Parent Loss: Keeping Memories Alive

Be keepers of the memories. If their song is to continue, then we must do the singing. ~ Elaine Stillwell

A reader writes: When I found out that no more could be done for my beautiful dad, I realized how lucky I was that I had no bridges to build with my father. When I needed him he was always there: always letting me know he loved me, guiding but not controlling me, watching but never judging me, holding but never smothering me—not necessarily agreeing with me but always listening, always hearing me. The bridge was always there. I realized that the knowledge of his illness gave us the most precious gift and I embraced it with all my heart: TIME!!

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 25 - July 1, 2023

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

"Am I mentally ill? I've been told I am manic, a spoiled rotten brat and have dependent personality disorder." In Grief: Emotional Immaturity, or PTSD? « Grief Healing

Clinical experience, empirical evidence, and common sense all point to the oft-noted truism in serious illness and loss that was summarized in my friend Jim Kok’s book, now in its third edition, 90% of Helping is Just Showing Up. "Being There" is Invaluable: The Role of Presence After Loss « Grief Perspectives

Voices of Experience: One More River to Cross

Image by Joy Filomena

by Mary Jo Heyen

“Everything is upside down and I’m afraid of losing my balance…of falling.”

“I tell people I’m not afraid of dying but I am…”

“Here comes the grief and tears…”

“I feel lost but I know I’m not lost…”

“I could wake myself up when I was scared…but I can’t anymore…”

“My spirit is alive but my spirit can’t move my body…”

“I’m finding I’m feeling a bit less fear…”

“I have one more river to cross…the river Jordan”

“I feel the love…”

These are some of the words and experiences that unfolded over a two week period when I had the honor of being present with and exploring the many dreams and visions of a hospice patient, Gavin (name changed), until his death.

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 24 - December 30, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Holiday Break: A Lesson from the Animals, http://j.mp/2E0sCST « Grief Healing

The Gift of Presence, The Perils of Advice, http://j.mp/2pU1XEw « On Being

What My Dog Taught Me About End of Life, http://j.mp/2pCNk8v « Care Dimensions - Voices of Care

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 10 - December 16, 2017

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with grief during the holidays, http://j.mp/2yE1Uvu « Fox 10 News

The grief chronicles: Reflections from those who loved and lost during the past year, http://j.mp/2yF0Bwd « The Washington Post

A Millennial's Guide to Grief in a Digital World, http://j.mp/2yvcHYO « Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care

Caregiving and Hospice, March 20 - March 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Dementia and Alzheimer's Care, The Black Hole in Our Society, http://j.mp/1SaWsTq « FamilyAffaires.com

The Eloquence of Silence, http://j.mp/1pKAa4w « The Unprepared Caregiver

National palliative care strategy needed, http://j.mp/1RxiTI6 « North Bay Nugget

Caregiving and Hospice, June 14 - June 20, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A Google search can make all the difference in the world for patients, http://j.mp/1BCEGqq « Kevin, MD

What's the best care for me: hospice or palliative? http://j.mp/1QGorzb « NowUKnow.com

Death isn't failure: Teaching doctors when to prescribe hospice, http://j.mp/1QFr7x2 « The Advisory Board Company

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 13 - October 19, 2013

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Walking Through Grief Video: I'm Grieving, Now What? http://j.mp/1aw9jtF « The Grief Toolbox

Well worth reading! Friday Favorites: Articles about grief, http://j.mp/H5Qp5V « What's Your Grief?

Outstanding! I Am Alone. I Am With You, http://j.mp/19PL3np « Widow's Voice

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

A reader writes: When I found out that no more could be done for my beautiful dad, I realized how lucky I was that I had no bridges to build with my father. When I needed him he was always there: always letting me know he loved me, guiding but not controlling me, watching but never judging me, holding but never smothering me—not necessarily agreeing with me but always listening, always hearing me. The bridge was always there. I realized that the knowledge of his illness gave us the most precious gift and I embraced it with all my heart: TIME!! Time to say our goodbyes, time to thank him for being my dad, time to let him know he will live on in every breath I take, time to let him know it was ok—that he wasn`t deserting us or abandoning us. Time to look straight into his beautiful blue eyes and let him know he got it right. When he died, I felt as if at 50 years of age I’d suddenly turned into a ten- year old little girl who needed her daddy.  Read on here >>>

Caregiving and Hospice, November 25 - December 1, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

All you need to know about Living Wills, Making Decisions about Medical Care, http://j.mp/TzMMFb « Hospice of the Valley

The Caregiver Crisis, a TEDMED Great Challenges video, is available for viewing here: http://j.mp/Snkuyq

Common Misconceptions Associated with Hospice and Palliative Care, http://j.mp/QVWrts via @BestBudsRetreat

End of Life Conversation in Midst of Life Part 2: Sit Down, Take Action, http://huff.to/10h6sCO via @ALSAssistiveTec

No One Dies Alone program plays a valuable role in end of life care, http://bit.ly/TuQUJI via @hospicepharmacy

Voices of Experience: Sacred Presence, Silent Compassion

Source

by Joyce Marie Sheldon

We have all experienced grief and loss during our journey on this earth. It isn't always about the death of a loved one, but can be the loss of a job, a relationship, financial security, our own health.

There's much written on how to be supportive to others during their time of grief and I contemplate the many good suggestions for being a friend and supporter during times of stress.

For me, however, the greatest gift, often brought by hospice or home care during my husband's illness, was Sacred Presence and Silent Compassion.

Let's talk about Sacred Presence and Silent Compassion as it relates specifically to the caregiver during the illness and subsequent death of a loved one. However, let's remember these simple guidelines can be incorporated into the setting where you are wondering how to show love and support for those suffering other types of loss.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 30 - October 6, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Grief Watch Monthly Newsletter now available here, http://j.mp/SI4bct by @griefwatch
  
  
• Widowed people review "Go On," new NBC Matthew Perry sitcom about grief, http://j.mp/OakUZy
  
  
• Excellent! Parenting After the Death of a Child, http://ow.ly/ebEmd from @hospicecalgary via @virtualhospice
  
  
• Updated: Grief Bibliography, recommended by the bereaved for the bereaved, http://j.mp/9J8Wa4
  
  
• Child Loss and Guilt: Is it Time to Forgive Yourself? http://j.mp/SCufWh « Grief Digest Magazine

Caregiving and Hospice, December 4 - December 10, 2011

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Caregiving Confessions: When You Lose Your Temper, bit.ly/rt7XpK from @LeezaGibbons via @Caring
  
  
• Hospice volunteer brings comfort with his music, shebpr.es/uoav1n via @hospicepharmacy
  
  
• Teen describes her role as a hospice volunteer, http://j.mp/ud4H99 via @FlHospicesPC
  
  
• Another wonderful hospice video from 2011 Creative Arts Contesthttp://bit.ly/rDlnD7 MT @NHPCO_news
  
  
• If you wonder what hospice care is, watch this! http://bit.ly/uY6VY2 by @HelptheHospices via @Georgefan67

Coping with Pet Loss, May 1 - May 7

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• "If I become terminally ill, please call my Veterinarian!" http://tinyurl.com/2b9raez by @MeredithGould via @hospice4animals 

• Why is it so hard when a pet dies? http://is.gd/2xIE7 by @jmedvm

• The very definition of presence, http://twitvid.com/BUVJ7 @hospice4animals

• Cremation service gives animal lovers some peace, http://bit.ly/iq7TFP via @MATWCremation 

• Helping children through petloss, http://wp.me/p1kwLo-fL via @GreenRanchMom @drlisanelson

A Mother's Day Tribute

[Reviewed and updated May 1, 2022]

Your mother will never leave you.  She persists like an echo after the source has gone.  ~ Unknown

The following was written for Good Housekeeping Magazine by Temple Bailey in 1933.  In the days leading up to Mother's Day this year, I offer it here as a special tribute to my own mother, and to yours:

The young mother set her foot on the path of life.

"Is this the long way?" she asked.

And the Guide said, "Yes, and the way is hard.  And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."