Mystical, Sensory or Extraordinary Encounters in Grief

Whether or not hauntings are physical realities is irrelevant to the grief process. Anything that comforts or guides you in your grief work is naturally valuable. To spend time questioning the experience is to miss the point ~ and perhaps the gift. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Of all the various ways that grief can express itself, perhaps one of the most unsettling is to experience the presence of a lost loved one ~ days, weeks or months after the death has occurred. When one so dear to you is gone, it can be very hard to accept that the person is really dead.

You may find yourself thinking and dreaming about your loved one much of the time, and it may seem that everything around you is a reminder of the person you have lost. Once in a while you may temporarily forget that your loved one is gone, and you’ll look and listen for him or her ~ and maybe even think that you’ve seen, heard, smelled or touched the person. Part of you believes your loved one is there, yet the other part of you knows that’s not the case.

Understanding and Managing Grief, May 13 - May 25, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Patrick passed away less than two weeks before his 21st birthday. He even had his party organised. Instead, the family had to say their final goodbyes before Patrick could experience this coming-of-age milestone. A father's grief: 'There's always an empty seat at the table' « The Impartial Reporter

Finding Joy in Grief?

[Reviewed and updated February 2, 2025]

For we have shared many griefs, but they are translated into pure love and rejoicing when we meet. ~ May Sarton

A reader writes: I am reading a wonderful little book Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman and I have a question for you. I have found this book of daily readings to be of great comfort to me. It has helped me survive one day at a time. Like the daily book readings, some days are better than others. I find that some readings are very difficult for me to comprehend. Overall, I can still recommend the book, but it is not perfect! 

Voices of Experience: Communications, Dreams, and Synchronicities

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.  ~ Francis of Assissi

In her deeply honest and inspiring memoir, Watching for Dragonflies: A Caregiver’s Transformative Journey, author Suzanne Marriott explores how caregiving for her husband throughout his journey with chronic illness allowed her to gain a spiritual awareness that would ultimately help her through her own medical crisis and into a place of healing and solace.

In Grief: Failing to Protect My Mother

Kiss of the sun for pardon. Song of the birds for mirth. You’re closer to God’s heart in a garden than any place else on earth. ~ Dorothy Frances Gurney

A reader writes: I have seen your internet site and found it so interesting. I lost my beautiful mother in 2020 having nursed her at home for ten years. She was wheelchair bound and had dementia but we had a wonderful life together. Sadly I spent alot of time during those years protecting her from Social Services and Continuing Healthcare who were always trying to take her away and put her in a home as the care was cheaper in a nursing home than in her own home and I had to have help from other carers. I was her full-time carer and was on the go all day and many nights at times. I loved caring for her but the endless battle with Social Services left me drained and frightened we would be parted. Social Services tried everything they could to break me down but I had my faith and love to keep me going.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 8 - August 14, 2021

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

At least 30% of California students surveyed by the ACLU said they’d lost a loved one during the pandemic. “Grief comes in all shapes and sizes, but for everyone, it means that life will forever be changed,” one educator said. “For students experiencing this, just noticing and caring can mean the world.”  How schools help students who’ve lost loved ones to COVID « Lookout Santa Cruz

In Grief: Will I See Her In My Dreams?

Desire is indeed powerful. It engenders belief. ~ Marcel Proust

A reader writes: I know this is probably foolish to ask, but then again the way I have been over the last 2 months anything can be seen as foolish. I have been told by others that have suffered a loss to expect to see my loved one within a few months after death........ I wait, and I wait, and I'm still waiting... I want so much to tell her one more time that I love her ...as I sit in the dark I look and listen for her.

In Grief: Contact With The Deceased?

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.  ~ Thomas Campbell

A reader writes: Two years ago my husband of forty years passed away from congestive heart failure. I'm working through my grief and have done better than I ever thought I would. I have support and love from family and friends. I am secure financially. I am secure in my Christian faith. I am very blessed and I know it.

My question for you is this: Has anyone who's lost a loved one ever told you he/she has had some kind of experience with the deceased? Either seeing, hearing, or feeling the touch of the loved one. I have and I wanted to see what your thoughts are. Below are my own experiences.

Coping with Dreams in Grief

[Reviewed and updated September 2, 2025]

I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.  ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

A reader writes: I'm pretty sure there are a lot of topics about this but I wanted to ask if others have these really vivid dreams in which their lost loved one was still alive, but after waking up you realize she's not there anymore. How do you deal with that and when did the dreams go away? The dreams are strangely comforting but the feeling when you wake up is just devastating.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 15 - November 21, 2020

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My years of experience as an undertaker didn’t make it easier. Grieving my daughter’s suicide in a time of wider grief « The Christian Century 

Like so many grieving families in 2020, we haven’t been able to gather or mourn together.  How I've Grieved My Mother's Death During the Pandemic « TIME

Voices of Experience: Death Is But A Dream

But at the time of transition, your guides, your guardian angels, people whom you have loved and who have passed on before you, will be there to help you. We have verified this beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I say this as a scientist. There will always be someone to help you with this transition.
~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

In his extraordinary and beautiful book, Death Is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life’s End, hospice physician Christopher Kerr, MD, PhD shares his patients' stories and his own research pointing to death as not purely the end of life, but as a final chapter of humanity and transcendence. Drawing on interviews with over 1,400 patients and more than a decade of quantified data, Dr. Kerr reveals why pre-death dreams and visions are remarkable events that bring comfort and exemplify human resilience. Different from regular dreams and described as "more real than real," they frequently include loved ones long gone and mark the transition from distress to acceptance.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 16 - December 22, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week: 

Christmas Eve Luminarias: A New Mexico Tradition, http://j.mp/2BC2rS2 « A Good Goodbye

Introducing the We Remember Memorialization Service, http://j.mp/2BxtvBZ « A Good Goodbye

Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2018, http://bit.ly/2AMA8Br « Grief Healing

Voices of Experience: One More River to Cross

Image by Joy Filomena

by Mary Jo Heyen

“Everything is upside down and I’m afraid of losing my balance…of falling.”

“I tell people I’m not afraid of dying but I am…”

“Here comes the grief and tears…”

“I feel lost but I know I’m not lost…”

“I could wake myself up when I was scared…but I can’t anymore…”

“My spirit is alive but my spirit can’t move my body…”

“I’m finding I’m feeling a bit less fear…”

“I have one more river to cross…the river Jordan”

“I feel the love…”

These are some of the words and experiences that unfolded over a two week period when I had the honor of being present with and exploring the many dreams and visions of a hospice patient, Gavin (name changed), until his death.

Caregiving and Hospice, January 7 - January 13, 2018

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Powerful and moving: What Really Matters: A Lesson From The Dying, http://j.mp/2EEMiv1 « The Good Men Project

Advice on Talking to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts...from Someone Who's Had Suicidal Thoughts, http://j.mp/2FrRSCd « American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Repeat After Me: 'Hospice Means More Care, Not Less,' http://j.mp/2ExO0OO « HuffPost

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 11 - June 17, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Heidi Horsley on Sibling Loss: "Finding Hope and Transforming My Life,” http://j.mp/2tz25Gu « OptionB

A Funeral Sermon for My Friend Who Committed Suicide, http://j.mp/2sy4nIG « CCC Discover

Coping with Grief on Father’s Day: Selected Resources, http://j.mp/1tlWtPh « Grief Healing

Delayed Grief: When We Don't Take Time to Mourn

[Reviewed and updated February 22, 2024]

You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. ~ Johnny Depp

A reader writes: I don't know what's happening. It has been more than three years since my friend Jane died. We shared a home for over ten years. Both of our parents had died and our siblings were gone also. We were the only family that either of us had. After she died I went right back to work. Really I went back to overwork. Last December I went to Kenya for four months; when I came back I was not working. I started having dreams about Jane. She would go somewhere and I couldn't find her. I would wake up in a panic.

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 15 - January 21, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving Isn't Wallowing,  http://j.mp/1WSQdaL « Tim Lawrence

Nothing You Can Say Will Heal Another's Grief, http://bit.ly/2jjQ7M1  The Mighty

The Grieving Need You Most After the Funeral, http://bit.ly/2jDKQC4 « John Pavlovitz

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 1 - March 7, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief, http://j.mp/JMoQwV « Grief Healing Blog

Why I Can Be Open to Hope, http://j.mp/1EOsBNI « Open to Hope

The First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey, ebook by Grief Counselor Marty Tousley, http://ow.ly/JMFjm « Healing eBooks

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 12 - October 18, 2014

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On Dating (or Not): Sit With It, http://j.mp/1rNgFko « Widow's Voice

Anticipatory Grief: Chronic diseases come with a new "normal," http://j.mp/1t0xm2u « The Caregiver Space

Ambiguous Grief: Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive, http://j.mp/11yFLyr « What's Your Grief?

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 8 - December 21, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Guilt: My Constant Companion, http://j.mp/1fM9aaz « Modern Loss

Friday Favorites: December 20th 2013, http://j.mp/19YaW3N « What's Your Grief?

New Holiday Traditions for Widowers, http://j.mp/1dWXRus « National Widowers' Organization