Day
• Tear Soup (Book Review by Ellary Allis)
• The Best Books to Teach Your Kids About Grief, Loss and Death
• The Goodbye Book (Book Review by Ellary Allis)
• The Memory Box: A Book about Grief (Book Review by Ellary Allis)
• Where Did My Friend Go? Helping Children Cope with A Traumatic Death
• YA Books About Grief and Loss
• Your Kids Aren't Too Old for Picture Books and Neither Are We

© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT

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